The Darker Side Of The Moon
Book 4 of The Black Moon series
Chapter 45: I Want My Dominant Back

Jeremy's POV – Monday 28 March 2016

Mmm the comfort of a warm bed in the morning after a good night of sleep, that feels good. It would be even better if I had my man to snuggle against but it's not the case right now, I only have his pillow, so it dampens a bit my delight. I can hear him finishing getting ready in the attached bathroom and I can imagine him in one of his beautiful business suits.

Soon enough, the door opens and the mattress dips beside me. Damn! He smells so good! Soft lips come brushing against mine and I pull him for a deeper kiss, surprising him as my eyes were still close.

"Do you really have to go?" I ask in a whining tone.

Something occurred over the weekend with one of Gary's most important customers in the US and he needs to spend some time in the London office today.

"Yeah, Baby, I have to. I need to sort this out and my father wants to attend. But I'll try to come back early enough," Gary replies softly.

"It shouldn't take that long... Isn't it just a conference call with Bruce?" I ask pleadingly.

I so much prefer when he works from home. Even if he's locked into his study, I still feel his presence and I am less alone.

"As you can expect, the call is not scheduled until 1pm but I need to study the case with my father this morning and then we'll probably have to debrief and make decisions, then call the customer, but I promise I'll try my best to keep it short. I've got to go now, I'll see you later this afternoon. Don't forget your appointment with Dr. Fenton at 2pm," he says softly before he pecks my lips once more and pulls away.

"Have a good day, Gary!" I reply with a small smile as he walks out.

"You too, Baby!"

Once I have heard the entrance door being locked downstairs, I roll myself back into the comforter and close my eyes. The last few days have left me feeling a bit weird and I am quite eager to meet with my therapist this afternoon to discuss various things with her. When I say weird, it means that I have been confused as to how I should be feeling since last Friday and what happened that evening. And the few days before of course. That's why I asked for an additional session with Dr. Fenton.

I don't know what got into me exactly. Or yes, I think I know part of what got into me. I should have discussed my desire to return to work with Gary before starting job searches. He has obviously been the best to guide me ever since I met him years ago, always providing me with the best advice. The way I healed from my traumas after my captivity is only more evidence, so I should have known better than do deal with this on my own and behind his back, especially as Dr. Fenton said I should only start thinking about my future. At the same time, the outcome has triggered so many things within me...

When Gary found out about that appointment I had just made with a potential employer, he became really angry and I got to see the real Dominant in him again. The fact that he yelled didn't scare me, it just surprised me because he has been so patient since our reunion last August. Seeing him go all Dom on me was... impressive. And thrilling! The conversation we had after his outburst and his useless apologies – Gosh! Why did he think he had to apologize for yelling at me when I was the one to talk back first? – was like an epiphany to me.

Gary was right as usual, and on so many levels! Of course, I wasn't entirely ready to face the outside world again! I may be more comfortable going out alone now, it doesn't mean I am ready to interact with many people I don't know. Besides, like he said, it would be stupid to accept any job when I have been trained to masonry and I still love it. Sure, I didn't practice during my seventeen-month captivity, but with all the renovation works I've done in our Kensington house, I can tell that I haven't lost my skills, so it wouldn't be a problem getting back to it.

In Gary's arms, I realized that my former suspicions regarding the fact that he never really ceased to exert his dominance over me were accurate, but more importantly, I suddenly felt the need to see him act as my Dominant again. Of course, I still want our married status and more normal relationship to prevail, but deep down, I know I need his guidance in many ways. That and my recent work on kinky memories threw me in a sudden urge to have my Dominant back, both in a spiritual way and in sex.

Clearly, I don't know how much control I am ready to surrender to him, especially as far as sex is concerned, but like in everything, I have so much trust in him that I know he will do things properly. I'm sure he will take things progressively, exactly as he did with the rest throughout my healing.

However, it seems like Gary is having cold feet about our potential return to the BDSM lifestyle, and this led to another little fight on Saturday evening. He'd spent an hour in his office, making phone calls while I was waiting for him watching TV in the living room, and when he came out, I brought up the subject we had dropped in the afternoon.

