How did I get from that to…this?

How could I have been so euphoric? Where has it all gone?

My soul has submerged into the very darkest of places; I don’t think it will ever return the light. This could be hell for all I know, it makes sense. My emotions have been deadened with such feats of sadness, betrayal and anger.

I’m numb.

My broken room has been my retreat. Its white walls are stained with blood but it’s not mine. That could have been an alternative route for me but in yesterday’s society, we were taught that to cut was to sin. I do not have the energy to rebel.

Smashed vases and antediluvian petals have fallen to the mercy of the iron fists I once thought of as my home. The damage in here was not as noticeable as before; I had something else to focus upon.

The ice white covers of my bed remain untouched yet they are the same shade as my blanched skin. The only colours on my lifeless body are the indigo veins that protrude through and my new black tattoo. It’s a tiny ‘J’ on the back of my neck. After a Caritas’s first heartbreak, a tattoo forms with the Heartbreaker’s initial. Now I understand why my mother was talking about it last week; I didn’t even pick up on it at the time. So much for me being the perceptive one out of mother and I. They all knew what was going on.

The banging on the door has finally concluded after 9 longs hours of screams, begs and cries. It probably continued for longer but 9 hours ago was the time that I put in the music beads.

I hastily stuff a few of the clothes from my closet into a white backpack. My white clothes make me appear as one of the Leto; camouflage. I slip on some soft leather boots. They will not make a sound as I creep away. The exertion of my limbs causes them to ache, I haven’t moved for the past 9 hours. Unfurling from my ball was a stiff and painful process but I had eventually made up my mind.

I don’t want to cry anymore, I have cried so much. So instead I’m going to run from all of it. I’ll sneak away and it will be like I was never here. I hope.

I cautiously pinch my scripted note between my fore fingers. It’s not long but it’s the best I can manage. I started over 17 times, crossing out and leaving ink splotches all over the parchment. I could’ve made the control pad type it out but somehow I felt that would be cruel of me. My inky words are personal and official. They deliver the expected verdict.

I can’t do this. Don’t follow me. I’m sorry.

Lara

He needs to understand. He wasn’t honest with me; the one thing he swore he’s always would be. The truth’s ugly face irrevocably exposed its deceitful nature last night, warts and all. How could I have been so stupid?

My mother left the Leto palace 5 days ago after being ordered back to Externium ship 13; a ship specifically for the Caritas. Cleansing is due to launch in the next few days. My mother as well as the rest of the Caritas species has achieved a reprieve. They cannot possibly make a Caritas more ethically purified. We are safe from that at least.

Carlisle has been lost without her; she was a good companion for him. They also completed a bond but only one of friendship. Neither of them felt anything romantic about each other and didn’t want to only feel the attraction because of the bond, it eliminates the idea of developing love. But for the first time since I met him, Carlisle was wrong.

I could say it’s partly my fault but only because I found out in the wrong way but then my rational conscious sensibly puts me back on track. It’s not my omission.

It’s his.

Yesterday my world turned black because I found out the truth. The whole series of events have been on constant replay inside my brain. I think back to yesterday morning.

"Lara did you hear about Ally?" Carlisle asks taking a sip of coffee from his mug. He slides his finger up the hologram screen in the middle of the table. The bluish tinged screen displays the Leto news however I cannot read it; it’s all in code. The mother tongue of the Leto.

"What happened?" I ask. I haven’t seen Ally since she ran off, it feels like she’s been avoiding me. I don’t blame her though, I was harsh.

"She called off the partnership with the Rex".

My eyes widen with shock. I didn’t expect her to reject the Rex.

"I thought once a Leto agreed to the partnering, they couldn't go back on the decision?" I inquire, gobbling down a spoonful of muesli that promises to provide the necessary supplements for a healthy life. I’m not counting my chickens at the moment; I just want to survive the next 3 weeks or so.

"Not in this case Lara" Carlisle looks up from the transparent hologram. "Ally’s a Dimidium so it’s slightly different".

"Can’t the Rex just order Dimidium 1 to partner with him?"

"Not if Ally truly resists. Her human emotions will overpower the Rex’s orders" Carlisle shrugs casually.

