Eclipse Of The Moon ~ Book 1 of Aaron
Chapter 53
Chastity Is A Virtue

📌 Temporary Note: Wattpad is acting up again. As I copy-pasted the chapter from my Word file, Wattpad wouldn't paste everything, cutting paragraphs. I had to check every line and I believe that the chapter is complete, but if you see anything that looks weird, feel free to point out these paragraphs in the in-line comments. Also, as usual, whenever I make edits inside a paragraph, it often happens that spaces between words disappear, so if you notice such parts, please just let me know and I'll correct that. Thanks!

Wednesday 10 March 2004

"Hey, Mark! How are you doing, Bro?" I ask cheerfully as I pick up the phone, my heart somersaulting in my chest like each time I get to speak with one of my best friends.

"Hey, Ron! I'm doing great. I know you're off on Wednesday afternoons and since I have a short break before my last class, I thought I should check in on you. How are you doing?"

"Just fine. School's going well and I'm getting ready for the finals in June," I reply with a genuine smile because this is the plain truth.

As incredible as it may sound, I truly enjoy the Business Management course I am following. For someone who never liked school, this is quite surprising, but having discussed this many times with Mark, I think he's right when he says that it's only because I have found my way and the right motivation for a career. Obviously, there are classes I'm more reluctant to attend, but all in all, most of the subjects are interesting and I feel like I'm learning a lot.

"Glad to hear, Ron. I'm really happy for you."

"How about you?"

"All good, as usual. I actually just received the approval for my transfer to France next year!" he replies excitedly.

"It was a foregone conclusion with you being the top of your class, but congrats all the same."

"Not that foregone and there's still a pending condition. I need to pass the finals at the end of the schoolyear."

"Ugh come on, you know you will. You're just too good at what you're doing, and cooking is even more than a vocation for you. You have a real talent, Mark."

"We'll see... How's it going with Ivan?" he then asks warily, and as my body stiffens right away, I'm only grateful that Mark can't see me.

I have failed my determination to always be honest with my best friends and I feel terribly guilty about this. Sadly, I just can't resolve to tell them about the lifestyle I indulge in and I can't even explain why. My best friends have never been judgmental, they wouldn't reject me for a lifestyle I'm sincerely growing to love, but I think it's just too soon. However, not willing to breed more lies than I can handle, I have confessed that Ivan and I are now in a relationship, a regular one. Creating non-existing boyfriends or imagining fake one-night stands I'd meet at the Heaven Water would have been much harder to keep track of, and I feel closer to the truth this way.

On the downside, it has often gotten me many questions that I have had a hard time dodging, mostly related to sex. The guys keep teasing me about who's topping and who's bottoming, or how often we switch, but my answer – a silly and incriminating one – is always the same.

That's none of your business.

Way to make things more obvious. This has earned me a lot of taunting and lewd jokes in the beginning, but the guys quickly understood that I didn't wish to discuss this and I'm thankful they stopped insisting after a few weeks.

"All good," I reply as cheerfully as I can.

"You know, Ron, I'm not deaf, and even if I can't see you, I can feel something's off," he trails off, making me tense further. "I won't persist, but... I just want to remind you that you can tell me anything, Bro. Doesn't mean I'd be able to help, but you know... Sometimes it's good to vent your darkest secrets. I'd never judge you for anything you do. Just remember where it led you a year ago, so... just feel free to tell me when you're ready. And I won't hold a grudge against you if you've hidden more stuff from us. You know I'm not like that."

I can't help tears pooling in my eyes at these words, and if it weren't for a light knock on the door of the library where I'm sitting, I might have poured my soul out to Mark.

"Hey..." Ivan whispers, squinting at my weird expression. "Oh, you're on the phone?" he then asks when he notices the device in my hand.

"Yeah, I'm with Mark," I reply, glad that my voice sounds steadier than it could have been.

"Okay, no problem. I'll be back in a few then," he states loud enough for Mark to hear. "You okay?" he then mouths to me, eyes dark with concern, and I give him a thumb up before he leaves.

"Sorry, Mark, it was Ivan."

