I am sad Lord, I am not okay.

My day started late. 8am is already late for me, I should be waking up 6am.

I don't know why I always wake up non energetic as I used to be though I already slept 8 hours.

I can't even cooked my family breakfast, so the bread we baked yesterday was a life saver.

I went to work, do my job. I am happy and satisfied though I am already tired still managed to watered my plants when I got home.

Then rest and opened my messenger. I got message from a friend, then one of my co-worker.

This friend was braging me of not explaining well the reasons why she was dropped into something about things in my work I cannot tell you. In the first place, I am not the one who contacted her about this thing. I am actually tempted to think that maybe she cannot brag to this person who contacted her because she is her very close friend. So why doing it to me? Thankfully I handled her calmly. I thank God that I managed myself, though I am already upset too.

Then just a few moments later, this co-worker was telling me to be reminded always of my schedules about things again in my work that I cannot tell you again. Because it's personal and not to be shared here. Well, this made me mad again, because I am already doing the favor to her, to do her work while she's out. And she's demandingly telling me to keep up my schedule about that work which originally hers.

These double strikes, and also I am really exhausted made me really upset. I am not okay.

Times like this reminded me of the title that was given to me many years ago.' Failure'. I know, I don't deserve it but part of me, fall to this trap.

That's why I tried to divert my mind, I wend outside for a walk and I played to my child.

Yep, this child of mine, always so clingy. He always go near me or be with me. He planted kisses in my chicks. He wanted my attention always.

This child reminded me that I am worthy. I am deserving of this happiness.

That's why, mother and child relationship is one of a kind. So thank you little one, you made mommy okay.

I may had a bad moments, but most of the time God is good for giving such good and worthy moments. I just need to appreciate it even though how little and quick they were.

My husband told me this morning when zechy can't get enough of me. I mean, I am still sleepy but this child wanted to play. Dinadaganan niya ako, kiss me again and again. I told him to stopped, so my husband told me, "enjoyin mo yan habang bata pa siya, pag lumaki na yan, di ka na niyan gaganyanin." which is true.

Yes, I have to wake up with that truth. Stress made me irritated and angry. Can't be so patience for long. And my child suffer most.

My family is the most important in my life, my child is.

Problems may come, but they sure will passed away.

At this moment also I want to understand myself more, so that when things like this happened again, I know what to do. So that my child will not be affected.

Help me God to do this, because you are the answer of everything.

And also I long for inner peace and joy. Those things are the most precious things in life to inherit.

Give me the wisdom I need to be the person You wanted me to be. Help me know my purpose and the way to fulfill it. Be my guide always Lord.

Love,
Assi 💚