"I'd rather wait a little longer before we make such a decision, Jer," he sighed when I told him we could try another light scene. "You might need more time..."

"I'm ready, Gary!" I replied with exasperation.

"Maybe not..."

"I AM!!!" I insisted with more harshness, trying to convey my determination with my fist slamming his chest.

"I still think we'd better wait!"

His firm tone annoyed me to the deepest, causing me to get off the couch where we were cuddling and angrily pace the room. I could be stubborn too, because I knew deep down I was ready. Gary is a deep Dominant and that side of his personality will never leave him alone. He needs it like I need submission. He may have tamed his inner Dom for a moment, but I can feel that it's itching him more and more, so why wait?

Besides, it was in complete contradiction to what I had felt on Friday night. The sex we had that evening was blissful. Simply ecstatic! And not only for me! I surely loved to have my wrists tied within his hands while he fucked me senseless, I loved that little bit of control he had over me, but I also felt he got his kicks from it. His groans were deeper and louder than they have been ever since we started to have a sexual life again. The way he roared his orgasm just proved how much he loved it.

"This is just bullshit!" I screamed, standing in front of him.

"Watch your tone, Jer..." he warned me, his blank expression filling with annoyance.

"Or what? The big bad Dom is going to spank me?" I taunted with sarcasm. "Then maybe I should annoy the shit out of you until I get what I want..."

"Stop that, Jer," he replied dryly, rising to his feet and towering me. "I'll spank you when I decide to!"

"That's not fair, Gary!"

"It is fair! And I still think you need to discuss this with Dr. Fenton!"

"Guess what? I think you need to see a shrink and start a therapy!" I yelled, stomping my foot on the floor.

My little act and childish speech didn't sit very well with him and I saw how hard it was for him to reign in his inner Dom, but as he firmly grabbed my face and began to wildly ravage my mouth, I decided to drop the subject and relish in his sudden fierceness. I ended up pinned against a wall, with my wrists locked within one of his hands above my head while he was hardly pounding into my ass. It felt like a punishment fuck, with Gary grunting like a bear, and it was better than nothing.

On Sunday, since that's when an issue raised in his business, Gary spent most of the afternoon in his study on the phone and it gave me the opportunity to write a long, long email to Liam.

We speak on the phone every weekend, but since I don't want Gary to listen to all my conversations and Liam doesn't want Joshua to hear his, we have also gotten used to communicate by email for more privy topics, and I do the same with Noah. This has allowed me to open up a bit more to them and it doesn't prevent us from calling each other for more futile subjects.

In my email to Liam, I revealed him a lot of things. Nothing about my captivity, since that's the topic I don't want to talk about yet, but I opened my heart and told him about all these emotions I have been feeling for the past few weeks. I explained him my will to return slowly into the lifestyle and Gary's reluctance.

This is also how I realized how I am missing having friends around me. Lately, I have been feeling more and more lonely. Gary has always been enough, but I would really need to have more contacts with other people too, and I'm sure it's the same for him. He certainly misses his friends from Chicago a lot.

Anyway, Liam replied to my email in the evening, saying he was stuck on an essay he had to hand back today in college, but he promised he would call me during his lunch break. Gary should be back home by then, but he'll probably have more work to do and I can isolate myself upstairs if necessary. Somehow, I have a feeling that today might be a turning point in our life.

The morning lingers on and on as I try to keep myself busy with some cleaning and laundry. I also spend a lot of time wondering how my session with Dr. Fenton is going to go. Last week, I gave her a USB key with a copy of the book I wrote. After all she has done for me, I felt like I owed her some real explanations about my traumas, but not only; I needed to share my work with someone.

She already knows what happened from what Dr. Graff exposed to her, but I have never taken the step to discuss it openly with her. Rather than telling her aloud, I thought that making her read my work would be a good solution. I'm not sure I will want to discuss it further, but I just want her to realize how her therapy worked with me, so that it encourages her to use it again with other patients.

