The Darker Side Of The Moon
Book 4 of The Black Moon series
Chapter 37: Blowing Leap

Jeremy's POV – Monday 19 October 2015

Right... It's time to go...

I give a light knock on Gary's office door and wave him goodbye. He is sitting at his desk, gorgeous as ever in his white dress shirt with the first button undone and speaking with his team in Chicago. A sparkle of concern flashes across his face when he notices my presence.

"Wait a second!" he mouths to me, raising a finger. "Guys, let's take a five-minute break," he then adds in the microphone of his headset before he takes it off, rests the device on his desk and stands up to walk to me. "Will you be okay?" he asks once he has pushed me back into the living room and shut his door.

"Yes, don't worry!" I sigh, rolling my eyes.

"Will you remember the way to Dr. Fenton's?"

"Gary, I've been going there three times a week for the past month and it's only ten minutes from here, so yeah... I think I should manage!" I reply with a smile.

"Okay... You have your phone?"

"Yes, I do!!" I sigh with mock exasperation. "And before you ask, yes, I'm going straight there and back, I'll send you a text when I arrive and another one before I leave. And I won't speak to strangers or accept candies from them, Daddy..." I add playfully, wrapping my arms around his neck and standing on my tiptoes to kiss him.

"It's not even funny, Jer..." he replies, tightening his hold around my waist.

Yes, this is probably a bad joke, but I wanted to loosen up his tension. Gary needs to attend meetings by videoconference since he cancelled his trip to Chicago and therefore cannot walk me to my session with my therapist. This is the first time I'm going out alone and I think Gary is stressing more than I do. Not that I don't either, but it's time for me to move on and fight my stupid fears. We're in London and I'm safe!

"Sorry..." I whisper against his lips, pecking them one more time. "Just don't worry. I'll be back in about an hour."

"You'd better. I love you!"

"Me too..." I reply as I kiss him one last time and disentangle from his hold.

With a smile, I turn around and go put my coat on before I head out.

My smile quickly fades away once I'm in the street, though. I'm already missing Gary's presence by my side, but I can't let my fears wash over me. Nothing can happen here, and as I pick up speed, I try to review all the positive thoughts that convinced me I could do this. Gary tried to talk me into cancelling today's appointment, but I insisted on keeping it because there are things I need to urgently discuss with Dr. Fenton.

Like I told him, there's nothing to worry about because the Devil won't find me here. London is my safe place and in all objectivity, I can't imagine how that bastard of Andrei would know about my presence here, and even if he did, he just wouldn't be able to fly so far, especially with the international warrant for arrest against him.

And then, there was also great news this weekend! I was a bit scared on Sunday when Gary said he had important information and I saw him tiptoe around me. My first thought was Shit! They've fixed the date for Fabio's trial and I'll have to fly to Chicago! Quite the opposite actually!

Gary explained that Fabio had been found dead in his cell on Friday morning. Tony Jacobson had informed him briefly, but Gary waited to know more to tell me about it.

"Perhaps I should have told you before, Baby... Fabio Lipia was transferred to another prison, in Chicago, after he was raped and beaten down in Seattle. I'm sorry, I didn't want to bother you with this and it was just before we moved to England. Anyway, it seems like he'd been on anti-depressants and managed to save some of his daily pills whenever he wasn't closely watched. He just took a lethal dose."

"Oh... so, that coward took the easy way out?" I replied dejectedly.

"He left a short farewell letter, addressed to his mother. He apologized to her for all the troubles and said he just couldn't stand life in jail... that it was too hard..." Gary sighed, rubbing my hands within his.

"Poor thing... I guess it wasn't up to his standards..." I said with heavy sarcasm. "What about me? Or Noah? And Timmy? Did he mention anything about us?"

"I'm sorry, Baby... Nothing about you apparently."

"Fine... Then I don't feel sorry for him. I wish he would have paid for all he did, but... If that jerk wasn't even able to voice regrets to those he hurt, then I hope he's just rotting in hell now!"

