The Darker Side Of The Moon
Book 4 of The Black Moon series
Chapter 28: Back In Chicago

Jeremy's POV – Saturday 29 August 2015

"Take care, Son..." my father says with a voice full of emotion as he pulls me into a hug.

We are on the hospital parking lot now and it's time for some goodbyes.

"We will try to visit you in a couple of weeks, but in the meantime, we'll speak over the phone..." he adds, tightening his hold around me.

"Thank you, Dad... I promise I'll call often," I reply as I disentangle from his embrace before I reach out for my mother and hug her tightly. The woman is short but her arms around my waist are strong. "I'll miss you, Mom..."

"I'll miss you too, Sweetie..." she replies with a strangled voice that brings tears to my eyes. "Don't forget to keep in touch... and listen to Gary, I'm sure he'll help you get better..."

"I'll try my best..."

Soon enough, we part ways. After more goodbyes and recommendations, Gary gently tugs me to the big car Mr. Jacobson rented and we both get in at the back while the two other men sit at the front. I watch my parents walk to their own car and wave at them one last time as we drive away.

Sitting normally in a car feels weird. The last time I was in a vehicle, it was a van and I was tied up to one of its walls, stolen away by my captors. There was also that moment I was rescued from the forest and taken to hospital, but I was unconscious and don't remember any of it, so the last one I remember was when Andrei fled with me and Will.

Don't go there, Jer! You are free now!

That's true. Right now, I am sitting beside the man I love and have chosen to follow to Chicago. It was a difficult decision to make. Despite all he told me, I still have my reserves. I feel dirty deep down. What's worse, I haven't told him anything yet about Timmy or even Noah, and all the guilt I feel about this. It's even worse now that he has told me about what he did over the past year and a half. Just thinking about it makes me want to cry and only increases my guilt.

Over the last three days, we have had time to discuss, though mostly about him. I'm glad he hasn't tried to ask details about my captivity – though it will certainly come at some point. I can't believe he didn't go with anyone else in all this time. I don't know how many times I wondered if he had a new Submissive and if he had forgotten about me. I was so far from the truth... Gary explained he terminated his membership at the Black Diamond soon after he received my letter. He could have found himself a lover out of the lifestyle later, but it never happened. Never once did he start another relationship. He didn't even have one-night stands!

The only man occupying my thoughts has always been you, Jeremy. While you were away, no one would have ever been able to enter my head... You're the only one...

This is what Gary told me two days ago in the morning while we were alone. I almost came back on my decision to follow him to Chicago as culpability hit me at that moment. My mother was right. Gary is a saint. He is such a handsome man, it's hard to believe his faith in us never faltered and he never tried to move on and meet someone else. Even if he never accredited the runaway theory, he could have gotten tired of waiting after a few months. He could have thought I was dead and decided to try his luck with someone else. Well, he didn't and just waited for me.

In the end, I chose to stick to my plans. Not only because it's sort of the easy way, but also because of what I felt for my parents. I really hate that I barely thought about them during my captivity when they worried sick for me all these months. I don't know what the future will bring me or how I will react coming back to a normal life as a free man, things could get ugly and I don't want to add to their sorrow. I would rather see them confident that I will get through without witnessing the reality of things. Going with Gary, I hope it will alleviate their anguish and sorrow. I will just make sure I sound joyful enough whenever I speak with them over the phone.

It doesn't mean that things are going to be so easy for me.

For now, I have strived to keep all the brooding thoughts on what I experienced at the back of my head. Thankfully, all of Gary, my parents and even Mr. Jacobson have done the same, carefully avoiding terrible topics, but I know it won't last. I am fully aware I will have to relive all these memories at some point when I get to meet the police in Chicago and I can't say I look forward to it.

Even before that, I will have to endure the return home.

Home.

I don't even have a home of my own anymore. In my letter, I had asked Gary to terminate my lease and get rid of all my belongings. I don't even have ID documents or a credit card anymore since Andrei kept my wallet. How am I supposed to start a new life without any of these?

What scares me the most though is how things are going to be like with Gary. He has clearly implied that I was going to live with him. He said he will be patient, but I wonder if he has taken in the full extent of my brokenness. I'm not even sure I could share the same bed with him! How can I tell him that? It sounds silly because at the same time, I want to be close to him. All the time I was away, I have craved for his strong, protective arms. I still do! I want to feel his warmth against me, but it scares me to no end. I'm afraid I won't stand it and I still feel so dirty...

