"How horrible it is to love something that death can touch."

-Anonymous

ME : NO! (-runs to her-) This can't be happening. SANIE!

There was not the slightest movement from her- she just rooted to the spot.

My eyes flooded with tears in no seconds as I caressed her cold cheeks which left a shiver down my soul.

ME : You lied to me. You said, you would wait for me no matter what. (-screams-) WAKE UP!

A few doctors held me back while I struggled to free myself suffocated by the knot on my throat. Everything seemed to slow down, the world seemed to run peculiarly slower than usual with a deviant tranquility in the air.

No sound reached my ears and I was fighting to wake up if it was a dream.

I suddenly fell out of energy and my legs were too weak to let me standing.

It felt as if I lost myself, I lost any control over my body. The doctors let go of me as I sat on my knees in front of her with my head lowered down as if bowing in repentance.

I couldn't feel or hear anything until a senior doctor, who was in charge of her, kneeled to me.

DOCTOR : (-head low-) We are really sorry.

I didn't have the strength to look at him or accept his apology. I was just seated there deadly calm- my surrounding felt paralysing.

However, I tried my best and brought myself to ask him the following question.

ME : (-heavy voice-) What went wrong? Wasn't she fine in the day?

DOCTOR : (-in guilt-) We had started on a new medication today. She was having mild reactions to that-...

The next voice I heard was of a younger doctor who started crying promptly as he came to the elder one beside me and tried to make him stand- basically to stop him from kneeling.

Y. DOCTOR : Please Sir, don't kneel when it was all my fault. (-crying-)

DOCTOR : (-freeing himself from the young man-) Shut your mouth when the elder is talking.

Y. DOCTOR : (-sobbing-) But, Sir-

DOCTOR : (-bowing to me-) We are sincerely sorry for your loss. I am responsible for it.

ME : (-still calm-) I need the whole truth.

DOCTOR : Her reactions grew serious a while ago and...

ME : The TRUTH!

He gave in and told me what exactly happened.

AUTHOR's POV

A while ago, while all the senior doctors were attending a seminar, she suddenly started to have severe reactions to her new medicines.

The rockie doctor, who came in to attend her, seeing the situation called the senior doctor assingned to her.

But, he was delivering a lecture in that moment and couldn't recieve any calls.

The rockie doctor next, sent a nurse to the auditorium to bring him urgently while he was helplessly witnessing her getting worse with time.

SUSAN : (-coughing badly-) Do-doctor. (-tries hard to speak-) Please, d-do somethin-ng. My boyfriend is coming soon, I don't want to show this side of mine to him. (-coughs-) P-please, help me~ (-tears trailed down the side of her eyes-)

Y. DOCTOR : (-panicking-) Don't worry, you'll be fine.

He studied her reactions as-cough, difficulty and irregular breathing, wheezing, itchy throat; and quickly decided with an emergency aid.

He gave her a dose of penicillin(given against allergic reactions) but the fact that one must check the patient's allergic tendencies to penicillin itself before dosing it, slipped his mind in panic.

Although, her doctor did that tests before and the rockie just had to go through her reports before injecting it into her, he acted carelessly- cold sweat freezing his conscience.

The penicillin did calm her at first but only for a matter of seconds before giving her an extreme allergic shock- way too much for her body to handle resulting in the life threatening form of it, Anaphylaxis.

She took her last breath when her doctor finally arrived at her door.

SUSAN : (-deep inhale-) Oppah~

In seconds, with a hiccup her heartbeat monitor beeped a long sound. Her eyes were fixed at the door still open for just one glimpse of Hoseok. But neither did he come nor did she blink.

She wanted to wait a little longer to see her life one last time that she was leaving behind in this world, but her breaths called out on her.

Her doctor ran in ordering to bring the defibrillator and gave her heart a few electric shocks but she couldn't make it. It was way too late. He closed her eyelids with a heavy heart.

JHOPE's POV

DOCTOR : I know we can never equal to your loss but we are sincerely sorry for our carelessness.

Tears continuously left my eyes imagining how much pain she must have gone through in those last moments. How lonely she must've felt counting her last breaths.

How many times she must've called out for me while I was there having no idea.

I just wanted to beat the soul out of these irresponsible people who called themselves doctors, but I had no strength to even raise my voice.

None of it went down my throat yet, my whole system was rejecting to accept the reality.

How she was fine when the sun was up and now is gone along with it-only differing the Sun will rise back tomorrow but she won't.

I realized, between life and death is merely a matter of few seconds. A perfectly healthy human being can also turn into a deceased in the very next moment.

Every part of my body broke apart along with my heart. Something felt being hollow inside me.

ME : Can everyone leave us alone for a while?

The doctor who was still in his knees nodded and slowly everyone left us in her room- the haunting melancholia flooding its dimensions.

Despite hating to look at her lifeless countenance, I gathered myself up, took her icy cold hand and tried to warm it with the warmth of my palms.

ME : Sani-... (-breaks in tears-)

ME : I am sorry for being so late. I am sorry~ (-looks down unable to look at her-) But, how could you leave so suddenly without giving any warnings? I still got so much to say to you.

I was recalled of our phone call today. If I knew that would be the last time I hear her voice, I would've never ended the call. If I knew that tonight would be the last time I see her, I would've never waited till night to visit her. My heart stuck on ifs- deep despair engulfing my entire existence with its bleakness.

ME : You must be hurting so much. It must've been so hard to bear the pain. (-caressing her cheeks-) Yet, you held it so strong. (-kissing her hand-) I am proud of you and-... (-unable to speak-) I-I... I love you~ (-kissing it again-)

I cried. I cried ugly with her slowly shrinking hand burried in mine and all resting against my forehead.

ME : Susan-ssi~ (-controlling myself-) I won't resent you for leaving me, but make sure you go to the best place hereafter. Okay?

I only wished a small smile from her or simply a nod or even just a blink saying she will do as I asked her to.

Never have I ever imagined this day to come in my life where I would talk to her lifeless body.

My tears burst out as her memories were constantly blinding me. All the moments spent with her suddenly meant so much more and my life long treasure.

Few minutes later, I was interrupted by a nurse saying they have to move her- absolutely wrecking my soul at the realization of her entombment.

Her parents were informed in Taiwan and the hospital took full responsibility for her interment as her death was the result of their malpractice.

All the members came to support me and pay their condolences to her in the graveyard. She was buried by midnight.

I didn't want to leave her alone for her first night there, so I insisted everyone(the memebers) to let me stay there. Little did I know that they all, in the car standing far from me, quietly listened to my loud sobs as I fell on my knees.

Seconds turned into minutes, minutes into hours and hours into Dawn- my tears never ceased to flow imprinting dry tear marks on my cheeks as they continuously bawled out throughout the whole night. I was inconsolable.

However, even my tears gave up on me as soon as the soft sunlight hit my skin and I lost all the energy I was left with. I fell on my left side- eyes still fixed at her raw cemetery until they too gave up and I fainted hitting the ground.

.

.

It was found I lost my consciousness due to the nonstop sobbing which resulted into dehydration.

The boys handled everything while I was unconscious, from having the rituals in the funeral home to literally everything.

In the funeral home, I could no longer shed tears as my eyes dired out neither I looked at her picture that was kept for people to pay their respects to.

I would bow to the guests who came which were mostly her students with their parents and then sit back like a soulless moving body.

I felt hopeless and annihilated.

A few moments later, I stood up again feeling a few footsteps coming into the room only to see . . .

_________

Author lost her words~ 😔