Gary was worried about my reaction, but honestly, there was nothing to fear. I just don't give a fuck about that motherfucker. Sure, I would have preferred him to face his responsibilities and to die with shame and guilt during the trial, but in the end, I'm not that surprised. Fabio was such a stupid asshole, mostly preoccupied with choosing the most horrible suit he could wear each day and enjoying the luxury he was living in. I bet the orange coveralls were not nice enough for him...

Anyway, all that matters is that the Earth hosts one less fucker, and in a way, I'm glad I won't have to go through a painful trial right now. I'm just not ready to face something like this. At the end of the day, the one I want to see pay for his crimes is Andrei, and when his time comes, I'll be ready to face him and look him in the eyes when he gets sentenced to prison for the rest of his life.

For now, he's still on the loose, but I won't let him ruin the bit of self-confidence I have gained ever since I escaped, so I keep telling myself that I'm safe in London and try to relax. Of course, I do peek at my surroundings every so often until I reach Dr. Fenton's building, but once there, I can't help a bright smile of victory.

I made it! I managed to get out on my own without a panic attack! It wasn't that difficult in the end!

As the receptionist invites me to take a seat in the waiting room, I quickly fish the new phone Gary bought for me a few days ago and text him that I arrived safely. Now I can think about all the things I need to discuss with my therapist and there's quite a lot after this great weekend. Weirdly enough, the first thing that comes to my mind is what happened on Friday evening, but as the previous patient walks out, I don't have time to dwell any further on this.

"Good afternoon, Jeremy!" Dr. Fenton cheers as she lets me into her office, firmly shaking my hand before she shuts the door.

I return the greeting, in a less enthusiastic tone, and we both go and sit in the comfortable armchairs of her office.

Don't get me wrong, I like this therapist. I actually like her a lot. Her constant joyfulness and optimism never fail to help my troubled mind. I'm just not as lively as she is, but I'm confident I will at some point. And in any case, I have become quite addicted to our appointments. I can't explain what brings me to feel so comfortable around her. She is obviously no friend of mine and yet, whenever I'm with her, I just can't help opening up on my feelings.

"How was the weekend?" she asks in the same expectant tone.

"Very nice..." I reply with a small voice, feeling myself get red in the face as I remember an awkward moment that happened on Friday night.

It turns out that I experienced my first orgasm within Gary's hands and I'm not quite sure about how I should feel about it.

"Was it that cold outside or is this a light blush I can see on your face?" she asks softly, but I can decipher the light teasing in her tone.

Right now, I feel a bit embarrassed. Like I said, I am truly at ease with Dr. Fenton and there are many subjects we have been broaching over the past month – topics I never thought I would discuss with a shrink. We never talk about my captivity or what I endured all this time, but we often speak about my current relationship with Gary and the way it evolves.

And evolve, it does! This man really has a way with me! I feel like he understands me better than I do myself. Like he always knows what's best for me, the pace we should follow, and which steps we should take. I have come to trust him so much that I have almost completely surrendered to his decisions.

Almost... Because I still have my moments of doubts when he takes things a bit further. And yet, I usually manage to let go with the flow. Thanks to Gary, I have been able to gain more confidence in his presence, I am more daring too.

The truth is that my libido is waking up little by little. I even woke up with morning wood a few times over the past two weeks. Boners of which I got rid of thanks to a cold shower each time, or just by waiting for my manhood to deflate before I'd get up. It seems like my past knowledge isn't completely lost after all. I could have jerked off in the shower, since I'm no longer bound to the lifestyle I used to evolve in, but my guilt was still far too present to allow myself any form of pleasure.

And yet... I can't deny the terrible physical attraction I feel for Gary because it's really here.

Even if he always makes sure to shut the bathroom door or to keep his muscles hidden underneath clothes, Gary's body is taunting. The memories I have of him naked are still vivid in my mind, so he can conceal all he wants, my imagination is enough to arouse me whenever we cuddle or hug.

Last Friday, I don't know if it's because he showed up in bed only wearing his pajama pants or because he conceded to stay with me in London instead of flying to Chicago as he should have this week, but I suddenly felt a huge desire for more. It didn't help that I had been thinking a lot about a very sensual sex scene that happened to us five years ago for my book...