It is barely after 1pm when my phone goes off, pulling me out of my brooding thoughts while I am lazing on the couch. This is the call I was waiting for, but I wasn't expecting it so early. It's barely 7am in Chicago!!

"Hey, it's early!!" I say as I answer the call.

"Yeah, I know right!" my friend grumbles playfully. "Josh had an early business breakfast at 7:30 downtown and he offered to send another chauffeur to drive me later to school, but I said I could use the time at the library to study and review my lessons, so we drove together and I'm early in college!" he adds cheerfully. "Of course, I have no intention to study, but it gives me an hour to talk to you freely!"

"Cool!! Though I don't have that much time since I need to leave home in about half an hour to attend my appointment with the therapist..."

"That's fine, it's more than enough time to talk!"

"Yes, you're right. So...? What did you think about my email?" I ask a bit shyly, which makes him giggle.

"Remember how you were my mentor and always the one to advise me?"

"You could be mine now..."

"Not sure I would be the best for that, Jeremy, but wait, there's something I need to tell you first, even if I've already told you before... I miss you so much! You have no idea..." he says with a lot of emotion in his voice, which brings tears to my eyes. "I'll never say it enough but... the last two years have been... I don't know... I'm probably one of the happiest men on Earth, I love Joshua, I love my friends, I love what my life has become but... I've clearly missed something, and that thing is you. It's weird when you consider that we only knew each other for four months before... before whatever, but you'd become a great friend of mine..."

"Aww Liam..." I try to say with a hoarse voice, but he interrupts me.

"No wait, let me finish. It was just a little introduction and I needed to say it again. Now what I want to say is that I am sincerely happy to see you're getting better and better. Gary's decision to take you to England hurt me in a way because I would have liked to help you in your healing but at the end of the day, I know his choice was the right one and seeing you progress is just the most important. Like I said before, I'm glad we got back in touch in December and communicating with you over the last few months has done me so much good. I'm so happy to see you're healing. I really am, Jeremy..."

"Thank you, Liam..." I reply with a small voice, trying to hide the emotion filling me.

"You're welcome, Jer, and to be honest, it'll be even better when you and Gary move back to Chicago... Is this something I can hope for?"

"I... I don't know, Liam..." I reply hesitantly.

I believe the idea has been nagging my brain for some time now, but I've kept pushing it at the back of my head, not willing to dwell on too many problems at the same time. However, now that Liam clearly mentions it, I can't deny that it would solve a lot of our issues in terms of sociability and professional careers... And it would mean attending Camden and Noah's wedding... Although this is another story, because from what my little Cutie told me, it's going to be a kinky one and I'm not sure I could handle that much.

"Yes, most probably..." I add, closing my eyes and imagining what it would be like to move back to the US. "I can't tell you when, but I hope it'll happen at some point," I conclude, willing those images to fade away.

"Just take your time, Jeremy, and I'll be patient in any case. Now about your email... I don't know what to say really... I mean, I'm no Dom and Gary surely knows better how to deal with the situation, but... you sound so determined!"

"I am, Liam. I want to try it again. I need it."

"That's what I'd call confidence," he chuckles. "Then go for it. You have to convince Gary you're ready to try. Like you said, he'll probably take things gradually, you can trust him..."

"Yeah, I know that, but he doesn't seem to be ready himself..."

"That's what he wants to show you and it's probably to test you. To see if you are really ready. You said you felt how he seemed to enjoy himself last Friday, I'm sure he's ready. Make him yield!"

"A test... Hmm... That would totally be his type... But how can I make him yield? He can be so stubborn!"

"Aren't they all?" Liam laughs.

"Yeah... Like we are too..."

"Exactly! You know, Doms sometimes need to be pushed a bit... I've never had the opportunity to tell you, but something happened to me a little less than two years ago. Don't ask me what because that's a long story and we don't have enough time. The thing is that Joshua was a bit reluctant to let me go back to work after these events. He's still overprotective with me, but it was even worse back then and I had to push him a bit to resume a somewhat normal life..."

"What happened, Liam?" I ask warily.

