Ah, almost the end... Thanks for following me:) There will be an sequel. To the one's that followed the story; the last chapters that were here are moved to the sequel (Anemones at Night) so I could put this as COMPLETE:) 

LIKE IF YOU THINK NIALL AND CAROLIN SHOULD BE ENDGAME🥰

Music:

"Die, die darling" Cover by Metallica

"Anesthesia" Metallica (The opening riff by Cliff Burton)

"Lovin', touchin', Squeezin'." Journey

"Love Story" Taylor Swift

"Issues" Julia Michaels

«Electric Love» Børns

The voice of James Hetfield came though my Air Pods and pushed every other thought out of my head, just like I wanted. I vacuumed with twice the force needed, but I had to vent. The dust had settled in my apartment, unused for some days. It seemed like forever in a way, so much had happened. I hardened my grip on the vacuum cleaner and regretted it instantly as the gash in my hand hurt like hell.

I was confused.

The pleasure I'd felt when that scissor had made it's way through skin and muscles was disturbing. I knew it was more than survival-instinct kicking in, it was like a hunger inside me. My phone rang and interrupted the music. I let the ringing go to voicemail, I had no idea whatsoever on what to say to Niall. Everything had seemed so good; I was so happy to see him waiting for me. But then the thought of what I'd did had hit me, I'd killed a man. I'd killed two men. And I liked it. I was a stripper with a murder lust, how the hell could I even consider a relationship with one of the most famous guys in the world?

I jumped when I heard rabid knocking on my door.

"Carolin, I know you're in there, I can hear you. OPEN THE GODDAMN DOOR."

My eyes closed; I should murder him for not respecting my boundaries. With a little, angry scream I shut the vacuum off and unlocked the door. Just in spite I turned the volume up, the opening riff of "Anesthesia" drowned all noise. I ripped the door open, and Niall started talking right away. Or maybe he was yelling, I couldn't tell. By the look of his face, I guessed yelling. I tried to not get affected by him, but my body screamed for me to just knock him over and have my way with him.

There it was again, was that an appropriate thought to have a day after you've been rescued from a serial killer? Shouldn't I be afraid of things like this? I felt anormal.

Niall pointed angrily at me and I saw his mouth moving in rapid speed. I could only imagine the string of Irish profanities that came out of him because I ghosted him. His eyes seemed bluer when he was angry, and his cute little nose was scrunched up. I followed the arm upwards and saw his veins on the underarm pop. I caught a glimpse of his chest-hair peeping up from his shirt and I had to swallow. He had an angry stance, and I enjoyed the view of his legs in shorts. The white sneakers breaking with his other dark attire. Niall took a step closer, ripped one of the pods from my ear.

"DO YOU HEAR WHAT THE FUCK I'M SAYING?"

Apparently, I had a kink.

Just as "Electric Love" started I took a hold of his neck and pushed him toward me and kissed him with all my pent-up anger and desire. I laid all my confused feelings in that one kiss, and made it last. When he responded, I softened a bit, but it was still an angry kiss. Anger turned into passion when his mouth moved with mine. My hands lifted his shirt, but it got stuck, I bit his lip as to punish him for not being naked. With all my force I ripped open the shirt, the buttons didn't give up much of a fight. I felt the stitches in my hand pop, but I couldn't care less. In slow motion, I watched as he popped my Airpod in his own ear, and that sealed the deal. He knew about my "soundtrack" habit, and I knew he did that to join me in my own movie. The song suited the moment so well, it was almost made for it.

I wrung off my t shirt and he took one boob in the hand instantly. I gave a moan as I felt his thumb glide over my erected nipple. Niall was breathing harshly but I didn't give him time to catch up, I needed his mouth. He tasted of orange-juice, tea and longing.

"Carolin..." He started but I kissed him instead, my tongue swooping right into his open mouth. The movements of my hands made him make a low noise in the back of his throat, almost like a cat purring. I had on tights, and I felt him follow the contours of my ass before he lifted me up. I rubbed myself against him, trying to release some pressure. Half of my boob was out of the bra and Niall took it in his mouth the moment he sat me down on the couch. His fingers fumbled on my back, but I soon felt the bra disappear. I was so wet and so ready, and on some level, I was scared, because I thought this was the wrong way to react to the day I had yesterday. The fact was I had never been so turned on, and Niall knew exactly how I liked, after just some short weeks together. Killing Mark, defending myself, had left me feeling alive and now I needed to reaffirm that.

Niall's hands was fighting with my snug tights and I helped him while keeping my mouth on his, it would have been much easier to undress if I let him go, but I refused. With some pulling and kicking they were gone, and since I wasn't wearing anything underneath that, I was naked. Niall had one knee on the couch and the other foot on the floor, his bare chest rising rapidly as he looked at me. I was on my way to open his drawstring  so I could get him out of his shorts, but the burning look in his eyes stopped me. The fire in them made me squirm, and the seconds that passed felt like an eternity, seeing into his soul. He was showing me everything I was afraid to feel, showing me the depths of his feelings. My heart screamed for me to open up, but how could I? I didn't know who I was, Niall couldn't possibly fall in love with someone that had the dark soul I had hid from both myself and from him.

