Eclipse Of The Moon ~ Book 1 of Aaron
Chapter 31
Half-Confession

Friday 27 June 2003

"I swear I'm going to fucking kill you, Aaron!!" Joshua growls when he answers my call.

"And I might even help him this time," Mark seethes.

"Eleven fucking days, Ron!!! Are you fucking kidding us?" Cam then adds, and if it weren't for the knot forming in my stomach at my best friends' irritation, I would burst out laughing at the way Ivan grimaces from all these swear words.

Well, their anger was more than expected, but adjourning this call wouldn't have helped in any way and in any case, I couldn't backtrack from the message I had sent them last night to inform them that I would call on Josh's phone at 1pm their time today. My only hope was that they would be able to gather together, but it seems like it was no problem.

Anyway, I am ready. Ivan's here and I can feel his support, so yes, I am prepared and ready.

All in all, yesterday was a very good day. After the annoying medical check-up, Ivan and I went shopping as he promised.

Shopping?

Shopping, my ass! It's not called shopping, it's called raiding the shops!

Within two hours strolling among the stores on Rodeo Drive, Ivan basically purchased a complete wardrobe for me, and I ain't even overstating that. A huge stock of underwear that includes thirty pairs of socks – like who needs thirty pairs of freaking socks!? – and the same number of those sexy boxer briefs that Joshua usually wears – and which are much sexier than my old plain briefs. Six pairs of shoes that range from casual to formal as well as sneakers. And then jeans, chinos, joggers, shorts, an entire collection of tee-shirts, hoodies, a denim jacket and even a business suit with a couple of dress shirts and ties!

Did I protest? Of course, I did! This was blowing out of proportion! However, I am slowly getting to know Ivan and it's just pointless to even try to argue when he starts glaring.

One might think that it was enough expenses in one day, right?

Wrooooooooooooooong!

Then came the accessories like caps, sunglasses, a belt, a new backpack, toiletries, cologne and what's not. Also, since he had gotten the information he wanted on the GED, we stopped by a bookstore to get what I would need to prepare the exam, and Ivan said he would set up an entire program with a strict schedule so that I am ready by mid-October. Last, but not least, I nearly died when we ended our journey in an electronics store where he bought a computer and a phone with a plan.

At that point, I told him that he was fucking crazy, but far from getting worked up, he confessed that his generosity also served his own purposes. For instance, he expects me to be reachable at any time with the new phone and to keep him informed of my whereabouts if I decide to go out. The computer will have an internet connection, but its main goal is to help me in my studies and Ivan mentioned something about a firewall or parental control that will allow him to monitor my search results and activity.

I remembered Ivan telling Anton that he had a busy rest of the week, but it seems like I was going to keep him busy because we then had lunch in a Thai restaurant and instead of going to work right away, Ivan helped me to sort out all the purchases and to put everything in the closet and chest of drawers in my bedroom. Followed a few annoying minutes when he dragged me to the bathroom, asked me to hold my hands out and cut my nails with a clipper. As if I couldn't it myself!

That's how short I want to see your nails, he said once he was done. You'll find nail files in this drawer and I want you to use them every two days to keep them that short.

I did get the message and to be honest, I have never intended to revel into self-harm – even if it somehow helps my anxieties – but determined to please him, I didn't even try to defy his confidence saying I could use just anything sharp if I really urged for pain. Intense emotions tend to make me yearn for pain, but it's more about feeling it than seeing physical consequences that might leave permanent marks on my skin.

Anyway, Ivan's dedication of the day didn't end there since after a one-hour session at the gym – which wasn't very efficient on my side since his bare and sweaty chest kept distracting me – and a well-deserved shower, he suggested a relaxing moment on lounge chairs in the shade of the trees outside. Relaxing, but not aimless, if you ask me. The goal wasn't to nap or to enjoy the quietness of the neighborhood, but to make me talk again.

Your deep attachment to your friends in New Jersey is intriguing, he grinned, lying on his right side to face me. Tell me all about them!

Damned manipulative bastard...

His cheerfulness caught me off-guard and since I'm so proud of my peculiar friendship with Camden, Mark and Joshua, I simply told him all about them, rambling on and on about how great the guys are and how close we are to each other. I was feeling so good, comfortably settled on the padded cushions of the teak chaise, and Ivan was in such a good mood, almost playful, that I felt compelled to answer his questions, letting slip quite a few very private details.

