My Chest Hurts Cause My Heart Keeps Breaking

Notes

- part 5 of 19 ( since Sounds Good Feels Good has 19 songs total )

- part 2 of my Muke smut, or the Vapor imagine

- mentions of drugs usage, kinda sad, really sad actually, mentions of drinking problems, heartbreak, smut though

- it's 5am and I haven't slept in over 24 hours. I'm exhausted and didn't get to edit but I will soon

Michael's point of view

It's been four weeks since I've seen Luke again. I mean, I've caught him out at a bar taking shots and outside of gas stations smoking, but he hasn't came by and we haven't talked.

He's been out partying with his friends and I've been all alone in this dumb apartment, popping pills and drinking my heartache away.

I've drank until I couldn't remember my own name and I've drank until I couldn't control my own feet. I've gotten higher than ever so I can forget the way his fingertips felt as they trailed down my body and so I can momentarily get rid of this numbness in my chest.

But it never happened.

I forgot my own name, but his was tattooed on my mind and my heart. I couldn't remember my own name but I could remember his and the way it sounded as he'd tell me 'my name is Luke, not god'.

When I was high, all it did was enhance the feeling of his fingers tips. All I could remember is the way they felt trailing ever so slowly down my body and the way his teeth felt as they bit into my skin slightly.

I didn't forget him. It didn't work. All that happened was my chest hurt even more and I wanked because I couldn't forget anything about Luke.

I hated it.

I ran a hand through my hair and whimper lightly as tears filled my eyes. I looked at the bottle of Jack Daniels in my hand and then threw it out near the balcony, hearing it shatter, just like my heart.

I hardly liked Jack Daniels, I only drank it because Luke loved it.

I looked at the cigarette pack beside me and then threw it at the wall. They're the exact same brand Luke smokes. I remember meeting him because I bought the last pack and he told me his day was stressful so we shared the pack and our stories.

"Fu.ck!" I practically screamed, as I tugged on my hair some more. I can't get him out of my head. Everything I do reminds me of him and it reminds me just how fu.cked up this relationship, if I can even call it that anymore, is.

My heart broke as I began to cry and I could feel that ache coming back. All I could think about is Luke. It made me want to rip my hair out and cry even harder.

Too caught up in my sobs and broken heart, I didn't hear my front door slam shut. However it hurt so much when I felt his arms wrap around me and his cologne hitting me like a train.

"Mikey-"

"Let go of me." I cried and practically pushed him off of the bed as I got up. "Don't touch me. Get out." I said and he looked at me confused.

"Baby, what's wrong."

"This! This is what's wrong Luke! Us!" I yelled and he stood up. "You-You come by and make me feel like I'm perfect and wanted, then to run away from me for weeks and I can't take it." I said, about to drop to my knees and cry into my own hands.

"You know I love you-"

"Do you Luke? Do you really love me?" I asked him and swallowed back a lump in my throat. "If you loved me, why would you put me through this all the time? I'm tired of hot and cold games Luke. I can't do this."

"Are questioning how much I love you? Now? Michael, you're ridi-"

"I'm ridiculous?" I asked as he walked up to me. "We practically made love and when I woke up, you weren't there. I haven't seen or heard from you in four weeks since then and that really fu.cking hurts Luke."

"You know neither of us stays-"

"Yeah but I text and call you the next day. I don't leave you hanging for four weeks with nothing." I said and he looked at me. "I can't keep doing this Luke. I'm going insane."

"You're right." He said and ran a hand through his hair. "This isn't working, not for me and not for you." He told me as he walked closer to me.

"Stop." I said weakly as my back hit a wall. "You need to leav-"

"Once more Michael. Please. Before we end us once and for all, I need you." He said and my heart just shattered again.

Before we end us once and for all.

"I-I can't Luke," I said because I'll just grow even more attached to him and it'll be even harder to let go. "Just leave please."

"Michael," he said softly and I looked up at him. "Please don't make me feel like I'm the only one who really wants this."

"It'll be harder for me to leave you if we do." I said and I could see him gulp. "Don't do this to me Luke, please." I begged as he dipped his head down and buried it in my neck.

I fisted his shirt in my hands and despite how wrong of an idea this was, I pulled him closer to me and let him continue sucking and biting on my neck.

His cologne filled my nose and I squeezed my eyes shut. A breathy moan escaped my lips and I could feel the patterns his tongue was making on my neck. The shapes. The zig zag. Everything.

I could feel the way his teeth scraped my skin and dug slightly in. It sent tingles running up my spine and it made me grow harder inside if my sweats.

