f o r t y - o n e

*

The other side of the Golden Gate Bridge feels like a world away from the hustle and bustle of San Francisco, even though it's only a mile across the water, and it's the perfect place to while away a few hours with the girls. As we drank coffee in a Sausalito café – thankfully only a few minutes away from the bus stop – Young-mi talked about her life and her family, about growing up in China without Google and Twitter and Youtube and Facebook, all those things I take for granted.

When we moved to a small park with takeaway drinks – I indulged in a coffee-free Frappuccino with extra cream and syrup, and two brownies – Kristin and Klara recounted their boarding school tales. It came as no surprise that Klara was the naughty one, sneaking out and breaking rules and skipping lessons, while Kristin, like Arjun, was a bit of a goody two-shoes.

As we walked along the waterfront, it was Arjun's turn to share the details of his life, and the mood dipped when he mentioned his brother. It quickly soared when he whipped out his cringy dad jokes, though, which lasted until we made it to another little park, this one quieter and a little more off the beaten track. Everyone already knows my history, about my absent mother and growing up in Scotland with my dad, and meeting Mum and expanding our family. There's no need to rehash it all.

But all this family talk has me thinking about my family. About seeing them again, for the first time since before they knew all of this – that I'm bi, that I was dating George, that he cheated on me, that I've met Arjun and now we're a thing. And it has me thinking about Flo, and the fact that my phone's on silent.

We sit in a circle on the grass and in a moment of bravery, while Arjun is telling some of the jokes I've already heard and already rolled my eyes at, I take out my phone and open my chat with Flo.

There are over thirty messages. Several are nonsensical keyboard smashes. Then, a series of one-word-per-text messages spell out OH. MY. HOLY. GOODNESS. MARCH. WHAT. IS. THIS. PLEASE. TELL. ME. EVERYTHING. I. AM. GONNA. SCREAM. ARE. YOU. TWO. FOR. REAL?????? A couple more texts beg me to answer her, and the latest is from over an hour ago.

FLO: i actually screamed when i saw that picture. mum thought something horrible happened and she ran in and she saw the photo on my phone so im sorry if you didn't want her to know bc now she does. but also im not really sorry bc youre ignoring me which is hella rude. also please TALK TO ME. you cant send that and then ignore your FAVOURITE SISTER if your not careful i will start calling pebs my fave brother

She's suffered enough, and I'll suffer more the longer I say nothing to her. Using Arjun's knee for support, I stand and nod over at a quiet patch of trees.

"Gimme a minute," I say to the group, and I head to somewhere I can't be overheard by anyone I know. It's after midnight at home right now, but it's the summer holidays and I know Flo's a terror when it comes to going to bed on time. Whether she's buried in a book or she's plotting revenge against me, I'm sure she'll be up.

Even so, I send a message to check before I call.

ME: are you awake?

Barely two seconds go by before grey dots appear, and soon a text from her whizzes into my inbox.

FLO: YES!!!!! YOU THINK I CAN SLEEP AFTER THAT??? ALSO YOU HAVE NOT ANSWERED ANY OF MY MESSAGES AND I KNOW YOURE ALIVE AND READING THEM

It would take far too long to reply to each of her messages, painstakingly typing out misspelled words and hoping autocorrect figures out what I mean, and I don't have the energy for staring at a tiny screen trying to read her overexcited texts, so I hit call.

It rings once. She answers with a whisper-squeak and says, "Hold on!"

There are muffled thumps and thuds and the unmistakeable swish of her door on her carpet, then her feet on the stairs, and then the eerie creak of the door to the basement and her slippers on the wooden steps. We don't use the basement for much other than storage, though there is a sofa and a heater down there, and an ancient TV.

"Hey, Flo," I say as innocently as I can. "How's it going?"

"You're a terrible brother," she says, her voice returning to a normal pitch once there are two flights of stairs between her and our parents. "I love you and I miss you but I have been going crazy waiting for you to answer me!"

"Sorry, Flo-mo," I say. "I really am. But I've been busy and I didn't know what to say or how to say it, and I knew that no matter what, you were gonna flip out. And I'm with Arjun most of the time, so there hasn't been much opportunity to talk to you."

"So you're together now? You and him? Properly? Is he your boyfriend?"