"I promise I'll tell you one day, but not today. A better example would be Noah!" he then cheers, dropping off the subject and leaving me a bit confused. "Camden was super reluctant at the beginning of their relationship and it took Noah a lot of pushing him until he unleashed the beast in him, like he says. Noah had to prove him that he needed his sadism as much as Camden needed Noah's masochism, but it worked. After the events last July, Camden was back into his insecurities, and Noah had to work it all again to resume their relationship where they had left it..."

"How did he do that?"

"It wasn't only Noah... I think Aaron played his part, but Noah showed him how he needed his Daddy back... And that's what you need to do with Gary!"

"Then I should contact Aaron!"

"You could do that, but don't you think Gary tells him a lot and that he already knows about the current dilemma?"

"Ugh, you're probably right. That's not very helpful, Liam... How can I show him then?"

"Well..." he whispers in a mischievous tone and I wonder what he has in mind. "I guess there are sex shops in London... Maybe you could go and buy a few things... you know, just basic accessories, like a plug or a vibrator... and maybe a pair of shackles... And then you could go prep and wait for him in your bedroom, kneeling at display and with all these things in front of you..." he explains shyly.

Oh my goodness! Why didn't I think about that before? This sounds like a great plan! This is exactly how I need to show Gary how I am ready to be his Submissive again. If I present him with the absolute evidence and a very suggestive posture, I know he will yield. He will not only understand, no. He will see for himself. That will remind him of our happy past and I'm sure the excitement will arouse him to the point he won't be able to reject my request.

"Jer...? I'm sorry if I shocked you... Maybe that's a little too much..." Liam calls shyly after a long minute of silence.

"No, no... Sorry, Liam! I was just lost in my thoughts... You're absolutely right!! It would work! I'm not sure I can go as far as walking into a sex shop, but... I'll find something."

"You could order on the internet too if that's easier..." Liam offers.

"Yeah, but I want to do this today. Gary's spending the day in the office with his father, so I'll do that tonight when he comes home!"

"You'd better send me an email tomorrow to let me know how it went!!" he replies eagerly.

"I promise I will!!! Thank you so much, Liam!"

"You're welcome! I'm glad to be of any help for once..."

"You're really a good friend and once again, I apologize for shutting you down when things were bad here..."

"Don't... I can understand. I wasn't always the best model of a friend, trust me, but I'm trying to change... The most important is that you get better and only that makes me happy. Now go get ready before you get late and we can talk later!"

After some quick goodbyes, still elated by Liam's suggestion, I grab my coat and stuff and hurry outside, my head already full of ideas. I'm not sure I'll have the guts to visit a sex shop here in London, but I could use some stuff at home to replace the shackles or whatever. When I reach Dr. Fenton's office and she lets me in, I feel myself in an uproar of emotions and my face is as red as a tomato. Of course, she has to notice and after a bit of teasing, we settle down in the usual armchairs.

"Right, I feel like you have a lot to tell me, but first things first. I've read your book, Jeremy and I am truly impressed by the work you accomplished. I am immensely proud of what you've done with this therapy and these are not just words, I truly mean them," she says warmly.

"Thank you..."

"I gathered that you don't want to talk about it more deeply, or more specifically about your captivity, and it's fine for now because I can see the results that the therapy yielded, but in the future, it would be good if you could take a step forward and get a little more comfortable speaking about what you endured during these seventeen months," she then adds, making me wince a bit. "There's no obligation, Jeremy, but it's also part of the therapy. Externalizing your emotions and carrying them over to fictional characters should allow you to express your feelings in a more detached way, but like I said, this can wait and we can envisage it for later."

"Later sounds good..." I grumble.

"No problem. Now, there's still something I'd like to point out about this book if you don't mind?"

"Sure..."