Anyway, things heated off pretty fast Friday evening and I soon found myself with Gary hovering over me. Despite the short moment of anxiety that he quickly soothed, I allowed myself to drown into his warmth and safety, relishing in his hold, and before I knew it, his caresses carried me away to the point I ejaculated in my pants at the first brush of his fingers over my crotch.

Fuck! It was quick, intense... Such a little nothing and yet so strong! I can hardly believe I climaxed with the slightest stimulation. Just thinking about it only deepens my blush.

"Alright... Tell me about the places you visited over the weekend, instead," Dr. Fenton whispers warmly after a few minutes of silence.

Oh, I know what she is doing! I have gotten to know her by now. She's only switching subjects for a moment, but I know she will return to it at some point. I don't really mind. I know she wouldn't force me to broach a topic I don't want to.

Instead of mentioning what happened on Friday evening, I tell her about the wonderful weekend we had with Gary. He had to work a lot, but he still managed to free a lot of time for me. On Saturday late afternoon, we had a long stroll along the River Thames from Tower Bridge to the area of Piccadilly Circus. When I told him how I was missing the good American burgers, Gary took me for dinner to the Five Guys restaurant on Leicester Square where I enjoyed a delicious burger, homemade fries and the best milkshake I ever had. After that, we went to the theatre to watch a comedy that was nice enough. Then on Sunday, we had lunch at his parents' house like it was planned, but instead of leaving me there for a few days before taking a flight to the US, we got back home together after a delicious meal.

I know my fear for staying in England during his business trip was silly. I would have been good with Mary, I'm sure we would have had fun, but I couldn't help my worries to show off on Friday evening and Gary saw through me. I felt a bit guilty for somehow coaxing him into cancelling his trip, and to be honest, I was surprised he actually did, but my selfishness took the better of my emotions and I don't regret it. I am fully aware it will happen at some point because Gary needs to attend regular meetings physically, but if I can win one more month before he does, then so be it!

I've just grown too addicted to his presence and I couldn't let go... I wasn't ready.

"Sounds like a great and busy weekend!" Dr. Fenton cheers when I'm done telling her about our activities. "Are the burgers the only thing you miss in the US?" she then asks.

Yeah... no. I miss my friends too, my former life as well, but I don't want to dwell on that. One step at a time!

"I miss my parents a bit, but I skype with them once a week so that's quite okay... In any case, it suits us as it is," I reply honestly.

"Have you started writing like you'd planned since last Friday?" she then asks more eagerly.

"Yes... I started on Friday afternoon... and I also wrote a bit on Saturday and Sunday."

"How did it go, in terms of technique?"

"Oh... well, that's not too easy... I'm slow..." I reply with a shameful smile.

I never really had to use a laptop before, so I need to get used to type with both my hands. I wonder how authors used to write when they only had those old typewriters and you had to use the wipe-out thingy to correct mistakes. At least it's easier on Word...

"It was hard finding the words in the beginning but it turns out that once you know what you want to talk about, the flow is a bit more fluid."

"Take your time anyway, you're in no hurry..."

"Oh, I know that... It's funny though because I'm already getting to like this. I mean... I've only barely written a chapter and I probably have the worst style of all, but it's..." I trail off, not finding the proper word.

"Mind-liberating?" she suggests.

"Yeah... Sort of. I just can't explain it... Maybe not liberating yet, but relaxing for sure..."

"Have you decided which perspective you want to use?" she then asks.

This has been a subject of disagreement between us and she probably won't like my decision.

"I've started in the first person..." I reply, shrugging my shoulders. "But I'll switch to the third if it becomes too difficult later..."

"This is really up to you, Jeremy. Like I explained, this book therapy using characters with different names aims at helping you to dissociate yourself from what you experienced. If you use the first person to tell the story, it won't help you as well as if you tell the story in the third person. With the first one, you'll still associate yourself with the character..."

