A big thank you to Hoseki-Chan for the fan art she made of Sam and Macy above and below! I love it💖Thank you so much Riana :)

Also, thank you for 50K❤🌹

Chapter Forty Eight: "You're Not Hungry?"

"MADDY, I CAN wear my own clothes." I informed her but she still helped me put my sweater on even though my arms and hands weren't the injured part of my body. It honestly wasn't that hard.

Okay, I lied. Things were a little bit hard and it was getting to me. I didn't let anyone know but it was definitely getting to me more than I thought it would. I could feel myself getting more agitated as time went on.

It was like I was on my japan without actually being on my japan.

Maddy had been 'mommying' me for the past couple of weeks. I had to stay for a couple extra days in the dorms after exams for final things. By final things I meant concerning the fact that after I return to HDF for the new school, I wouldn't be playing soccer. I wouldn't. That stuck to my brain for the past days and I let out a deep breath at the thought.

I was going to miss soccer season for a whole year. Not for certain but most likely if I heal properly. Two surgeries left me on pain medication and I slept more than I thought I would ever. Sleeping let me not think about what could happen. Or rather, what is going to happen during my second year of university.

But today? This was the day Sam and I were finally heading home. I couldn't help but let out a breath of relief. After so many months adapting to England, I was ready to go home. I was ready to see old friends and hope that they truly didn't change that much since we last saw one another. I was ready to see Andrew and tell him things that I have yet to tell Sam.

Sam and I were both busy. He was especially busy due to him picking a team and getting prepared. He had to talk to his coach multiple times and other representatives from the team. But there was also exams. Sam is better studying for his exams alone and that's where he would be, hold up in his room with music blasting while trying to understand content.

Exams were tough and I felt better knowing I could go back to the dorms after two of my surgeries. The thing was that Liz- not even my dad - Liz decided for me, all the way from Canada to have me stay there a couple more days for extra care. She made me stay at the hospital longer than I truly needed too. It was like two days extra but it was still a long time. I love her but I really needed to get out of that room.

I didn't just need to get out of that room, I needed a break from England. England was a country that brought Sam history. And looking back on the stuff that happened, I felt like we both needed a small break from the place itself. However, Canada held history for myself. But each of those countries were the ones both of us could call home.

I was on crutches and a brace now and if I thought things were horrible already, it was definitely having to be dependent on so many people when I did not want to be. For instance, Maddy trying to help me put on my sweater. A zip-on sweater. 

I took a deep breath, swatting her hands away and zipping it up myself before she could do it. "We're leaving, Mads. We're leaving."

"Okay," She took a step back and I could hear her exhale. Here we go. "This was a good year." I could already see her eyes brimming with tears and I let out a groan. I wasn't letting out a groan at the fact that she was crying. I was letting out a groan because her crying would lead to me getting emotional and possibly tearing up. 

"Don't. I'm seeing you in August."

"That's like four months," She crossed her arms. "Shut up Macy."

"Yeah, I'll miss you but you're visiting me in July anyway so that's great." In July, she, Sam Caleb and I had planned to go on a road trip up in northern Ontario. She really wanted it and I had a feeling that at the time I would really want it too.

I wondered if Sam would actually be there for it.

The man himself opened the door into the room and I watched his eyes go from my knee to Maddy. He did that a lot. He let out a groan as well. "She's crying already?"

"I'm sorry for being emotional?" Maddy asked. "Are you two incapable of showing your feelings or something?"

"Sorry, Mads. It's just that we have to get home soon enough or else Phillip is going to kill me."

"What does he want?" Maddy questioned.

Sam pointed at me with his index finger. "He wants her and if he doesn't get her at a certain time, he is going to put something in my pillow when I am sleeping."

"You could just sleep over at my place if you're that terrified of your little brother."

"I'm not terrified of him," Sam rolled his eyes, his need to protect his pride showing. "That kid is just getting more unpredictable by the second."

"He sounds like you." I said with a teasing smile.

Sam shot me a look and Maddy and I laughed. "But, uh, I'll live with it if we don't make it back that time. It's okay," His eyes flickered down to my knee once more and I held in a sense of irritation at what I figured would be his next words. "I don't want to hurt you or anything."

"You're not going to-"

"Did we make it? Did we make it?" Matteo came through the room with Anmol right behind him.

