SUGA's POV

ME : I don't care.

I lied. I lied straight, with my ever poker face.

These past months, I literally lived in agony. I just completely isolated myself from everyone after I left the dorm and came here.

It was only a quarter an hour drive from the dorm so I was very near to them yet very far.

I loaned Su Ah to buy this house when she left her mom and step dad's house after a week we started dating. We used to spend a lot of time here together since the dorm didn't give us privacy.

Boys didn't know of this address although they were aware that I loaned her.

After I stormed out of the dorm that party night, Su Ah kept calling me the next day but I turned my phone off being irritated with the constant ring.

I spent two nights at a hotel and went back to the dorm on the 3rd to get my belongings.

I didn't turn my phone on again until the next day when my anger slightly went down. Finally deciding to let Su Ah give an explanation, I went to her house with an excuse of getting my stuffs which I left there.

But as I reached there, she was not inside. I had a spare key and went in to wait for her return but didn't call her on my stupid ego.

However, she never returned and I started to live there as I felt no one would find me. I would never step out and live in this lonely house with only her memories.

First few days spent in anguish and hurt taking over my body but it soon flew away from me as the days started counting more.

I felt as if a spirit took over my body when I left the dorm and suddenly vamoosed after sabotaging everything.

And now the hurt of hitting Jungkook that day was burdening my shoulders which kept getting heavier with each passing day of not seeing him or the others.

Honestly, my heart raced a little and I just wanted to jump into the chance and pull Jimin into a tight hug when I saw him at my door after so long.

But, something held me back and I conducted like a jerk with him instead.

I felt a dreadful stab on my heart as Jimin's cracking words reached my ear buds.

JM : How can you not? How can you not care when he committed SUICIDE?!

His last word fell on my ears in bold letters clenching my soul making it quiver in pain.

ME : (-trying to keep my words stable-) hHow?

JM : He jumped off a bridge and was crashed by a car later. (-literally in tears-) We were trying so hard to find you then thinking we might lose him any moment.

I, however on the outside still had the coldness showing no effect to his tears.

ME : Why isn't there anything about it in the news?

I always followed kpop updates and news like I never did only to know if they were doing well.

But, I never found anything like that.

JM : Because, the agency wanted to hide it from the ARMYs. (-starts sobbing-) Our Kookie- I am sorry- please forgive us...

His cries softened my heart as I stood up and got him a glass of water.

ME : Here!

He drank a little and sat on the couch as he wiped his tears away controlling himself.

His crying face reminded of me of Jungkook's when I was leaving the dorm after that ugly fight.

I quietly went and sat next to Jimin wanting to comfort him but no words of console left my mouth.

ME : (-breaking the silence-) Where is he now?

JM : I thought you didn't care about it, hyung.

The taunt in his tone hit me hard and I realized that indeed my curiosity didn't deserve to be fed when I acted like a scumbag with those people. The people with whom I spent nine years of my life and claimed as my second family.

With a defeat, I stood up again and was going to leave Jimin in the hall when he spoke again making me stop on my way. I was facing my back to him.

JM : He is waring between life and death. He is in pain hyung.

My heartbeat throbbed hearing his words which I never wanted to hear.

JM : He has been in a Coma since a month now. Doctors asked us to keep our expectations low saying he might not survi-

He stopped himself from completing his sentence and I just froze where I was standing.

I clenched my palms into tight fists to stop my tears from pouring out while Jimin sniffed in his tears and came to me.

JM : (-holding my arm from back-) Hyung, please come back. Kookie needs you, he needs his hyungs beside him.

ME : You all are there for him.

JM : Hyung, are you being serious now? Don't you wanna see your Kookie once? Did you forget he is the same little boy whom we literally raised? He is our baby brother~

His words made me reminisce the time when we were trainees, the time we debuted and those memories playing in my mind were focused on Jungkook.

A tear finally escaped my eyes at the recollection of how small and young he was back then and how we pampered that baby into a man today. But the fact that, that baby of ours was thriving for life at the hospital bed now counting each breath wrenched my heart into a tiny sand dust.

I continued facing my back towards Jimin so he doesn't see me in tears and all vulnerable. Jimin started and blurted out everything that had been happening in the dorm after I left.

JM : Hyung, please come back. Kooki-

ME : (-cutting him off-) I will go to see him once he wakes up from his Coma... (-freeing my arm from his grip-) ...not now.

JM : (-whines-) Why hyung?

"Because I can't afford to look at him in that state now." I thought to myself.

ME : Don't be stubborn, Jimin-ah-

JM : (-cutting me off-) Are you saying, you'll never return? You'll never return to work or stay with us?

ME : Jimin-ah, don't waste your time here. Go back to the dorm; others might be worried for you.

JM : But, hyung-...

Without waiting for him to complete, I just walked to my room. However, I stopped and without looking at him said the following words before closing the door of my room.

ME : Also, don't let others know of this address or I'll have to move again.

I believed that he didn't say anything to others yet or they all would've been here with him.
He didn't respond to my words and I closed the door behind me.

"Just what did I do?"

I thought to myself and cursed for acting like that. For not showing my true side, for not being true to him, my heart crushed.

In a few moments, I heard the front door close meaning Jimin left and I sat on my bed—Jungkook's memories flashing back.

ME : Jungkook-ah, I left the dorm to not let my aching heart hurt you. I left because I didn't want my agony ruin you. But, why are you-...

My words stopped as I recalled that ugly night, when I basically abandoned our dormitory.

I tried to calm myself down reminiscing about him and his smiling faces.

ME : Just why did you do this to yourself, huh? Didn't you know that your Hyung's hearts will pain more seeing you like that? I left so atleast you could be happy among the two of us. Then just why didn't you be happy and have a good life? Why did you have to suffer too!?

I couldn't get hold of my frustration anymore. I made him miserable thinking he would live happy if I left but my faulty judgement turned into a bigger disaster.

ME : Jungkookie-... Just... (-losing myself-) FUCK!

_________

Finally a Suga Pov! :)
Suga has been going through a complex feeling. He unknowingly cared for all the members(including jk) to death no matter what.
But, his hurt feelings blinded him to their pains thinking only he was hurting- isn't that how families have disputes?
You cannot care less no matter how angry you are with your close ones.

Will he get over this and join them again?