His hands trailed down my sides and I bucked my hips as his fingers slipped past my hip bones and pressed into my skin. "I'm so sorry."

"We both know you're not Luke, don't lie to me. Not now. Please." I said heavily, my shattered heart hurting even more because I was letting him have me again.

Even though this was a terrible idea, I was letting myself be his for one more night.

Even though I was the one who wanted this to end, I'm letting myself submit to him again.

How pathetic, I thought.

His hands slid under my sweats and he practically whined as he realized I had no boxers on. "God, I forget you like going commando."

"Funny, I didn't forget the way your breath felt against my neck." I breathed out and he sighed as his hand wrapped around me.

My breathing faltered slightly and he trailed kisses down my bare upper torso like last time. Goosebumps covered my arms and he blew cold air on the patches of skin that he just previously had his lips on.

I ran my hands through his soft blond hair and he pulled my sweats down. "Look at you, all hard for me. I thought you didn't want this?"

"Shut up and suck my co.ck before I force you to leave." I said, breathless and impatient. He chuckled and then wrapped his lips around the tip of my co.ck.

I hummed softly as he swirled his tongue around me and then hollowed his cheeks out. My grip on his hair tightened and I bucked my hips, choking him a bit.

"Luke, oh sh.it," I groaned lowly as he deep throated me. "Just like that, nice and deep." I said, my voice shakey and slightly rough.

He pulled away and then gasped for breath before taking me back into his mouth. He bobbed his head up and down and my back arched off the wall slightly.

He looked up at me and I looked at him. I set my hand on his cheek and he just had to break eye contact.

He closed his eyes and then continued to suck me off, a little harder than before. "Fu.ck Luke," I said, so ready to buck my hips and make him take me all the way down his throat.

My mouth dropped open and I scrunched my face up as he actually took me all the way down his throat. "F-Fu.ck. Oh fu.ck Luke, yes." I gasped out, thrusting my hips a bit.

I looked down at him and he had tears in his eyes as gurgling sounds escaped his mouth. I slid my hand into his hair and then tugged on it, his head tilting back as I did.

"Choke on me babe," I said and he pulled away shortly after, small dribbles of spit running down his lips. He immediately took me back into his mouth and I took a deep breath. "Yeah, just like that."

I held his head in place and thrusted my hips in and out of his mouth. Each time his nose hit my pelvic area and loud gags and gurgle came from him.

"So pretty." I breathed out as I looked at him, tears pooling in his eyes and his cheek hollowed out since my co.ck was buried in his mouth.

He set his hands on my hips and then pushed me away from him. He wiped his chin and then stood up. "Enough for that." He told me and I looked up at him.

"Bed." He said and grabbed my arm before I could get on my knees in front of him. "Screw foreplay, I need you now Mikey. Please."

I nodded and stepped out of my sweats before getting on my bed. He grabbed the lube and con.doms, then laid me down before getting on his knees between my spread legs.

"So perfect." He said softly, running his fingers along my skin softly. My body felt hot and his light touches made me uncomfortable because I know I'll be imagining them the next time I have a blunt between my lips.

"Don't." I practically pleaded him, bucking my hips up. "Don't... none of that. Please." I said and he looked at me. "I can't-"

"I understand." He said and I nodded as he began to unbuckle his belt.

Did he? Did he really understand why I hated when he felt my body, memorizing every dip and every bump and every spot that made fire flood my veins and every part I hated. Did he understand that it was the feeling of his fingertips on my skin that kept me up late at night? My gaze on the streets that resembled my heart; cold and empty.

When he got his clothes off, he threw them on the floor. He lathered his fingers in lube and I nearly jumped off the bed as his fingers came in contact with my bottom, the cool liquid contrasting against my burning skin.

"Relax." He said and I did the best I could. He slipped his finger inside of me and I bucked my hips down, slightly missing the way he felt inside of me, be it his fingers, his co.ck, or his tongue.

"Luke," I begged as he moved his finger slowly and gently. It was aggritating in a way. "Harder." I said and he chuckled.

"That's what you want?" He asked and added a second finger. "You want me to leave you panting and wrecked on your bed? No love, no feelings besides for lust and pleasure?" He asked me and I groaned lightly ad he curled his fingers, reaching my prostate easily.

"Yes." I said because I didn't want to make love to him only for him to leave ten minutes later. I couldn't do it. I didn't want to.

"Of course kitten." He said and the pet named rolled off his tongue so effortlessly and so beautiful. It made my head spin and I wish he never started calling me that dumb name.

Kitten.

Kitten.

Fu.ck, I'll be hearing that in my head for the next two weeks.

