EARLY UPLOAD - Please vote and comment your thoughts.

This cannot be happening. 

I awaken from my Haze, crouched against the back of the electric blue walls. Leaning my head back, I sigh, debating whether or not to move. 

My feet become planted on the blue linoleum floor of the Tube. I'm back in the STO compound. I have failed. But most importantly I am alone.

My head feels uncomfortably empty. I almost miss the commanding and violent nature of the Torpen. i shake my head; I should not long for the company of an evil prescence.

My eye lashes are wet, making it impossible to see. I blink away the moisture. A jolt of shock runs throughout my body as I see Iron standing straight in front of me. Its only been a few days since I last saw him but it feels as if an eternity has passed. 

His finger rises, indicating for me to come out of the tube. I oblige. The consequences hold no amount of measurable terror that I would consider sufficient or of standard. The familiar smell of the Leto palace lingers in the air. I can't decide whether I detest it or crave it.

"No Jared?" Iron asks. 

I shake my head. In front of me I see a few Warriors on the floor examining Kyle's ankle. By his grimace, I can see it's no better.

"Where is she?" Iron inquires. Unmasked fear slips into his voice.

I'm unable to say it, I'm unable to say that she's gone. I can't break his heart to the extent of which mine has been. A soft moan leaves my lips sending the message that I'm unable to.

"I'm so sorry." I whisper. 

I expect him to yell at me, arrest me and then to kill me. I've managed to screw up his relationship on the blind hope that mine would still function. But he nods, almost as if its what he expected. His hazel eyes don't soften and his frame remains tensed yet he moves forward to wrap his arms awkwardly around me. I don't push him away but instead I sob silently into his shoulder. He smells like washing powder. My tears run right off his suit. 

"What happened?" He asks.

"I couldn't leave her behind Iron, I needed to earn her forgiveness. I needed her to come with me. It wasn't meant to end up like this. I got so desperate, I didn't even think about the consequences of this for her or for you. She's gone all for nothing." I say, hiccuping my way through my words.

"Where is Jared?"

"Sicarii base" I reply. Iron pushes me away, holding my shoulders.

"Why didn't he come back with you?" 

"Because he's a Torpen and a Torpen is designed to destroy people" I say before resting my head against his shoulder once more.

"Lara, I'm so sorry. God I should've been more understanding - I know how hard it is to be separated from your bond-mate. You couldn't prevent your change." Iron says quietly.

"My soul regrew Iron - my Torpen said that it would be the only way that body could survive breaking the bond." My body heaves with each sob. They become more demonic and violent every time.

"You broke the bond?" Iron asks, shocked. I nod my head against his chest.

"Oh Lara." Iron exclaims, holding me closer.

"You'll get through this." Iron says. "Come on, lets get you back."

"Please just tell me my punishment now" I say, brushing off the meaningless tears. I'm determined not to cry when they trial me - in fact, I don't want to cry anymore. Tears won't bring him back. Its time to move on.

"I think Carlisle will be understanding of the predicament. Besides you're too important to kill." Iron jokes but I'm only able to manage curve the edges of my lips.

"Why are you not angry with me? I don't understand why you are being kind with me when I allowed your bond mate to hand herself over to the Leto Rex." I ask, still confused.

Iron scratches the back of his neck uncomfortably. 

"Lara, I'm going to accompany you to see Carlisle - I'm then going to assemble a party of volunteers and go after her. "

"You'll be killed - the Leto Rex won't allow her to leave now he has his prize Dimidium back"  I say.

I remember the conversation that Ally and I had before we left the STO base. She made me promise that I wouldn't allow Iron to come after her - I was supposed to tell him it was over. Yet I cannot. I cannot even imagine causing Iron this extent of excruciating rejection. I should keep my promise but I won't.

"She left a note for me" Iron says. 

"What did she say?"

"She told me not to blame you and that she was sorry." Iron says. He smiles miserably.

I was right not to tell him, that would be what would kill him. I doubt Iron would even listen to me in any case, he's far too stubborn. He would also know its not true.

There is a buzzing as Iron presses his finger to his ear. His earpiece connects him to Carlisle and the control base. He listens closely, his smile falling off his face. His arm falls back to rejoin his side.

"We need to see Carlisle." Iron says firmly.

"Ok"

"Lara, you musn't..." Iron falters over his words. "You musn't be surprised when you see Carlisle. He's in a bad way."

I nod my head in understanding, gritting my teeth. This is the last thing I had hoped would happen. I knew of Carlisle's ever present struggle but I'd foolishly prayed that he would be alright. But then again, cancer has a nasty habit of not complying with your desires.

--------------------------------------------

"Carlisle." I try to inject a little bit of enthusiasm into my voice. 