"Jer... Don't start brooding, Baby. Everything will go well," Gary says, gently grabbing my hand.

I wish I could be so positive!

However, I give him a small smile and try to relax. Soon enough, we arrive at the small airport of Cook where Joshua Pierce's private jet is waiting for us.

I'm amazed by all the generosity he showed after I disappeared, offering Mr. Jacobson's help to look for me and then arranging Gary's transfer to Cook when I was found. One could say it's easy to be so generous when you are as wealthy as this CEO, but I wouldn't. After all, he didn't have to. He had no obligation toward me, but he still did and I'm grateful for that.

During one of our conversations with Gary, I asked him a few questions about Liam. I already knew from Noah that my friend was still with Master Joshua, but Gary told me a bit more. He didn't go into details, but it seems like the couple went through quite a hard time soon after I was kidnapped, but thankfully, things got back into order. Liam moved in with Joshua during the following summer and I am sincerely happy to hear again that they are now engaged. I bet my little innocent blonde must have freaked out and gone all emotional. He was so worried about his Dominant's feelings for him the last time I saw him!

The flight to Chicago goes uneventfully since I spend the best part of it sleeping in a super comfortable armchair. I don't know how long this exhaustion will last but I still feel so tired! I have spent a lot of time sleeping over the last three days. The doctor explained it's normal and that my body and mind are just trying to recover from the last months' events. I hope it'll soon stop but at the same time, I also like the state of numbness it sets me in. Weirdly enough, even if Gary says my sleep is quite agitated, I don't get nightmares which is a nice change from all the brooding thoughts which assault me when I am awake.

It is the middle of the afternoon when we finally land in Chicago and Mr. Jacobson kindly drives us to Gary's house in Naperville. My heart constricts when I recognize the streets of the town. I am thrown back to that day I was working there, building an extension in a beautiful house, and decided to use my lunchbreak to visit Gary and confess my love for him. I never made it there.

Thank goodness, we don't take the road where it all started because I don't know how I could have dealt with it. Seeing Gary's house is hard enough as lots of memories flash back in.

There are so many of them belonging here... all happy ones. Unfortunately, they make me sad because I feel like I am a different man from the one I used to be. Back then, I was a happy-go-lucky guy, with a rather strong temper, who would always smile and have fun. I was enjoying life and despite a few hard moments, I considered myself a cheerful person.

I was kinky too. I loved sex. I was at ease with anything, always ready to try as many experiences as I could. Now I am only a shadow of who I used to be, and I have no idea if I will ever get back to my old self.

"Rest well, Jeremy," Mr. Jacobson says, resting a paternal hand on my shoulder after he has pulled Gary's bag out of the trunk and given it to him.

"Thank you..." I reply meekly.

"I'll make sure he's ready for Monday, Tony," Gary adds in a low tone, but I still get to hear him. "Thank you for all your help and you rest well too!"

"Will do. See you on Monday!" the man replies with a warm smile before he returns to his car.

Gary lays a gentle hand at the nape of my neck and leads me inside his house. More flashes make their way to my mind...

All the times he was waiting for me and kissed me deeply in the huge entrance hall.

That evening I was late and he asked me to bend over the console to spank me.

That Saturday morning he came back from a long trip and fucked me in the staircase because we couldn't even wait to reach the playroom.

All the times I was here before him and waited for his return, kneeling naked by the entrance door.

All these memories related to our Dominant / Submissive relationship oppress me because I don't think I will ever be able to do this again.

"What's happening on Monday?" I ask in an attempt to distract myself from my thoughts, although I already know the answer.

Gary sighs as he puts his luggage down on the floor before he turns to me and cups my face with his hands.

"We'll get the visit of several persons at the same time... the police, a lawyer, the private investigator and Tony will be here," he says with compassion as my face falls.

Of course, I knew it would happen. I knew I would have to relate all the facts and events at some point, but I had kept this buried at the back of my head. Now hearing it makes it much clearer to me and I hate the idea of having to relive everything.

"Baby, I'll be here to support you..." Gary whispers as he pulls me into a cautious hug, lightly brushing his hands all over my back.

As if it was going to make me feel better... I don't think his presence will help me at all. On the contrary, it means he will get to hear everything and I'm not sure it's the best of ideas. Not only for him, as I'm sure it'll be very painful for him too, but also for me because it won't ease my guilt when I mention all the things I did there.

"Please, forget about it for now... Let's get you relaxed in a warm bath," he adds.