"I understand that, but I find it harder to express the feelings if I write in the third person... But I will switch if I find it too hard. For now, it's okay because the character is in a fluffy moment before the events begin..." I explain.

"Alright, sounds good. And I'm glad you took my advice on including good memories. I'm really happy with the plan you've come up with, because I think it will allow you a breather between the hard moments. In any case, always feel free to ask me any questions or expose any concern you may have. Okay?"

"Sure..."

"Now in terms of emotions, how did you feel throwing yourself back into fond memories?" she then asks with a glint of mischief in her eyes.

I'm sure she knows. I'm sure she has understood where my initial discomfort came from when I arrived.

"I think... I believe that thinking about all these happy moments while I was planning the book sort of... woke up my... desires... my sexual desires..." I stutter, feeling myself blush again.

She keeps a poker face, not expressing either disgust, surprise, compassion or whatever emotion, just waiting for me to tell her more, I guess. Well, this is not something entirely new since I already told her after it began on my birthday. We have discussed my raising libido during almost each of our sessions since then, but there has never been anything like what happened to me on Friday.

"It went a bit further with Gary..." I eventually sigh, looking down at my lap.

I said I'm comfortable around her, but what I have to say is still a bit embarrassing.

"Between the nice souvenirs, my relief because Gary cancelled his trip to Chicago this week and... I don't know... I liked what I wrote earlier that afternoon... I got carried away and became a bit more daring... At some point, Gary's touches got... closer... and I... I..."

"You had an orgasm?" she says, finishing my sentence after a long moment of silence.

I peek up at her and almost sigh with relief. This is what I truly appreciate with Dr. Fenton. She can be cheerful and even smug most of the time, but she can also show the appropriate seriousness when it's needed. I just nod in answer.

"Did it feel good?"

Yeah so much for the absence of smug questions, though there is no smirk in her tone.

"Of course..."

"If you're embarrassed about the fact it happened with barely anything at all, you shouldn't, Jeremy. You haven't experienced pleasure in a long time so it's only natural. Remember the first time you had an erection that you stroke until you reached an orgasm – which is only normal – I bet it didn't require much stimulation..." she says.

Ugh great... Now I see myself at the age of twelve, discovering how good it felt to masturbate.

"I guess I'm right. Did it bother you in any other way?"

"There was... a bit of guilt..."

"Would you explain me what this guilt is about?" she then asks after a long minute of silence.

"No! No... I don't want to discuss this," I reply with agitation, feeling myself panic at what I said.

I don't want to explain why I feel guilty toward Gary, or how dirty I still feel within, even if those emotions are much less powerful than they used to.

"It's okay, Jeremy! You know you don't have to!" she replies apologetically. "You only tell me what you want to say, nothing else. Is this clear?"

I nod in answer again and she reclines in her armchair.

"Can I say something, though?"

"Sure..."

"I have dealt with many people who endured various things before they started a therapy. Nothing like you did, but similar things all the same. So I have a few guesses on how you feel, even if I can't be sure, but that's not the point anyway. What I want to say, Jeremy, is: first, I want you to keep trusting Gary. He looks like a good man, who seems to have understood a large part of the problem. He is doing things the right way from what I see, and I'm sincerely happy about the progress in your relationship. So keep trusting him."

Well, I can only agree with this. There is no denying that Gary is probably the best man in the world, almost a saint. I always knew he was a kind and generous soul, but I never thought he'd have so much patience and selflessness to give. He is undeniably the major cause of my progressive healing, making the right decisions, taking the necessary steps and providing the support and encouragements I need. So, he clearly has my entire trust.

"Then, what you need to understand is that you must learn to love again... No, not love, because I'm sure you never forgot that, but more precisely all that has to do with sexuality. Dr. Graaf explained this to you already. Baby steps. This is what you need to take. In the end, just let Gary teach you again. If you need to, remind him that you want to take things gradually, but I have a feeling he already knows that. Through learning, you will slowly replace the terrible memories with good ones, but this has to be done slowly, so take your time. Do you understand?"

"Yes, I do... thank you."