Not only did I divulge much about my friends' backgrounds, families and personalities, but I also revealed some of our experiments from last year. I fucking told him about how we had lost our V-cards to one another! Far from shocked, Ivan admitted that only a really tight bond would have yielded to such experiences and I believe that he has gotten to understand my deep love for these three guys.

No regrets, though. Weirdly enough, the couple of hours I spent talking about my spiritual brothers didn't leave me melancholic or sad like it used to. On the contrary, feeling that Ivan was attuned and genuinely interested in knowing about the guys achieved to make me completely relax.

"That friendship, Aaron," Ivan trailed off at some point, "is probably the most beautiful thing you own, and you can't go on risking to ruin it like you've done lately. I understand you were in a difficult situation, but now, it's time to get out of it, fix your mistakes, because like I said, such a friendship can't exist without honesty. You'll have to tell them the truth. I think that we can all hold a few secrets from our best friends, but you're way past that limit."

"I can't tell them everything over the phone," I sighed.

"Fine, I can buy you plane tickets so you can join th..."

"Ugh no, not until I'm 18!" I breathed out as an excuse, when what I truly meant was I'm not setting a foot back in New Jersey ever!

"True. I could have them fly over here then."

"Not just yet... I need to recover first, I mean... physically speaking... they'll freak out if they see what I look like right now..."

"Okay," he sighed, frowning at me thoughtfully. "Let's set this as a new goal that you shall achieve before the end of the year: come clean to your friends. Is that clear?"

"Clear..."

The rest of our afternoon was spent devising on how much I should retain from my best friends and how far I could go in my revelations, what I was ready to share, and even more importantly, what he was allowing me to expose about him. His immense generosity will never cease to amaze me and I carefully absorbed the profuse advice he gave on how I should behave during the call.

Afterwards, it was high time for him to go to work, though not before he gave me my cigarettes back and reminded me of the conditions. The evening went pretty well as I let some steam off on the treadmill while polishing my arguments for the guys, and allowed myself only one precious cigarette after dinner.

However, now that I am confronting reality – or my friends for that matter – it doesn't sound so easy, but I am trying to not chicken out and quickly rehash Ivan's advice.

Make sure you keep your voice steady, don't let it waver, don't let a potential lump in your throat strangle it. They won't be able to see you, so the only way to prove them you're alright will be through your tone. Keep it enthusiastic, but don't get overboard or they'll get suspicious. Keep it realistic.

Ivan, who is sitting across from me on the couch, straightens his back, motioning for me to do the same.

Don't curl up on the couch, keep your back straight, square your shoulders. Even if they can't see you, it'll give you more confidence.

"Fuck, Ron! You really suck!"

"Sorry, guys. The last few days have been a bit hectic."

My tone is strong enough and does its job as their rambling instantly stops. It holds the appropriate steadiness to shut them up and a fair dose of sternness that should help them to understand that I might have had reasons for not calling earlier. Ivan smiling and giving me the thumb up fills me with courage.

"Has something gone wrong, Ron?" Mark asks, almost gasping. "What happened? Are you alright? Do you need any help?"

"Don't worry, guys, I'm okay now."

"Shit! Something did happen... Tell us, Ron!" Joshua exclaims with deep concern.

My phone is on speaker, so Ivan can hear both sides of the conversation, which was my request, not his. Despite all his advice and encouragements, I felt like I might need his support at some point, so I asked him if he wouldn't mind being with me for the call, which he immediately accepted. To be honest, I think it avoided him to make the request himself. With his supportive nod, I carry on with what we agreed I should say.

"Nothing for you to worry about, but several things have changed in fact," I reply firmly enough. "However, I can't go into details over the ph..."

"To hell with that, Ron!" Cam exclaims with irritation. "We're in Josh's bedroom, the floor's empty, so nobody's listening to us!"

"Cam, Cam... there are things I'd rather tell you face to face, that's it!"

"We all know it won't be anytime soon," Mark argues warily. "Unless... Are you coming back to Jersey?" he then asks, his voice filled with way too much hope, and knowing that I'm going to crush his optimism once more hurts me to the core.

