ELEVEN YOU HATE ME

     Returning to Hogwarts, Xander knew Diana could tell something was off with Xander. He didn't want to talk about it, but on the train ride home they didn't say much, she mostly just held him. The sun was setting as this was their indicator that they were almost there -- the city had faded out long ago as the highlands surrounded them. Diana laid against the window with Xander in between her legs, his back against her chest as the girl's fingers played with his hair affectionately. Any sane person would think they were dating, but if Xander was being honest he never really thought about girls that way.

The peace was interrupted when the door of the train compartment slid open. Xander had to assume it was Justin trying to talk to Diana, but when he looked up he saw a familiar sneer and white-blond hair. Without thinking, Xander closed the book he was reading and threw it at the boy's head.

"Not now, Malfoy," Xander sighed as the boy caught the book, tossing it aside. He could feel Diana tense up, but the girl didn't say anything. As he sat up, he realized the boy was alone with no minions jeering behind him. That was an interesting change. "If you're here to break my nose the way you did Potter's, I suggest you find someone else to bother. I don't feel like putting up with whatever bullshit you're causing today."

Draco seemed to be taken slightly aback by this, but he tried not to let it show. He felt Diana's hand reach for her wand when the boy didn't leave. Xander stopped her, placing his hand on top of hers as he stood to meet Malfoy at the door. They were the same height, but it was rare they looked at each other in the eyes.

"Do you have a purpose for being here? If not, I suggest you leave," Xander's voice was colder than he had ever heard it before, but in his defense, he was a little fragile at the moment. Sure, the holidays had been wonderful and he loved seeing his family, but saying goodbye to your dying mother and not knowing if it was going to be the last time you saw her or not out a bit of a dampener on the Christmas spirit.

The boy looked him in the eyes, considering his words for a moment before he said, "You didn't fill your quota today for being the most insufferable being on the planet today, so I assumed you were sick or dying. By the bags under your eyes, it appears as though I was correct. All puffy, too, what? Did someone hurt your feelings? Had to cry about it?"

Without thinking, Xander grabbed Draco by the collar and shoved him against the opposing wall. The noise drew the attention of a few other students and he was vaguely aware of a decent amount of eyes on him. He hated the attention and he hated not feeling like he was in control of his actions. He didn't feel like himself right now and it was killing him.

"Watch your fucking mouth," Xander spat with more anger than he thought he could conjure. He sounded foreign like someone else was speaking through his mouth. He let go of Draco, but he didn't step away to let him leave, either. "I don't know what our stupid fucking dynamic is, but if you really came all the way down here just to annoy me, you need help. I'm not... I'm not gonna play these weird games anymore, I have real things to worry about instead of whatever the hell you're up to. I don't even care who you're trying to kill anymore or whatever you're doing in the Room of Requirement, I just want you to leave me the hell alone."

Xander turned around and went to walk back into his compartment where Diana was watching them with a steady, concerned expression, but Draco spoke softly behind him causing him to stop in his tracks, "I saw you on the train platform. You were crying as you hugged your sister goodbye. She whispered something to you. I've never... I've never seen you upset before."

The boy looked up for a minute, remembering the words his sister said to him before he left.

"I can't go back, not with her like this," Xander argued, but Alecks had just pulled him close like she was afraid to let go.

"Hogwarts is the best place for you. She wants you to be safe and to not have to worry about what's going on at home. Just go, I'll see you in June," the woman had said and she didn't show it, but he knew she wanted to cry, too. After all, Xander didn't know what he would be coming back to in summer.

Turning back to face Draco, he didn't even know what to say. He looked in the boy's eyes, but they were clouded with something he couldn't understand. Draco had bags under his eyes too, like he was dealing with something on his own. Maybe they could understand each other on that level, but this wasn't the way to do it.

"Don't say shit like that," Xander said with a small, humorless smile edging at the corners of his lips. He shook his head, "You hate me. Keep it that way. Don't pretend like you have emotions now of all times."

Draco didn't say anything else as Xander stepped back into the train compartment and slammed the door. As soon as the boy was gone, no longer staring at him through the small window in the door, he leaned against it and sunk to the floor.

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong now?" Diana asked, looking at him with horror as she soaked in what had just happened, "Because I have never seen you treat someone like that, ever. I... even someone like him. What's going on, Xander? I need you to talk to me."

The boy just shook his head, placing his head in the hands as he muttered, "She's dying, Diana. She's really dying. I said goodbye before I left for school and I just... I just know it's gonna be the last time I talk to her. I feel it in my bones. He is the last thing I need to be dealing with."

Diana considered this for a moment as she sat facing the boy on the floor, "Maybe it could be a good distraction? Crack the case of Draco Malfoy? Then, you don't have to think about stuff going on at home or... I don't know, Xander. I really don't know."

"I don't expect you to," Xander sighed as he let his head rise and fall against the door, "That was like... really weird, though, right?"

"I think in his weird, Slytherin way, that was him saying he cares about you," the blonde said with a shrug, "I don't think that's a good thing, though. I would not want someone like Malfoy caring about me. Nasty blood in that family's veins, I tell you. Not to mention he treats everyone like shit. Right git, that one. I almost want you to find out what he's doing just so we can be the ones to take him down."

Xander laughed at this, looking at the girl who had a mischievous twinkle in her eye that could never be trusted. Shaking his head, he told her, "You know what? That fucker! He has no business coming down here and acting all nice all of a sudden -- well, his weird, twisted version of nice. He's a dickhead! He doesn't deserve me as a friend, that's for sure."

"Damn right, I'm glad you finally said it."

"That was kinda sweet though, him coming all the way down here..."

"Xander!" the girl exclaimed, smacking him with the book she had picked up, "No! He's a dickhead! We're gonna uncover this plot of his and take him down together, I'm calling it now. No more trying to be friends with him, we're his mortal enemies now."

The boy laughed to himself, biting his lip as he thought, "I'm never gonna hate him the way I should. I can't bring myself to hate people."

"That's what I'm here for," the girl stood, bending down to press a kiss to the boy's forehead as she took her seat by the window once again. "What would you do without me?"

Xander smiled at her as he couldn't think of a single answer. At least no matter what he was dealing with, he had Diana. He'd always have Diana.

writing Xander genuinely be mean to someone was so hard for me I almost cried I'm being deadass