"This is such a pity" Weezer

"Shotgun" George Ezra

"Young and beautiful" Lana Del Ray (When she sees him on a distance)

"I appreciate this, Lewis. I promise I won't get in the way. I'll be out of here when I get my locks changed." I put my bag on the sofa I would be sleeping on tonight. He came over to hug me, "Baby, it's me, remember. I love you endlessly. Stay here as long as you want." He went back to the open kitchen and prepared us some coffee on his fancy machine. "Baileys?"

"Always," I smiled. He poured a good chunk in both cups and came to sit beside me. "Now, I know you well enough to know you don't want to talk about that fucker, so PLEASE tell me all about your night in Heaven."  Feeling myself relax, I teased him, "I thought you didn't want to talk about that fucker?" First, he looked shocked and then he laughed. I loved hearing Lewis laugh. "THAT fucker I definitely want to hear about."

Three coffee-cups later I had gotten through the whole night.

"So, you like him?"

"Lewis, we're not 14 years old. It doesn't matter if I like him, he's Niall Fucking Horan and I'm Carolin, the stripper with a shady past." I downed the last of my baileys-coffee. "Never speak about yourself like that," he chastised me, "You are the most magnificent person I know." "Right back at you," I answered, "but that's not the issue. Do you see a megastar like him dating a stripper? The media would have a field-day, and now I am getting ahead of myself because nobody said anything about dating. I want to be free and single. Ready to mingle!" I added cheekily. Lewis twisted his mouth in a way that told me he disagreed, but that he didn't want to start a fight. Before he got to say something else the doorbell rang, and he went to buzz them in. "Delivery to 3C!" a voice said through the intercom. Lewis looked surprised but pleased.

"Oh, did someone make an impression last night?"

I stood to put the cup away in the sink.

"I'm not surprised, I did things last night that's illegal in some places."

I laughed at him; I believed him. Lewis opened the door when the deliveryman knocked and signed for the flowers. "Flowers? What am I, Mary Poppins?" He took the card out and read it, "Roses are red, violets are..." he stopped. "These isn't for me. It's for you." He dropped the bouquet on the table like they were poisonous. No place was safe then, I guess. "Give me the note."

"Roses are read

Violets are blue

No need hiding

I'll always find you."

"Not exactly Nobel-prize material". I downplayed it while removing the paper from the flowers. The red roses taunted me, and I didn't know what to do to them. "7 red roses for the last four months or so, not very original." Lewis put his arm around me and stared at the roses on the table. "Carolin, it's six." I didn't get what he was talking about, the time had passed six some hours ago. He nodded to the flowers, "it's only six roses."

I'd turned my phone off earlier, mostly to avoid the stalker but also so that I didn't fall for the temptation to text Niall. Now it was two o'clock in the night and I couldn't sleep. The couch was lumpy and narrow, I kept tossing and turning without finding a comfortable position. Maybe playing some games or reading could help me relax, I told myself, but I knew I was anxious to see if there were any messages waiting for me. I didn't have to wait long, I had one from Sandra, thanking for the night before and one from Rick, telling me that he would talk to me about increased security on Monday and four (4!) from Niall.

Hey, babe. Louis told me about the pictures. Promise me that you'll get the locks fixed as soon as possible. Had a wonderful time last night😉 (15.34)

Sorry, I know I'm a nag. I just need to know you're alright. I know you're supposed to stay with Lewis, but... yeah, just checking in. I got the vocals done, the song turned out alright, if I might say so myself. (19.56)

Ah, I feel like a teenager that doesn't take the hint. Let me know if you are down to getting together tomorrow, I got the day off. Well, I'm off to bed. It smells like you. Good night 😊 (00.14)

Did I sound like a creep now? I didn't mean to. I meant it in a nice way, like I miss you here way. Thanks, that's all from me. Don't let the bedbugs bite. Especially the ones Lewis have. 'night. (00.26)

I gave a small laugh; he was so sweet. Was it too late to respond? I didn't care, he was probably asleep.

Turned my phone off, sorry... The locks are being replaced on Monday morning😊 I can't wait to hear the song! Besides a birthday party at 1300 I'm free all day. Any ideas on something to do? And yes, you did sound like a creep, but I've had worse. (02.07)

I got up to use the bathroom, and in there I heard the phone vibrate. Was he awake at this time? I wiped the grin off my face when I saw myself beaming in the mirror. Don't go there, Carolin. A fling is ok, but you don't want a man in your life at this point.

I waited till I was under the duvet before I checked my phone, and then I waited some more, since I didn't want to behave like a damn teenager.

Who turns off their phone, it's 2021? Good, I'll sleep better knowing you're safer. And I'll bet you do as well... Since you're asking, yes, I do have an idea. Why don't I pick you up at the birthday party? Just give me a time. (02.11)

Why aren't you asleep? Be there at 1430, the address is Grovemoore Street 21. (02.17)

Yes, ma'am 😉

💐💐💐

I woke up long before Lewis and pondered what to do. The time was only nine o'clock. Hearing Lewis snoring I decided to go for a run, it was a rare thing for me, but I needed to vent. I left behind a note for Lewis and used the peephole before I opened the door. I hated this, check everything twice before I did something. I saw no one and made my way outside. Lewis lived closer to the centre than me and I made it to the nearest park in no time. There were enough people in the park that I felt safe, and I relaxed bit for bit. The music blared in my ears and my feet hit the pebble in a soothing rhythm.

"Carolin, sweetie pie. Just lay still and don't make a sound. You have behaved, have you? I will find out if you have been bad, and then I have to punish you."