Without protesting, I follow him upstairs but as soon as my feet hit the floor, I am suddenly seized by a crushing anxiety attack when my eyes lay on the third door on the left side of the long corridor. Things get blurred in my head as various memories – fond ones most of all – flash back, but the one that prevails is the panic I felt at the beginning of the mock assault Gary had organized to please me with a rough scene. It's stupid because that night was one of the most intense sex scenes I ever had and gave me so much pleasure!

However, right now it only mixes with the memories I have of my abduction and I suddenly can't breathe anymore, as if I had been punched in my stomach. I barely register what happens next, but I find myself engulfed into a tight hug. I don't even have the strength to fight Gary's hold as he whispers soft words of encouragement to me. On the contrary, I wrap my arms around his waist and cling to him, willing all my fears to go away.

I am safe here.

I am with Gary and it's only the two of us.

Nothing can happen, and no one will take me away from him again.

"That's it, Jer... Calm down... You're safe, Baby..." Gary murmurs endlessly.

After a few minutes, I manage to recover a slower breathing, focusing on his sweet scent, his reassuring voice and the warmth of his arms. I also realize that he has led me into the first room on the right.

"Is it better?" he asks, his voice full of concern.

"Yeah... sorry about that..."

"Don't be sorry, Jeremy. Can you just tell me what happened?" he asks, still holding me against his chest.

"I... I think it's the playroom... It's... I don't know... Too many memories," I reply with a hoarse voice.

"That's okay, don't worry about that. The door is locked and we're not going in there. I'll seal it if necessary..." he reassures me.

Well, I don't think he needs to go that far, but I'd rather avoid having to pass by that door. Unfortunately, the master bedroom is at the end of the corridor.

"You're going to settle in this bedroom. It's the largest guestroom and it has its own attached bathroom," he then explains as he disentangles from me.

A little pang of disappointment hits me as I realize what it means. Maybe he doesn't want me in his bedroom? Well, that would be understandable. After all, even if he said he loves me and will be patient, I can't say that we are really back together. Apart from a soft kiss we shared on Wednesday when I eventually accepted to follow him to Chicago, there haven't been other signs of a real relationship. Every morning and evening, he has only pecked my forehead, but other than holding my hand, it hasn't gone any further. I hope he won't come back on his decision to take care of me...

I try not to dwell on this for now and let him lead me to said bathroom. I watch him open the water tap of the tub, add some deliciously smelling oils and pull out clean towels from a cupboard.

"A warm bath will do you some good. Do you need any help?" he asks with a soft voice.

"I'll be okay... thanks..." I reply shyly.

"Alright. I'll leave you to it then while I go cook us dinner. I'll leave the doors open so just call out if you need anything, okay?"

I nod in answer and begin to remove my shoes as he walks out. Once I have stripped off the clothes he bought for me in Cook, I try to ignore my reflection in the large mirror above the sink, feeling disgusted by all the remaining marks on my body.

Dirty!

Ugh, I hate myself and my body so much right now!

With a sigh, I move to the large bath and allow my muscles to loosen up within the hot water. Gary was right, it does feel good. I can hear him talk downstairs, probably on the phone, but I don't even try to decipher what he says. Somehow, I manage to drowse off a bit, but my brooding thoughts keep nagging my mind, always straying back to the worst memories I have. Andrei spilling his seed inside my rectum. Fabio impaling himself on my rod. His hole squeezing around my penis... His disgusting insides soiling my manhood...

So dirty!

Of course, I am! That's why Gary doesn't want me to stay in his bedroom! This is completely understandable! Even if we haven't discussed the events yet, I know he has read the report after Noah was rescued. He knows most of what I have been through, how I have been used and abused by Andrei and his half-brother. He must find me disgusting too...

Seized by a sudden fit of hysteria, tears running down my cheeks, I pull on the plug to empty the bathtub of its water, stand up and grab the shower gel bottle. I pour a large amount in my hand and begin to lather my body, creating more and more foam. I rinse myself but I still feel filthy, so I do it all over again, once, twice, even inserting one finger into my hole to clean me inside, but the disgusting feeling remains, so I grab a shower brush from the embedded shelf and start scrubbing my body.

The hard bristles of the brush scratch my skin, making it painful, but I want to remove all the invisible marks of my filth, so I go on and insist on the dirtiest parts. My buttocks are getting painful but at least I feel a bit cleaner, so I use the tool on my crotch, rubbing it roughly in my groin, all over my pubis, and on my flaccid member.

"Jeremy!!! Stop!!!" Gary screams as he walks into the bathroom.

The next second, he is by my side, trying to take the brush from my hands but I resist.

