I don't know what to share with you today. But I'm feeling I wanted to write something. I awe you a lot of update, maybe? Haha.

I've been so quiet for quite some time now. So much had happened already.

And here a big news, I'm having may baby number 2. Yep, I'm 10 weeks pregnant today and my Zechariah is already 3 years old.

I'm happy about it. Although this pregnancy is not easy just like my first. Palagi akong nahihilo, nasusuka, wala sa mood, not motivated to do things, mabigat sa katawan and mapili sa food. This one is all new to me.

I know I am ready, kasi naovercome ko na yung trauma ko sa first birth story. I'm okay going to hospitals again. Of course pinaghandaan din namin na if ever mabuntis nga ako, atleast we can afford yung hospital na can accomodate us properly. For now, I am having monthly check up sa center kasi maganda din naman service nila doon.

I don't know why I have to tell you all these things, kung naririnig man ako ng asawa ko ngayon sasabihin nanaman niya na ang bubbly ko 😅

Anyways, wattpad became my voice ever since, the things I couldn't share to anyone here in outside world naseshare ko dito.

Kaya hindi na to bago dito. 😁

Over years, I've learned also to love and appreciate more my family. Especially during pandemic and todays situation. I become gentle to my son and also to my husband. I know, hindi ako ganun kaasikaso but I always try na mafeel ng family ko na mahal ko sila.

Maraming thoughts ang pumapasok sa isipan ko theses few days, about Zechy schooling, paano kung lilipat na kami ng bahay, paano yung bayarin, are we really ready. Isa pa I am really ready to leave the place that broke me, and yet made me mature and grow mentally and emotionally?

What if my husband needs to focus alone in the ministry at mag-stay at home na siya instead of working with me. I am very okay with that arrangement pero I am thinking of the bills, savings and so on in life.

I wanted everything to be organized and to be okay. Yet I know with my own power, I cannot do it.

Deuteronomy 31:8
The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.

God's promise, never let us down. He always mean it. My mind and heart are full of worries but I turn it to God who made things possible.

He did so much great things already in my life that I couldn't imagine and I know I can rest my future to Him.

I'm also feeling blue and sensitive this days, I don't understand what I like. I just hoping that it's just pregnancy hormones and after this first trimester, I'll be okay.

Do you also know, I skip posting at social medias. I want things to become private in my life. I still posted SOME big events in my life, but so much are kept.

That's one of the reasons I skip writing also here in wattpad. When there are times I want to write I asked myself first if I wanted it to share to everyone.

I also become private person personally. I love to mingle with friends, talk things about life and everything but now I used to be in my private place. Or locking myself at home with my family than chatting with someone. I just want peace and silence.

There also time I shared a little about my life to people, but going home regreting and telling myself to be quiet next time.

Can anyone relate with me? I don't, how, when I became this private to myself.

Tracing the past, may be I've trusted someone so much and told her all or everything in my life and then she get tired of listening. Maybe there are two of them. I am not blaming them that I am like this today, I know that not everything in the world is about me. I know it is always my problem, my trust issue.

It takes time to build a relationship and be open to anybody, and I cannot always share things with someone I just met. That's how I am. Except here because no one knew me personally, there is no judgement or there is I know it wouldn't hurt me much because we don't have ties/relationship.

But what best in my life about this problem, I can always have God. I can always count Him in everytime I am sad, mad and lonely. And truly having my husband is also having a bestfriend at the same time. God will always give us the best partner we need. I mean best is not always perfect or flawless but suitable for us like Adam and Eve.

Also I have feeling that I hate in myself. Jealousy and and competition. Everytime I feel it I ask God to remove it. Well that's an old problem that I thought I already got through it but then there are times they visited my life and made me feel terrible and I don't like it. Jealousy here is not about my relationship with my husband, never. God put my trust to my husband. I mean it's about someone, I am too ashamed to acknowledge it now but here in wattpad I know I can always be real. I'm jealous, and feel I need to compete but then I am rebuking this feeling, because just like I said it made me feel terrible and sad and mad and I have no peace. I always ask God's peace everytime. I honestly don't want this feeling.

I want a peaceful life. I want to be happy and contented with what I have. I want to enjoy my blessings.

But the world cannot always be happy and chill.

So everyone really need to persevere. To be careful in everything. And to let God participate in our journey. Because with Him, it will always be a worth it fight.