Dr. Fenton is great. I sincerely adore her and even start believing in her theory about the book she said I should write as a therapy. But I still have a hard time trusting her judgement on replacing the terrible memories. I agree that there has been a lot of progress in my relationship with Gary over the last two months. There is quite a difference between the moment I returned to Chicago and today. I am obviously more comfortable around him and I enjoy our physical moments more and more.

However, my fears are still here. The fear to take things further in terms of sex. The fear to be thrown back into what I lived while I was a captive. The fear to hurt... Sex hurts when you're being abused. Feeling a hard stick at the back of your throat is painful when you're not willing, there's no way you can relax your throat when panic hits you. And I'm not mentioning an anal penetration without preparation and without your consent. Despite all of Timmy's advice, I never really managed to quieten the terrible pain at being ripped by Andrei's member. These are some of my fears, enhanced by the horrible images I have kept of my captivity.

These are what I need to replace with nice memories according to the doctor. She thinks that new experiences with Gary will progressively supplant the reminiscences I have in my head. I wish I could believe her on that. I would strip off my clothes, bend over and ask Gary to fuck me as soon as I'd get home if it was that simple. If it's so easy, why don't my former memories of sex blow away the most recent ones? Well, I guess it's a question of experiencing things again, to create new impressions that will take over the old ones.

Maybe she's right in the end and maybe I should push myself a bit more? I'm so sick of my pathetic self who is unable to return all the deserved love and affection to my lover. True, he always says he's patient. He also says he's happy with our progression, but I would so much like to give him more! I swear this is getting frustrating! I owe him so much and I can't even give him any pleasure or release... I need to gather my shit together and prod myself further.

Tonight, I will.

I can do this.

Determined to pleasure Gary one way or the other that night, I walk out of Dr. Fenton's office with more resolve than ever. Once again, I pick up speed on my way back home, but it's not out of fear for meeting Andrei this time. I just can't wait to see the man I love.

It's almost 4pm when I reach our cute little house in Kensington and I can hear Gary's voice coming from his office. It seems to be an animated conversation, so I just quickly pop my head in and blow him a kiss, to which he answers with a smile.

It's too late to work on my book project, so I head to one of the guestrooms that Gary has set for me and get back to my current LEGO construction. I kind of feel childish playing with this at 25, but I just love it. It reminds me of my childhood and the hours I could spend building houses or cars with the colorful bricks when I was a kid. Now that I think about it, I could have seen a sign there in terms of professional career.

This leads me to think about Peter, my former boss. I haven't reached out to him at all since I became free again. I know Gary contacted him briefly to tell him I was safe when I was still in hospital, and then a bit later to announce him we were moving to England, but I haven't spoken to the old bear. I will, someday, when I feel better.

The little blocks of plastic keep me busy for the rest of the afternoon as I continue my replica of Tower Bridge, then I set to cook dinner. Gary's videoconference will last until at least 10pm, so I end up bringing him a tray with his meal around 8pm, then have dinner on my own, watching TV in the living room. Once I'm done cleaning up my mess in the kitchen, I busy myself with laundry and ironing, then decide to enjoy a warm bath which achieves to relax me.

"Can I come in?" Gary warily asks from the doorstep of the bathroom, making me startle as I didn't hear him arrive.

"Sure..." I reply with a small voice.

Most of the foam has now disappeared and I feel a bit exposed, which is silly because Gary already knows my body by heart. I had never been a modest person in the past, but some events changed a few things. Ever since I returned to Gary, he has always given me a lot of privacy, thinking that my nudity would be a source of discomfort for me. Well, it was, especially in the beginning, but then, it was essentially because of all the disgusting marks I had all over my body, the bruises, the scratches, the scars... They all made me feel so shameful.

Then there was also the fact that I didn't want to induce more temptation when I know he already has to struggle with his sexual frustration. Well, considering I woke up clean last Saturday morning – which implies Gary cleaned the sticky mess in my pants on Friday evening – and I want to soothe some of his frustration tonight, I strive to push my false modesty at the back of my head and smile when he approaches and crouches beside the bathtub to kiss me.