"I literally just texted you." Sam said to Matteo with narrowed eyes.

"You could've left by that time." Matteo defended.

Derek strolled into the room, taking a seat on my old bed. The bed sunk under his muscle as he twirled the car keys in his hands. "Yeah, I didn't run. I knew you guys didn't leave."

"The car's downstairs." Sam grabbed my luggage and bags whilst I hobbled over to my backpack but he reached it first. "I'll take it."

"It's okay," I told him. "I want to wear it." I handed Maddy one of my crutches and put all my weight on my uninjured leg.

"Don't need any help?"

I paused, looking Sam straight in the eyes. "I'm good. Trust me."

At those words, Sam backed away and I shrugged the backpack on my shoulders, taking the crutch back from Maddy.

When we were all downstairs I had said my goodbye to Derek as simple as we could make it. The guy didn't hug me. He simply looked down at me and said. "I'm going to say it but you're the tallest girl I have ever met in my entire life."

"Huh," I started, shifting to get more comfortable because the past of the crutch under my armpit was killing me. "I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing coming from you."

"Not a bad thing."

I scoffed, smiling. "I'll see you around Derek."

"I'll be around. Hopefully." I didn't miss the way his last word were filled with intention. His future was undetermined as well. He had graduated from the school days ago and Sam didn't know much about his future in soccer or if it would have Anmol in it. But I didn't doubt their relationship one second.

"Hopefully." I repeated, sticking my fist out and Derek bumped it with a smile.

Matteo pointed at Sam and me with both of his hands. "You're both flying me over right?"

"When I get back," Sam mumbled. "You can stay with my family. I'll visit you here too, you dumbass."

"Okay good." Matteo gave me a careful hug. "Have a good summer Victoria."

"You too Matthew."

Matteo nodded at Sam. "Samantha, I'll see you in a few weeks hopefully."

Sam shot Matteo a dirty look, patting him on the back. Hard to the point where Matteo winced. "You too."

Maddy and Anmol hugged me as careful as they could. I nodded. "I'll see you guys." I moved to go to the car and laughed when they held me back.

"Are you serious?" Anmol asked.

"You're not leaving like that." Maddy said.

"I'll see you guys soon." I grinned and they smiled back because it wasn't like it was going to be the last time we would see one another. I'd call them a lot in the future. They were the closest friends I had made. Especially Maddy. I'm not sure I can even picture what my entire first year at HDF would look like without Maddy.

They chorused their goodbyes to me and Sam and when I was entering the car, Matteo said, "Take care especially with that." He pointed to my knee and I gave him a smile that faded as soon as I closed the door.

I looked down at the reminder my knee brought me. I was grateful that the car Liz ordered me and Sam to go to the airport with was spacey enough for me to stretch my legs as much as I could. Sam looked at me once he entered his side, grabbing my hand. "You okay?"

I leaned my head on his shoulder, closing my eyes. "Yeah, I guess so." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You know you have an accent now?" Justin told me. I was lying down on couch in the basement while him and Christian were sitting on the ground. Their eyes were stuck on the screen when I just got off the phone with Stevie.   

"What?" I wasn't aware of that. I thought I sounded the same as when I left last August.

"Like it's there but only in certain words now," He nudged Christian. "Chris, hear her talk."

"What do you mean?" I urged.

Chris made a face and he paused the game, the two boys looking at me. "Say something else. Actually, say 'I haven't been going anywhere, I've been here the entire time'."

Why the hell would I have to say that sentence? "I haven't been going anywhere. I've been here the entire-"

"Yup, there is it." Justin snapped his fingers, his eyes lighting up.

"What?" I asked.

"When you say been you can really hear it. Yeah, your accent is going to completely change when you finish university." They returned to their game and it was then I took notice of their friendship.

Justin and Christian were a pair that had never really conversed until I met Sam. They had gone to the same school but never really talked. That was back then. I think it was the summer that made them click like best friends. But their type of friendship was one where the roles were clear.

Justin was the responsible one. I know Justin. He picks up after himself. He works hard at whatever he is given. However, Christian? One time Sam and I were returning from the cliff late and I had left something at his house i needed to get. Liz was asleep and Vince was out of the country so Christian had decided to sneak out of the house to go to a party. Let's just say Christian returned completely, as Sam would say 'pissed' and Justin was there dragging him into the house,careful not to wake anyone up.