"I bet the Rex isn’t happy about that" I mutter, trying to mask my anxiety. An even more annoyed Rex is not a good thing; he has the power to diminish the entire Human species with the push of a button. What if the Rex joined the Sicarii? 

"Carlisle, what if the Rex hurts Ally?" I whisper, biting my lip at the thought.

"He's a Leto Lara, not an insane Mendosus" Carlisle points out.

"How do you know that? How can you be so sure?" 

"Lara, I am the inventor of the Leto. I know these things" Carlisle grins. I wince slightly as my comment seems somewhat ridiculous. 

I turn around to see Jared on the couch with one of the music beads in his palms, wearing an enormous smile. He’s been absorbed in music for the past half hour while Carlisle and I ate breakfast. The music beads are small squishy blue speakers that adjust to your specific ear shape and they completely block out any outside sound. They’re very useful for solitary confinement. Now he’s taken one out, he’ll be able to hear our conversation.

"How long have you been listening in?"

"Just long enough to hear your highly intellectual and thoughtful comment Princess". He replies sweetly. His dark eyes flash with amusement as I low chuckle forms in his chest. I wave a finger at him.

"It wasn't that stupid" I murmur.

"Of course" Jared replies innocently. I’m unable to respond with a lucid reply and instead poke my tongue out at him. He smirks in triumph, knowing he’s won which causes me to sigh heavily. I hate it when he wins.

"Shut up"

"Children" Carlisle orders sternly. I hang my head meekly at his controlling tone. He doesn’t look cross, he’s laughing at our juvenile bickering. I smile at Carlisle before moving over to sit with Jared; sit on may be the better way to describe it actually. He wraps his arm round my shoulder as I nuzzle into his side. He places a gentle kiss on the side of my temple.

"I missed you last night" He whispers against my ear. His warm breath tickles my frozen cheek causing them to colour.

"I was lying right next to you?" I ask, raising a brow.

"You were asleep though, I missed your stupid comments" He smirks. My jaundiced scowl would be able to freeze over the the brightest of souls and Jared is no exception. "I was joking Princess" He grins.

"I hate you" I whisper.

"No you don’t" He places a lingering kiss against my coloured cheek. ‘"You love me".

I nod submissively and rest back against his chest. After a few seconds he too relaxes and leans his head against mine. Carlisle observes us but once he catches my curious eye, he smiles and goes back to reading the hologram. It’s impressive he’s able to understand both the English language and Leto code.

"Have you heard of the Rose garden?" Jared murmurs. I shake my head. The Royal rose garden is only for the Rex and the Guard; no unauthorized personal allowed.

"Yes; no humans allowed" I remind him. Jared's eyes glint shamefully as he slaps his hands on his knees before rising.

"What is life without risk?" He asks, offering his hand.

Half an hour later I’m being led through bush upon bush of cherry-red roses. The elegant greeneries are pruned into unnerving figures that represent or symbolise the Leto Rex. There are crowns, jewels and most demoralising of all, a life sized, leafy version of the Rex himself.

Jared pilots through the darkened gardens until we reach a stone bench on the edge of another balcony. The night sky is not the normal indigo colour with dotted stars. Instead its pitch black with only the full moon to light the way.

"Lara" Jared calls. I snap my attention from the stars and back to him.

"Yeah?"

"How do you like the garden?" He asks.

"It is sublime but the bushes are little overwhelming" I reply, a small shiver runs through me as the verdant Rex watches me from his soil bed.

"At least it’s not just me then" He sighs. "When I brought Carlisle here he didn't even regard the figurines. He was completely enamored with the sky hologram?"

"It's pitch black though?" I reply staring into the inky blackness, lit only by the light of the frosty moon. 

"He liked the simplicity of it. For a guy who invented the most complex piece of technology ever made, candor is intriguing for him" Jared squeezes my hand. "He's right though, its the only part of this situation that isn't completely unrealistic; idealistic"

"What are you talking about?" His deep speech feels like it has a double standard and I want to know what it is; we have no secrets. He smirks and I glare at him. My incessant glowering causes him to hold his hands up in defeat.

Jared adjusts his body position so he’s sitting directly in front of me, not breaking eye contact for a second. I look down to see him snaking his arm to from my shoulders to entwine our fingers.

