The Darker Side Of The Moon
Book 4 of The Black Moon series
Chapter 27: I Won't Give Up On You

(Gary's POV – Wednesday 26 August 2015)

"I still want to go to Minneapolis! I don't want to go to Chicago... please Dad..."

This is the second time Jeremy says it and now, there is no being mistaken. I wasn't really paying attention to their conversation before, and the first time he voiced his opinion, I could have given the benefit of the doubt to my ears. However, when he repeats it again, I understand that I clearly heard.

Jeremy doesn't want to go back to Chicago.

Why? His life is there! With me! I have been waiting for this moment for so long, I can't let him go now!

"Jer... I don't understand either... I love you, Baby... I've been waiting for..." I plead.

As I get closer to the group to stand between his mother and his father, my voice is definitely not as steady as I would like, but it simply holds all the painful emotions I am feeling right now.

"I don't want to go to Chicago!!!! I don't want to go with you!" he shouts.

The fact that he doesn't even look up at me hurts a lot, but the meaning of his words is even worse. In the beginning, I could have understood it as he doesn't want to go back to Chicago because the city evokes bad memories to him. Well fine! I could have dealt with that. I don't need to live in the old city. I could move anywhere I want. But then, the next precision removed any doubt I may have had.

He doesn't want to go with me. He couldn't be any clearer.

All the time he was away, I never lost hope to see him again. Maybe not in the first few days, but I quickly convinced myself that I would find him at some point. That he would return to me. Never have I envisaged he wouldn't want to be with me again. Perhaps I was a bit too presumptuous... The result is I wasn't prepared for that, so hearing it loud and clear is worse than a cold shower. It's worse than a stab in my heart. My vision gets blurred by tears and I feel as numb as the day I read his farewell letter for the first time.

"Jeremy!" Megan whisper-shouts, obviously as shocked as I am.

"Gary, let's go for a walk," I hear Philip say but I'm barely conscious as he wraps a firm hand above my elbow and tugs me outside. As if I was about to pass out. "Let's go get you some fresh air..."

He leads me along the corridors, a bit like Tony did earlier this morning, until we are outside. For a long moment we just walk in silence. I take deep breaths of air, striving to fight the nausea seizing me. Thoughts are jostling in my head, all mixed up and confused. I try to disentangle them, but it seems like my head is just a bag of bones. We eventually reach a little park and Philip sits down on a bench, so I just imitate him.

I don't want to go with you!

Jeremy's words keep rehearsing in my head and realization hits me. I break down into heavy sobs, resting my elbows on my knees and leaning my face in my hands. I can feel Philip's hand brushing my back, but unfortunately, it doesn't bring me any comfort. I have never loved anyone like I love Jeremy. Before his abduction, I was ready to propose to him. I wanted him to become my husband. There was a happy future for us, filled with happiness, love and even kids. I know I was seeing things far, but I had faith in what us meant.

I had never felt anything like this before, but what was almost as strong as my love for him was my certainty that we would spend the rest of our life together. I never had any doubt about that. Even in his absence, I couldn't see things differently.

Fuck!

Seventeen fucking months to this day waiting for him, not knowing where he was or what had become of him. The worst seventeen months of my life! There is not one night I didn't try to imagine what our reunion would look like. Oh, I imagined dozens of different versions of it, but there was never one in which he would reject me. Never!

"Gary, give him a bit of time. I'm sure he hasn't realized what he said..." Philip says after a while.

"Yet he seemed to be determined... I just don't understand..."

"His mother will talk some sense into him."

"I wish... I would understand if she didn't, though. I'd understand if she'd rather have him back with her..."

"You know, Gary... We have discussed this many times with Megan. Especially in the past few weeks. You're a clever man and I trust you understand Jeremy might not return to... what your relationship used to be. I'm certain you know that already. That being said, he will need someone strong to support him and heal him. I can only imagine that this experience left deep scars within him, and it'll take time before he returns to his normal self. If ever. What I know is that you have the patience to wait for him and to treat him with attention and care. You're a strong and determined man. You will have the strength to make him move on. And more importantly, you love him. He will need all this, and we're sure that you will be better than us at doing that."

"Thank you so much for your trust, Philip... Right now, I really don't know. I'm sure you'd do great as well as his parents and..." I reply, turning to face him.

"You succeeded much better than we did in the past," he chuckles lightly.

"I tried... but if he doesn't give me a chance to try again, I don't know what I could do..."

"I'll go back there and check on what his mother told him. Give it another few minutes before you come back."

With that, he stands up and walks away toward the hospital, leaving me with my worries and fears. I am trying to figure out why Jeremy wouldn't want to be with me. Of course, almost a year and a half have passed and that could have dampened his feelings for me, but I don't think it's the core reason.

Is he angry I wasn't able to save him? Is he mad at me for leaving him in this hell for so long and having to fight for his life on his own? This could also be a possibility and I'll just have to prove him how much I fought to find him.