The sight of Carlisle lieing weakly on Zena's chair in the Medic office fills me with unabridged aversion. He cranes his neck but the exertion tires him so much he has to relax immediately. His skin clings so tightly to his body that its become transparent. I sigh. He just looks so exhausted - theres not much fight left in him.

"Lara, you're back." Carlisle chokes out. His voice is strained and rasps against his throat. The silver flecks of hair fall limply against his head, lacking the shimmer they once had.

I walk over to his side, dragging a chair so I can sit by him. I reach up to grab his hand that rests on his stomach. He's covered in a wad of blankets. The morphine drip inserted on his arm is clearly providing him with a lifeline. 

"How are you feeling?"

"Good." He says. His eyes shift towards the morphine drip. "It helps."

"I'm glad."

"My child." He says throatily. "I have been informed of the situation between yourself and Jared. I offer you my condolences. "

I smile awkwardly. Unfortunately condolences will not change anything. 

"Lara, you must not wallow. You deserve to blossom and mature without Jared in your life. I won't be around forever so I beg of you to learn from this. Achilles will lead the STO when I pass on and I would like you to take charge as well." Carlisle says. 

"Take charge how?"

"For instance..." Carlisle's voice breaks into a series of strangled and wheezy coughs. I stand up and walk briskly to Zena's desk where a pitcher of water stands. Pouring the pitcher clumsily, I only spill a few drops outside of the cup.

I walk back over to Carlisle and press the cup to his lips. Slowly, I let the water dribble down his throat. The coughing ceases and I can imagine the cold water soothes the irritation of his throat.

"Thank you." Carlisle wheezes and clears his throat. I wait expectantly for him to continue. His evergreen eyes refocus their attention - he appears to be so serious. But then again, he hasn't got the time to waste anymore.

"As I was saying, you will assist Iron in the decisions of the STO and keep everything in order. You may have to instruct a few training sessions from time to time to help some of the younger members learn to fight. As long as the Warriors can see you taking an active part in this revolution that serves as inspiration." Carlisle says, breathless by the end. It seems such a speech has exhausted him.

"I don't understand why I'm an inspiration to these people." I mutter.

"What did you say my child?" Carlisle enquires. His pixie-shaped ears wouldn't have been able to pick up such a low mumble.

"Carlisle why are you doing this? I'm considered mental here - no one would ever listen to me." I say. It's not what I said before but this question is essential.

"Yes, you were unstable but that was due to the effects of the Torpen change. I've been led to believe that you are currently a Mutari and a Caritas?" Carlisle poses his question in such a way that I have to pause to think about it.

I suppose I am a Mutari now, a changed one. My soul has regrown and I am back to my former self. My eyebrows furrow in confusion. Why did I not experience any pain when my soul regrew? How was my Torpen exiled so quickly? Perhaps it was because my soul was not extracted directly. Maybe the speed was result of the survival mechanism my body took on.

"Lara are you listening to me?"

I shake my head, feigning embarassment to appear apologetic. 

"Lara, you will grow strong again. I decided to assign you to become a leader as soon as I heard the unfortunate news; I know this is what you require. Its a challenge and one that you'll have to work damn hard for." Carlisle chokes again. I reach for the cup and hold it to his lips while he slips at the water.

"I don't understand why you're doing this Carlisle. I'm not worthy to lead and help all these people. I'm reckless, impulsive and selfish. It's my fault that Iron, Ally, Kyle and Nathan are all suffering. Why have I not been punished?"

I wonder if Iron has left to find Ally yet? He's probably rounding up volunteers as we speak.

"Lara, anyone in your position would have done the same thing. Everyone is selfish at times. I should've done more to recover Jared." Carlisle says. I don't respond because I completely agree with him on that front. He should have sent in a rescue team for Jared earlier. "And as for why you have not been punished, I think you've already suffered enough. All of the people suffering right now Lara knew the consequences of their choices - you didn't force them to do anything." Carlisle's eyes are filled with pity.

"Carlisle what will happen to Kyle and Nathan?" I ask hesistantly. I fear for them and their sentence, especially Kyle's. He's in another room having his ankle treated to.

Carlisle sighs. "They will not be convicted of a crime. However they will be put in the command as well. They are intelligent men - they realised the current leaders are not sharp enough to issue instruction. Yourself, Iron, Kyle and Nathan will work together in arranging the major decisions."

"Thank you Carlisle" I say breathlessly, ridiculously grateful for the two henchmen not to be hurt. 

I resolve to seek Kyle out later and inform him of the news.

"Carlisle do you know of Iron's impending plan to rescue Ally?" I ask. Iron cannot lead if he is not here. 

"Yes my child. Achilles came seeking approval of sending in a rescue team upon you return. He assumed Ally would not be with you."

I bet that they didn't predict that Jared would not come back with me I think bitterly to myself.