"I love you Lara" He smiles, leaning forward to peck my lips. I bow out of his embrace, my eyes darting around the angles of his face trying to detect any signs for which I should be concerned. He however regards me with the same level of confusion I'm directing at him.

"I love you too, Jared whats going on?" I reply, a little too high-pitched to pretend I’m not worried.

"Lara, I know we're bonded in the Caritas form but I'd like to be with you in the traditional Human way as well" He smiles shyly before slipping off the bench and onto one knee. 

My heart stops.

"Lara Aurora Hall will you do me the honour-"

"Jared stop" I cry. He looks up at me, bewilderment written all over his face. The bond stings as I focus in on his eyes. I don't want to hurt him.

"Jared, I love you but I can’t marry you" I whisper, unable to amplify my voice any further; the evolving lump in my throat stifles my breaths. 

"Wait marry? Lara what are you talking about" He asks. 

"You're not propsing?" My eyes gaze beseechingly at him.

"Lara, I wasn’t proposing to you" Jared clarifies and I blush. I exhale a sigh of relief but at the same time I’m slightly disappointed. He notices my pained expression.

"I'm sorry Lara, I don't mean it like that. I don't want to marry" Jared sighs.

"Ever?" I reply. I feel my heart droop. Does that mean we'll never get married?

"Marriage is just two rings and a vow; its just an act" Jared states and I frown at him.

"Its an act of love. Does that mean we'll never get married?" I ask calmly, not letting my crestfallen feelings come into play. Jared tears his gaze away from mine to glance down.

"I'll assume you mean no" I whisper. His hand reaches up to cup my face and his eyes return to meet mine. He attempts to move in for a kiss but I lean out and turn my head away; his lips land upon my cheek.

"Lara" He sighs. "Its not that I don't want to marry you, but I'm not even ready to consider it at the present moment. Last time I asked someone to marry me everything fell to pieces; I'm not ready to lose you"

"Fine" I nod, biting my lip to contain my smile. "But why were you down on one knee if you weren't proposing?"

"Isn't that the way to ask someone to be your girlfriend?" He smiles shyly. I lean forward and peck his lips. My previous disappointment disappears upon hearing his naïve suggestion. My heart pulses at overdrive.

"You want me to be your girlfriend?" I beam.

"More than anything" He replies. He kisses me slowly before pulling away, leaving me wanting more. It’s our first kiss that has left me burning with desire. "So is that a yes?"

"I can't really say no" I grin. He smiles back, pulling me in for an embrace. I rest against him, his warm skin so much more appealing that the icy white bench.

"Did you really think getting down on one knee was the way to ask someone to be your girlfriend?" I enquire, slightly shocked by his thinking.

"Yes, are you saying its not?"

"Yes" I roll my eyes and chuckle.

I feel him stiffen as he lowers his lips to my ears. "I'm sorry, it's what Lena told me I had to do" His melancholy tone causes me to sigh at his pain. I rotate my head to place a soft kiss on his cheek. My lips tingle at the contact as I feel him relax.

A rustle from the bushes to my left causes my skin to prickle. My mouth runs dry as I pull away from Jared, my eyes searching desperately through the darkness. Is it the Sicarii?

The rustling ceases and suddenly only crunching footsteps against the white gravel are audible. I feel Jared tense beside me before he springs up in front of me. I immediately to rise and stand by him, my jaw clenched and ready. We stand united as I link my fingers with him.

"Lara get behind me" Jared orders. So much for a united front then.

"No"

A mass of blond curls suddenly appears  from the bushel shaped into a crown. I almost cry with happiness.

"Ally" I cry jubilantly. She continues to march forward; she doesn’t even register my presence. Her face is blank and emotionless which puzzles me. Without her goofy grin she almost looks fake. She begins heading down the path towards the palace.

"Ally?" I repeat. She still doesn’t turn; her blond mane only distances itself further from me.

I look up to Jared who’s staring at her back with equal confusion. He squeezes my hand as I ponder over Ally’s behaviour. She slowly drifts to the distant palace, her footsteps becoming quieter and quieter. I’ve got to move now.

"Lara, go and talk to her. I’ll come and fetch you soon" Jared nods me forward. I throw him a thankful smile before taking off down the path in pursuit of Ally. I fly down the dark pathway, my feet pound on the gravel.