"We're together," I say, avoiding the B-word. That's not something we've discussed yet, and part of me is scared that things will change the moment we're home and separated by two hundred miles.

"March! I'm so excited for you," she says, her voice softening. "I'm still mad but you're very far away so I'm gonna put my madness on hold until you're home."

"Thanks, Flo, I appreciate it."

"Can I meet him? When you're back? Do I get to meet Arjun?"

"I don't know about that," I say with a laugh. "I'm not sure when or how."

"I'll meet you at the airport."

"He's on a different flight."

"Oh."

"I know." The thought makes me feel as deflated as she sounds. I flew over here alone just fine, but I can't bear the thought of flying back without Arjun sitting next to me.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you," Flo says after a moment.

"You didn't yell at me."

"In my texts. They were yelly. I was yelling in my head."

"It's ok, Flo," I say with a quiet laugh. "If I were you, I'd be yelling at me too. I'm sorry for not answering you. But once I'm home, we can talk as much as you want."

"That's a lot, you know."

"I know. I miss you and all your words. I'll make sure to charge up my ears before I get home."

"Good. I have a lot of words. A whole three weeks of words are all stored up, and all the ones from before then when you weren't really here and I don't think you were listening properly."

That still stings, and I know she doesn't mean it to because that's just how Flo is; she's blunt and honest and I always know where I stand with her because she doesn't play her cards close to her chest.

"March?"

"Mmm?"

"I'm really glad you're happy again."

"Thanks, Flo. Me too."

"I'm excited to meet Arjun. And I know he knows about me because he knew my name when I called the other day, so I know you talk about me, so we might as well meet and I can tell him all about how awesome you are."

"You don't need to sell me to him; he already bought," I say, and the instant the words are out I know they won't compute.

"Huh?"

"You don't need to make me sound good to him," I explain. "We're already together; he already likes me."

"Well, I won't say anything that will make him like you less," she says. "I won't tell him you're a bad driver and that you swear in the car."

"He'll find out soon enough."

"I want to talk to you more, but it's very late and I'm very tired, and I think someone's awake and I'll get in trouble if Mum or Dad find me on the phone in the basement at this time."

"You should definitely get some sleep, Flo."

"Promise you'll tell me everything when you're home. Except, nothing dirty," she hastily adds.

"I promise. Love you, Flo. Sleep well."

"Love you too. Have fun. Don't get too attached to America, please."

"I won't," I tell her, but that's a lie when this country has already stolen a piece of my heart. "Bye, Flo. Sleep tight. Don't let the bed bugs bite."

*

We're enjoying the waning warmth, lying out in the park – me with my head on Arjun's stomach, his hand in my hair, and my foot propped up on Kristin's bag – when all of our phones buzz. Young-mi's, the only one not to have been on silent for the past five years, trills with a text message tone.

Kristin pats the grass until her hand lands on her mobile and she squints at the screen. "It's Sam," she says. "He says he's going to be at Ocean Beach in a couple of hours and we're all welcome if we want to bring our own food at meet him there."

"Where's Ocean Beach?" Young-mi asks. She's lying with her head in Klara's lap, while Klara's leaning against a tree and playing with Young-mi's hair.

"About an hour away, back in the city; two buses. Barely any walking, March."

"Then I'm in."

"Me too," Arjun says.

"Me three." Kristin holds up a hand.

"I would like that too," Young-mi says.

Our phones buzz and chime again when Kristin reports that we'll all be there. It gives us another hour to hang out here and pick up something for supper, though we've consumed so much on our trawl across Sausalito's cafes that I'm not sure how much more I can eat. If I want to have a good time tonight, which I desperately do want, then I should listen to my body and take it easy.

*

Just before seven, as expertly timed and arranged by Kristin, we arrive on Ocean Beach and follow Sam's direction to stairwell seventeen. When we hit the sand, I slip off my shoes and loop my arm tighter around Arjun: soft sand, untouched by the sea, is my nemesis, so slippy and unreliable and unpredictable.

"Are the others coming?" Arjun asks, his voice jolting when I almost stumble in the sand and his arm locks around me, pulling me back to the safety of his side.

"We're all in the same chat," Klara says.

"Yes, but Kristin has her phone out whereas I am very busy saving my March from a sandy fate."

He trips over my name. I look up at him and ask, "I'm your March, now? Were you about to say something else?"

