FOURTEEN TOGETHER

     Xander is unsure of how long he stays there underneath Draco's hex, unable to move. Even when he's fairly sure it has worn off, he can't help but stay there mourning. He mourns for everything he has ever let himself feel for Draco, through it all, from the moment he got asked out as a joke in their fourth year to the moment at Malfoy Manor when Draco had looked at him with tears in his eyes. He was such a fucking idiot. He wants to punch himself in the face for being so stupid, but he can't even bring it in himself to move. 

The doors to the Room of Requirement slammed shut and disappeared not after Draco, his goons, Harry, and his friends all disappeared into them. God knows what's happening in there now. He does not want to think of what Draco might do when in a life-threatening situation with Harry Potter. He likes to think Draco would not stoop so low as to live up to everything his parents expected him to be, he thinks maybe Xander's pity and Xander's love had changed his mind. He hates himself for doubting Draco, but when the boy hexed him and ran off, there is little hope to remain. Draco's wand burns a hole in the pocket of his robes, a constant reminder of what Draco could have been. 

He is not sure how much time passes, he is not even sure if he could move if he wanted to. He can hear the distant sounds of battle, but this area of the castle is painstakingly quiet. He hates the silence, the silence hates him as well, he thinks. 

The doors reappear and burst open with the teenagers who had disappeared into them, speeding out of the room on broomsticks as the fiery head of abstract conjuration magic that looks something like a dragon is fought off by the closing doors. Draco falls off of a broom that he looks to have shared with Harry and Blaze falls off of Ron's broom as well. Their third friend is distinctly missing. 

Xander stands harshly, springing to his feet ready to tear Draco a new one, but his collar is already being grabbed by the blond as they disappear down the hallway without anyone else. Words of confusion spill past his lips as they run and eventually, Draco shushes him with a hand against his mouth as the two of them press behind a column. Around them, he hears people running down the stairs, stragglers seeming to be evacuating the castle or going to join the battle in the courtyard. 

Once they are truly alone, Draco removes his hand and the silence is immediately broken by Xander's exasperated whisper-yell, "Draco! What the bloody hell is wrong with you? I have done nothing but be kind to you and hope to see the best in you and you go and prove me wrong every single time. I swear to Merlin I do not want to give up on you but you do not make it easy you giant asshole." 

"I understand," Draco breathes heavily. It's now that Xander gets an opportunity to really look at him. Soot and ash coat his hair and face and he does not think he has ever seen the boy look more wrecked. "I knew you would follow me in and I was not sure I would even make it out alive, I almost didn't if not for stupid Potter risking his life to save mine. If something had happened to you, Xander, I-I... I couldn't bear it." 

He softens, he hates how he softens for Draco. Xander should be angry, he should be seething, but he cannot find it in him to even try. His anger has left him cold in his bones, but he knows forgiving Draco is what will keep him warm. He reaches out before he knows what he is doing, pulling Draco into a hug. His heart leaps as Draco hesitates, but slowly reaches out and wraps his arms around Xander's waist, pulling him close.

"I don't want to be on the wrong side of this anymore," Draco sighs into his shoulder, "I don't. I can't, Xander. I never wanted it to be like this. I always hated Potter, but I never wanted to go against him like this, never like this." 

"I believe you," he whispers breathlessly, his hand coming up to curl up in Draco's dirtied hair, holding him against his chest and letting the two of them just stand there for a moment. "I believe you, Draco. Please, please, never hex me again." 

Draco laughs softly as they pull apart, his hand coming up to cup Xander's face, fingers just barely etching themselves into his nape. "I couldn't if I tried, my mother's wand just went up in a fiery blaze back in the Room of Requirement." 

Hearing this, he contemplates. For Draco to go down and join the battle without a wand is dangerous, especially considering he has no idea the boy's skills with wandless magic. He sighs, pulling his own wand out of his pocket and handing it over. Perhaps he could have given Draco his own wand back, but he knows that wand would not work for him since it was won from him in a duel by Harry. However, his own wand, willingly surrendered, should work perfectly. He grabs Draco's hand, pressing the wand into it and closing his fist around it. 

"What about you?" Draco asks, worry painting his expression thin. 

He smiles, snapping his fingers so that a small flame emits from them before blowing it out, "I can handle myself, Draco. Now, we should go and fight, yeah? Enough standing around."

"Xander, wait," Draco grabs him by the robes before he can walk away and take off down the stairs towards the sounds of shouting and blasts. He turns to face him and starts, "About what you said in the manor—"

"It's fine, you don't have to feel the same way, I was stressed and thought I was going to lose you and—"

"I love you, too," Draco says before Xander could even finish rambling his self-doubt into existence. His heart floods and he's sure he would cry if he was not so damn exhausted. 

Xander pulls him forward, their foreheads clashing against each other as they share breath for just a moment, mere inches apart for the first time in their lives, overtaken by yearning. He wants to kiss him, there is nothing more in the entire world he wants than to kiss Draco, but he stops himself. Instead, he pants out, "Kiss me when this is all over." 

The unsaid, when I know you were really on my side hangs in the air, the distrust that still lingers that Xander is unsure he will be able to rid himself of. He believes Draco loves him and that he wants to be good, but he also knows that Draco loves his family. He does not know how the rest of this will go, he does not know that either of them will make this out alive. At least, though, he will know that he was loved by the boy he's been enamored with for most of his school years. Maybe, if he's lucky, it won't all be for nothing. Two kids in a war, unsure of the immediate future, but they have each other. 

They take off down the stairs where the Battle of Hogwarts commences, the screams grow louder, and they plunge into battle. Together.