Music

"Paper Houses" Niall Horan

And a little TW, just some flashbacks to Carolins past.

The room I was given was big and luxurious, with a hotel-feel. Niall hovered at the door, but I reassured him that I would take a warm shower and then go to bed. "Ok, but if you need me I'm right down the hall, door number three on the right side. Are you sure you don't want me to come with you to the police tomorrow?" He looked worried. "Yes, I'm positive, you have tons of things to do before you leave, I'm sure." And I didn't plan on going to the police, what could they do? He held one hand on the wall behind me, the other one in the pocket. Alfa-male stand, I took a step back. His eyes watched my movement and he too took a step back. "Right, then I'll say goodnight. See you tomorrow, Carolin." He turned and disappeared down the stairs.

I dunked my forehead to the doorframe. "Nice, Carolin. He isn't the one hurting you." I closed the door behind me and went straight to the bathroom. The shower was huge and filled with expensive looking remedies. No wonder Niall smelled so good if he was using this every day. Niall... I didn't know what to make of him. On one side you had this big star, who mingled with the royalty of showbiz. And probably real royalty as well. On the other side you had what could have been called the real Niall, but he had been a part of the other side so long that it was two real Niall's. I had trust issues, big time. And for me to believe that this man just wanted to help me for the sake of his good heart was something not happening. But he hadn't tried anything untoward, even when the sparks where crackling between us. And now I'd dragged him into this mess. I thought about the phone-conversation earlier. I found it odd that the person talked very nice, I was sure it was on purpose. And the fact that he had altered his voice told me he thought I would recognize it. Someone I knew then. I closed my eyes, I had cut ties with most of the people from my past, for a reason. The past was a place I didn't want to revisit.

But I did. Almost every night, in my dreams. I laid in bed, under the sheets, hoping the door wouldn't open. A tear slipped out when I heard the creaking noise. His heavy breath told me he was already aroused. I wanted to disappear into the wall, but the cold surface never budged. His hand pulled the sheets away from my legs and I felt his big hand stroking my leg. A whimper came through my lips. "Please don't." He forced the leg up. "Please don't." I opened my eyes, and a face was right above mine, talking but I couldn't hear the word. I was hyperventilating and I felt hands all over me. "Get them off me, please don't. Get them off. Get them off."

"Shh, Carolin, it's me, it's Harry, you're dreaming. It's ok." Nothing he said made sense to me, I didn't know any Harry. I balled myself up, whispering "Please don't" again and again. I just wanted one night without. "Carolin, relax. I'm not going to hurt you." I covered my ears. I heard more voices.

"What's happening?"

"I don't know, I think she's awake, but I don't think she recognizes me. Carolin? Wake up."

I felt the tears, I wasn't asleep, but I wasn't awake either. "Carolin, it's Harry. You remember me, we had pizza together earlier." I opened my eyes, but I couldn't pin my eyes on anything. I saw everything and nothing. "Can you go get Niall? Maybe she'll listen to him."
My breathing was still heavy, but I wasn't hyperventilating anymore. "Please, please don't." "Don't worry, darling, I won't. I don't know what, but I won't do it." A hand touched my knee and I pulled it away. "You said you wouldn't." My voice was low. I had learned to not raise my voice. Footsteps. "Carolin, baby, it's Niall." Niall. The name rung a bell inside me. Laughter. Songs. "I'm beside you, I'll just sit on your bed ok?" The Irish accent was nothing I associated with the past. "Please, don't let him touch me." I begged. My mind was pouring out images. "I won't let him touch you, I promise." He turned, "I think I got it, just go back to bed. Thanks guys." He wasn't talking to me.

"You sure?"

"I don't know, I'll yell if I need help."

I usually got a grip relatively fast, but I was so stuck in the images. The sound of the door closing had me shaking.

"Please don't."

"Carolin. Open your eyes. It's me. It's Niall. I would never hurt you. Listen to my voice. You're in our house, You're safe. No one will hurt you."

My hands unclenched a bit. "I am here, but I won't touch you. If you let me, I'll lay down beside you?" I shook my head; I didn't want anyone close now. "No. Stay there. Don't touch me."  He just stilled and then dragged a chair next to the bed. "If you need me, I'm here. I won't leave you alone."  I was coming out of it, but I didn't want him seeing me freaking out even worse. Minutes ticked by and my breathing stilled. My body was slowly realising that no one was coming for me, the panic subdued. My eyes made out a shape in the dark. "I am so sorry. I usually don't get this bad." "Don't say sorry." In the dark, I stared at his silhouette. Sometimes you just need a kind stranger in your life. "Do me a favour? Sing for me? My mind is too occupied to provide soundtrack right now." I heard a small laughter. "Sure, what do you want to hear?" "Something mellow. One of yours maybe?" Silence, and then I heard him singing low. "In this house of broken hearts..."

I must have fallen to sleep at one point, it was getting bright outside when I now opened my eyes. They were a bit raw, crying in my sleep. I turned and saw Niall sleeping in a chair with his legs resting on the bed. My mind wandered back to the night. It had been a long time since I had that kind of anxiety attack. Bad dreams happened often, but this was something else. I guess this stalker thing got me harder than I wanted to fool myself into thinking. Embarrassing that Niall witnessed it. Lewis knew I had them, but he had never seen one happening. I grabbed a foot and shook it gently. He opened his eyes fast, in full alert mode. "Carolin, are you ok?" I just shrugged, "better than last night" I assured. "Do you want to lay beside me? It doesn't look comfortable in that position." He frowned. "Do you think that is a good idea? You freaked at the thought just hours ago." "I know, but I'm awake now. I'm not in that bed anymore."

He didn't follow up on that phrase, thank god. He was in sweats and I was in pyjamas. When he was under the cover with me, I gave him a quick peck on the cheek. "Thank you. You saved me." I turned my back to him and after I while I felt him turn to me, but he didn't touch me. We fell asleep like that. When I woke the next time, I was the only one in bed. Groggy, I checked the time. 11 o'clock. I went to the bathroom, tried to fix my hair and considered makeup, but I knew that nothing would cover the blue skin under my eyes, so I just slapped on some mascara and put my hair in a bun. I used the same jeans as yesterday, and a black hoodie with the text "Black is my happy colour" on it. With my backpack slung over my shoulder I went downstairs, hoping I could just slip out un-noticed.