"Jer, please stop, Baby!!"

"No!! I'm dirty!! I... I need to clean all this filth..." I scream.

"Stop!!!" he shouts louder, this time managing to steal the item.

He discards it on the floor and cups my face in his hands, showering my face with soft kisses.

"You're not dirty, Baby. Don't say that..."

"But I am!!" I argue through my sobs.

"No, you're not!!" he growls, attaching his lips for a long peck. "You're not dirty, Jeremy!"

He then grabs the showerhead and begins to wash all the soap off my body, cringing at its red color. Once done, he makes me get out and uses a towel to softly dab my skin.

"Damn! Look at your skin..." he grumbles, with pain his eyes. "Don't move," he orders, and I watch him take a bottle of ointment nearby the sink.

Coming down from my hyper state, I realize that I am naked in front of him, which causes me to flush deeply. I wish he would go away now...

"I can do this..." I argue, snatching the bottle from his hands.

"Ok, fine... I'll go get you some clothes."

While he does that, I lather my skin with the soothing cream, wincing at the most sensitive parts. Ugh!! As if I hadn't experienced enough pain already! It's even worse than the rash I had because of the chastity device in the cabin.

I just have time to wrap a towel around my waist before Gary walks back into the bathroom, carrying a pile of clothes. I promptly avert my eyes when I see how much sadness there is in his, but he raises my chin to drop a soft kiss on my lips.

"I'm sorry I shouted," he apologizes remorsefully. "Please just don't say things like this because it's not the truth."

"But you still don't want me in your bedroom..." I mumble as tears pool again in my eyes.

"Oh Gosh, Jer..." he says, pulling me into another hug. "I haven't slept in my bedroom since... since you disappeared. I couldn't stand it... I've been using another guestroom, though the couch in the living room has kind of become my bed recently... And I just thought you'd want a room of your own for now..."

It seems like things have been even worse than I thought for him, which only adds to my guilt.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry for all the trouble..."

"Don't! I'm okay now that you're back here. Put on some clothes, I'll be waiting for you downstairs, okay?"

"Gary...?" I call out before he walks out when I realize that the clothes he handed me are mine. "You kept... You kept my clothes?"

"I kept everything, Baby. I emptied your apartment and stocked everything here. All your furniture is in the garage with the rest of your belongings. All your clothes are in boxes in another guestroom..." he explains, drawing more tears from my eyes. "I'm not expecting you to move out into a new place, Jer. I just thought you might want to keep some of the furniture, like the low table you liked so much..."

"Thank you..." I whisper with emotion before he finally leaves.

I remain standing with the stack of clothes in my hands for a long moment, bewildered by this man's generosity of mind. He is just unbelievable and to think he could be mine! Sadly, I'm not anywhere close to consider him as such. The next weeks and months are going to be difficult and it'll take time before I can envisage myself in a normal relationship.

I am pulled out of my reverie when I hear voices coming from downstairs. Contrary to earlier, I don't think Gary is on the phone as there seem to be two different voices. Shit! Does he have a visitor?

I take my time to dress in the sweatpants and tee-shirt he brought me, I also brush my teeth and try to sort the mess in my hair. Once I feel ready, I take a deep breath and make my way out, carefully avoiding to look at the playroom door. At the top of the staircase, I stop for a few seconds, trying to recognize the other voice I can hear, but both are muffled. I briefly ponder on waiting here for the other person to leave, but it could last for hours and I am actually hungry now.

My heart begins to thump in my chest as I reach the ground floor and the voices get clearer. Of course, there's Gary's, which brings me a lot of comfort.

And then there's the other one.

Another deep voice I could recognize among hundreds because it evokes so much to me! It's a voice that scolded me many times in the past, but which also comforted me whenever I was in need for guidance and control. One that brings back so many emotions too...

When he turns around and faces me standing by the entrance of the living room, his worried face turns into an expression of deep relief. Before I know it, I am engulfed into a warm bear hug, one I know it's useless to fight.

You just don't get away from one of Aaron Cox's bear hugs.

And anyway, they always feel so good that you just accept them.

"Goodness, you're back, Buddy... Everything will be okay now..."

If only it was so easy...

Published on 24 February 2018

I can't even say I hope you enjoyed this chapter, because it was such an oppressing one. You've been warned things wouldn't go easily, but don't worry, little bits of hope will soon start appearing, from the next chapter actually.

I wish you all a lovely weekend, hoping you're not freezing as we are currently in France. See you on Tuesday!