It's safe to say Christian was the reckless one and his appearance didn't show it but he definitely was.

But I liked that they kind of had other's backs. It just sucked that whenever Christian would find the need to sleep over or have dinner with us back then, he would find a way to annoy the hell out of me. But what that big of a pain to me like he was with Stevie back when he had an obsession with her. At least, I don't think he still has a obsession with her.

I left them there, slowly and struggling to make my way up the stairs. When I had reached the kitchen, I let out a sigh watching my dad come in with his laptop in his hands. He glanced at me , putting the laptop on the table. "What's up? You look a little bit down."

I shrugged. "Just stuff. What about you?"

"Work stuff." He answered and I brought a smile to my face at his response. "Want anything to eat?"

I shook my head. "I'm not really hungry."

My dad froze from where he was at the cabinets, cranking his head to look over at me. "Wait. You're not hungry? You?"

I rolled my eyes. "Yes, dad. Believe or not, I'm not hungry all the time."

He scratched the back of his head, giving me a double take. "Are you sure? I got lasagna in the fridge."

"I'm sure. Dad."

"Wow, my daughter is gone."

"Your daughter isn't gone." I hobbled over to the cabinet to find popcorn.

"You sure? Because she would have jumped at the offer of food."

"You make me seem like I had a problem back then."

"It wasn't really a problem. It was just an issue seeing as I was the one who paid for the groceries in this house."

"I babysat. I earned something." I tried to defend.

"Barely. You got too busy with school and soccer to babysit anymore. And then you got a boyfriend and you barely had time for anyone. Even your poor old dad."

My jaw dropped. "That's not true."

My dad laughed. "I'm joking. Where's your camera?"

"In my backpack upstairs. Why?"

"It's just that you used to carry that thing everywhere you went. You would take pictures of everything. You know how to take pictures of everything. And now you don't even have it on you 24/7? It's questionable."

"It's not questionable or anything," I admitted. "I usually don't take it out as much anymore. If I'm going somewhere important then I'll take it along but sometimes I just forget it."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"That thing used to be attached to you like a body part."

I let out a little laugh. "Dad."

"It's true." He walked over to me. "When is everyone coming home?"

"Jon Ming is coming later tonight along with Caleb. Stevie has a delay at the airport. Andrew said he would text me when he landed. The twins apparently next week and Austin in two days."

"What about Jasmine?" He asked and I stilled, looking down and avoiding my father's eyes.

"Um...I have no idea."

Dad moved closer to me and he put his hands on my shoulders, his grip giving me assurance. "Stop looking like everything is over."

"What?"

"That's what you look like right now. Nothing is over. Okay? You're 19 years old. There's more ahead of you than you think there is. Alright, Mace?"

I nodded silently as he leaned forward to press a kiss to my forehead before taking an apple and his laptop and retreating to his little office.  

About a half an hour later, I was sitting in my room, on the ground with my laptop on my lap when the door opened slowly. My best friend quietly moved inside the dark room that was only illuminated by my screen and he took a seat next to me. I put my movie on pause, glancing at the popcorn bowl to take another handful to shove into my mouth. "Want some?"

I handed the bowl over to him but he didn't take it. His eyes were stuck on my knee. He studied the brace and glanced over at the crutches while I studied him.

There was a backpack next to him. His hair was shorter than the last time I saw him in person and he definitely got a tan. Even in the dark I could tell. He got really tanned to the point that actually that I got distracted. I looked up at an old picture of him in high school on my wall when my eyes adjusted to compare the different skin tones.  His blue eyes were looking at my knee wide and I snapped my fingers in front of his face to gain his attention.

I haven't seen him in months and he doesn't even say hi. "Hey. I'm over here."

Andrew blinked rapidly, giving me small smile. "Sorry."

"It's okay." I looked down at my knee when his eyes went back to it. There was a moment of silence before i spoke up. "What are you going to say?"

"What?" He looked confused. 

"You want to say something. I know you do. Just say it."

"It looks worse than I thought." He admitted. 

"It was swelling up moments before you got here."

"This is bad," He said. "This is fucking bad."

"That's the understatement of the century."