 I reach the end of the path in seconds and search for the blank Dimidium. To my left I see her blond halo floating into another shadowy alley. Both my mind and heart panic and screams for me to go back to Jared. This is the first time they’ve ever been in agreement. However, I have to get to Ally. She’s my friend. If she was able to go down the alley I should be able to. There are no Torpens here. I quickly lock the memories in the back of my mind. I need a clear mind.

Hesitantly, I push off from my standstill. The alleyway she went down is not in fact a path, but instead it is a dank room. At the back of the room, Ally stands with her back to me.

"Ally" I call cautiously. I run my eyes around the room. It nonplusses me at its gloomy appearance; there is not a spot of pure white in this cellar. With a few empty shelves at the back, the room is otherwise bare. It is lit only by a murky candle perched upon the top of the left ledge.

Diffidently, I place one foot in the room. Nothing terrible happens so I take another step, slowly edging my way towards Ally. I stop a few paces in to wait for Ally to acknowledge me; she can’t ignore me forever. It’s not who she is.

Goosebumps form on my arm and I begin to shiver from fear. A loud slam sounds behind me and when I turn I see the door has vaulted me in. I spin back around to Ally, but she’s going. I scream as loud as possible. I sprint back to the door and attempt to fiddle with the locks however it remains jarred.

"Jared" I yell.

Please let him hear me I beg. What’s going to happen to me?

"Lara Hall" A unsettling voice calls from behind. I rotate my body slowly to meet the eyes of the Leto Rex. Although it’s not the Sicarii, I’m still petrified.

"Leto Rex" My voice wobbles. He lifts his hand and Ally suddenly is standing in front of me again. Her eyes are distant and haunted.

"Ally" I cry with relief. I run towards her and grab her hands. Only I haven’t grabbed her hands, they’ve disappeared. I stare with confusion at Ally; my hands have just gone right through her body. Then she’s gone again.  I stumble backwards staring at the Rex with wide eyes.

"What have you done with her?" I rasp.

"Lara Hall, I have not harmed Dimidium One" He smirks evilly.

"Then where is she?" I spit. Mentally I curse him time and time again.

"Lara Hall, you appear to be mistaken" The Rex states, his omniscient aura is disconcerting as he slowly lifts his hand. Ally appears once more.

"Why does she keep appearing?"

He waves his hand down again and Ally evaporates at his command. The little light bulb goes off inside my head as I realise it’s not Ally at all. I gasp with horror at the Rex’s triumphant smile. That wasn’t Ally, it was a hologram. I’ve been baited.

"Yes Lara Hall, you have been cunningly outwitted" The Leto Rex begins to circle me; like a tiger stalking its prey.

"Did you bring me here for a reason Leto Rex?" I ask innocently. Play it sweet, play it dumb. I chant the mantra over and over in my head.

"Lara Hall, please do not try and fool the Leto Rex once more. You have made a mockery of the great ruler twice and for that the Leto Rex should kill you. However as a Leto, the Rex is designed to help the Human race and therefore I will provide you with the information you require" The Rex’s lips curl upwards into a demonic grin.

"What information do I require Rex?" I ask, my voice is as impassive as his. There is nothing he could surprise me with now; he cannot take anything else away from me so frankly receiving more information would be a blessing.

"The Leto Rex will now inform the female character evidence, Lara Hall of the male character evidence, Jared Miller’s true nature"

"I thought Jared negotiated those terms into the conditions?" I ask befuddled.

"The male character evidence, Jared Miller agreed on the conditions on the terms he should be the one to inform Lara Hall of his real being. However, though a Leto may not break the terms of agreements, the Leto Rex has supreme power and authority" The Leto Rex stops his pacing and hovers underneath the candlelight. The ominous light shadows his face and reflects off his white and gold crown.

"Why? Because you’re the Rex?" I ask confidently. My attitude and tone is neither respectful nor lenient.

"No, as the first Leto to be completed by our creator, Carlisle Kappor, the Leto Rex may be classified as a Mendosus".

I swallow hard. The Leto Rex is a Mendosus? Carlisle said he wasn't insane. Is he going to try and kill me like the other one? I silently pray for the angels to descend and bring Jared to me. The Leto Rex should not be the one to reveal his secret; its Jared’s choice. However how bad could it be?