"No probs. I'll have to hang up soon anyway," he replies softly. "Just remember, Bro... You can speak to me anytime."

"Thanks, Mark. Don't worry, I'm really fine," I claim with much more confidence.

"I know you're fine, Ron. Just saying I feel like there's something more, that's it," he counters with his usual joyfulness. "Anyway, I'll talk to you soon. Bye big bear!"

"Bye, Marky."

Once I have hung up, I take a few minutes to recollect my emotions. I was really close to blurt it all out to Mark, but at the end of the day, I'm glad I didn't. I'm not ready to share my little secret just yet and although the later may be the worse, especially with Cam and Josh, I know I'll be able to count on Mark's support when the time comes for revelations.

Wondering what Ivan wanted earlier, I rise to my feet and almost collide into his taut frame as I walk out of the library, but prompt and agile as he always is, he quickly steadies me into a tight hug.

"Everything alright, Menino?" he whispers in my ear.

"Yeah. Just Mark being his perceptive self," I grouse.

"If you want to tell your friends about the lifestyle, you may. I'd just like to be around to make sure it doesn't go out of hands and to give proper information if necessary."

"Nah, I'm not ready to tell them," I reply firmly, disentangling from his hold. "You were looking for me?"

"Yeah, I was wondering if you were done with your homework?"

"Yep, I just need to review a few things, but I'll do that later. I need a break."

"Didn't you just have one with Mark?" he smirks.

"It lasted barely a few minutes."

"Alright, if it's only about some lesson reading, would you like to join Anton and me? We've just finished planning the next special nights at the Hell Fire and we'd like your thoughts," he adds with a husky voice.

This instantly catches my attention. In the last few weeks, Ivan has involved me a bit more in the organization of the club, and it's all further to a punishment I almost earned back in early February...

* * *

On that Thursday evening, I surprised Ivan showing up at the Hell Fire after my afternoon class had been cancelled due to the teacher being on sick leave. After four hours working my ass off at the college library with Lina, I decided that I could meet my Master at the club, and although I knew full well it meant no sexual release for me as part of my two-month punishment, I mostly wanted to spend a bit of time with Ivan and perhaps treat him with a condom-blowjob since my tongue was feeling better. After a quick stop at home to get my outfit, and then at a deli to buy two salads and drinks, I drove to the club.

"It's a nice initiative, Pet," he praised as we finished eating the salads in his office. "It's a weeknight, though, and it's already half past seven, so I want you to go get ready real quick, just refresh with a shower, and meet me at the couch by 8. I want you back home by 9:30 the latest."

"I could stay a bit later for once..."

"No, Pet. I do appreciate your gesture, but I'm firm on an early night. Understood?"

"Yes, Master."

Well, I knew he wouldn't let me stay up late, and my initial purpose was purely selfless and to please him, so I didn't mind. I still took a bit of time to chat with other Subs in the locker room, and just as I was about to strip off to shower, I noticed a little cutie who was shyly lingering by the communal showers, as if he was waiting for everyone to leave. Dale was a newbie, brought into the lifestyle by his Dominant boyfriend in December, but as far as I knew, he had been very comfortable with nakedness so far.

"Heya, Dale... Everything okay?" I asked softly yet making him startle.

"Hi... yeah... all good..."

"You don't look like you're all good, though," I retorted, leading him to a bench where we sat together.

"I've been punished..."

"And? You know it happens, and it's no big deal, Buddy. What happened?"

"I... I jacked off... and Master found out..."

"Oh, I see. You know it's part of the rules, and he'll forgive you. What's the problem exactly? It feels like you're waiting to be alone in here. Did you get such a hard spanking that your butt's all red?" I teased him playfully, brushing his back for comfort.

"It's worse... Master put a chastity device on my cock to teach me a good lesson and... I'm scared people will make fun of me..."

Without hesitation, I grabbed one of his hands and briefly pressed it to my crotch, wriggling my eyebrows.

