My hands trembled as I held the letter in my hand. It didn't even feel real, and maybe it wasn't. Maybe it was a dream that I hadn't woken up from yet but I wasn't going to count on it. Dreams weren't this scary. They didn't shake you till your bones rattled, they didn't pulse your heart to the point of exhaustion, those were things of nightmares. The writing on this was about to determine the course of my entire life... and Lilah's.

"Well?" Niall poked as we both looked at the letter glued to my hand. "Any day now...." He paced and elated the anxiety filling the air.

"I can't do it,"  I told him sucking in some air and tossing the letter back onto the counter. I stare at it and extend my arms to the edge of the counter where I momentarily stared at the floor. "I just can't."

"Harry it's been a week! You have been waiting for this for a week and now that it's here you don't want to look?" Niall questions leaning back on the kitchen stool while I pace around blowing out the oxygen trapped in my lungs. "If she isn't yours you can go back to life as usual! No more dirty diapers and sleepless nights!"

"It's not that simple," I say feeling anxiety brew in my stomach, and the acids bubble and cause discomfort.

"It is that simple, you are just making it more complicated... Harry, do you wanna keep the little nipple sucker?" Niall asks getting up and looking my way as I avoid eye contact.

"You do!" Niall banters with me smirking, "You are attached!"

"I'm not just going to send her off to some shitty foster care system. She deserves more than that, like I said if she's not mine then I have to make arrangements for adoption?  I have no idea!"  say to him going over to the couch where I plop down and sigh loudly.

"Just admit it, you are attached to the baby and deep down you want to be a daddy... okay a daddy in the literal sense," Niall says from behind as I roll my eyes and try to hold in my laughs. That was too easy and he doesn't deserve the satisfaction of hearing me laugh. That will give him validation to keep being annoying.

"Is it hard to grasp that  I just want to give her the best chance she has? Jesus, I just don't want her to end up in a system for years that is known for abuse. I couldn't send her there knowing that I could've changed the outcome,"  I tell him as he comes over and sits in the seat next to me.

"I will say, you do have more of a heart than I would. Yes, the baby is cute but if she's not your problem you don't make her your problem. She is someone else's one-night stand to deal with," Rage builds in my chest and I feel the annoyance strike a nerve. Do I fight the urge to say anything or did I set him straight that he was crossing his boundaries?

"Don't fucking talk like that," I say hoping that the warning will get him to shut his mouth.

"I know it sounds harsh but that's the way it is. Do you want to raise another dude's kid? I'm sure Pen didn't stop with you-"

"Shut the fuck up Niall!" I yelled standing up and backing up towards the tv where I let loose. I could feel that person inside of me again. The one that craved chaos and was fiercely protective over that name, over the girl it held so close.

"God, shut up! You have no idea what kind of position I am in and you never will so stop with the unsolicited bullshit! You haven't had to be responsible for anything or anyone so you are out of your league giving me pointers! God damn!" I scream as the front door opens to a frightened face.

"Bro I was just trying to help!" Niall says with a furrowed brow that I roll my eyes at.

"Help?"  I scoff laughing as if he was telling another one of his jokes, "I don't think you are qualified to be giving ME help on something you know nothing about! You wanna know what would help me? If you fucking got the hell out of my apartment since you have nothing to offer!"

"Woe! What's going on?" Keaton asks shutting the door and looking at Niall then back at me unsure of what she walked into.

"Niall was just leaving, weren't you Niall?" I seeth as I hear crying coming from my bedroom. "And just in time."

"I guess so..." Niall picks himself off the couch and shuffles for his things before brushing past Keaton to leave. He scuttles out while Keaton darts her eyes towards the door where a defeated Niall goes to lick his wounds.

"What was that all about?" Keaton asks with worried brown eyes that trace over me as she makes her way over to me.

"It's not even worth talking about, Niall was just being insensitive," I say as Keaton knits her brows together concerned as she takes my hand and pulls me into her arms.

"What did he say this time?" She asks nuzzled into my shoulder as I sigh out hearing Lilah go from a whine to a cry.

Keaton knew how Niall was, we didn't fight often but when we did it wasn't good. There was this streak in Niall that never went away even now as adults. Time and time again his nonfiltered thoughts got him in trouble. Some would even say he was an asshole for not thinking twice about what he thinks is okay to say to others.