"As an act of retaliation towards Lara Hall for the breaking of the partnership between Dimidium 1 and the Leto Rex, the Rex will reveal the nature of Jared Miller"

"How did I break the partnership up?" I exclaim, outraged by this accusation. The Leto Rex ignores my ire and continues with Jared’s exposure.

"Jared Miller, the male character evidence is not a full breed Human" The Leto Rex states. I frown.

"If he’s not a Human what is he?" I ask sarcastically. The Leto Rex remains silent, purposefully trying to increase the tension. My fuse eventually fizzles out.

"Just say it" I hiss.

The Leto Rex bows down to me and returns to his original standing posture. What?

"As you wish Lara Hall. Jared Miller, the male character evidence is a Torpen." The Rex declares. My reaction is immediate; I burst straight out laughing.

I scoff. "I didn’t know the Leto could be comical".

The enormous wooden door suddenly flies over and a fuming Jared comes bursting in. He marches straight over to me and pushes me behind him. I relax slightly. Gripping his hand tightly, I push myself into his side. His body protects mine and I’m heave a sigh of relief.

"What the hell is going on here?" Jared seethes.

"The Rex and I" I turn to meet the Rex’s eyes "were just having a quick chat’.

I glare at the Rex almost if to say ‘see, he’s no Torpen’. The Rex however reforms his smile to an arrogant smirk.

"What about?" Jared grunts. Under the anger, I sense his concern.

"The Leto Rex was just bullshitting and told me you were a Torpen" I smile at him. He doesn’t smile back though and my brows crease in confusion.

"Lara Hall, if you do not believe the Leto Rex's statement, ask Jared Miller himself" The Leto Rex articulates, an evil glint in his eyes.

"Go on Jared tell him it’s not true" I urge him on. Jared grips my waist tightly but he doesn’t say anything. His jawline is clasped into shape before it begins to tremble.

"Jared" I whisper.

"Lara Hall, have you ever wondered why Jared Miller’s skin is so cold or why he attempted to revoke the conditions or perhaps even his violent mood changes. Maybe even the changing of eye colour? Lara Hall the reasons behind this behavioural characteristics-"

"Don’t" Jared whisper, his voice pained. I look up at his face to see his eyes leaking out with tears. This is the second time I’ve ever seen him cry.

"-Is because Jared Miller is a Torpen" The Leto Rex finishes.

I stare up at Jared.

"Is-is it true" I falter. Tears spill over his lashes as he nods. The Leto Rex’s accusation is true.

I back away from him, my eyes filled with fear and betrayal. The familiar lump grows in my throat and I feel a burning on the back of my neck. Our bond is what hurts most; it sends little shocks of electricity through me, blistering all senses of rationality.

"Lara" He sobs, his arms wide open for an embrace.

"Don’t! Don’t come near me" My voice shakes, filled with unexpected confidence.

"Please let me explain" He begs. My boyfriend throws himself down onto the knees of his black skinny jeans. I tremble.

"Explain what Jared? Go on"

He doesn't reply.

"Explain" I yell. I feel my heart break like my voice shatters the silence. I remain impassive on the tear front being just able to hold them in. I can’t do it forever though. I barely register as the door opens and the Leto Rex glides out; hopefully he’s satisfied with his work.

"Lara, I had to get you to give me a chance before you found out I was a Torpen. If I had told you straight away, we would never have gotten this far" He supplicates.

"What about your soul? Did it regrow? Was that your horrendous illness?" I whisper. My tears begin to leach out and Jared’s face becomes even more pained.

"Please don’t cry" He says softly.

"Just answer the question Jared" I choke out.

He pauses. "Yes, my soul regrew" He says slowly.

"Congratulations" My bottom lip trembles. "You fooled me; you achieved every Torpen's dream. Regrowing their soul and shattering the Caritas' in the process"

"Lara I wasn't trying to fool you" Jared looks up from his submissive position.

"Don’t play me again Jared. Every Torpen wants to regrow their soul" I think back to gold tooth. NO! I mustn’t think of it.

"Lara, I don't care about my soul; its yours. I didn't tell you because I thought you'd leave me. Please Lara, you have to believe me" He begs as a desperate man on his knees. He’s pouring out his new soul.