"Carolin." His soft, Irish lilt made my heart jump. "Look at me". I was already looking, but it seemed he felt that my mind was wandering away from him. "I know, I know you're afraid. I know you're thinking I don't know you, that you aren't worthy." I shook my head and closed my eyes. No, not him creeping into my head right now. "We'll get through it, we'll survive." My hands resting on his chest, keeping still at the moment. He took off his shorts and kneeled before me. Both naked, outside and inside. I sat up straight to get closer to him and he gave me his mouth. Spreading my legs, I felt him against me and in this position, he glided the whole way in with just one movement. The height of the sofa was perfect, and he glided back and forth with a steady rhythm as I clung to him. Never letting go of his lips, never closing my eyes. It was so raw, so good. My walls cling to him and I tightened around him, feeling all of him. At some point I had to breath and I gasped for oxygen as he kept up the pace. My head fell backwards, but his hand lifted from the sofa and took a hold of my neck. "Look at me, stay with me, love."

I needed to get closer so I put my legs around his waist but that made me loose my balance. Niall held me around my hips, but I needed to push back. The want in me increased, I needed to fuck and to be fucked.

"Niall"

My voice was out of breath.

"Niall. I need. I need..." He kissed me. I would end up with bruises, and I would like it. He moaned, "I know what you need, but you have to let me give it to you." We always had these violent foreplays but when we came to the fucking it was right down to business. I didn't know if it was just us, or if it was a thing with Niall. I had no complaints, when we came to the point that he entered me I was more than ready. "You want to be fucked, but you need to be loved."

"Why are you talking about this NOW?" I growled the last word, irritated that he wouldn't let it go. "Because. You. Didn't. Answer. The. Damn. Phone." He pounded into me between each word, so I would get the message. Then he slowed down, just with a fraction but enough that I felt it. "No, keep going," my voice was almost whiny. "I will, as soon as you tell me why you ghosted me." "Argh, are you serious? Now?" I had tears in my eyes, I needed the release so bad. I saw sweat gathering on his forehead, it looked like he needed it too.

"Tell me", He made a circular motion with his pelvis and I made a sound like a little mouse. He gave a cocky grin that made me dizzy. "Thisisntfair." I talked fast because I had no breath for long sentences. With a lazy movement he touched my clit with the tip of his index finger. "Not fair is you just leaving me, not fair is you not answering my calls or messages. Not fair is me giving you my whole, while you keep to yourself. Not fair is not knowing if you are alive and then get two minutes with you before you ghost me."

Every time he said the words "not fair" he made a movement with his finger, and I tightened around him. It had to be near painful for him as well. "Niall..." his name was a moan in my mouth. "Carolin." His answer was held in the same tone. "Niall, I can't. This isn't possible, I can't. I can't." From my pod I heard Journey, Lovin', touchin', Squeezin'. He stopped the movement and I bucked frantically to keep up the feeling. He wrapped both his hands around my head, and what I saw in his eyes made me stay still.

"Carolin, I know you won't believe me, but I... I love you. I love your need for a soundtrack, I love your smile, and how it always starts with your right dimple coming through. I love your laughter and that you laugh at your own jokes. I love that you are so sure of your body, I love that you have been through hell and still lift your face to the rain and smile." I shook my head, begging for him to stop. To top it off; Taylor Swifts "Love story" accompanied the moment. "Carolin, I know that you have dark thoughts and moments, who doesn't?"

I looked down, "but you have no idea how dark."

"Then tell me, love."

I gave up. "After. Just love me right now."

Without a word he stepped up the pace and it wasn't long before my tired body gave in now that he had stopped with his torturous game. I didn't have powers to respond as much as I wanted. My whole body and mind needed this release, all my previous anger vanished.

He rested his head against my shoulder and breathed hard after his own release. I was too tired to do anything other than sitting there, getting oxygen into my blood. I felt his lips grace my collarbone and he lifted his head slowly.

"This would have been easier if you didn't give up such a fight."

I snorted but didn't respond with words.  I felt him glide out of me and I felt hollow, bereft of the connection. Niall stood on shaky legs and kissed me swiftly before he took his shorts and dragged them up his legs. "You want to shower?" I inhaled, "Don't know if I have the powers to even lift my hands." I exhaled. He laughed and lifted me up under my arms. Standing, I realised I did indeed need to wash as his cum ran down my leg. I sighed, "Ok, I need a shower." Niall followed me into the bathroom and turned the shower on for me. When he was satisfied with the temperature, he took off his shorts again and accompanied me under the hot water. There he washed my hair and my body gently, kissing me wherever he found it fitting. Done, he dried me off and found some old, soft sweats in my closet and helped me put them on. Dry and warm I sat on the sofa and Niall came to sit beside me.