"And what's happening with you?"

"What do you mean?"

"I'm pretty sure that you're pissed right now."

"Why do you think that?"

"Because you're you. And you're probably mad at everything right now. I'm actually very confused as to why you're just sitting here. In the dark. Watching a movie."

"Because Christian and Justin are hogging the TV in the basement." I defended lamely.

"There;s a TV in the living room."

"Well then, because I can sit here in the dark."

"That is such a shitty response."

"Well what am I supposed to say?" I exclaimed.

"How about you tell me what's been happening since this," he pointed at my knee. "Happened. Tell me what is bothering you."

"Um," And this is the stuff I had been meaning to tell him. I let it out because I knew he would ask. "I'm kind of tired of not being able to do certain things on my own. Now everyone treats me like a child. They get things for me that I could get for myself and it leaves me irritated."

"Okay what else?"

"Everyone is constantly asking me what happened. It's so annoying. I hate repeating myself so how about people just get to the part of telling me that they hope I feel better and move on with their day? It's not hard. Just leave."

"Anything else?"

"I'm so tired of everyone," That was a lie but that's what it felt like at the moment. "I'm tired of myself. I'm tired of this knee."

"I know you are."

I turned my body towards him slowly while talking, my voice raising unknowingly. "Do you know that at the hospital, that day it happened, Sam almost left?"

Andrew's facial expression gave me the hint that that was completely unexpected. "What?"

"He thinks I don't know but it's been on replay in my head. It was so obvious. He had the keys when he came here. I knew he had driven but when we came back Caleb had the keys. He was going to leave."

"But he didn't." Andrew said, looking at me.

"That's what I keep telling myself Drew. That he didn't. Because he had his reasons to leave but he stayed. Also, did you know he would've given up his chance for trials for me? Because he wanted us to do this together? To play soccer together?"

His lips parted in surprise. "Wow."

"I know. It's insane. But I had to talk him into it. He has to go. He has to go." I repeated but I felt like I was only getting started. "But I'm just thinking too about six weeks apart from him. I'm so used to seeing him, just glancing at him so many times a week even when we can't see each other a lot but this? This feels like it's going to take forever. It could even take longer."

"So you're worried about the time between you two?"

"Not just the time but the future, you know? After this, if he-when he gets into more things when he goes through more things with teams and stuff, he's going to be busy. So busy I may not even see him anymore at all and that's just going to be hard. And with this stupid thing-" I pointed at my knee. "It's going to be harder because I know he wants to be there for my recovery but he knows himself that it's going to be hard. But honestly-"

"But what?"

"I just want him to be able to put focus on himself. I don't want him to constantly worry about me because I know that is what he'll do."

"He's Sam. Why would he not worry? If he wasn't worrying then something would be wrong."

I shoved another handful of popcorn in my mouth. "Yeah. I know."

There was a moment of silence between Andrew and I before I clicked play on the movie and for the next half an hour we watched. We watched until I got tired of watching and clicked pause on the video, looking at him with the need to admit something. "Andrew?"

He glanced at me. "Yeah?"

"I'm scared."

"Of what?" He knew. He always knew.

"Of a lot of things but mostly, not being able to play soccer again."

"You don't know if that's going to happen."

I let out a deep breath. "I was talking to my dad the other day and he had a friend that had the same injuries as me but he was able to go back into his sport. But I don't know Drew. There can be so many complications and it's freaking me out more than I thought it would be."

"Mace-"

"It's scary. One day everything is normal and then the next day it's not," I took in a deep breath, my vision blurring from the tears producing in my eyes. "You-no one right now, not even Sam understands how I feel right now. I'm trying to tell everyone to focus on the recovery but I can;'t stop thinking about whether or not I can go back to where I once was. It's just hard to think about never playing soccer like I used to again."

Andrew put an arm around me. "I don't want you thinking like that."

"I can't help it."

"Is there anything I can do to take your mind off it? Just for a little while? Anything. What did you and Sam do for your anniversairy? What about that?" 

I sniffed, wiping my tears away. "We stayed at the hospital and he got us movies to watch and so much stuff to eat. He doesn't think that eh went all out but he honestly did. He surprised me. He just wanted me to be happy."

"Of course he does. It' good you guys had a good time. Was there any issues though?"