"Why should I?"

"Because I love you" He cries.

I don’t say anything. I eye the door and see it’s still open a fraction.

"Lara please say something" He pleads. His tousled hair flies out in all directions. This only happens when he’s really stressed. The Leto Rex should be proud. His revenge is complete as two broken people have been torn apart by his words. The few metres between Jared and I feels like kilometres and I’m slipping away from him by the second.

However, I need to be further. I dart out the door and onto the gravel. I remember the way we came and head down the path. I hear him calling my name behind, his footsteps close behind mine. Despite Jared being apart 100 times stronger than me, I have the advantage with running. I’m an ex-state champion for crosscountry, I should be alright as long as I can find my way back.

I make my way into the palace turning round any corner in hope of losing him. After 5 minutes of white corridor after white corridor, Jared is still hot on my tail and calling my name.

I suddenly recognise a door and without even thinking I activate the control pad and enter the room. The door slides closed just as Jared’s fist reaches it. Safe inside the solitary of my old, I let out every emotion of hurt, betrayal and fear. Jared’s banging on the door is consistent and perpetual. His continuous shouts to me are ignored. Like my room, I’ve been destroyed by Jared.

I think of the Leto Rex's triumphant smirk. He knew about this all along, he said Jared and I were picked for a reason. 

They set us up to fail; the Rex knew it was an impossbility.

They've wanted us dead all along.

I flash out of my memory and feel the glistening tears against my cheek. I’ve got to go.

I take one last look around my room before slinging my backpack over my shoulder and proceeding towards my door; note in hand. I silently activate the control pad and the door opens.

There he lies, sprawled across the floor. His head leans against the white wall in his unconscious slumber. I take my final look at his beautiful face; committing it to my memory. I place my note beside his hand. A sorrowful tear rolls down my cheek and plops down onto his face. His eyes begin to flutter.

I tear myself away from him, my heavy breathing making me gasp for more oxygen. I pull out my hologram map and follow the directions down the hall. I turn the first corner before I hear the strangled shriek.

"LARA"

My eyes widen in fear and I force my body to move faster down the hallways. My boots click against the floor. His heavy footsteps thunder down the corridor; he’s figured out where I’m going. I grip the strap of my backpack tightly as my map leads me down hallway after hallway.

"LARA, COME BACK" Jared’s voice booms and echoes to my ears. It’s impossible to tell how far away he is with these shocking acoustics.

I glance behind and see him reach the beginning of the corridor I’m just about to turn off from. He looks to the other direction before turning his head. He sees me and I squeak in terror. I waste no time in sprinting down the passage that will lead me to my new retreat. My map begins to beep.

I’ve reached my destination.

"LARA, DON'T LEAVE ME" He roars and my fingers begin to shake. Yet his words don’t defer me.

I activate the control pad and hurry inside the tube room.  I rush to the end of the room and stand in front of the blue tube, hesitating. I take one deep breath and climb into the tube. Once I shut the door there’s no going back.

Jared Miller is a Torpen

The Leto Rex’s accurate accusation fills my eyes with grief and I slam the tube door shut. Activating the tube’s control pad, the tube begins to glow fluorescent blue. Jared rams through the door and when he sees me in the chute, he all but breaks down.

He races towards the tube and begin pounding his fists and shouting indiscernible words. The tubes are soundproof. I begin to sob in terror at the violent Torpen in front of me. I scream in terror as I think suddenly of Izzy. My beautiful little sister, look what they did to her.

‘Lara run’ she screams.

Jared’s face morphs into the gold tooth Torpen’s. I scream and push myself against the back of the tube.

‘Lara Hall, the Caritas’ he spits.           

I begin to sob uncontrollably; he’s come back for me. I scream my destination at the control pad.

"Externium ship 13"

The banging of the Torpen persists as the tube begins to flash blue. I’ll be safe at 13, with my mother and the other Caritas’s. There will be no Torpens there. I feel myself slipping from the Leto palace but the face of the Torpen changes. As I leave, it’s no longer the one of the gold tooth Torpen; its Jared broken-down eyes and moving mouth, rapidly spinning words.

I close my eyes as Jared begins to slip away from me.

I’m now with the Caritas.