"Nobody's going to judge you, Dale, and if anyone makes fun of you, you can get support from the Master Dom or the guards; or even me. And see? You're not the only one. As you can imagine, most of the Subs here have experienced the cock cage, we're all on the same boat, so you shouldn't worry about it. How long are you in for that punishment?"

"A full week," he sighed. "And you?"

"Two months..."

That had his eyes open widely, but after a bit more encouragements and soothing, Dale looked more serene and ready to undress despite the crowd. Sadly for me, a line had formed by the showers, and with only three available showerheads, it took nearly a half hour before it was my turn to refresh. Even if I hurried to clean up and dress into my leathers, it was way after 8:30 when I showed up in the main room of the Hell Fire and knelt in front of a furious Ivan who probably thought I just took my sweet time chitchatting with mates.

Without a word, he stood up and pulled me to my feet, and I didn't even protest when he dragged me to the Dungeon Alcove, one that is filled with heavier torture accessories, because I knew that my time would come to speak up when he'd invite me to do so. Within only a few minutes, I found myself spread-eagled and tied up under the grid, and that's only then that he ordered me to explain.

"You'd love to punish me for being late, right?" I seethed, not caring that the sanction might get worse. "You can't, though, because it's all your fault."

"I beg your pardon, Pet?" he growled angrily.

"Yes, it's all your fault. You say that you care so much about all your babies, but you're not even providing them with proper facilities," I accused, defyingly staring in his eyes.

"I swear you'd better watch your tone, Pet. I'm willing to listen to your explanations, but you'd better remain respectful."

"Respectful my ass!" I spat.

"Pet..." he groaned threateningly, but I was too far gone in my own anger.

"There was this boy Dale who was close to freaking out because his Master punished with a cock cage and he feared that other people would make fun of him, so I had to reassure him the best I could. Even then, I could have been on time, but more Subs arrived and I had to wait a long time before it was my turn to shower because there's not enough space for us all to prep and get ready. That so-called Subs' room is so poorly equipped and small that it's plainly ridiculous, so don't go saying you care about your babies when you can't even provide them with decent comfort. Even the girls complain about theirs!"

I earned twenty strikes of a paddle for my lack of respect, but what mattered is that Ivan got my point and the following Saturday afternoon, he fetched me from the library where I was studying and led me to the long dining table where he had spread plans of the Hell Fire.

"What would be the best spot to build new locker rooms for the Subs, and what do you want to see in those?" he asked sternly.

I can't begin to describe the pride that washed over me at that moment. It was a small victory, but it felt blissful. Hadn't my cock been restrained in its metal frame, I might have jizzed in my briefs. In a very mature – and very professional way – I told him that it would require some reflection and perhaps opinions from more Subs, which he pleasantly approved. I have been working on this project with a few other Subs I trust since then, and I hope we will soon come up with a good proposition. With the club soon turning all-gay, we could actually use both the male and female rooms to make a bigger one, and then, Sam, Connor and Kwonmin have also come up with good ideas that we will develop.

* * *

"Themed night? Yes!! Let me see this," I reply eagerly, already hurrying toward his office across the living room.

"Aaron! No need to run!" Ivan sighs.

Aaron.

I also love when he calls me that instead of Pet. It means that we're on more equal grounds in such circumstances and I truly appreciate these moments off my submission.

"Hi, Anton!" I cheer as I walk into the study and take a seat around the small meeting table where Ivan soon joins us.

"Hi, Aaron. Done with your homework?"

"Nearly. But I can take a few minutes to look at that list," I reply chirpily, earning a glare from the straight Dom as I snap the sheet of paper he was holding.

I like those theme nights at the Hell Fire. Not that I have experienced a lot of them, but after the fun Angel and Devil night at New Year's Eve, the SeventiesNight end of February was really nice too with the Doms wearing bell-bottomtrousers and sexy open shirts while the Subs wore nothing but ridiculous wigsand funky G-strings. I would have enjoyed it more if I hadn't been cock-caged,but it was still fun. I can't wait to discover what the April theme is because by then, I will be free from the chastity device and able to fully enjoy the next themed night.