"I've noticed something in your writing," she states, smiling a bit more awkwardly, "more precisely in the chapters that refer to the happy parts of your past. There's a huge discrepancy between the first chapters you wrote and the last ones. It's not only in the style, because this has gotten better throughout the entire book, but mainly in the emotions emanating from your words. The last ones are far more intense. The scenes you describe are not specifically... hotter than the first ones, but there's clearly more eagerness and passion. I may be wrong, but I feel like reliving these memories has triggered good souvenirs within you. It's as if you're beginning to miss this part of your life," she explains, making me snort discreetly – and blush, less discreetly.

Of course, she had to pinpoint something like that!

"I'm glad you've noticed because that's what I wanted to discuss with you today..." I reply a bit shyly.

During the next thirty minutes, I expose what I have been feeling over the past few days and everything that has happened since our last appointment. Talking about sex with Dr. Fenton has become so easy that the words keep flowing out of my mouth as I mention my growing desire for more intense sex, the two little arguments I had with Gary, his reluctance, and my conversation with Liam. Above all, I tell her how determined I am to try the BDSM lifestyle again.

"Before I return to the subject you're so interested in, I'll have to let you know that I'm not too happy with you regarding that fight you had with Gary on Friday evening and that I'll totally side with him, Jeremy," she says in a scolding tone. "I never said you should look for a job that soon, and Gary is right on many levels: you need more time and it would be silly to accept just any job over your talent in masonry, but it's not the matter at hand, so I'll let it pass this time.

"Regarding the BDSM lifestyle, do you remember this conversation we had in December after you reconnected with Aaron?"

"Yes, I do..." I reply meekly, still feeling a little bad about her previous rebuke, but quickly discarding the slight discomfort as I recall what she said about climbing up more ladders before I could start ascending the BDSM one.

"Well, I think we're there," she continues with a warm smile. "One, your book therapy is over; two, you've recovered most of your old personality, it seems; three, you've progressed a lot on the social ladder, keeping in touch with your friends. Between this and the work you've accomplished writing these flashbacks, not only was it bound to trigger buried desires, but I believe you're ready to give it another try."

"That's also what I think, Dr. Fenton... It's here, within me, and the more I think about it, the more I'm convinced, but Gary..."

"Gary is trying to protect you, like he always will, but as your friend said, he's probably testing your resolve. I could speak with him, but I don't think it'll be necessary. Gary knows you so well, and he has perfectly assimilated the concept of baby steps, so I'm sure he'll be able to handle your progression as you return into your old lifestyle. Just don't make the same mistakes again, Jeremy. Baby steps will be key. Don't go too fast, take things easily, and if something fails, don't give up; give it a little more time and try again."

As usual, Dr. Fenton is right. I wish I could take things where I left them before my abduction, but I know some stuff might take time and there are others that might become hard limits, like whips, cat o'nines, chastity devices and so on. Not that Gary ever used them much on me, if at all, but I don't want to see these again for now. In the same vein, should he decide to collar me, I wouldn't want one of those leather collars.

Gary and I will work this out, I'm sure. I may have pushed the lifestyle to the back of my head for a long period, it doesn't mean I have forgotten how it works. If some accessories have become uncomfortable to me, what I want need above all is Gary to exert his dominance on me, to feel him control my body and the pleasure it gets. I want to submit to him because he knows what's best for me. Besides, I still remember what a safeword is and these might come helpful if things get too intense, but in any case, I have faith in Gary, I trust him like no one else, and I'm sure he'll be perfect.

That is... once I've convinced him he's ready too.

My session with Dr. Fenton has been very fruitful once again and when I walk out of her practice a few minutes later, I feel more determined than ever. Just as I get home, I receive a text from Gary telling me that he should be leaving the office in about an hour, which leaves me just enough time to prepare what I need. I search all the rooms, cupboards, drawers and closets for the items we could use. In the end, I lack originality, but it doesn't matter. What I found should do for tonight.

Once the bed is ready, I hurry to the bathroom, perform my enema in record time but thoroughly, then scrub myself clean after I have shaved my armpits, my privates and between my buttocks. I want to be perfect for my man; and as smooth as he likes me to be!!! Once dry, I wrap a towel around my waist, verify the set-up in the bedroom and close the curtains for more privacy. This is when my phone echoes with the sound of an incoming text from Gary, saying he's on his way back, which leaves me a bit less than thirty minutes to relax and be ready.