"I'm sorry, Marky, but that's not possible, I told you I'd never set a foot there again," I sigh, staring at Ivan who encourages me to go on. "I'm still in California, but I might have an opportunity to visit you in the coming months, during a long weekend or something. I don't know yet how we could do this, but I'll try to make it happen. It won't be until a few more months though, so you'll have to bear with what I can tell you so far," I conclude with resolve.

"I don't like this," Josh comments without less firmness. "I'm smelling something fishy here."

"There's nothing fishy, Josh!" I grouse, and Ivan begins to move his hands up and down in a slow motion, prompting me to calm down. "Listen, I'll give you facts, but you'll get explanations later," I offer more softly, earning an approving nod from Ivan. "To begin with, I want you to know that I no longer live with Jaden, and..." I state with the best detachment I can muster, only glad that they can't see the grimace of pain on my face.

"Damn! What happened? Did you two break up? Please just don't tell us you're back living on the streets..." Josh blurts out.

"No, don't worry, guys. I actually live in a beautiful house... in Glendale."

"Did you win the lottery?" Mark chuckles, probably in an attempt to loosen up the tension.

And well, he isn't that far from the truth in a way.

"Nah, I didn't, but it turns out that I met someone who's helping me out..."

"Uh oh, so you got a new lover?"

Mark's words have me slightly blush and squirm on my seat, and when I peek at Ivan, I'm not really surprised to see a smirk draw on his face.

"The man's almost 40, Mark, I don't do old fogeys," I laugh out, throwing a smug smile at Ivan.

Fair revenge from his recent taunts about my young age, and obviously, it doesn't make him smile at all. Instead, his hands twitch almost imperceptibly and his eyebrows knit together. I can even decipher a low rumble echoing from his chest.

"Wait... Who the fuck is that guy?" Camden asks with sincere concern.

"He's a man I met about a week ago. He offered his help and I accepted, so now I live in his house and things will soon get much better," I cheer, and as per the plan, in order to avoid them to interrupt me, I carry on with news they will be happy to hear. "It's hard to believe, guys, but that man has his heart on his sleeve. He has decided to take care of me and I believe he'll be a good influence. He has convinced me to pursue a higher education, but since I'm not willing to take another year in high school, he wants me to take an exam called GED which is a graduation equivalency. All I need to find is a cursus I'll be interested in in college, but isn't it fantastic? He truly wants me to lead a healthy and stable life. He even asked me to quit smoking, which I'll start next week when my pack is over!"

Glancing again at Ivan, I see that he is relaxing and he even smiles at my genuine enthusiasm. Things won't be as easy as they sound, but I'm rather proud of the way I seem to easily convey my happiness.

"Wow... that's..." Mark stutters on the other side, and I truly need to remove the little suspicion that my most perceptive friend may have.

"Great, Mark. It's just great. I can hardly believe my luck, but I'm really want to pull through."

"Not so fast, Ron," Camden surprisingly grumbles. "How did you meet that dude? Who the hell is he? I don't know of anyone who'd do this, I mean... why would he help a total stranger? Josh's right, there's something fishy."

"You're wrong, Cam, these people exist," I retort, ignoring his first question. "Whether in associations, meeting groups or whatever, there are people willing to help others."

"Not to that point, Ron! Wait..." Cam trails off uneasily. "Does he... Does he ask for sexual favors in return?"

"What? Noooo!" I exclaim, suppressing a chuckle as Ivan rolls his eyes. "Ivan's just a wealthy man and I'm the lucky guy he wants to help. I'd be silly to refuse."

"What's his full name?" Joshua asks sternly, and we get to hear some shuffling in the background.

That question was expected. I even told Ivan that should one of my friends ask for more information on him, it would be Josh. Your friend may investigate as much as he wants, Menino, I have nothing to hide was his answer, but I still seek for his approval before I reply.

"Ivan Vargas."

"M'kay... Ivan... V, A, R, G, A, S... Correct?"

"Yep."

"Los... Angeles..." Josh whispers as the sound of a keyboard echoes in the background.

"Ugh, come on, Josh..."

"What? Just want to see what he looks like!"

"As if it'd bring you anything," I sigh.

