There are moments na napapabalik tanaw ako sa nakaraan maaring matagal na o kanina lang. 

There are words I wish na di ko nasabi o nashare sa iba or action na sana nagtimpi ako at di pinakita.

Bakit ba habang nagkakaedad ako ninais kong isara ang pinto sa buhay ko at salain ang ng maigi ang papasok dito. 

Napangisi ako ng maalalang sa pagkabata ko I want many many many friends.  Talagang nag-eeffort to earn friends.  I am too afraid to loss them or to disappoint them.  Pero ngayon,  I've learned my lesson. 

Hindi ko alam if ilang beses ko nang nasabi dito that there are times I want to close door. Ayuko nakikita ako ng mga tao sa paligid ko o nakikita yung ginagawa ko.  With the thought na I want to protect my family. I tried very very hard to keep my mouth shot and stop sharing my life story to people though I am really bubbly.  Kaya nga when I'm alone doon ako nagsisi na sana di ko sinabi o shinare yun. One reason siguro is I'm afraid to be judge or makilala ng lubusan nung tao.  I don't like deep relationship to people,  kasi mas light if di man kami magiging friends forever if one day ayaw na nila sa akin or di na nila ako trip.  Yep I am tired of keeping/maintaining friedship. Pinapakita ko na kung who I am and kung anong nararamdaman ko if they stay,  they stay if they go it's okay. 

Naging ganito na akong tao I don't know when.  Kasi siguro din in my past friendships I am selosa,  and very exclusive.  If I keep you as a friend and treat you well I also want the same,  please keep me also and treat me well.  But many rejections and being left alone moments made me who I am today.  Pero wala na akong sama ng loob,  I am happy and contented sa family ko ngayon.  My experienced just made me aloof to people.

It doesn't mean I am not following God. I love to help and genuinely do good to people. I want to minggle with them and share about Jesus.  I just want a relationship that God is the center. 

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I read my last update dahil nga super tagal na di ko alam na halos same sila ng content.    See how often I felt this way. Buti pa nga sa last update ko may mas malaman yung sinabi ko of how I understand my feelings and situation.  But yea,  I still want to keep this last chapter para may mabalikan ako one day and realize how I've change nanaman. 

As we grow older we learned lessons,  go to the process and overcome it and then another situation na nanaman ang darating.  But with God we can do all things and I believe the Lord will not let us run alone He will run with us.