"Hurry up." I said and he nodded as he scissored his fingers apart, slipping a third one in.

"Promise," he said, his free hand digging fingers sized bruises into my hips. "You'll be feeling me for a whole month."

I nodded and took a deep breath as he pulled his fingers out. He lubed his co.ck up and then slowly pushing into me, making me grip the sheets in my hand.

"Wrong kitten," he said and used his hand to redirect my hands into his biceps. "Right there." He said and I lifted my other hand towards his other bicep.

He started of slow, and then sudden slammed into me, taking my breath away and making a rush of pain run up my body. I grunted loudly and he immediately began to move his hips.

"Luke," I whimpered and he slid his hands up my body quickly, only to wrap them around my back and hold me still as he drilled into me.

"Is this what you wanted Michael?" He asked me, but I could barely hear his low voice because of the headboard banging against the wall. "Wanted me to break you?"

"Yeah," I breathed out, my voice practically a whisper. "This... This is what I wanted." I repeated and he pressed his forehead against mine.

He kissed me quickly, his breath heavy in my mouth as I parted my lips to kiss him. "Fu.ck, so tight baby. Haven't been fu.cked good in awhile."

"I know." I said and he dug his nails into my shoulders, curling his fingers around them. "Luke, fu.ck." I groaned loudly, his thighs against my skin.

"Yeah? Fu.cking you real good huh?" He said and I didn't answer. I didn't want to answer because he'd use it against me when he's lonely and horny.

He pulled away and raked his nails down my shoulders, leaving puffy, bright red streaked along my pale skin. I dug my nails into his biceps and he hissed.

"Yeah, mark me Mikey." He said and looked at me. "Fu.ck, I'm yours. Mark me all you want baby. I want to remember this. How I fu.cked you into your mattress." He said lowly and I arched my back.

His arms slid under me and he pulled my hips up. He slid hia hands downs my thighs and wrapped my legs around his waist before moving his hips quickly again.

"Come on, touch yourself for me Michael. Get yourself off." He said and I wrapped my hand sround my co.ck. "That's my boy. Just like that, up and down." He said and I groaned.

"Luke, sh-sh.it, yes Luke, right there." I said as he hit my prostate. "Right there." I repeated and he chuckled.

"You think I don't know." He said and I looked into his dark eyes. "I know your body better than you do baby. I know what feels good and what doesn't to you. I know." He told me and I moaned loudly.

He wrapped one hand around my throat lightly and my eyes fluttered shut in ecstasy. He dug his fingers into my hips and I threw my head back into the matress, sweat dabbing my skin.

"Look at you, all blissed out." Luke said and I whimpered as he applied my pressure. "Fu.ck, so se.xy kitten. You look so good." He said and looked down at his co.ck, watching how it went in and out of my a.ss.

"Luke." I gasped as I flicked my thumb over the tip of my co.ck. My body shook and bit down hard on my bottom lip, probably cutting it whilst doing so.

"You're gonna come soon huh? You're gonna come from how good you feel? Who's making you feel so good?" He asked me but I didn't answer, practically unable to do so.

"I asked you a question." He said and I craned my neck as his grip tightened. "Who's making you feel so good kitten? Who's the one fu.cking you so well?" He asked me.

"You." I gasped as I moved my hand quicker, flicking my wrists occasionally. "You are Luke. Fu.ck, so so good." I said and groaned loudly.

I gasped after he let go if my neck and I could feel my balls tighten as he set his hand on my other hip, holding me tightly. "Come for me Mikey. I want you to come for me." He said as I whined

I gave into the feeling and groaned loudly as I came into my hand, spurts and streaks of hot white ropes covering my hand and various spits on my abdomen. "Look at you, so fu.cking messy." He said and he slammed into me harder.

My body shook rather violently at the over stimulation and he chuckled. "You're sensitive huh?" He asked as he purposely hit my prostate many times. I whimpered and then nodded pathetically.

"Don't worry, I'm close to coming too." He said and I couldn't help the groan that escaped my lips as he brought my hand to his face and licked it clean. "Tastes so good Mikey."

"Luke," I whined and he chuckled as he sucked my fingers clean. His hips slowly and he groaned, my fingers on his lips and he threw his headback and groaned.

"I'm coming Michael, fu.ck." He said and I could feel him coming inside me. It made me shudder and it made me feel more disgusting rather than good because this time, I'm bathing alone and sleeping alone tonight.

I was right. Of course I was.

Ten minutes of laying side by side, panting and breathless, he out his clothes on and gave me a wink before taking a cigarette.

He left me tired and heartbroken and covered in come in my own bed.