"Sorry I left you on your own all day long..." he begins to say but I pull out a hand from under the water and raise a finger to his lips.

"Don't... I'm already thankful you stayed..." I murmur apologetically.

"Anything for you, Baby," he whispers back, leaning over to peck my lips again. "Damn! It's been a freaking long meeting and it's continuing tomorrow... I'm so tired. Do you mind if I shower while you're still in here?"

"No, of course not..."

With another peck on my mouth, he stands up and moves toward the large shower. I avert my eyes from him as he begins to undress, but the temptation is too strong, and I can't resist peeking a few times, especially as he is facing away from me. The muscles in his back twitch beneath his skin with each of his moves, which looks very appealing. He takes off his jeans and boxer briefs, revealing two perfectly firm globes that contract when he steps into the cabin. Through the window walls, I get to admire his entire nakedness.

I haven't seen Gary fully naked in so long now! That, combined to my returning libido, has my cock begin to swell under the water, which makes me squeeze my knees together.

Come on, Jer! Gather a bit of courage and try! You know all the things that this man has been doing for you! Don't you think he deserves a bit of gratitude?

I know all that, but am I capable to do this? How far am I ready to go to please him? Will he take advantage of my willingness and go beyond my limits?

You know he won't! You said you trust him! And you want it!

Before I overthink this too much, I pull out of the bath and slowly walk to the shower stall, enjoying the sight while my little soldier reaches a semi-hard state. Gary is shampooing his hair when I open the glass door. The breeze of fresh air makes him startle and flick his eyes open, probably surprised to see me there. He quickly wipes the foam from his eyes, wincing a bit, and without a word, he pulls me into a tight hug as he wraps his arms around my shoulders. My hands reach for the small of his back, clutching him for dear life, and we remain like that for a long moment while the water spreads over our heads.

"I love you so much, Baby..." he then whispers as his hands reach for my face.

I don't let go of his waist as he begins to kiss me with a lot of passion that I willingly return. Kissing him has now become so easy, just like the cuddles, the hugs and even the caresses. I'm not even bothered by his erection springing to life against my lower belly. In fact, I want to feel it. Our tongues are waltzing together, there is no fight for dominance, it's a just a pleasurable dance, an exchange of saliva. I feel my own member harden even more, but contrary to last Friday, I'm not scared of pleasure. I know how good it feels and I believe I'd like to experience this again. However, I want to indulge my man first because he deserves it greatly.

"Jer... what are you doing...?" Gary stutters when I drop to my knees in front of him.

"I want to..." I reply, feeling the heat rise from my neck to my forehead as I rest my hands on his thighs and look back down.

My eyes are at the level of his crotch now and wow... His huge erection is pointing at my nose and flashes erupt in my mind, freezing me right away.

Open, Kitten!

I wince at the voice echoing in my head and begin to shiver while my eyes gawk at the dripping erection. I can't help remembering how Andrei used to force himself inside my mouth... or how Fabio used to push on my head while he was seated in his armchair.

Thank goodness, the images immediately evaporate as Gary pulls me up and pins me against the wall of the cabin, his hands cupping my face and forcing me to look into his eyes. His worried eyes.

"Jer, look at me!" he says leaning down to reach my level. "It's just us..."

Yeah... Those beautiful and intense brown eyes... They're Gary's. I sigh with relief and throw myself against his body, resuming the position we were in before.

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry... I thought... I thought I could..."

"You're not ready for that, Baby... You're going too fast," he sighs, rubbing his hands all over my back. "Let's take the time..."

"But I'd like to give you pleasure... I want it so much..."

"How many times will I have to tell you, Jeremy? Baby steps! We need to take baby steps..." he says softly before he turns the tap off.

"But how?"

"What about this?" he then asks softly as he reaches for my right hand and ever so slowly brings it to his front, between our bodies. "Look at me."