"Ron, you know I'm quite good at detecting people I can trust or not from their looks."

"That's plainly stupid, you can't judge people on their looks, you have to kn..."

"Holy shit! He's hot for an old fogey!" Mark suddenly exclaims.

Right now, I can picture them all gathered at Joshua's desk and scrutinizing the screen of his computer, but that's not what makes me laugh as silently as I can. Despite the bit of pride from the adjective hot, Ivan didn't miss the rest of Mark's words and the grimace he pulls is just too funny.

"Yeah, he's not too bad. Still old, though," I chuckle, ignoring the truly gorgeous man raising a threatening hand in front of me.

"Hmm... He looks serious enough..." Joshua grumbles more seriously. "Let me see what I can find about him... Humpf, there's not much... just a short article here in the Los Angeles Times... Ivan Vargas... blablabla... Oh wow... he owns quite a few businesses!" he exclaims as he reads on whatever he found. "I might ask Tony to investigate him," he then adds, making me sigh.

"Tony can investigate all he wants, Josh, but it'd be a total waste of time for him. As you read, Ivan owns several establishments, mostly nightclubs and pubs, and that's it. Just ask and I'll tell you everything you want to know. I could take pictures of him and send them if you don't believe me. He even offered to speak with you if you want to."

"Really?" Cam insists with still a bit of suspicion.

"I told him how much you mean to me and how doubtful you might be, but he said he was will willing to be completely transparent, so I can arrange a call with him if you want," I reassure them.

"It sounds fair enough for now, I guess," Mark concedes, and I discreetly exhale a sigh of relief.

"He's really a great guy. It feels like the wheel of fortune is turning, I'm lucky I met him. He just wants my happiness as much as you do, guys."

As I continue praising my guardian and providing my friends with a few more details of Ivan's future plans for me – a part we hadn't really prepared – he begins to relax, probably touched by how sincere I sound. In the end, all the good news I'm giving is like a soothing balm for my friends' earlier anger, and even if they try again to ask about Jaden or the way I met Ivan, I remain firm on my decision to grant details when we meet.

Soon enough, I even manage to lead the conversation on them, though nothing much has happened on their side since our last call. Camden is trying to spend as much time as he can with Sony since he will soon be moving to Boston to attend the summer course, but he still finds time to meet with Mark and Josh. The latter is quite enthusiastic about his upcoming departure to Yale – having already packed up – even if that's to follow some sort of pre-classes for his business degree.

Mark sounds quite happy too about his move to New York in a week from now, which is quite surprising when I think about it. I was expecting our dearest mommy's baby to be a bit reluctant to leave his parents so soon, but it turns out that he is eager to discover a new environment and as he says, it will be a good preparation to the following years, especially if he manages to study abroad from his second year on.

I thought Ivan would leave once the difficult part was over, but he stays and listens to our conversation all through the half-hour we talk. As much as I might have wished for some privacy at some point, I happen to appreciate his presence, just to see the reverent expression on his face as the guys tell about their perspectives in the near future. Yes, I am one proud young man because my best friends are just the best.

Well, that's until Cam brings up more private topics...

"Hey, Ron! Guess how we celebrated our one-year deflowering anniversary!"

"No, no, no, Cam!! I don't want to know!!" I nearly squeal.

"Come on, Ron, you'll love it!" Josh chips in.

"We gathered at Joshua's," Mark hurries to explain, and as I try to cancel the speaker mode of my phone, I hear Ivan click his tongue in disapproval. "And we made a competition to see who'd get the highest number of orgasms!"

"Yeah, and that bastard of Mark won with six!" Cam grumbles.

"You still got five, dumbass!"

"Right, and anyway, Josh lost with four cause his noodle got too sensitive," Camden explains through his laughter.

"Shut up, you jerk! It was your fault since you sucked too hard on my dick."

"My fault!? It's not my fault if your dick's too thin!"

"It's not thin!"

"It is!"

"Pull down your pants and bend over, I'll show you it's not thin," I hear Josh grouse while I stare at Ivan, completely dumbfounded not only by my friends' revelations, but also by the way he is laughing his ass off – though quietly, thank goodness!

"If I had to ever feel another cock up my ass, I'd rather have a thick one," Camden snorts. "Not a spaghetti!"