"It's just us tonight," Kristin says. "The others won't make it here but they will be back for breakfast."

My mind's still on what Arjun just said. I think of Flo's message, of the B-word, and my heart starts racing out of control. I lose my footing again when I'm paying more attention to Arjun than the way, and he stumbles but rights both of us.

"Get on," he says, and I don't protest when he pats his back and crouches down. I climb on, hooking my legs around his waist and looping my arms around his shoulders, and I rest my chin close to his ear.

"What were you gonna say?" I whisper. I spy the slightest hint of a red flush on his cheeks, his skin darkening just a little, and I don't want to put him on the spot but the words are out of my mouth before I can log into my brain and stop them.

Kristin spots Sam and waves, upping her pace. Klara and Young-mi follow, and we lag behind them. When we're alone and out of earshot, slowing traipsing over the sand, Arjun turns his head ever so slightly, so close to mine that my lips meet his cheek at the shift.

Dropping his voice, he says, "I nearly called you my boyfriend. But then I realised how ridiculously soon that is, considering we've known each other less than two weeks and-"

"Forget the time," I say, cutting him off. "Do you want to call me that?"

"Yes."

The word comes so fast and certain it makes my head spin, and it's an effort to keep my cool, and not go giddy on his back. I take a moment to compose myself and find my words.

"So ask me."

He stops walking. The girls have made it to Sam already. We're still half the beach away, and I'm not sure where that side of me just came from but I like it: I literally just stopped Arjun in his tracks.

"Get down," he says. He lets go of me and I slither to my feet. He pulls me in front of him and says, "I want to see your face."

"At your service." I stare into his eyes, silently begging him to ask me what I know he wants to ask.

"Will you be my boyfriend, March?" His hand drops to my waist and when I lose my cool, nodding like a maniac, he pulls me close and kisses me.

When he pulls away, I gather myself enough to say, "I would love to be your boyfriend. And I think time works differently here. Every day's a week, so we've basically known each other for three months."

"Oh, then that's more than enough," he says. "Now that that's settled, hop back on. Let's join the party."

He hoists me up and I rest my chin on his shoulder, too overwhelmed to say anything. The only words crashing around my brain are he's my boyfriend and I love him I love him I love him so I opt for silence instead, and I breathe in the comforting familiarity of his aftershave and his deodorant and his shampoo and all those scents that make up my boyfriend.

*

Sam and the girls aren't alone: I spot a familiar person he has his arm around, with a brushed out Afro and bright red glasses to match their Hawaiian shirt, and the moment recognition slaps me in the face, I blurt out, "Hey, Jude! What're you doing here?"

Arjun gives me a funny look. He doesn't know about Jude yet. Jude laughs.

"Someday, I'll get sick of that reference," they say, "but not today."

"What reference?"

Six pairs of eyes bore into me. Arjun pulls a face of disgust and says, "Please tell me you know the Beatles song you just referenced? Hey Jude?"

Oh. An embarrassed laugh jumps out. "Yes. I do. Sorry, I forgot. That totally wasn't intentional."

Jude chuckles and touches my shoulder. "I like you a little more, now," they say. "As for how I got here, I hopped on a plane at LAX." They sing that bit to the tune of the Miley song and Sam rolls his eyes.

"If you want to sing, at least let me get my guitar out."

"This one and his guitar," Jude says. "I can't even think of singing a line without you turning it into a jam session."

"You love it."

They kiss his cheek and say, "I really do."

Sam looks up at Arjun and says, "Jude's my partner. Jude, Arjun. Arjun, Jude."

Arjun leaps into polite posh mode, all smiles and handshakes when he realises who he's talking to, and once introductions are over, Sam starts playing a tune. He has a campfire roaring in one of the designated firepits, picnic food spread out on the sand, and Jude's hand in his hair as he strums his strings. I sit down on the sand next to Young-mi, who is locked in excited conversation with Jude about living in Los Angeles, and Arjun scoots behind me so I'm sitting between his legs.

He kisses the back of my neck and drapes his arms around my shoulders, and I lean back into him. Sam launches into his own rendition of Crazy, that old Patsy Cline song, and I don't know the words so I just listen to him and Jude harmonising. They sound so good together; they look so good together. There's a new kind of happiness on Sam's face each time he glances at Jude; he softens and nudges them when he sings, "I'm crazy for loving you."

