NINETEEN FORGET THIS HAPPENED

     The next few days began to pass in a dreary haze as Xander slowly found himself returning to his classes, but he couldn't pay attention to any of them. He couldn't remember a single time he had actually processed information in the last week or so. He had hardly spoken to Diana or Justin, he hadn't seen Draco at all, things just felt numb. He did write to Alecks, making sure she was okay and asking how she was handling things. He was glad she had Jo and that she wasn't alone. He didn't know what he would do if he were dealing with this alone at home. He was just glad that Diana was there if he needed her -- he always did.

"I think I'm just gonna go walk around for a bit, I need to clear my head and nothing on this page is even processing in my brain, it's just... mush," Xander sighed as he slammed his textbook shut, giving up on his homework at the moment. Most of his professors, except for Snape, had heard about the situation and had given him extensions on his work so he knew he had time to get this done when he needed it. He felt like he had been consistently suffocating for the last week and all he needed was a deep breath, but every time he tried, nothing came into his lung.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Diana asked hopefully. He had shut her out more than he would have liked to, but he couldn't help it. Diana couldn't possibly understand what he was going through considering both of her parents were alive and well. He couldn't blame her for such a thing, of course, he just didn't know how to even approach the subject with her. He knew she was trying, though, and that meant more to him than anything else.

He shook his head, pulling off his robes and sweater as he walked up to the dormitories. Salem was sitting on his bed and he smiled, rubbing her stomach and chuckling the way she batted her paws at him. Searching through his trunk, he found the sweatshirt from Alecks and tugged it over his head, falling down onto his bed for just a moment. Salem crawled up onto his stomach and he reached up, scratching the spot behind her ears.

"Hey, buddy," he mumbled, waiting for a response that wasn't going to come. When Salem meowed, he took that as good enough, "Yeah, I miss her, too. I'd do anything to have her back, anything."

Salem didn't respond. She did nuzzle his hand, though, and that meant more than words could so he appreciated it. He forced himself to sit up, placing the cat back down on the bed and telling her to wait, even though he knew she would probably follow him out of the dorms anyway. When he stumbled down the stairs, he was right, the cat was practically nipping at his ankles as if she could sense that he was upset.

"Be careful, it's not too long until dark. Stay inside, okay honey?" Diana instructed, her brow furrowed with worry. She scrunched up her face as she said hello to Salem in a high-pitched voice before turning back to Xander, "I love you, Salamander."

"I love you, too," he didn't comment on the nickname, instead of walking out the portrait tunnel and into the hallways of Hogwarts. He could smell dinner's leftovers wafting from the kitchen and as tempting as binge-eating sounded, he turned in the opposite direction, picking Salem up and keeping her in his arms so she didn't wander about the castle. The darker it got, the more likely she was to blend into things and he didn't want to deal with such a thing right now.

The hallways of Hogwarts were mostly empty as most students just retired to their common rooms after dinner and that was all Xander could ask for as the only sound that could be heard was his shoes on the hardwood floor. It was peaceful, the quiet. His mind had been so wild and running rampant with pain and grief that he just needed quiet. He didn't want people telling him they were sorry for his loss or people saying that he could talk to them because he already knew these things and he had heard them so much over the course of his life. He kept getting flashbacks to being barely older than a toddler when his father had died and he was too young to even know what was happening but everyone was talking to him like everything was going to be okay but it wasn't because his father was dead. He barely got to know his father before he died and now his mother had joined him when Xander had hardly reached adulthood. First, it was his father, then it was Cedric. Everyone knew Xander looked up to Cedric like a brother, those even closer to Xander knew it had always been more than that for him. It had always been a stupid crush he had until he had to go and get mad at Cedric for never feeling the same even though he had always been a baby brother to Cedric. I'm sorry, I know you two were close. He was sick of everyone who got close to him dying. He was barely seventeen, no one needed this much grief at that age.

"Xander?" a voice broke him out of his train of thought and he realized where he was. He had gone up the third floor and there was Draco, about to head into the Room of Requirement. God, he had almost forgotten about the boy's plots and planning. He didn't want to worry about this right now. He had gotten lazy with his trailing of Draco, but he felt he deserved to be.

"Draco," Xander greeted, but he could already tell something was wrong. The hair on Salem's back had stood up as if she knew something wasn't right here. "What's going on? Why do you look like you've seen a ghost?"

Draco gulped, keeping one hand on the door to the Room of Requirement as if he thought it would disappear if he let go for too long, "You need to get back to the common room, trust me. Just get out of here."

"What are you about to do?" Xander asked, suddenly alert as goosebumps popped up on his skin at the tone of Draco's voice. Something was very wrong here, he could tell.

"Something I have to," was all Draco offered as an answer, "If... if you care about me at all, you'll turn around and go back to your common room. Forget this happened."

Xander wanted to argue, he wanted to follow along with Draco like he always did. Still, there was something in Draco's voice that was setting off sirens in his head. The boy sounded afraid. More than that, he sounded petrified. His hand that was balanced on the door was shaking. Without another word, he nodded and turned around. It wasn't worth the fight. Almost.

He waited until he heard the door close behind Draco before he stopped and hid behind a column. He placed Salem down on the floor and whispered, "Go home, go back to the common room."

Once the cat disappeared down the hall, he pulled out his wand and waited. Moments later, Draco emerged, still alone, and took off running. Xander knew exactly where he was heading -- the astronomy tower.

Wand in hand, he followed him in close pursuit. It was about time he got to the bottom of this.

i cannot BELIEVE we're almost done with part one im so nervous for the last chapter! i know half blood prince was a little anticlimactic for draco and xander but i promise you deathly hallows will be very action-packed and heavy so just be patient