"Not really. But I haven't had a pop tart in what feels like a month."

Andre was already up on his feet. "I'm on it. Or do you want to come down with me to get it from the store in case you don't have any here?"

"I came home today. If my dad did not buy pop tarts then I am not his daughter."

Andrew was out of the door at the end of my sentence and when he came back he sat down next to me, taking things out of the backpack he had brought over. "I got this." 

I narrowed my eyes when this idiot brings out two cans of beer and hands me one. I stared at him. "What am I supposed t do with this?"

"Um, I don't know. Drink it? That's what people usually do with it." He sarcastically said and I hit him on the arm.

"You know what I meant. Why do you think I would drink this?"

"Don't put up the innocent act here. You've drunk beer and wine before."

"Like once."

"More than once but not enough to get shit-faced drunk," Andrew corrected. "And I brought it because I knew you would be a little stressed and-"

"It's not even that, Drew. I would, honest to God, I would but I'm on painkillers. Mixing drugs and alcohol? Are you crazy? And beer really ?"

"It's not beer."

"I thought it was." I studied the can and realized he was right. It's not beer. I could see the alcohol percentage and I pursed my lips handing it back to him. "You can drink. I just want to talk." 

An hour later, Andrew and I were lying side by side, movie long forgotten. We were laughing at a story he was telling me about his not yet girlfriend Gianna. I felt more at ease even though I wasn't the one that had been drinking. He was at the end of his laughter when I asked. "So, have you two..."

Andrew looked at me with raised eyebrows. "Does Macy Anderson really want to know about my sex life?"

"I'm only asking to keep the conversation going buddy. Don't get flattered."

Andrew cracked a smile, turning himself so he could face me. "Yeah. She's really-"

"Yeah, um, I only wanted to know about that question. Don't give me details or else I'm throwing up."

Andrew laughed and I smiled. "What about your sex life? Is it still non-existent or...?"  Andrew must have seen the look on my face because he immediately stopped the trailing of his question. "You don't have to tell me. It's between you and Sam. I'm sorry for-"

"I want to wait. Until marriage." I interrupted him, looking up at the ceiling.

"Have you told him?"

I nodded. "It was on the night of my birthday. We could have but I stopped it."

"Is it weird to ask why? Even though we've talked about this before."

"It's a lot of things, actually."

"Like what?"

"Like having it expected. It's expected that when you're in a relationship you have to have sex with your significant other and I just don't believe that you have to rush into that. Also, it's stupid pressure from left and right that made me realize what I really wanted and I was glad Sam understood that."

"Pressure?"

"It was just that Sam is Sam and people expected that I have sex with him because he's him which also links to my other reason. One night Caleb had said that abstinence was good for Sam because he was with a lot of women after his sister died and this kind of builds our relationship further."

"But what about you?" Andrew asked. "What's your main reason? You, not Sam and you. Just you."

"i'm not that religious and it's just in my beliefs and values, you know? I think it has something to do with my mom even though she had me before she and my dad were married. I'm Catholic. I want to follow that for myself. Not just for any other. For me because what I choose to do with my body is my choice. Sam respects that and my decision is final."

"Interesting."

"I know."

"Have you told Sam about you're feeling. About your knee? Everything."

"No." I said with a sigh.

"I really think you should, Mace. Before you snap at him for doing something as simple as helping you. Just remember that he;s only trying to be there for you especially since he's leaving soon."

And that was one of the things I always loved about my best friend. That he always knew the right thing to say even when he was on the verge of getting drunk on sweet alcoholic beverages. Even when he hiccuped really loudly against my ear.

I snorted and he let out a loud laugh at that, closing his eyes. "That was disgusting."

"Shut up." I smiled. "Can you go get me another pop tart?"

He stood up wobbly and almost tripped on absolutely nothing on his way out of the room. "I'm on it."

I looked down at the brace on my knee. Okay, let's do this. 

~~~

68DAC has been nominated for Best Teen Fic on the @thefictionawards 's The Fiction Awards 2017 book and it would mean the world if you would vote for it along with The Artist and The Dancer (under 'Best Diverse Book') to win a fiction award sticker. Also, VOTING IS UNLIMITED.

Much love for all of you and for those who listened to my Instagram livestream, just believe that my voice sounds like a dude. L O L.