Yep, it's me again. Nope, I am not trying to escape my reality this time. I am here to understand my situation, because maybe writing my thought of it can help me analyse what steps to do.

I am a mom of two, I am still happy in my chosen career. There is still uneasy feeling with my boss knowing I cannot change their mind of how they see me anymore.

Why I know, because it always reflects when we met. How they treated me, I know it is not pretty obvious. But I know, it is different vibe when I am with them. I am tired of it. I love my job but that's my only problem.

Now, I have given the chance to choose the other way. Or maybe, the door was just open to me and there's no way to close it but only to go in and look what is in it.

2015 since I got the offer. 2016 I was on the job and I know I am very happy even if I am just mopping the floor and dusting the books.

Mid 2017, begun the trial of my faith. I wan depressed and lonely. Until 2018, I am so weak, I felt no one is there for me, I found no help but though I was in my lowest moment, God teach me to be strong and positive. Mid 2018 I got married and 2019 got my first baby. I am slowly healing and yet another trial came. I lost friends. I am starting to see who are real and yes my relationship to my husband become stronger because he's the only true friend I could ever have. 2020, 2021, I am learning to isolate myself from people I can't trust anymore. I keep my problem to myself, I never shared it anyone except to my husband. My husband is always my best friend. I understand more my husband.

2022, an answered prayer and yet this one is not only joy but also give me so much worry and stress. I am thinking may be I don't deserve a blessing such like this because of the stress but the Lord is keeping me together. He's helping me to keep going on no matter what. The Lord is helping me to be strong and brave. The Lord is teaching me also to trust him.

There are things I can't control in my life and this one is one of that. The Lord is teaching me proverbs 3:5. Yes I cannot figure everything but I can trust the Lord. 2023, The Lord keep answering my prayers, the Lord is so good, and gracious to me. The lord show me miracles.

It is still november, my mind is o occupied. There are moments I don't what to do. I don't know if I am doing right or I am wrong. It hurts my head, I don't know what to do. the more people involving made me worry more.

There are words I wish I did not tell. Forgive me Lord. May be because of jealousy, I am sorry Lord if I am wrong. May be I judge them, or may be I am too hurt because they are talking about my children. My kids are innocent, they are too young to judge. I have always this mommy's guilt, 'I should be more protective'. I wish to give them freedom to be kids.

Now, it was given. Soon, everything will go into place. I am so happy for the kids. I am so happy for my family, and yet before that there this trial we will encounter. I don't how strong this will struck us but I will trust the Lord. I am just praying now that the Lord will give me the wisdom, the strength and the peace I need for that battle that will come. I hope the Lord will keep me together as he always did.

By his grace, this too will pass.