"Talk."

I picked on my nails, not that eager. And I didn't know how to start. Should I tell him everything? Maybe that would be the best thing, so he would find closure. My heart twitched at the memory of him telling me he loved me. But he didn't. Not the real me.

"I killed my stepfather."

That was not the words Niall was waiting for.

"And I killed my stepbrother. Not only did I kill them, I enjoyed doing it."

"How...How did you kill your stepfather? I thought you said he drowned?" Niall's accent was thicker than usual.

"He did. With help from me." The memories from that night made me shiver.

"It was two days before my sixteenth birthday, and I knew what he had planned. Instead of waiting to be raped I decided to take matters into my own hands. I asked him if he could take me out on the boat, just him and me. Full of himself he really believed that I wanted a day away with the two of us on a romantic getaway. When we anchored up outside a small island, I made him drink most of the champagne he'd brought with him, and when he was drunk, I said that I wanted to dance. He put on some stupid jazz song, even though he knew I didn't like jazz. Now I'm just glad he didn't ruin one of my favourites. He took me in his arms and danced there on deck, and I felt him stumble. I manoeuvred him closer to the edge, and when we were close enough, I pushed. I pushed with all the strength in my body. He fell, hit his head on the way down.  I still wake up and see his eyes, hear him screaming for help and clawing after something to hold on to. The water was cold and together with the alcohol and the head-injury it didn't take long before he was gone. I waited half an hour to be sure before I called the police. I told them that I had fallen asleep and when I woke up he was gone. They found his body two days after, on my birthday."

Niall seemed in shock. His hand loosened its grip on my and I knew it. Even though it was expected, I was hurt. I told myself that this is what I wanted, for him to see that he couldn't possibly love me. He stood from the sofa and opened the fridge where he grabbed a beer. He drank half of it before turning to me.

"And then you told your mother that he'd molested you?"

I nodded.

"What about Mark?"

"I stole a scissor from the hospital. I knew he was counting down to taking me, and I was planning on being more prepared than I was.  He was early."

"So you planned to kill him too?"

I shrugged, "Not planned exactly, just knew that I wanted to."

«Luckily, he didn't find the scissors, so I hid them in my cleavage and pulled them out when I got close to him. I stabbed him. Watched him bleed to death."

"And now you think you are a freak? That you are some kind of Zodiac killer, a ticking bomb?" Niall came back to me. "Carolin, those men hurt you, they molested you, kidnapped you. I'm not saying it was ok to kill them, but I can't say that I wouldn't do the same thing if I had been in your shoes."

I didn't comprehend what Niall was saying, I was busy waiting for him to run out the door. "I just told you that I killed two men and you are cool with that?" I rolled my eyes, "You must be high or something."

Niall laughed, somewhat strangled. "No, but I wish I were." He sighed. "You need to talk to someone about this." I frowned, "I am, I'm talking to you."

"Not me, like a shrink or something,"

"They'll call the police, screaming for help from this murderous bitch." Niall smiled, "It's not the best way to deal with things, but you seem to have managed pretty well. Do you have an urge to kill me?"

I looked at him, mad. "Of course not."

"There you go. Just stay away from douchebags and you should be fine."

He sat down beside me, "Carolin, I meant what I said. I do love you. I know it's early and I know it's crazy. I have seen some pretty messed up things in my days on the road. Men and woman treating other like shit. You were strong, you fought back. Should I love you less because you stood up to yourself? That doesn't seem right."

I groaned; he didn't get the point. "Niall, I am a stripper who just confessed that I killed two men and liked it."

"Do you think you would have liked it if they were just normal men?"

"No, then I would be sick to my soul."

"Again, I rest my case." He took my hands and made a hand-sandwich. His blue eyes drilling into my darkest corners. "Listen to me now. I love you. I love your darkness as well; without it your light wouldn't shine so bright."

I looked at his hands, strong, warm capable hands. "I have darkness too." His voice was lower now.

"You remember that guy at the party? Who grabbed you?"

I remembered.

"I loved beating the shit out of him. I love beating people up. They are people that deserve a good beating, but we might have taken it too far sometimes."

"We?"

Niall looked out the window.

"Usually me and Louis. He has some anger management problem, he's been through a lot. We are made up to be these perfect specimens, and if we do something wrong it's on the cover of the Sun the next day. People don't realise we are humans, not caged animals. Some days it can be enough if someone takes a photo when we are out relaxing."

My heart hurt for him, and I knew how he felt. I loved my job as a stripper but some of the customer made me feel just like Niall had described, like a caged animal. Existing for someone's pleasure only. Maybe I had some pent-up anger towards those as well, that had made me kill those men with such glee. Maybe I was a freak, maybe I wasn't. But Niall was a freak too.

"I love you."

Thank you for following Carolin and Niall:-) Want more? It continues in «Anemones at Night»