"It's. Not. A. Spaghetti!" Josh growls in despair, and even I can't help smiling at their antics. "RON!!! Tell him that my dick's not thin and that you felt it good when I f..."

Okay, now this has to end. I did tell Ivan about our experiments from last year, but there's no need to go into these details again.

"Ugh, shut up!" I growl, glaring at Ivan who is enjoying this too much to my taste. "I hope you at least dedicated one of your orgasms to me," I quickly blurt out as a poor excuse.

"All of them, Ron," Mark whispers with emotion, "all of them. We wished you'd been with us too."

"Yeah, we miss you so much Ron-Ron," Cam adds with a sigh. "Even Sony keeps talking about you and asking when you'll come back..."

"Aww..." I breathe out as my heart constricts inside my chest and tears well in my eyes.

The conversation has gone better than I expected and hearing my best friends has felt really good, but Cam's strangled voice and the mention of his baby brother kind of ruin the self-confidence I have shown so far. My left hand is still holding the phone between my crossed legs, and as the right one naturally reaches for my left forearm, my short nails already trying to prod my skin, Ivan silently hurries to my side.

His sudden closeness has my hand instantly draw back from my arm, as if I unconsciously realized how stupid the gesture would be, but what achieves to make me completely relax is how Ivan wraps a comforting arm around my shoulders and pulls me to snuggle against him.

"I wish I'd been with you, guys, I miss you too so much," I reply firmly enough, but my voice is definitely not as steady as it was a few seconds ago.

"Ron, I have a request for you," Mark the ever-cheerful dude chips in. "You did say that this Ivan guy offered you a new phone with a plan, right?"

"Hmm... yeah?"

"All too soon, the three of us will be in different places in the US, and I was wondering if he'd let you call each of us once a week... at least for a few minutes and if you need us?"

I can feel Ivan chuckle beside me and as I slightly pull away to peek at him, he gives me his approval through a nod and a very warm smile.

"Fair enough, Marky, and I'm sure he won't mind."

"Oh by the way, Ron!" Josh then calls out. "Can I have your postal address?"

"Huh... I don't even know it..." I deadpan, frowning at Ivan who is leaning sideward to whisper in my ear.

"Tell him you'll text it tonight."

"I'll send you a text tonight, Josh. Why do you need it?"

"I've got something for you, so I'd like to ship it."

"Hmm... What is it?"

"Nothing to freak over," he laughs out. "It's just a CD. It's a new band, well not really new, but their debut album came out last spring and I think you'll love them. Actually, no. I know you'll love them. They're Evanescence and seriously, Ron, you've got to listen to that voice and hear those emotions in her voice..."

"It's a girls' band?" I snort.

"Nah, well... the singer's a girl, but the other members are men. Really, Ron, you have to listen to that!" my friend explains with such enthusiasm that Ivan's eyeroll leaves me perplex. "Oh, and Linkin Park got a new CD out in March, but I'm tired of listening to it, so I'll ship it to you as well!"

"Damn, Josh... Thanks so much," I reply with gratefulness.

In the last six months, unable to afford batteries for my portable CD player – or more honestly, willing to spend my money differently – I haven't listened to music or paid much attention to the bands I usually follow. Since the guys and I share more or less similar tastes, I trust Josh that I will certainly enjoy this new band he mentioned, but I'm even more eager to discover Linkin Park's new album.

"You're welcome, Ron! You'll have to tell me what you think about them!"

"Sure!" I cheer despite the lump forming in my throat as our conversation comes to an end. "It was good to hear you, guys. I apologize again for the long wait, but it shouldn't happen again from now on."

"It better not," Mark groans. "You got us worried."

"I know, and I'm sorry."

"We love you, Ron, take care," Josh adds.

"Love you too... I'll speak to you again next week, okay?"

My friends obviously agree and when I hang up the phone seconds later after rather emotional goodbyes, I exhale a long sigh of relief.

"You did really good, I'm proud of you, Menino."

Ivan's praise is most probably what keeps me from another instant mood drop and in fact, it sends a wave of warmth to my heart. And yet, I suddenly can't help shivering like a leaf again, feeling freezing cold and sweating at the same time.

