Honestly, I know that you hate me. I hate you too, actually. But, I won't say that aloud. Why? Because you don't know that I know you hate me. Honestly, I've hated you from the start.

If I'm bad-tempered, then what are you? At least only my anger is out of control. Your emotions are all over the place.

You're facing reality, but you're not facing reality. It's because you're too afraid to take it all in. The truth fucking hurts, you know?

There's less than six months left before I get to tell you everything that I have held in. I just need to bear it for that long.

I know I'm a bad leader. I know I make wrong decisions. I know I laughed at you. I know I never tried to help you. I know I've been an asshole of a friend.

I started out this group with one other person. It expanded rapidly. I thought this was a dream come true. Then, I thought, what on earth have I done?

It hurts to see you fight among others.

I should have never told you that he liked me. Now you're teasing me, and I hate it. I don't like him the same way he does. Now you've made it awkward.

I told you to not tell the others. Can't you ever keep your big mouth shut? I'm sick of you telling my secrets.

I just want you to know that I feel disappointed in myself. Very.

I feel that all your lives depends on me, all your decisions chosen by me.

I feel burdened and responsible for everything.

It feels like I'm holding the lives of eleven people in my hands.

I feel tired.

You might know that.

I'm not lying.

I feel really tired inside out.

I didn't want to show it.

I didn't want you to worry.

I feel horrible for being the worst leader in the world now.

None of you would see this, so I'm just expressing my feelings here.

Why am I doing this?

I'm just too cowardly to say something I've wanted to say ever since I've met you.

Well, you guys are idiots, rebels, arrogant little shits, two-faced bitches, I must admit. I see through everything, if you didn't know that.

But still, I love you guys.

I hope you already know that.

If not, I'll say it again.

But this time, it'll be at our graduation ceremony, in November.

Those words will be said.

What I feel will be told.

It'll be when I'm ready to say it.

Your adorable, evil, scary, emotional, crazy, idiotic, 'pretty' bitch,

C. W. Y