Like Philip said, I am fully aware I will have to drop off the lifestyle. I already knew this, and even if I get to miss it at some point, I should be able to deal with this. After all, I managed to stay away from the club or a playroom during these seventeen months. But then, Jeremy might be afraid I will force him back into it? I need to tell him this is not in my intentions at all. He certainly needs the reassurance.

What he mostly needs to understand is that I love him and that I am ready to wait as long as it takes for him to get better. And that I'm not going to let go of him. Never. I just can't let this happen! I will do whatever he wants, accept whatever he will request, but I'm not giving up on him! It will be hard, but I must convince him!

For almost two hours, I rehearse the words I should tell him, trying to find the best arguments and listing all the promises I am going to make.

With a whole new determination, I wipe the remaining tears from my eyes and hurry back to the hospital. There, I first stop by the restrooms and take the time to pour cold water on my face. Fuck! I look horrible! I have rarely been so pale. I will soon have to get my shit together, eat seriously and force myself to get some sleep, or I will never be able to hold on. I need to be strong for Jeremy and this implies a healthier diet and better patterns of sleep.

Once I feel better, I make my way along the corridors back to Jeremy's room, take a deep breath and walk in.

To my utter disappointment, Jeremy is asleep, but Tony is back. Philip explains that they tried to keep Jer awake but once he had had his dinner and seen the nurse, he was just too exhausted. The doctor also visited and confirmed that he should be released on Saturday since the results of the blood tests were good. This is not really a surprise after what happened with Noah, but I'm still glad to hear Jeremy didn't catch any virus or STDs.

On his side, Tony doesn't have much to say. Unfortunately, it might take time before all the police services liaise properly and the investigations lead anywhere.

"I have convinced Mr. and Mrs. Brown to go to the hotel to get a bit of rest," Tony eventually says. "Is there any use trying with you?"

"No, we can't leave Jeremy alone here. I'll stay," I reply firmly.

"Alright then. We'll go now and come back in the morning."

"Okay, see you then and thanks for everything," I say, shaking his hand.

Megan and Philip both hug me briefly, wishing me a good night, and just as they leave, I just hold back Megan, looking hesitantly at her.

"Did he... say anything?"

"I think it's better if you talk to him tomorrow morning when he wakes up, Gary. Just open your heart to him and hopefully, it'll convince him," she replies softly, brushing my arm before she walks out.

I shut the door and go to sit on Jeremy's bed, running the tips of my fingers on his jawline. All his bandages have now been removed, revealing fading scratches and bruises. I just contemplate him for long minutes, wondering how his dreams are populated right now, before I go to sit in the reclining armchair and close my eyes. I wish I could have spoken with him while all my thoughts were clear in my head, but in the end, it gives me more time to elaborate new arguments to convince him. Anyway, it doesn't take long before I drift to sleep and, still resolved to get better myself, I don't try to fight against it although it's barely 9:00pm.

I guess I needed it...

Thankfully, my sleep is dreamless and restful, which is good because I know a difficult day is coming up again, but when I wake up the following morning, I am feeling much better and full of determination.

Ready to get my man back!

I was expecting him to be sleeping but when I open my eyes, I find Jeremy seated in his bed and staring at me. He also looks slightly better, his features are not as strained as they were yesterday, but I have a hard time reading his expression. I think I can decipher remorse and sorrow, but there is still this resolve he gave off yesterday and I don't like this.

"You're still here..." he says with a hoarse voice.

This is obviously not a question, just a statement.

"Did you really think..." I begin to say, but I am interrupted by two nurses who come in with a trolley full of medical stuff.

This is when I notice he already had his breakfast. Damn! I was really fast asleep! A peek at the clock above the door indicates me that it's already 7:30 am.

"Good morning, I'll have to ask you to leave for a half hour while we take care of Mr. Brown, please," the oldest one tells me.

"Can't I stay?" I ask pleadingly.

"I'm afraid you can't, Mr. Campbell. We're now going to remove the catheter, clean all the wounds and help Mr. Brown to the bathroom."

"I could do that..."

"Please, Gary. Go get yourself a breakfast... I'm not going anywhere anyway..." Jeremy says.

Thank God, his voice doesn't hold any harshness or irritation, or I would have taken it more badly, I guess.

The nurses indicate me a common bathroom for accompanying persons further own the corridor, one that I could use to refresh, so I grab my duffle bag and head out after a soft caress on Jeremy's face. Within fifteen minutes, I have showered and changed into clean clothes, I just leave aside the shaving; that can wait.

Once ready, I go to the cafeteria where I get a full breakfast while I answer a few emails and texts on my phone. I'm glad to read that Joshua and Camden have managed to soothe their boys, and I also update my parents on Jeremy's physical healing. I just stop again by the common bathroom to brush my teeth before I return to Jeremy's room. The signal above the door is still red so I patiently wait outside until the door reopens.

Fuck! I should have thought of bringing clothes for him! He is still in a hospital gown, but he looks much better. He has showered and his hair is a bit wet, but despite the marks here and there, I can finally see his beautiful features. Of course, it's not the joyful Jeremy I used to know, his eyes miss the mischievous sparkles and his lips don't smile. But he's still the Jeremy I love and need to get back.

