THIRTEEN IS THAT SO?

     "Diana, can I tell you something?" Xander approached the girl who was writing her potions essay in the common room. It was nearing midnight and the boy had just come down from the dormitories to think since he was having trouble sleeping, but when he saw the girl sitting there still he figured now was as good a time as any. His mind had been eating him alive ever since his conversation with Harry and he was sick of not sleeping so he knew he needed to get something off of his chest -- whatever that was.

"Yeah, honey, what's up?" Diana asked with a furrowed brow as the boy sat down in front of the fireplace with her, tucking his legs into himself as he wrapped his arms around them, resting his head on his knees. The girl looked concerned since it was rare Xander came to her without some form of positivity or joy in his tone, instead he was greeting her with a sleepy drawl. "Is it about your mom?"

He shook his head, "No, I still haven't heard anything from Alecks about her and that alone is driving me crazy, but no, this is something else. Um, oh gosh, I don't really know how to start this. I've never done this before. Uh, okay, let's try this. You know how growing up, pretty much until you started dating Justin, everyone kinda thought we were dating?"

"Don't tell me you've been in love with me this whole time, love triangles aren't my thing," the blonde mused, but the small smile on her face told him that she was only joking. He liked that she could break the tension like that without a second thought, it made Xander feel that much more comfortable around her, like he always did. He really doesn't know what he would do without her.

"No! Not at all," the boy said with a chuckle, shaking his head, "I have literally never had feelings for you and I always thought that maybe it was because we were too close and you felt like more of a sister, but I kinda have been realizing that it's not just you that I've never felt things for. I thought maybe I was a late bloomer, but after Cedric's death and... other things, I think I know what it is. And I know you won't hate me for this because you're you, I'm just nervous because I've kinda never said this out loud to anyone in my entire life I was really just planning on contemplating it silently until the day I die."

Diana nodded, clearly biting back a smile and he had a feeling she knew exactly what he was going to say but he also knew she wasn't going to steal the words from his mouth because she wanted him to do this his way, "Salamander, you're rambling."

"You know I hate that nickname," Xander teased with a small laugh, his eyes resting on the burning fire ahead of both of them. He could feel its warmth seeping into his bones and he felt comfortable. He felt... at peace in a way. "You're going to not care about one thing I have to say, but you're going to hate me for the other thing, I'm just letting you know ahead of time."

"Well get on with it then, good news first," the girl said with a wink and he knew they were at least kind of on the same page.

"I'm like... stupid gay," Xander spit out the words he had been dying to tell Diana for about two years while he waited to muster up the nerve even though he knew Diana has literally had crushes on girls and would not give a single shit. "I've known ever since I had a crush on Cedric fourth year, but I didn't really know what it meant and thought it was kind of a one-off and he never liked me back obviously because he was seventeen and had a girlfriend and then he fucking died so I was like all right, let's not try this again. But now I'm trying it again and I have a better understanding of it now so I figured it was about time I told you."

The girl pretended like she was considering this, but she could barely hold in her smile, "You know you're like the shitties liar known to mankind, right? You told me last year you had a crush on Ginny Weasley, but the whole time you looked like you had just smelled bloody awful. I don't wanna pull an "I knew the entire time" because that's a right awful thing to say when someone is nervous over something, but literally the entire house knew you had a crush on Cedric, you're not really good at hiding things."

"Let me have my moment!" the boy whined, throwing a pillow at the girl who caught it with eases and launched it right back into his face. "You are so rude!"

"Oh, is that so?" the girl teased as she stuck out her tongue at him, "Thanks for telling me, though, I know it's not easy. Have you told Alecks? I reckon you'll give your old mum a heart attack when she finds out she's out two for two on grandkids."

"It's not like she'll meet them anyway..." Xander muttered before he brushed off the idea as not to ruin the mood. This was a happy memory and he wanted to keep it that way. "No, you're the first person I've told, I thought I said that!"

Diana shrugged, "You said it was the first time saying it out loud! Writing it in a letter isn't out loud! Sheesh! Now, what's the part I'm not gonna like, I'm dying to know!"

"Oh, Merlin, this is gonna be harder than the actual coming out part!" he groaned as he could feel the girl's eyes boring into his soul as she patiently awaited his answer. "Ugh, fine, uh, the person who has made me realize that maybe this whole thing wasn't a... phase, for lack of a better term, may or may not be the biggest asshole that goes to school here."

"You have a crush on Draco Malfoy?" Diana asked with a bewildered tone, her eyes going wide as she struggled to contain her giggles. "I reckon you've got a worse taste in boys than I do! And I'm dating Fletchley!"

"How's that going by the way?" he questioned in an overt attempt to change the subject of the conversation, but he knew Diana saw right through him.

The girl shook her head, "No, no getting out of this one! Draco Malfoy? You literally grabbed him in a chokehold like two weeks ago! Was that flirting? Did I miss the memo?"

"I don't know!" Xander exclaimed, rubbing his eyes, "Like, if I knew what was making me like him I would kindly ask him to stop doing it because he's literally the biggest asshole I've ever met but he's... he's cute and I think he can be sweet and a good person, I just don't think anyone has told him that yet!"

"Oh, don't tell me you want to fix him, barf in my mouth!" Diana shouted, "He's probably a fucking death eater, Xander! That's like wanting to date a fucking nazi!"

"I don't know what that is but it doesn't sound good!" the boy held his head in his hands, "I'm not saying I'm going to act on anything. God, I'm pretty sure if I told him how I felt, he'd have a wand to my throat and telling me to stay the fuck away from him, he's psychotic! But he looks... so good when he is. Like, at the beginning of the year when we almost got into a duel in the Room of Requirement it was like... kind of hot."

Diana pressed a hand to her mouth, mocking retching, "Don't say another word, Sakai! I can handle you being gay, but Malfoy is where I draw the line!"

"Stop being so dramatic!" Xander called as the girl stood up and walked over to the stairs. He followed her and stopped her from going up to the dormitories. His tone turned serious as he asked, "Do you really hate me?"

The girl immediately dropped the facade as she shook her head, pressing a kiss to his forehead, "I could never hate you, Salamander, you know this. Just... be careful. I can't tell you what to do and even if I could, I can't force you to listen to me. There's a reason boys like Draco don't have any friends, you know this. A crush is fine, but if I were in your situation, I'd make sure that boy goes through a serious personality change before I try anything with him."

"I know," he sighed, "I know it's already hopeless, I just, I couldn't live with myself if I didn't tell you."

The girl nodded, crossing her arms as she looked up at him, "Thank you for telling me and I want you to know that no matter what, I'm proud of you. Now, get some sleep, it will probably do you good."

"I love you, thank you," the boy mused as the girl stepped past him to head up the stairs.

Before she did, though, she pulled him into a hug, saying, "I love you, too."

imma be transparent with y'all! things are going to shit soon so enjoy the fun while it lasts because next chapter will NOT be fun at all :)