"Aaron," Ivan groans, "happy thoughts, Menino," he then says as he pulls us to our feet and tightens his arms around me into a hug. "Shhh, it's over now, it didn't even go as bad as you thought. Think about how relieved your friends must be... It's okay, Menino... You can do this... I'm here for you..."

Marcus Neely was so true when he said that Ivan would know how to deal with any other potential dropdown as his words of encouragement soothe me in a surprisingly quick way. It's true. The call I feared so much went well and I shouldn't worry any further about my friendship with the guys. Nothing can break that because our love is too strong. It doesn't mean things will be easy the day I decide to reveal the rest of the truth, but I have time to see this coming.

"That's it, Aaron, you're doing great, let's go to the kitchen."

There, he makes me drink two large glasses of water, as if I had the flu, and soon enough, we are back in the living room, comfortably settled in the couch. I hate the concern on his face, so I take the initiative to speak first.

"I'm fine, Ivan, you needn't worry."

"Allow me to doubt this," he replies sternly. "I might as well stay home ton..."

"No, really. I'm truly okay. Now that the call's over, I feel much better," I try to reassure him, putting a lot of genuine assurance in my voice.

"That's why you started shivering after the call."

"You know..." I trail off, taking a few seconds to think things through, "I'm not sure it's really withdrawal symptoms. I think Dr. Neely was right when he said that it was surprising for such a recent smoker and weed isn't that addictive..."

"It is addictive, Aaron," Ivan argues with almost anger.

"Okay, okay, it's not the word I should have used. I mean, it's just not as serious as cocaine or heroin or whatever. There might be a bit of withdrawal, but I believe it's mostly due to the frustration of the privation coupled with all this stress and my emotions. The last few days have been quite tough, so it had to play on my mind," I reason, glad to see him ponder on my thoughts.

"Hmm... maybe... We can't be sure though."

"I agree, but honestly, what just happened is just the result of the stress I had before the call and the relief that it went well. I'm feeling really good now!" I cheer, grinning at him.

"Right..." he chuckles, shaking his head but still smiling. "I want you to promise you'll call me if you feel another crisis coming, okay?"

"Pinky promise, Mister Vargas!" I reply solemnly.

"Silly... Anyway, like I said, I'm really proud of how you dealt with your friends."

"Cool, I like you being proud of me for once!" I smirk, poking my tongue out as his eyes darken.

"Be a good boy and I'll always be proud of you."

"Or else?"

"You know what, or else," he deadpans.

"Oh yeah, punishment," I laugh out, but it doesn't make him smile.

In fact, I quickly fall silent as a sudden logic arises in my head. A logic that has to do with all the system he drew, all these rules and their counterparts, and it feels like something is missing.

"A penny for your thoughts?"

Ivan's deep voice pulls me from my reverie, and I realize that I have been frowning for the last couple of minutes.

"I just thought about something..." I say as I rise to my feet and start pacing in front of him, an inexplicable excitement filling me. "That agreement you wrote..."

"Hmm? What's with it?" he encourages me, so I stop to stand before him, fold my arms across my chest and stare down at him.

"I see the logic in all the rules you laid down, the goals you fixed, and so on, but it's missing something," I say very seriously, fighting my urge to laugh because deep down, I'm just kidding around. "I do get the connection between making a mistake and being sanctioned, but what about the reverse? What about doing something good, something that'll make you proud? Shouldn't there be a... reward?"

Okay, I am truly joking on that one. Ivan is already offering me so much that I would never dare to ask for anything more than what he gives me. Just thinking about it sounds horribly greedy, which I'm not. If keeping my seriousness was hard enough while exposing my opinion, seeing Ivan's jaw drop down makes it impossible. I just can't contain my laughter anymore in front of his bafflement.

"Hey, I'm just joking!!!"

"Shhh! Shut up," he groans as he reclines against the backrest.

I can't begin to describe the emotions that spread on his face right then. Bewilderment morphs into confusion, then into deep thinking, but I can't nail the following ones. Happiness? Jubilation? Confidence? Pride?

"You're a freaking natural..." he eventually breathes out after long seconds of silence.

"What? A natural what?" I ask, quite confused by the term.

"Yeah, a natural... Fuck, I knew it... So instinctive..."