Arjun isn't singing. His nose nudges the spot where my jaw meets my neck, just beneath my ear, and he kisses me there. He's holding me close, my back pressed against his chest, and we're lost in one of those indescribable moments where everything is right. Sam and Jude singing, the twins joining in when they know the words; Young-mi is humming the tune; Arjun's skin is warm on mine.

His breath tickles my ear when the song comes to an end and he whispers, "I'm crazy about you."

*

It's late when we make it back to the hotel, but I am wide awake. It's a struggle to keep my hands off Arjun on the hour's bus back to the hotel when he's been driving me to distraction all night with the graze of his fingertips along my arm, his murmured words, his lips on my neck. Nerves and anticipation are ruling my body, the thought alone of what we're about to do enough to send my head spinning.

But first, I need to shower. I need to have the most thorough shower of my life and try not to pass out under the water. On the walk from the bus to the hotel, and in the lift up to the top floor with the girls, I resist the temptation to push Arjun up against the wall and devour him, but that urge is a lot harder to suppress once we're in our room.

So I don't. As soon as the door is shut behind us, I press hungry lips to his and pin him against the wall, his erection pressing into my hip. I groan into the kiss and when his hands move from my waist to my zipper, I have to pull away.

"Hold that thought," I say. "I need to shower."

He throws himself onto the bed. "Don't take too long."

"Trust me, I'm gonna be as quick as is humanly possible," I assure him.

I've only been in the shower for two minutes when there's a knock on the door. I turn off the water and call out, "Yeah?"

"Hey, March?"

"I swear to god, if you're about to tell a joke, you can fuck right off."

His laugh is muffled by the door. "No. I was going to, uh ... I was going to ask if I could join you?"

Oh, holy fuck. Sharing a shower in a brightly-lit bathroom is a whole new level of intimacy but my mouth disengages from my brain and yells, "Yes!"

He slips into the bathroom. I turn the water back on, and I watch as he unbuttons his shirt and drops his shorts to the floor. His boxers join the pile, and there he is, standing naked on the other side of the glass. I angle the showerhead away from the door and open it. When he steps in, I swear the air between us is electrified, fizzing and crackling with the promise of everything that's about to happen.

I don't know exactly where my confidence comes from, but there's a spark inside as I squeeze shower gel into my hand and I massage it into his skin. He leans against the wall as I run soapy hands over his abs and his pecs and his shoulders and I kiss him under the steamy spray. It's a small shower, just big enough for the two of us, so there's no space for me to fall as my kiss grows hungrier and he slips a hand between us and I can't hold back a groan.

I want to touch him. I want him to touch me. But before tonight goes further than we've already gone, I need to make some things clear. When I manage to pull away from him, still mere inches between us, I say, "We need to lay down the ground rules."

"Ok," he says. He's still wearing his glasses. They're wet and foggy but he makes no effort to remove them.

"If you do or don't like something, tell me," I say, lathering up my own body as I speak. "If you want to stop, for any reason, just tell me."

He nods and swallows hard, his Adam's apple bobbing in his throat. I can't resist kissing his neck, my soapy hand in his hair. There are other places my hands would rather be, but not yet. Not in the shower.

"Which way do you ... what do you prefer?" he asks, his voice deep and husky.

"I'm usually a bottom," I say, aching for him to fill me, "but I'm happy to top too."

"Not this time," he says, "but ... we can work our way up to that."

I nod because my words are failing me, because I don't want to talk when I'd rather drop to my knees and take him in my mouth instead.

"And ... you're clean, right?"

"Oh, god, yeah. First thing I did after the whole debacle was go straight to the umbrella clinic," I say, rubbing shampoo into my scalp. "I'm clean as a whistle, and involuntarily celibate ever since." I wash out the shampoo and turn off the water, and suddenly all I can hear is my breathing, and Arjun's.

"I don't think I can wait much longer," he says, his words echoing.

"Me neither."

"God, I want you so badly."

I press my wet chest to his, feel him pressing into me, grip his slippery skin and graze my lips from his jaw to his earlobe. "Take me."

*

thank you so much for 30,000 reads! i woke up this morning with this chapter half-finished and managed to write 2,000 words before noon (and of course, my mum returned right as i was writing the steamier scene). i hope you enjoyed this chapter!