"Waitin'on a sunny day" Bruce Springsteen

"Life in the fast lane" Eagles

"Sweet child o'mine" Guns'n roses

"Lovin, touching, squeezing" Journey

"Janie's got a gun" Aerosmith

"Amazing" Aerosmith

He didn't let go of my hand before I had to so I could get into the car. He had a fancy looking convertible and I loved it. "This I so cool!" I beamed. Niall just grinned and drove away with a skid. He turned on the music and Bruce started singing. It was perfect. "Ok with you?" he asked. I smiled, "It's a perfect soundtrack". He looked pleased with himself as if he had taken his time finding the songs to the ride. "Where are we going?" I was curious. "Do I need to change?" He looked me over, "No, you are perfect." Blushing, I turned the other way in pretends of enjoying the view. "So, where are we going?" He smiled and I got butterflies in my stomach, he looked so handsome with the glasses and one hand on the wheel, his hair blowing in the wind.

"Are you afraid of heights?"

"Yes, I am. But the ones where you can see down under you if that makes sense. Like on a high bridge with gaps."

He was concerned at first but relaxed as I explained. "I think we will be alright." He took a right turn out on the freeway and turned on the volume. Don Henley's voice belted out the vocals of "Life in the fast lane" and Niall sang along. I tried to fix my hair but gave up, it was blowing all over the place. "Is it a long ride?" "Nope, maybe half an hour?" He had a firm grip on the steering wheel, and I admired his hands. "So, Carolin, I feel like we're good friends and yet I don't know anything about you." He glimpsed my way but turned his head back to the road. "Not so much to tell, I guess; my dad left my mom and me when I was four years old, and we haven't seen him since. It was just the two of us until mom got married again when I was 13, and Simon and his son moved into our house."

Did I manage to keep my voice level?

"I ran away from home the day I turned 16, crashed at other people's flats and partied almost every day. I probably would be dead now if it hadn't been for Lewis."

Niall sat silent a minute before he coughed. "Oookey." He dragged the o. "It seems you've gotten your life together?" I nodded, "It looked hopeless a while, but that kind of life gets boring. Someday the need to realise yourself breaks through; I was lucky to have friends who helped me get out of the water."

"What about your family? Didn't they help you?"

I turned my head to look away from him, "No."

He didn't press the subject, but I could see he was curious. He hopped over to asking me about the bar and I was grateful for the change in topic. I told him about the others that worked there, and my plans for the place, if Rick would only listen to me. "If he would let us buy a share of the bar, then we would stand much stronger. The bar makes good money, but that wont last forever. If we have more legs to stand on, it will be safer, and we would have more money to make changes. I've also pitched the idea of making it a chain, but with a local theme. Same, same but different, you know?" Niall just grinned, liking that I was excited. "I would definitely visit the Viper in different cities. You could travel around and make guest-appearances. And you could have clothing, sexy underwear and t shirts, "I got licked at The Viper", that kinda stuff."

I looked at him, "Are you serious? Anybody I have talked about this to have just laughed at me." I was so thrilled he had listened to me and that he liked the idea. It meant so much to me. Niall laughed, "Dead serious. I like that you have done it so classy. Let's face it, stripping has a bit of a vulgar reputation, but you guys have done it right. Sometimes when you leave a strip joint you feel the need to sanitize yourself." He shuddered, and I had to laugh. I knew all about that. "I hope you did." I grinned. "But I like the idea about a clothing-line" I continued. "That would draw in more couples. Maybe even teach classes? Like a lapdance, I bet that would be a killer for the brides to be." I took my phone to make a note, so I didn't forget about anything. I saw I had a message and clicked on it.

A picture of Niall and me, on the balcony, the night of the party. He had to have used zoom because my face was clear. Eyes closed; mouth twisted in ecstasy. Niall in front of me, eyes fixed on my face, while biting his lip. The angle was so that you couldn't see what he was doing, but our facial expressions made it very obvious.

"What do you think the media will pay for this? Maybe I should hold on to it a bit longer, you know what would make this more valuable? If he was dead."

I couldn't hold back a strangled breath, which Niall caught on to. "Are you ok? What is it?" I debated with myself but ended up giving him the phone. He should know there were pictures of him. And death threats. He took the phone after a look at the road and took a short glance at the screen. His mouth went into a straight line when he saw what it was, and his grip on the wheel hardened so much that I saw his knuckles whiten. Without a word he gave me the phone back. "Be honest with me, has he done anything else that you haven't told me about."

I had to think, I couldn't remember what I'd told him. I told him about the roses and the poems if you could call them that. He slammed his fist into the wheel, "Damn it, Carolin, why haven't you told me this?"  I blinked behind the sunglasses. Time for a wake-up call. "Listen here, mister. I have known you a little over a week, and for all I know you hook up with girls like me all the time. It's not your problem I have a psycho stalking me. Yes, I appreciate everything you have done for me, and I hate that you have been dragged into this, but I am in no need to tell you everything that's happening in my life. Soon enough your record is done, and you will be long gone. I can handle this."

Mad, I pointed my legs the other way so that my whole body language screamed "Fuck you."

I heard him take a deep breath. "I'm sorry, agra, I didn't mean to get mad. I'm just afraid, I guess."

I didn't respond, still angry, but with a beginning realisation that I might have overreacted. Fact is that I was afraid as well, not only because of the stalker, but because I wanted to hand all this over to Niall, I wanted to feel safe and protected. But I couldn't, as I said, he would be out of my life in weeks, a month maybe. And then I would be even deeper in shit. Fast, so he wouldn't see it, I wiped a tear from my cheek.

"I'm sorry too, you didn't deserve that."

Journey played in the background and we were both silent till we had found a safe topic to talk about. I hummed along to the song and felt the music sooth me. The sound of the wheels was hypnotizing in their repetitive motion, the landscape switching from freeway to a smaller road where we could see the ocean. Niall took a left turn and in the distance I saw a Ferris wheel. "Are you taking me to an amusement-park?" My voice was high pitched in excitement. His smile lit up the day. "Yeah, you like?"

"I love! I haven't been to one in ages." I stretched my neck trying to get a better glimpse of the carousels, "I didn't know this was even so near the city." I was ashamed of myself. "I got a tip." Niall looked pleased about himself, "It's not a big park, but I reckon we will enjoy it."  Steven Tyler's voice filled the car; my mood was killed instantly when I realised which song it was. I leaned over and turned the volume down. Niall looked at me quizzingly, "You don't like Aerosmith?" He backed the car into a parking space, and I grabbed my cardigan from the backseat, glad I had worn sneakers to the dress. "Love Aerosmith" I said shortly. "Just hate that song". "Special reason?" I took a deep breath, realising I had to get through this. "Because the song reminds me of the times my stepfather abused me." I smacked the door behind me, probably using more force than I needed. Niall came over to my side, he nearly ran. Grabbing my arms, he stared at me in shock. "Caro, mo croidhe, I'm so sorry," and then he threw his arms around me and held me for an eternity. I was so glad he didn't say anything more. This, this feeling I got when he held me, was what I was afraid of. In his arms I felt protected, loved even. And that was a feeling I very rarely had in a man's arms. Being abused had forced me to grow a shield to any men that tried to get close to me. Lewis was an exception, but it didn't take a psychiatrist to tell me that the fact that Lewis was gay made me relax around him. Niall took a hold of my face, stared into my eyes and kissed the wits out of me. Then he just took my hand and guided us to the line.

everyone says french is a romantic language, but I dont think they have heard anybody speaking gaelic...

Agra (love, beloved)

Mo croidhe (my heart)

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