"Stuff about how I was overcomplicating my situation with Lilah if she weren't mine. That she wasn't my problem and that I could just dump her essentially. I just got so mad-" Keaton pulls away and shakes her head.

"You don't have to justify your feelings, Harry. You reacted to the situation which is something he isn't used to," Keaton says to me breaking eye contact before tending to the crying baby in the bedroom. "I've got it," she says as she peels herself off of me. Her honey-blonde hair sways as she swiftly walks into the bedroom greeting Lilah with a soft voice.

I go back to the couch where again I slump down into the cushions. I rub my face in frustration as I listen to Keaton cooing to the baby that slowly quotes down.

"What a big yawn!" Keaton says as she comes out with Lilah snuggled into her chest with big wide eyes. Her big tears streamed down her face and rolled down her plump cheeks. She bats her lashes and sucks on her pacifier to help soothe the pains of being woken up to loud shouting.

"Niall is so used to thinking everyone is overreacting when really you were just reacting to it," Keaton finishes her thought as she steps over to me. I send a weak smile to the big brow curious eyes looking at me.

"He just doesn't understand anything that's going on and I don't think he ever will," I say as Keaton settles down next to me. She leans her head against my shoulder and lets the emotions marinate around us before speaking again.

"He probably won't... I think there are very few people that will but that doesn't mean he can't try to understand. That's all anyone can do, right?" She speaks again with a warm and thoughtful tone. She always knew what to say when you needed it.

"Yeah... I got the letter today with the test results. I've been too afraid to look at them and that's where this all started," I admitted as Keaton keeps her head rested on me and a gentle hand on Lilah's back where she rubs and soothes the baby.

"Do you want me to read it?" She asks unmoving and softly.

"Yeah," I answer simply as she softly lifts her head and looks over at me. Our eyes meet and a feel a warmth radiate in my body. It was taking everything in me not to grab her and pull her body into mine.

She was the sun, bright and warm. One glance and you could feel her gentle rays touch you without her touching you at all. It was a feeling. A feeling I missed when I wasn't around it. A feeling I never wanted to have to live without or feel depleted of.

"Alright Lilah girl, we got some hot girl shit to do!" Keaton says to Lilah pushing away some of her stay hairs that stuck to the edges of her face. "This is an important day for you!" She says as Lilah coos and gives Keaton a toothless grin. Her cheeks remain rosy against her peachy-painted skin. "Yes, it is!" Keaton nodded giving those chubby baby cheeks kisses before she lifted her up and shifted her to me.

I give her big brown eyes a weakened smile as she shifts her focus to my necklace that hung around my neck. Her curiosities were unwavering as I gazed at her in a soft admiration, she was so beautiful. Pain tinged in my chest as I etched her features in my mind and made gentle comparisons to the girl I once knew, the girl I once held close to me. Mournful sorrow clouded the back of my mind as I took in her dainty close and thick black lashes that ran for miles.

"Whatever happens... I promise I'll take care of you," I tell her in a whisper even though I knew she couldn't understand those words I spoke so tenderly. "I won't leave you high and dry, I promise you," I say to her swallowing a deep breath as I hear the ripping of the envelope tear through my ears.

My heart races and pounds in my chest as I keep my eyes locked on the little body navigating her surroundings and pulling at the fabric of my shirt. Entertaining herself and so unaware of the gravity of the these next few moments.

"The alleged father Harry Edward Styles is NOT excluded as the biological father of the tested child Lilah Jane Styles. Based on testing results obtained from DNA analysis listed, the probability of paternity is 99.9999%," the words fall from her mouth as she reads slow and steady as so make sure every sentence is understood.

We stay quiet in that moment. I caress the back of Lilah's soft chocolate brown hair that falls around her. Tears well up in my eyes as I hear footsteps behind me. A curtain of sunny blonde hair curtains my peripheral vision as I feel her peck the top of my head.

"Are you okay?" She says in a whisper as we both watch Lilah curiously grab and tug the fabric of my shirt.

"Yeah, I so," I saw as I sniffle and let the few tears roll down my cheeks.

"We'll be alright," Keaton says to me cupping my cheeks and kissing the top of my head once again. "We'll be alright."

Note: hi besties! I finally got this chapter done, I do need to go through and do more editing but I was so excited to post it! Maybe this week will be a double update? I'm starting to feel better and I'm so grateful for all of you who have reached out to check on me:)