My heart is racing in my chest, so I take a few deep breaths before I go and kneel on the bed, at the center, and without the towel obviously. I remember Gary's favorite kneeling position, so I spread my knees wide apart, exposing my already-hard cock. My butt is resting on my heels, my back is straight, my shoulders square and my head lowered. Once I have laid the palms of my hands on my thighs, I close my eyes, try to even my breathing and let the memories flood in. The good memories of course...

The first time I saw Gary – and my embarrassment because I was punished after a fight with Devin, kneeling beside Master Aaron's desk.

The night Gary offered me our first contract – again, I had just been punished by three new Doms during their certification session.

The first time we had sex, and that was between two contracts Gary had with other Subs.

The very hot foursome we had with Master Aaron and Master Siegfried.

The way he fucked me under the shower at his place the day he announced me he had to move to Asia.

The way we half-made-love half-fucked the night he returned to the club two years later.

I see several of the scenes we performed, either in the playroom of his house or the one he used to rent at the Black Diamond, or on stage at the club. All these contribute to my arousal and my erection soon begins to drip with precum, because at the end of the day, it was all for pleasure. Huge pleasure.

Somehow, other souvenirs form inside my head.

My beginnings as a Submissive.

Master Aaron, the one man I should be eternal grateful to for introducing me into this lifestyle.

The way he guided me through my first steps and always kept me under his wing.

I also remember the numerous times I fooled around in the Subs' Room. Ed. Mick. Eric. Tony. Liaaaaaam! All my friends! So many fun moments I am missing from the past. Right now, I wish I could be a bit closer to all of them.

Surprisingly, new images take over. I can picture all these guys having dinner together in the Subs' Room, either confiding in each other or laughing at some jokes, but there are three new faces this time. Shannon, Liam's best friend I met last December. He sounds like the fun guy Liam had described to me. Then the reserved Alex, Shannon's other companion in their three-way relationship with Master Mark. And finally Noah, Master Camden's little masochist. The one guy who rekindled me during our mutual captivity, the one person I would love to get to learn better.

All these images of Chicago... They obviously bring up the conversation I had with Liam earlier this afternoon and the question he asked about a potential move back to the United States. Does this mean I am starting to miss my city? The city I refused to leave when my parents moved to Minneapolis. The city where I was born.

I love London, not only because it's beautiful, but also because this is where my rebirth occurred, but... Chicago. London. Chicago. London. Such a dilemma. Maybe one day I will want to move back to the Windy City... Maybe sooner than later...

"Baby, I'm home!!!"

Gary's voice suddenly interrupts my thoughts, but I don't even startle.

I am ready.

My heart starts beating a bit faster as I hear him call me louder, expecting an answer he won't get until he decides to go and check upstairs, but I take a deeper breath to calm down.

I am ready.

My erection reaches its full hardness when I hear Gary's footsteps in the staircase and I bite my lips in anticipation.

I am ready.

"Jer? Are you upstairs?"

I keep my eyes shut because in any case, I wouldn't be able to witness the expression on his face with my head lowered.

I am ready.

"Jeremy? I'm sorry I'm late, Bab... What the fuck...?"

The surprise in his voice.

His heavy breathing.

The silence.

I am ready.

"I want my Dominant back... Master."

Published on 27 April 2018

As promised, here you go with a new chapter, and I hope you enjoyed the last one in Jeremy's POV. You'll surely have noticed how Jeremy has now recovered from his heaviest traumas and how full of hope it was.

The next one will be up on Tuesday and will be an echo to this one, in Gary's POV of course, and they'll both be back in the epilogue.

In theory, this one should be out by the end of next week, but after rereading what I drafted, I'm having second thoughts on its contents, and I might allow myself a few more days to decide on how I should work things out, but in any case, the epilogue and the post-epilogue will come asap and together, and it'll be time for the longest break I've ever taken from publishing since I'm still at the beginning of Aaron's first book.

Meanwhile, have a great weekend and see you onTuesday!