Nasususfocate ako, para akong nasasakal, sobrang higpit ng pinanggagalingan ng hininga ko.

Mabilis ako mairita sa ingay.

Headache, ang tamlay ko, nahihilo, walang lakas, wala din gana, nasusuka.

My prayer goes: "Lord, tulungan niyo ako, hindi ko naiintindihan ang sarili ko."

I was scrolling kanina sa IG ko and sa feed ko halos nakakarelate ako sa mga post doon.

It's like confirmation sa isang news we just received kanina na naguguluhan ako.

Though it felt like it was answered prayer pero kapag binalikan ko yung prayer ko it is very different from what I prayed.

Kaya ako nalolost if it is God's will or a temptation kasi my prayer request needs hard work pero yun inaabot nalang, no sweat. Kaya confused ako.

And I am listening to the music 'Way Maker' at the moment.

"That is who are, that is who you are..

Way maker, miracle worker, promise keeper light in the darkness.."

Now I am teary eyes but still confused. I know nothing is impossible woth God but it is really his will for us?

I tried listening to christian music to ease the feeling. It's when the song was played.

Also now I praying that God will speak to me through the music. My playlist is playimg randomly and now I'm listening to 'The Goodness of God'.

Hearing God's faithfulness and goodness ✨

I need Jesus to refind my heart to be holy and ready to do His will. May be apaka toxic ko na kaya ganito  at nahihirapan akong makita yung liwanag ng Diyos.

"There something greater is happening here.."

The music contineous.

" A peace in the middle of pain" oh I miss that feeling. May be I move too far from God na akala ko nasa tabi pa ako ng Diyos though lagi naman siyang nasa tabi natin. Masyado akong napagod dahil I forgot I have God beside me. Sinalo ko lahat, binuhat ko lahat kaya naghihingalo ako.

"His love endures forever"

That's amazing and wonderful to hear. A love that is unconditional.

"Forever God is faithful..
Forever God is with us.."

Oh I really felt He's talking to me now.

"Sing praise, sing praise, sing praise..."
May be I forgot to praise and recognise his presence and I focus to the situation, to the troubles and problem that giving me hard feelings.

"Sing praise, sing praise, sing praise..."

It felt like God is telling me it's the solution. Praise God in the mids of all the troubles and hardships I am facing.

Worship Him..

"Oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh" Praise God!!!

"I hear your voice like a gentle whisper.."

"Your love has made a way for me.."

It's like God is telling me,
"Assi, magtiwala ka lang sa akin. I will make a way for you. Hindi kita pababayaan. Be still and know that I am God."

If pwede lang talaga maka one on one si God I mean yung face to face hearing His clear voice telling me which way to go. Gustong kong malaman kung kalooban Niya ba iyon o isa itong malaking patibong sa amin. If it is His plan or isa itong malaking whole na lalamon sa amin.

"Purify me heart.."

Parang sinasabi ng Diyos na:
"Mapanatag ka, hayaan mong linisin kita upang makita mo ng mas maliwag ang daan."

Heard the song three times now habang nagtatype ako dito. The headache is not that painful too.

The storm inside me also slowly calming down.

"Sadinu man papanak, sadinu man pagnaak, ti spiritu isu sumangbay kanyak."

In tagalog, " Saan man ako pumunta, ano mang daan ang tatahakin ang banal na ispiritu ang gagabay sa akin."

See, God is really speaking to me right now, praise the Lord. I won't forget this moment.

"I will be still know you are God.
Find rest my soul in Christ alone."

All the tiredness ng maghapong trabaho ay naglaho na, the pain is gone at isa lang ang nararamdaman ko ngayon nagugutom.

This chapter is a testimony. Kung video sana, it is 'live'.

Only Jesus can calm our soul and give us true rest.

If we seek God with all our heart we will find Him.

"Let all the earth rejoice, let all the earth rejoice
How great is our God, how great is our God."

The Lord is letting me know He is also happy.

"My heart will sing how great is our God!"

Oh hallelujah ..

"It is real, it is real, we are free.
There's so much more in this life,
Our freedom is in Christ!

...it is true, it is true we are free.
Our freedom is in Christ!"

"We live by faith and not by sight!"

" Come now is the time to worship,
Come just as you are to worship,
...just as you are before your God."

Sabi ng Panginoon:
"Just worship assi, leave all your worries to me.."

"Still the greatest treasure remains for those, who gladly choose you now."

"All my life you have been faithful, all my life you have been so so good..
I love your voice.."

I'm grateful and so inlove with your voice God.

"I will sing of the goodness of God."

"I surrender now, I give you everything"

Yes Lord, please take control of my life. Help me to give you all the control. To surrender everything and let you do your business in my life.

"Hosanna, hosanna in the highest."

Now I am only hearing worship songs, about the goodness, greatness of God and His love that is so wonderful.

"Hossana, hossana in the highest."

"Heal my heart and make it clean, open my eyes to the things unseen..
Break my heart for what breaks yours"

"Above all, I live for your glory."

I have flashback of the past about what I am so worried about now and very afraid of at the present.

Let them hate you, because God loves you. He only matters. Hayaan mong pahiyahin ka nila, tapakan maliitin, paratangan dahil kahit gawin nila iyon hindi nila matatanggal ang pag-ibig ng Diyos sa'yo. Mahal ka Niya, mahalaga ka sa kanya.

"Run home to Jesus"

He is my home. My refuge.

"Let me love until it hurts."

Because I only want love. I don't want to hate it got me so much energy and will only ruin life.

About the news I am so confuse about, may be I am too afraid or scared that people will hate me.

My husband told me because I asked him what he think about it, he said "di naman natin hiningi, ibibigay naman at kung wala naman tayong tinatapakang tao."

Tama naman siya.

"I just wanna love you, 'till we grow old."

My husband is my better half, God had chosen him for me. I need to remember  that his thought matters also. He gave me partner I can talk or share my trouble with.

"Be still, and know you are God."

You know what you are doing Lord. Salamat po 🙏