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四十八

I had entered the complex phase of adulthood.

I had got a decent job and moved back to Seoul about five years ago.

I also started dating a boy,
Jeon Jungkook,
two years younger than me.

I lived in my owned room of an apartment,
And also had a car.

For anyone else,
My life would seem mediodcrely perfect.

But to me,
Everything felt directionless and aimless.

I was just going through the motions of life.

Sorrow was building wherever I looked.

On my bedsheets,
On my toothbrush,
In my cell phone history...

For the past few years I had been trying to move on..
..I was grasping for something I couldn't reach.

I didn't know what it was.

Not knowing the root of the violent feelings,
I could only slack away at my work.

The next thing I knew,
I felt the pain of watching my heart go numb.

One morning,
I discovered that I had completely lost..

..those sincere feelings I once had.

I reached at the end of my rope,
And wanted to quit.

I started living like a zombie.
I didn't know where I was going.
What was to come next.

What I wanted to come next.

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