"What did you say?" I ask.

"I gave him permission however I issued him a command to wait. The Sicarii will expect an attack. Achilles needs the element of surprise on his side for his mission to be successful. However, at least we don't have Vicarius informing the Sicarii of our every move now." Carlisle sounds completely worn out. I stay quiet, not wanting to speak about Vic. I refuse to go back to the compartment.

"Carlisle, I hate to ask but how long is there?" I ask tentatively. I have to euphemise my words otherwise I think I would be unable to say them.

Carlisle smiles knowingly. "A week, perhaps two if I'm lucky." 

I sigh heavily. That was not what I wanted to hear.

"Lara you must promise me a few things." Carlisle says.

"Anything."

"I don't want you to wallow in misery - no good will come of it. I know its fresh pain but the sooner you pick yourself up the easier it will be." Carlisle says.

I nod in understanding. He's right as per usual but so wrong at the same time. I know I need to move on but it is far too soon at the moment. The severed bond feels like a dead weight I'm carrying around with me that can never be revived; it will serve as constant reminder. I will never love someone in the same way again but at the present time, thinking about being with anyone else is unfathomable.

"I promise Carlisle."

"I just want you to be happy one day my child." Carlisle smiles sadly.

"I think being elated is a bit too much to hope for at the moment but I promise I put the STO first from now on. I will try and change."

"I knew you would be a good leader." Carlisle says, his smile emits pride. The kind of glowing admiration a father has when he looks upon his daughter. I smile back to Carlisle and squeeze his hand.

"Now, if you wouldn't mind Lara, I'm going to get some rest. I'm exhausted." Carlisle says, stifling a yawn.

"Ok." I smile back, looking fondly on at Carlisle.

I stand up and head for the door where I hesitate. Carlisle is already asleep, snoring lightly. I smile at his content face, all the worry and stress has slipped from it. I'm so grateful that Carlisle's given me another chance; he is one of the only people who has always have unconditional faith and hope in me.

I close the door softly, pulling it to. My spirits have already lifted slightly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Carlisle Kappor died 8 days later. I sat by his side, holding onto his hand as his last few breaths marred the stagnant air. I shed only two tears; evidence of my hardening self. 

His funeral was simple and the perfect way to say goodbye to him. Inside the unused grand hall, flower displays were set up along with pictures of him. Iron, Kyle, Nathan and I wrote eulogies and read them out in front of the gathered congregation of Warriors before swearing our allegiance to the welfare of the STO as we accepted our new ranking of leaders. 

Carlisle wished to have a religious burial. While the prayers and sermons were being read aloud by the priest, I wistfully willed for the ceremony to end so I could escape the terrifying thought that Carlisle was gone.

And now here I am. One quarter of the STO's leadership, preparing for battle against the Sicarii.

I feel better than I did. The past 8 days have been lonely - I've only seen Carlisle. I've spent the rest of my time either sleeping or in the simulator, training my body to become resilient. The results are already showing. The heavy weights I've been using are beginning to sculpt my muscles and the intense amount of running I've been doing increases my stamina each day. I crave the slight rush of endorphins after a workout. However they are swiftly retracted and so I have to begin again.

"Lara?"

"Sorry, I'm listening." I say hurriedly. 

Kyle's steely grey eyes show his concern but he swiftly drops the look. Kyle, Nathan, Iron and I or 'the four quarters' as we are called, are drawing up a blueprint of the Sicarii base on what Kyle and I can remember in Iron's compartment. I'm staying with him currently; the idea of returning to my old compartment makes me feel nauseous.

Kyle's ankle has healed nicely under the powerful antibiotics Zena healed it with. His skin returned to its normal healthy colour and the fever that the infection had caused was soon fought off by the drugs.

"You said that the infrastructure and the layout of the Sicarii base is very similar to our own here?" Iron asks. I nod my head.

"But where would Rena be?" Iron sighs exasperatedly. 

"How many Warriors have volunteered to be part of the rescue team?" Nathan asks.

"Many, but they are all far too inexperienced. If we could just get one more Warrior of adequate standard than we would have sufficient numbers." Iron replies.

Before any of them have time to offer up a solution, I voice my own.

"I want to go."

Iron turns to stare at me, analysing my suggestion. Why should I not go? I'm a decent fighter and I want to help recover my bestfriend. She's been there long enough - who knows what they could have done to her by now. 

But then again, I risk the chance of seeing Jared and putting myself through emotional hell all over again. However, I promised Carlisle I would put the STO first and the STO's leader needs his bond mate to function. I can't hide away forever.

"Lara I'm not sure thats the best idea." Iron says softly. Kyle and Nathan both nod their heads in agreement.

"Thats too bad Iron because I'm going whether you like it or not" I retort.