Lagi naman nilang ginagawa ito sa akin, bakit di pa ako nasasanay....

--- motherhood is still a puzzle to me. A mistery I haven't familiar with kahit nakapasok na ako. Madami pa ako malalaman at kakabisaduhin. Kagaya nalang ng nararamdaman ko ngayon.

I don't know if it's real or it's motherhood.

Why things are always unfair? Ayuko din namang magpakaselfish, that's why right away I pray to God about my feelings. I pray to God te help me understand my situation.

I am a barista instructor, I believe I've done most of the work. I have an assistant instructor. Akala ko noong una, she's just doing it to help me, hindi ko alam na she got paid for it. That's not a problem for me, but we are recieving the same amount and what's worse, when the final examination got a problem, my love offering was on hold. Ako lang, until the problem got fixed.

I felt bad about my feeling, because I feel like I am so selfish to feel this way. She's my friend, my assistant but I don't want things will change to us. Money cannot change that friendship.

That's I pray to God to help me understand my situation, help me see what is His puspose. I want Him to make me humble though it hurts. The process is painful but I know I am walking to the right direction.

I don't want to make wrong decisions or action. Si God nalang ang bahala sa mga bagay na nangyayari sa akin. My God and family are still the most important things in my life than the treasures of this world.

Lilipas din itong nararamdaman ko at magiging okay din ako.

(The other day)

Ephesians 5:1-21

It's 3:51am. Maaga akong gumising kasi may schedule kaming magbike. 5am pa naman ang rides pero gising na ako ng 3:30. I pray to God and again told Him to calm me down and be humble. And of course I also pray to enjoy the day. Because it's to early to get ready for the rides, I was convinced to read my bible and all praises to God, God immediately answered my prayer.

I am currently on my bible reading in Ephesians. So I just continued the next chapter to read, which is the chapter 5. Talagang napakabuti ng Diyos kasi ito na yung pinapanalangin ko kagabi.

It felt like God was talking to me here.

In vs. 1 and 2 says " Therefore be immitators of God as beloved children. and walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifices to God."

Vs.10-11 "and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord. Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them.

That what I long to do, to discern what is pleasing to God. What we know is good sometimes is different to what is good to God. His is way way better.

Vs. 13 -14 " But when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible, for anything that becomes visible is light. Therefore it says, "Awake, O sleeper and arise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.""

This verse really had an impact on me. I became a sleeper for so long. Yes, I doing what is familiar work for a believer but let my fire die down. That's why I got blind and become unfocus.

Vs. 15-17 "Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.

Yep, I feel like I am wasting time when I got angry or I spend myself in resentment that's why everytime I feel that way I always ask God to rescue me. To understand His will in my life because of His Spirit, I know I am in the wrong truck and what I am doing is not good for me.

Vs. 19-21 " addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Para sinasabi nito sa akin na ipagpasa-Diyos ko nalang lahat. Puspusin ko ang aking sarili ng pagpupuri sa Diyos dahil ito ang pinakamahalaga. Mahalin ang aking kapwa dahil hindi kalooban ng Diyos ang division sa sa kanyang mga anak.

Amen 🙏🙏
Salamat Panginoon sa pangungusap at pagmamahal. I know, I will enjoy the day. Not because I expected only something good is happening but because I know in my walk you are always there. You are with me. ❤️❤️

I hope you also who are reading this chapter, I hope you'll be okay whatever circumstances you are with. Rest assured, God is always with you.