Saturday April 24th: Baby and Daddy Night

Saturday June 26th: Student and Teacher Night

Saturday August 28th: Slave and Master Night

Saturday October 30th: Halloween Night

Just by imagining what these will be like, my penis immediately starts swelling within its metal cage, making me grunt in frustration. April and August yield a bit of fear as I remember what Kwonmin and Sam told me about them, but I'm definitely eager to experience June and October.

"Can't we have a Revolution Night instead of the Slave Night?" I suggest after reading the notes they put down about possible costumes, activities and decorations.

"A Revolution Night? As in... The French Revolution?" Ivan asks dubiously.

"Let's leave Louis the XVI out of the picture, huh," I deadpan, rolling my eyes. "I was thinking about... a revolution of the Subs over the Doms. Doms crawling naked on the floor while Subs dress in leather pants. All these twinks whipping their Masters... or walking them with butt plugs up their ass... Then a huge orgy where all the Doms get fucked and..."

"Wow, wow, wow... That's in your wildest fantasies, Menino," Ivan bursts out laughing, imitated by his friend.

"It was still worth trying," I groan, pouting. "Admit it could be fun."

"Sure! The Subs would love that," Anton agrees.

"Well, you could do some efforts if you care so much for your babies," I accuse, scowling at Ivan.

"I do care about my Baby Subs," he exclaims. "Haven't I fully agreed to your last suggestion for their well-being?"

"Yeah, yeah... Anyway, these themes sound good."

"I still want to have the Slave Night on April 24th instead of August," Anton argues.

"Ugh, Anton. I told you why I want it later," Ivan snaps back, causing my eyebrows to jerk up.

"Yeah, but I want to see this. By then, the Hell Fire will be an all-gay club."

"Even if it is, you'll always be welcome to attend," Ivan snorts.

End of January, Mistress Ellie and Ivan have made their divorce official and announced it to the members of the club when another fight almost occurred after a straight Dom accused a gay one to keep gawking at his butt. Mistress Ellie declared that she was actively looking for new premises and funds to start her own private club and weirdly enough, the news was welcome with much relief.

The funds weren't much of a problem since Ivan offered to lend her the money to start her business, and finding the perfect location was barely a darker spot. In fact, she quickly found it, but it might take a few more months before she gets the legal authorizations and have the place set into a kinky club. However, the lady is full of resolve and motivation, so I'm sure she'll make it happen.

"Pfff just because you think he's not ready," Anton groans, glancing at me. "I think we should ask him."

"Shut up already, Anton."

"Now you've said too much and not enough... What the hell you're talking about?" I grouse, very seriously though.

"The Slave Night," Ivan sighs.

"Your Master believes you need more time before you can attend that one," Anton clarifies sarcastically.

"I want to be sure you'll be emotionally ready for that theme because it'll be an intense night."

"Nothing's going to shock me anymore," I huff back. "The other guys at the club told me about this theme and I won't mind watching at all," I add, making them burst out laughing again.

"It's not about you watching, Pet," Ivan whispers in a smug tone. "It's about you going through the entire experience of being a sex slave for a whole night."

Fuck! I almost choke on my saliva at these words, and images inspired by what Kwo and Sam told me before immediately flood my head. Now what I'd like to understand is why my stupid cock is hardening within its cage!? Is the damned prick looking forward to having my ass and mouth filled up with dicks, my balls tortured and what's not? I swear that my mind is playing weird tricks on me.

"I'm sure he'd be ready way before end of August," Anton insists. "Look how well he's been dealing with his submission."

"He needs more time. He could hardly handle Marcus fucking him at New Year's Eve."

"Lies!! Marcus said Aaron enjoyed a lot."

"All the same, he needs more time," Ivan grouses.

"I say bullshit. Look at all he's been enduring with the cock cage for two months, and without complaining at that."

Hey!! Will you guys stop talking about me as if I weren't there!?

"That's fucking different, Anton. You know what those Slave Nights involve. Aaron needs more similar experiences submitting to other Doms before he can go through a gangbang and even more sadistic stuff." Ivan growls.