His hands roamed over my body while his erratic breath hit my face. I turned my head in disgust and nodded. "I have behaved. I promise. There is no need to check."

At least once a week, the talks and the preaching. "Keep away from boys, they only want one thing, if I find out you have been a bad girl, I will punish you." My fifteen-year-old self knew that the things happening were wrong, but I didn't dare to speak up about them, what would my mom say? At least he didn't hurt me.

I flinched at the memories and turned up the volume.

"How is your heart little darling, I didn't mean to get so mad, let me just hold you closely, how did things get so bad."

River Cuomo's voice tore through me and I felt better, getting tired from the running.

"What kinda future will we have, will we ever find peace, everybody thinks we're crazy, they're about to call the police."

The line made me think about Lewis and me, I had met him when I was nearly 18, on a rave. I hated the music, but I loved the drugs. We found each other in the bathrooms, it being gender-free. Two kindred souls spotting each other across the line, both high and completely lost for the world. Beautiful in it's own sad way. That night we danced for hours and didn't say a word. I woke up beside him on the floor in an unknown apartment the morning after. Neither of us remembered how we got there, and as we tip toed through passed-out bodies on the floor in search of the exit door, we looked at one another and laughed till we cried. It was him and me from that point on.

Slowly, as I found my footing, I realised I wanted more in life than drugs and random hook-ups. Lewis had scored a job as helping hand in a bar and he pestered the owner so much, he gave me a job as well. I loved it. After some years I saw an advert for a new bar opening, The Viper, A Striptease with a class. Having gained confidence, I applied for the job, and got a job as a waitress. I loved the atmosphere the bar gave off, come for a good time, stay for a long time. And the girls on stage... I used to spend more time looking at them then my customers. Rick used to tell me off so often, that he probably thought I fancied them. But the power they held... I was intrigued to say the least. With just a flick of their hair they had the men eating out of their hands. I wanted that kind of power. They could see but if they touched me with the wrong finger, I could just snap my fingers and they would be tossed out. After some persuasion, Rick let me try and I was a natural. Living on the wild side since I was 16 had made me comfortable with my body, and I knew what turned a man or woman on. What I hadn't considered, was that the stripping would make me a better person. I was calmer, since my need to control men got a safe outlet, and we weren't allowed to be drunk or high on work so I had to tone down the partying. Life works in mysterious ways. Reaching my full round, I walked the last bit back to the apartment, and even stopped for coffee and donuts. My dive back into the past had reminded me of how much I owed Lewis.

Using the key he gave me, I locked myself in and took the elevator up.

"Lewis, are you up?"

No answer but I heard the shower running so I went to the kitchen. Whistling along to "Shotgun" I felt much better after my run. I had an impeccable ability to forget the shit that I'm in, I'll say that much about myself.

Lewis came in, smelling of coconut and Gucci, but still in his bathrobe. I took a sip of the coffee and nodded to the donuts. At first he looked mad but then he shrugged and dived in. "So, how's everything?" I couldn't speak as I had half a donut in my mouth, but I gave him a thumbs up. "The roses?"
I swallowed, so I could answer. "In the dumpster, I tossed them this morning."
"Don't you think the police should see them? Or the note?" I rolled my eyes, those fuckers. "No, they will probably think I sent them myself." I looked at the time, "I'll jump in the shower and then we should get going, I forgot the present so we have to find a place that's open so we can buy a gift." I hurried away after that since I knew he would get mad at me. "Carolin, you had one job, what on earth should I do with you?"

I smiled over my shoulder, "Good thing you love me unconditionally," I winked at him and I saw a smile on his face.

I wore a summer-dress that was tight on the upper body and flared at the bottom, reaching me under my knees, it was a children's party we were attending after all. I threw a cardigan on, just in case. I didn't know what Niall had planned for us, but I could change if this was wrong attire for the date. Get together. Whatever it was.  Lewis looked good in slacks and a t-shirt and he put his Dior sunglasses on when we got outside. Lewis had made it and flaunted it. We stopped by a mall and bought a big teddy bear. Clara, Flynn's daughter, turned four and he had invited us to the party. Stepping inside the crowded garden I saw several from the bar and waved before I found Flynn. He gave me short hug and shook hands with Lewis. "So, where are the birthday-girl?" He looked around the chaos and spread his hands as if to say "anywhere". I smiled; "We'll just leave the bear by the cakes and make a round."

It was nice meeting the people from work outside of work from time to time. Sandra ran up to me and gave me a big hug, almost tipping me over. "Carolin, I had the most amazing time on Friday, I can't thank you enough." She smiled from ear to ear, and we talked about the party some. The time seemed to drag on even though I was enjoying myself.

As 14.30 got closer, I got more and more on edge. What was I doing? Going on a date with a popstar, especially when I had no intentions of letting this thing go any further. Lewis saw me fidgeting, gave me a glass of wine and commanded me to drink it. I did and felt no better. "Relax, honey. Live a little, will ya?" I took a deep breath and nodded. Right then I heard a commotion by the gate, and people walking in that direction. "I'll take a guess that your date is here" Lewis grinned. On a safe distance, I took some time admiring him. Jeans, t-shirt with a Rolling Stones logo, white converse, and Ray-ban sunglasses. He was so at ease with the folks surrounding him and talking to them, but I guess he had some training. Taking a deep breath, I walked over to him. He saw me, smiled and gave me his hand.

"Ready, love?"

I nodded, but I wasn't so sure if I was ready for this man.