In my turn, I am left completely puzzled as he chuckles and stands up to pull me into another hug.

"Don't mind me, Menino, you'll understand that one day," he says as he heads to the library and comes back seconds later with a CD that he puts in the stereo system beneath the TV of the living room. "But you're absolutely right, I should perhaps also establish a system of rewards."

"I was just kidding, Ivan!"

"And I'm not. But we can discuss that later," he replies in a tone that clearly dismisses the conversation for now.

As he returns to the couch, chuckling to himself, a nice melody rises from the speakers. I watch Ivan settle back into his former position and close his eyes, a joyful smile still spread across his lips.

It's a beautiful day

The sun is shining

I feel good

And no-one's gonna stop me now, oh yeah...

"Ivan...?" I call out with hesitation.

"Shhh, Menino, sit here and listen to the King," he whispers, and I suddenly feel compelled to abide by his request.

It's a beautiful day

I feel good, I feel right

And no-one, no-one's gonna stop me now

Mama

Sometimes I feel so sad, so sad, so bad

But no-one's gonna stop me now, no-one

It's hopeless - so hopeless to even try

I'm not completely ignorant music-wise, especially not as far as rock is concerned, so I easily recognize Freddie Mercury's powerful voice even if I can't say that I know his work very well. It's a very short song, though, so I take the opportunity to speak again before the next song starts.

"I didn't know you were a fan of Queen..."

Ivan reopens his eyes and with the remote control, he lowers a bit the sound of the music and turns to face me with a fond smile.

"Do you know them?"

"A bit, but I'm more into... more recent rock music actually."

"Arf... Evanescence, Linkin Park and all..."

"I don't know Evanescence yet, but yeah, I love Linkin Park."

"Such dark songs, especially Evanescence."

"Then I'll probably love them," I cheer with a grin.

"Listen to that beautiful voice... Freddie was the best."

"To each their own," I just shrug, yet appreciating the music in the background.

"I know, I'm teasing you, Aaron. Queen's truly my favorite band."

"It's just too bad their singer died from that fucking virus..."

"Yeah... too bad," he replies with a certain emotion as he reclines against the backrest of the couch and looks away.

Well, if he was a true fan, I can only imagine how sad it must have been for him when Freddie Mercury passed away. Not willing to add to his pain, I lie down on the couch, using his thigh as a pillow without the slightest embarrassment, and shut my eyes. Track after track, I let the music fill my ears and I don't even startle when Ivan begins to run his fingers through my hair.

I'm feeling good.

I'm feeling happy.

I'm just enjoying this peaceful moment because I know that things will soon get better and better.

Yes, there's hope for the future.

Published on 11 December 2019

A chapter that ends on a happy note, it had been a while! Perhaps you were expecting Aaron to tell the guys everything here, but it wasn't possible, and I really needed them to be face to face for that moment, so you'll have to be patient, it's not that far anyway ;)

On an anecdotal note, this chapter was written on December 15th 2017 (Yeah, I had the writing date in my Word files to see how efficient – or rather inefficient) I am. Two years! I can't believe it's taken me so long to write that book, and the next one might be even worse since I haven't written in ages. Anyway, I just found it funny when I realized it was almost the same day but two years apart.

What else...?

Oh, yeah, that chapter has been largely developed compared to its draft; one, thanks to Coralie's remark on Aaron being a natural, so I thought I should make this clear here and show how Aaron has a natural talent to understand the mechanics of BDSM, even if he doesn't know much about it yet. And finally, I thought it was a good moment to mention their tastes in music with Evanescence and Queen, tastes that I actually chose much later in the story (those who know Evanescence will certainly guess when My Last Breath will pop...).

And also thanks to @lilbirdii and @Saasaa for their remark on the withdrawal, as it wasn't very clear in the previous chapter, so I added something here that hopefully helped. The research I made about weed did say there can be withdrawal symptoms with weed, though they're not as strong as with harder drugs. In Aaron's case, it's really a mix of the sudden privation and his emotions.

That's enough blabbering for today. With the following chapter, we'll reach the end of the "settling with Ivan" part and you'll get to see Aaron's first fuck-up too. For those who follow the dates close enough, know that we'll jump almost two weeks later.

See you next Wednesday!