I must be dreaming... And I'm not talking about the contents of their speech, I'm talking about the damned stick straining painfully inside its cage.

"Fine! I can volunteer. Let him taste some big fat cock," Anton huffs, smirking at me. "Have you ever taken a big black snake up your ass before, Aaron?"

"Huh... What?"

"Come on, Aaron. Would you submit to me like you did to Marcus? And..."

"You know there's a condition if you ever want to try his hole," Ivan smirks, and Anton flips him the bird.

"Wait... I thought you were straight," I accuse, as if it was all that mattered in the conversation.

"Let's say I'm... bi-curious. Deep down, I'm straight and would only settle down with a woman if I ever find the perfect one, but I've already fucked gay asses in the past. It's been a long time, though, and I wouldn't mind a little repeat," Anton replies, winking at me meaningfully.

"Holy shit..."

"Language, Pet," Ivan scolds me before he turns back to his friend. "I won't yield on that condition, Anton, and Aaron will have to agree too."

"What's that condition?" I ask warily, feeling a little dizzy from their tense exchange.

"None of your business," Anton grouses.

"He'd find out anyway," Ivan chuckles.

"The later the better. Anyway, would you accept a threesome with me?"

"Err... Don't know... I've seen your monster before and..."

"With the appropriate preparation, it's not much different than Ivan's. And you've seen Mike a few times playing with Subs at the club too. Have you ever heard about anyone complaining?"

For fuck's sake, I have only heard praise as far as Anton's younger brother is concerned. At 24, Master Mike is one of the youngest Doms at the Hell Fire, but already one with a strong reputation which involves the biggest manhood among the gay members and a curious kink for having a Sub watching him play with another Sub. Quite weird if you ask me, but I have gotten used to all these people's bizarre tastes. It's just too bad that as part of the security staff, we rarely ever see him at the club, because he's one gorgeous hunk.

Anyway, getting tired of their rambling, I excuse myself and return to the library to browse my lessons, but after what I just heard, I really have a hard time focusing on my notes – and that's not the only thing that's hard.

I really can't wait for Saturday to see the cock cage off my privates because I think I've had more than enough time to learn that chastity is a frustrating virtue. Not only will that mean I will eventually get some release after two months of abstinence, but also that I will finally be able to enjoy looking at my piercing properly – and not through rings of metal. Marcus has been checking the healing on a bi-weekly basis and according to him, I heal faster than most people he's ever seen with such jewelry. He even said it already looked beautiful.

Did I think that the next two months after getting my cock pierced would be long, painful and frustrating? Well, I wasn't entirely right in some aspects, but I wasn't exactly wrong either because this period has been very fertile ground to develop my relationship with Ivan in different ways.

Of course, he has enjoyed his sadistic tendencies a lot, especially at the Hell Fire. I have lost count of the numerous times he indulged in his kink for humiliation, to which I have rather positively responded. My return to the club two weeks after my piercing yielded a bit of anxiety as I dreaded looks from other members – exactly like Dale – who would notice the big bulge in my tight leather pants, and they did. I had just had my follow-up visit to Master Orwell's parlor, and since I was healing so well, he had given his go to put the chastity device back on. However, Sam and Connor were there to reassure me, and I quickly got over the Doms' smirks and took comfort in most of the Subs' compassion.

And yet, it wasn't much compared to how far Ivan took humiliation the following weekend...

* * *

"Err... Aaron... Where are your trousers?" Sam asked as I shoved my clothes in my locker, only keeping my collar.

"At home."

"Oh my God... he didn't..."

"Yes, he did."

"What is it that he did?" Connor asked, perhaps puzzled by the dejection in my voice.

"Ivan kept Aaron's pants so that he wanders naked at the club," Sam explained, trying to contain his amusement.

"Estùpido..."

"Whatever that means, Connor..."

"That fucker, that's what it means."

"Yeah, that fucker. He said it'll make me work on the humiliation kink."

"Lucky you," the little Brazilian smirked.

"We can swap places if you like it so much," I grunted, buckling my collar at the nape of my neck.

