June 15, 2015

It is our day two with a newborn without our parents. My mom went home last thursday. No, it's actually day three. And today I have to take my newborn son alone. He is only 14 days old.

Actually this morning I don't know but I wanted to cry. Actually I did, even last night.

Yes, I am overcome with fearand worry especially when my son bellybutton was bleeding. I am so worried and I don't know what to do or think, my mind is so advanced and I was so so scared. Especially now that we don't have an experienced mom beside us. Zechariah is our first child, and we are first time parents.

I asked God to help me overcome this fear and worry that viruses my heart and mind. Every time I am praying for my son's bellybutton. Actually, I am even scared of seeing his bellybutton, I am so afraid to burp him because I might touch it and it will bleed again. I am so careful of carrying my baby.

I am obeserving him, if he has fever, checking if his bellybutton is swollen or smelly or if he is irritated of if cannot sleep peacefully or anything changes if I am feeding him. But he looks so okay, he sleeps peacefully and when I feed him he always drinks a lot of my breastmilk.

His only problem is when he cannot get his sleep momentum. Especially at night. But today, he slept at 1pm whichis not usual because he always sleeps between 8-10am. Maybe he misses his dad who is not home.

I wish my baby will grow fast, because honestly taking care of a newborn worried me so much. Others say taking care of a newborn is easier than taking care of a toddler, well I do agree but for me as a first time mom, I think it is more comfortable to take care a toddler than a newborn. But still I wanted to enjoy this moment of my life, when my Zechariah is still a newborn baby. Sometimes he rewarded me a sweet smile and it's adorable. He do sleeps all the time.

A lot of people said, Zechariah is my boy version. He doesn't look like his dad. Though he got some from his dad like his nose and his hands. But most of Zechariah's features was from me.

Hays, ganito pala maging magulang. I was so bothered if sinisinok siya, sa mga baby acne niya and everything na di ako familiar sa isang newborn baby. Minsan sinisearch ko pa sa google, asked my friends na mom na and even yong mga tao sa paligid ko na mga experienced mom.

Sometimes I feel guilty kasi di ko na rin naaasikaso ang asawa ko. Though I help him in my little ways like magluto, magbantay ng labahan na nakasalang sa washing machine but yong like yong dati hindi ko na nagagawa. Pero I am so blessed with my husband, he understand the situation and even he is really trying his best to help me if kailangan ko siya. Like if di ko mapatulog si baby, siya ang gagawa nun. And he is so proud of himself if napatulog na niya si baby and he even counts how many times niya na nagagawa iyon. That was so cute of him. I heard when I was in labor room, he cannot stop his tears from falling, because finally magiging tatay na siya.

And also before he went out this morning, he cooked me a breakfast. He is so sweet.

Thankfully my son is sleeping right now, so I can do this. And also finally, I am back to writing because when I'm still pregnant. Writing nor reading bores me so much. I don't know why, may be my Zechariah is not a writer nor bookworm like mommy. But it's okay, he can do what he wants when he grow up as long as it is not hurting people or himself nor against us or against God.

I don't like to be a parent that will dictate him what to do to his life, may be I will guide him as he grow old and teach him what is needed and what is right. And of course I will not tolerate him if he doing bad.

But his daddy wants to play basketball with him, it is his dream. And I can see nothing wrong with it. I will let him teach our Zechariah basketball. I can't wait to see them playing.

So I therefore conclude, whatever worries me today I will give it to God. I will let Him move in our family. I will put my trust to Him and to His promises. I believe our God will not let us down. He is faithful and just. His grace is sufficient for all.