TWO A FOOL'S DREAM

     Everything seemed so much drearier this year. Their train had been stopped halfway through the ride to Hogwarts. Xander had held onto Diana tightly as death eaters swarmed the train, searching for Harry Potter and his friends. His heart had been frozen in fear as he dug his nails into the wrist of his best friend as if his iron grip would stop them from taking her if they wanted to. He was just lucky that muggle-borns hadn't been who they were looking for. The welcome feast had been littered with whispers and muted conversations instead of the usual gleeful reunion it usually was. Xander, Diana, and Justin had sat closely together, keeping mainly to each other and trying not to speak too loudly. It got even quieter as the prefects led everyone to their common rooms. As Xander walked through the portrait hole into the common room, he felt like he could finally relax. It seemed even Snape's reign could not touch the glistening moonlight that highlighted the warm yellows of the Hufflepuff common room or the flickering flame that smelled like home. Xander breathed a sigh of relief as he went up to the dormitories to shrug off his robes.

"Do you think Diana is going to be okay?" Justin's voice interrupted his train of thought as the boy turned around after pulling on his sweatshirt, seeing his roommate behind him. "All the muggle-born talk... I'm worried."

Xander sighed, "I think Diana is tough as nails, if she is worried she'll do anything to make sure we don't know she's worried. I think she forgets I know her better than anyone. We just... need to keep a close eye on her. You, as well. I know you care about her, but don't forget your own safety, too."

Justin scoffed, "It's ridiculous this is even something we have to think about. Muggle-borns disappearing. Granger didn't even show up this year, people are starting to wonder if she was taken as well."

"If Ron and Harry were here, I'd say that was the case," the dark-haired boy shrugged, leaning against his bedpost with crossed arms while Justin stood in the doorway. Despite being roommates for seven years now, they actually had very few conversations. Even fewer were such serious topics as this. "But no, that feels different. All three of them haven't been heard from since the Weasley wedding. It's strange, once upon a time, this place felt like home. I didn't even like Dumbledore all that much, but I didn't count on it feeling this... different."

"It feels colder," he muttered, "Like the magic has gone somewhere else."

Xander nodded as he moved to pass through the doorway. Justin moved over to let him through and before heading down the stairs, he turned and said, "I know I'm not much, but I'll keep her safe as best I can."

"Thank you," the other boy whispered as he headed further into the dormitory. With a deep sigh, Xander went down the stairs where Diana was cuddled up in the corner of the love seat in front of the fire, a book in her hands. Her fingers danced around the corner of the paper as if she was ready to turn the page. She looked so deep in the story, Xander decided not to interrupt her. Instead, he sat down on the other corner and looked into the fire.

"You should write to him," Diana's voice broke through the careful silence. He looked up at her only to realize she was already looking at him. Her voice lowered to a whisper as she noticed there were other students still scattered about the common room, "Draco, I mean. I'm not sure he would write back, I'm not sure he would even be allowed to, but it might be... cathartic, or something. You don't even have to send it. It might just help you feel better. Get your worries out on paper and watch them fly away."

"It feels like entertaining a fool's dream," Xander spoke, his voice so soft he wasn't even sure if she heard him. "Everything in the world has told me that he and I will never be together. Even if... even if he did care about me the way I do for him, we are in two separate worlds and I fear he may be lost in his forever. I often wonder if it's too late for him. If the idea of him I am holding onto so desperately is someone who doesn't even exist anymore. Sometimes I wonder if he is two separate people. The one who wears a dark mark on his skin and the one who saved my life. It feels pitiful to rely on the idea of there being any sort of connection with us."

Diana considered this for a moment as she softly dog-eared her page and closed the book, placing it on the hardwood floor as she turned so she was sitting sideways with her back against the arm of the loveseat and her legs spread out to where they rested on Xander's lap. He waited anxiously for her to say something, anything instead of the look of pity and sympathy she was throwing his way.

"Then write him and set it on fire," the brunette spoke after a beat of daunting silence, "Tell him you love him or loved him, who he used to be, whatever it is you're feeling and then throw it in the fire and forget about it. I know I'm the absolute worst person to advocate for him considering for most of our schooling together he has been horrible to me, but I think... I think the boy who saved your life still exists in there somewhere. If what you told me is truly what happened, Draco could have sat there and let you get killed, but he didn't. I know, it's the bare minimum, but at this point, you have nothing else to hold onto."

"I wonder if they killed him for that," Xander's voice wavered as tears began to well up in his eyes. He had been too scared to say that out loud, but it had plagued him every night since the astronomy tower. "He saved my life, so they took his."

"Only one way to find out," Diana shrugged after a moment, her voice still gentle. She stood, picking up her book from the floor as she leaned over Xander, wiping away the silent tears beginning to stream down his cheeks. She gave him a kiss on the forehead before saying, "I'm going to go to bed and I think you should too, but I think there's something you have to do first. Goodnight, Xander."

He nodded, "Goodnight."

Watching her walk up the stairs, he sighed. He knew she was right, but if he did write Draco, what could he even say? "Hey, I'm in love with you. Hope you're not dead," didn't really have a good ring to it.

After a moment, he took a deep breath and walked upstairs to the dormitory. He sat on his bed, Salem crawling up onto his lap the moment he got comfortable. He leaned down a pressed a kiss to her dark fur before pulling out his writing materials.

Draco,

I don't know if you'll get this, I don't even know if I'll send this. Things are different here, so different. It's different without you here, but I understand why you couldn't come back. Ever since that night in the astronomy tower, I wondered if you were dead. I think part of you died that night, part of both of us. I don't know what else there is for me to say. I have a million things I want to ask or tell you, but to put them on paper makes them real and I am not sure I want them to be real just yet. Just find a way to tell me if you're okay. Please, I need something to hold onto.

Xander

Xander is my baby i would literally die for him also thank you guys so much for 10k on this book!!