"Come on, Aaron, it's not that bad," Connor kindly soothed. "All you have to do is focus on the floor and tune everything out. Almost everything out... make sure you still pay attention to Ivan's requests or whatever he does, but whoever else you come across or sits with you, just ignore them."

"He's right, Ron. Ivan will probably keep you at his feet for most of the evening, so use what you've learned about meditation," Sam added.

That's actually when the Subs' room door opened, and as the Master Dom walked in, greeting his babies, silence instantly fell. I knew that his visit wasn't boding anything good, and indeed, he quickly reached me to ask if I was ready, only to snap a leash to one of the rings of my collar when I nodded, and then we were gone. Gone to the Hell Fire, of course.

However, as much as Connor and Sam's advice helped a lot while Ivan walked me through the club stark naked, I didn't entirely tune everything out because Ivan also encouraged me with a lot with praise and gentle attentions. I reveled in the utter respect other members showed around him, the powerful dominance and pride emanating from him, and the extreme lust that shone in his eyes when he eventually settled in a large armchair and pulled me over his lap.

Fuck! He looked so hot!

So much so that I unzipped the front of his trousers, reached out for a condom that I unrolled over his erection, and once I had smeared a fair dose of lube between my ass cheeks, I literally impaled myself on him, ever so slowly. It clearly caught him off-guard and I will never forget the loud groans he uttered or how fast he came from my bobbing up and down.

* * *

Unfortunately, my boldness was a bit like a dog biting his own tail.

As much as Ivan strived to contain his sadistic instincts during the first three weeks, only making me use my hands to jack him off almost every day, his resolve to not use my ass – a kind attempt to avoid teasing my prostate while I wasn't allowed to climax and even avoid getting hard – flinched after that. Most of the time, he would make the intercourse fairly quick, giving up on his usual self-control to last longer, and try angles of penetration that wouldn't allow his rod to stroke my sweet spot, but there were always a few failures that never missed to get me aroused.

The doggie style has always been his favorite position to take me, but throughout the last month, he has often fucked me from the front. It seems like watching my cock straining in its cage and bouncing on my pubic area while he was pounding into me excited him to no end. Thankfully, anal sex hasn't happened that often, an average of once or twice a week. It doesn't mean he didn't get any sexual release on a nearly-daily basis, though. With my tongue piercing healing so well, it was barely three weeks before he started using my mouth again, always with condoms to avoid infections, and striving to keep the face-fucking light to make sure he wouldn't hurt me.

He also involved other Subs twice at the club – with my whole consent obviously. On both occasions, I was made to give the boys head while he was taking them roughly. One might wonder why I would agree to this, but one reason is that I just love watching him top other guys – because it allows me to imagine myself in his place – and then, I'd rather see him ram into their asses than mine to prevent unnecessary stimulation of my prostate.

In any event, I can't wait for my punishment to end because I'm in a serious case of blue balls. Two months without sexual release while still being mentally stimulated has just been horrible. I have dealt quite well with abstinence, I believe, but I can tell that my scrotum is becoming heavy with my balls screaming to get emptied despite a slight wet dream incident that happened about a month ago. I am also tired of having to piss like girls do, sitting on the toilets. This is so annoying having to lock myself in a stall at school when all the other guys use urinals, but I guess that my metal dick might scare a few of them.

Three more days, Aaron... You can do this...

Not that I have another choice in any case, right? It's not like I can use the key to unlock the padlock myself, jerk off and put it back on.

I could, if I truly wanted to. Ivan has the main key on a chain necklace around his neck, one that he proudly exposes on his bare chest at the Hell Fire, but he has trusted me with a spare one that I keep in my wallet, just in case a problem arose. However, determined to take my punishment like a big guy, I haven't used it once, something I can take self-pride in.

I must admit that my main motivation came from a promise that Ivan made, one that I am very curious about. After two months of edging, he said that my first climax would probably be the most intense I would ever experience, and I trust him on that.

What if that intense orgasm came through a threesome with Anton?