My eyes lock with his while one of his hands is still resting at the nape of neck and I drown into this chocolate ocean as my fingers eventually reach his erection, my other hand laying on his hip. This is definitely easier, and I naturally wrap my fingers around his hard-on, witnessing the sudden fever in his eyes. One stroke. One very slow and timid stroke until my wrist hits his pubes, which makes him bite his lower lip and hiss.

Jeez... The lust in his expression is overwhelming and that's only my fingers touching him. That encourages me to go on.

"Oh gosh..." he moans after a few round trips. "I'm not going to last, Baby..." he pants and just as the words are out, I feel a warm substance land both on my hand and my chest.

Gary groans his orgasm and his entire body stiffens with his muscles shivering, before he pulls me into a hug.

"Oh fuck... it was so good... Thank you so much, Baby..."

The praise and his genuine happiness fill me with relief and joy. I made it! I managed to give pleasure to my man and I couldn't be any prouder. Damn! He needed it so badly and I wanted to please him so much! It wasn't even difficult for me. I loved feeling his hard member between my fingers, it didn't scare me.

Of course, I would have preferred to give him head but I think he's right. I just went too fast again, I need to familiarize myself again with all the sexual activities. And as long as I can fulfill some of his needs, then I'm happy.

I honestly feel elated by this little nothing, I believe even my heart is smiling... This makes me feel so good! Well at least until my scrunched member reminds me of its presence, causing me to whimper from my painful erection.

"Are you okay, Jeremy?" Gary suddenly asks warily as he pushes me away from him.

I blush and briefly look down at my crotch before I glance back up at him with needy eyes.

"Oh, I'm sorry... Can you hold on a couple of minutes?"

I nod in answer, wondering what he has in mind. He quickly pours shower gel in my hands and in his before he begins to lather his body, so I understand I should do the same with mine. In a way, I'm almost disappointed he doesn't wash my body, but I guess that's part of the baby-step process. However, as soon as we have both rinsed ourselves, he tugs me out of the shower and straight to the bed, without even bothering to wipe ourselves dry.

My cock hasn't deflated in these short minutes and it's even starting leaking as we both lie down, Gary's body covering mine.

"Do you trust me, Jeremy?" he asks with his husky voice, sending a weird tingle down my spine as his intense brown eyes plunge into mine.

"I do..."

That makes him smile warmly before he begins to peck my lips, my cheeks, my jaw and my neck, in the softest way. His legs push mine to close and he slightly moves back, straddling my knees while he continues to kiss my collarbones. My heart picks up speed, booming within my chest and my cock twitches when his tongue flicks over my left nipple before he moves back up to my lips.

"Just trust me, Baby..." he says again, slipping two big pillows beneath my back and my head, thus propping me up to an almost-sitting position. "See? This is just me... I want you to keep looking at me..."

I watch him kiss his way back down, his eyes glancing up every other second.

Oh my god... He's going down there, and I haven't shaved! Not even trimmed!! However, before I have time to dwell on this thought, he swallows my whole length, humming in pleasure, as if he was eating the finest dish. I squeal and bulk my hips up at the warm and delicious sensation.

Wrong images of Noah or Timmy are trying to resurface, enhancing guilt, but I fight them, focusing on the vivid eyes locked with mine. He said it didn't matter that I enjoyed a few orgasms with other guys during my captivity, that I needed this to keep sane and survive, so I decide to believe him. Seeing him bob up and down my erection is... so hot!

So, so hot that I feel my balls tighten very quickly, and as much as I try to contain my building orgasm, I can't really control it.

"Please... I need..."

Old habits die hard, it seems.

Gary groans his disapproval – I can almost hear him say You don't need my permission to come anymore, Jeremy!!! – which sends strong vibrations through my member and throws me over the edge. Lightnings flash before my eyes and my entire body jerks up with bliss as my orgasm kicks in.

This is so intense that it completely wears me out and I almost immediately drift to sleep, promising myself to return him the favor as soon as I can.

Published on 27 March 2018

Another step has been taken, and as you can see, Jeremy's thoughts are also more and more positive. In the next one, things will go a little further as we will be about two weeks later. The guys will have a romantic weekend in the south of England ;)