I can't say that I am looking forward to submitting to other Doms, even if it was nice with Marcus, but Ivan is right. If I am to become a good Master Dom, I will have to come to terms with experiencing all the possible kinks Doms may have, and the Slave Night might be the best opportunity to try the most hardcore activities. However, in order to avoid safewording from the very start during such an evening, I must get used to submitting to other men.

How about Anton, then?

Yes, I would definitely submit to Anton. I am sure he would be gentle and now that I think about it, whatever their condition is – though I have my guess – it would make a nice present for Ivan's birthday if we do it this weekend.

Yes, Ivan is shifting to a new decade on Saturday, turning forty years old. I already asked him if he wanted to celebrate in any specific way, but he said that all he wanted was to own a good boy and enjoy a kinky night of sex. I can give him that, and perhaps more.

All I want is to pleasure him.

And to relieve my heavy balls.

Nonetheless, the last couple of months haven't been all negative. With sex being somewhat toned down a bit, I have been able to progress in many other domains. Schoolwork is obviously one since I have had more time to study, and I am proud to say that I rank among the top ten students of my year. Now that I am all caught up with the program, I only get one three-hour session with Miss Betty on Saturdays to review the trickiest points of the week, and then, Lina and Joshua have also been great supports whenever I trip on certain notions.

I have also enjoyed the gym a lot more lately, spending more and more hours on the treadmill or at the muscle-building station; so much so that a well-chiseled six-pack has blossomed beneath my chest and my biceps are much rounder and firmer than they used to. Quite unusual for a Submissive if I listen to my fellow Subs at the club, but what do I care? Ivan loves my firm body and I'm sure the twinks will enjoy it too the day I shift to the other side.

My relationship with Ivan has also evolved to something different. We have interacted more like boyfriends recently and I don't know how I should feel about this one.

On the one hand, I have sincerely enjoyed all these fun and tender moments we have shared, from just cuddling evenings watching TV – can't believe he made me watch all the available Star Wars DVDs... – to long walks on the beach, strolls in the city, hikes in the forests and even a Sunday at Disneyland. Playful Ivan can be so much fun, and I've gone in many fits of laughter around him. Sweet Ivan is even better, and my own cuddly self has grown fond of all these hugs, light kisses – since I'm still not allowed to have his tongue inside mine until next Saturday – and soft caresses.

On the other hand, the strong emotions and feelings that have been building up scare me a bit. I know Ivan doesn't expect our relationship to be more than that of a Dominant and his Submissive, and that he wouldn't allow feelings to interfere between us, but that's not something I can really control and I'm scared to fall in love at some point.

If I am going to be superficial, Ivan represents what I love in men. He is gorgeous physically speaking, he has the most beautiful body I have ever been given to touch.

I like to think that I'm not superficial, though.

I also love his personality, his strength, his mental assurance and his dominance. He means so much to me, but I can't afford to love him more than I already do, and I want him to remain a role model.

In this respect, I have been protecting myself, building a strong armor around my heart by pushing these thoughts to the back of my head each time they surface. It's not always easy, but in these moments, I try to dampen my possible infatuation by picking the worst of his flaws and fuck me if he doesn't have many of them.

His sadism.

His strictness.

His uptightness.

His unbendability.

His stubbornness.

All flaws that I might – certainly will – gain as a Dominant myself, but which often get on my nerves as a Sub.

As stated before, Ivan is also a huge bundle of qualities that I admire deeply because above all, he is my mentor, the one I am learning from, and true to his promise, he is trying to involve me more and more in the club organization. It had started after the spiked drink incident at the Heaven Water back in October and it carried on with my little outburst regarding the Subs' room last February. It has encouraged him to let me participate more often in certain meetings about the club organization – like the one I just had with him and Anton, and I love that because it feels like I always take steps further into the Master Dom-ship.

Of course, I am still far from reaching that level, and as usual, I will bide my time by experimenting as many kinks as I can, but I will get there, especially as many ideas keep flourishing in my head for the Hell Fire.

Yes.

I will get there.

Even if that means suffering through a Slave Night.

Even if that means being fucked by a straight Dom.

I can handle this.

Published on 8 July 2020