"How did it go? Do you feel a bit better physically?" I ask once the nurses have left.

My voice is steadier than it was yesterday and my tone firm enough. Not in a way to scare him, but rather to show him how determined I can be too. I'm glad to see he doesn't avert his eyes as I approach and sit in the armchair. I would have preferred the bed, but I guess he needs his distance for now.

"It went okay... The catheter was a bit painful, but the shower did me some good... and they removed the IV too... at least I can move now and I was even able to wash up by myself," he replies with a shrug of the shoulders that makes him wince a bit. "It's okay... I'm still just a bit stiff," he adds quickly when he sees the concern on my face.

"That's a good start."

There is a long minute of silence during which we just stare at each other, certainly both wondering if we can resume our conversation or which one should speak first. The problem is that I can't remember any of the sentences I had prepared.

"Jer..."

"Gary..." he says at the same time before he motions for me to go on.

"Jer, listen... I honestly don't know where to start... I've been rehearsing what I should say to convince you to follow me to Chicago, but it seems it all escaped my mind. I had tried to find the best arguments but..." I say hesitantly, standing up and getting closer to catch his hand in mine. "The truth is I love you and I'll just do anything..."

"Gary... I can't..." he replies with remorse.

"Why?" I insist, but then something hits me. "Have you lost all your love for me?" I ask with a voice that perspires more pleading than I would like.

He might very well have lost his faith in us over the past year and a half and that hurts me deeply.

"Noooo! I mean..." he replies hesitantly.

My poor love seems to be confused by his emotions right now, not knowing exactly what he wants.

"You mean? I'll try and understand if you don't love me anymore but at least you should know I still do love you..."

"It's not that..."

"Then what is it?" I insist.

I need to comprehend what the real problem is. Of course, I do get what he has been through and all the consequences it will engender, but I want to understand why he wouldn't want me to help.

"I can't be with you, Gary... You'd suffer too much..." he whispers as tears start rolling down his face.

It seems like it also opens the floodgates to his heart.

"I'm so dirty inside... I... I've been soiled to the core and you deserve so much more... so much better..."

"Please, Jer, don't say things like that..." I beg, tentatively reaching for him.

I eventually take a seat on the bed, closer to him and grab his hands in mine.

"You've got needs I might never fulfill again, Gary..."

"If you're talking about our previous lifestyle, I already gathered that much. This is not what I want the most anyway. What I want the most is you as my lover..." I reply softly, hoping he can grasp how honest I am.

"But even that... I might make a poor lover... I mean..." he stutters, blushing deeply. "I can't even imagine... doing things..."

"Is this what you're scared of, Baby? Are you scared of returning to Chicago with me because of... sex?" I ask, seeing him wince at my words. "Jer... Listen! You already know how patient I am on so many matters. Patience and perseverance are my major qualities. And trust me they have been severely tested over the last seventeen months. I never ceased to hope I would see you again. I never abandoned. For almost one year and a half, I drowned myself into work and spent the rest of my time reading and rereading reports from the private investigator, trying to see something he might not have seen. Trying to find new leads to explore. I never gave up. Never. And trust me I won't now either."

All this time, Jeremy stares at me, stupefied, as if he wasn't expecting anything like this. As if he thought I wasn't capable of pure love. His cheeks are streaked with tears, his eyes displaying so many emotions again. I can see that he's trying to fight against them, but his resolve is slowly shrinking.

"Do you really think I'm going to abandon now? Do you think I'm going to give up on you now that I have found you again? I am ready to face anything, Baby. For you, I'll be the most patient man in the world. I will give you all the time you need to get better. I know it will take a lot and I am more than ready to wait and support you in every possible way I can. All I want is for us to be together. I want to be by your side and comfort you when you need it. All you have to do is accept my help because I love you..."

"But I'm broken, Gary..."

"Then I'll repair you... We will build yourself back together. It'll take time, but we'll make it. We've got all the pieces and we'll mend them up."

"But I'm so dirty..."

"No, you're not... I don't want you to say such things, or even think about them, and we'll work on this too, Baby."

"Why... Why would you do that? How could you want such a broken man?"

"Because I love you, Jeremy. And love is stronger than anything else! I'll be with you each step of the way, not only until you heal, Baby, but until the end of our lives. I've never loved anyone like I love you. I just can't imagine... being without you. I need you. So, get around it, because I'm not giving up on you," I conclude firmly.

Jeremy leans a bit closer to me, with a brand-new shyness I never knew, and I cautiously wrap him into my arms, careful not to awaken unwanted reactions within him. He lets me, though, but seeing as his body tenses, I don't tighten my hold. I just rest my chin on top of his head, simply relishing in this innocent and chaste embrace, and perhaps at the feeling of an almost victory. He hasn't accepted yet, but at least he doesn't reject me like he did yesterday.

One of my hands progressively reaches for the back of his head, my fingers running through his soft hair while the other one lightly brushes his back. I let him cry his heart out for the longest time, repeating him how much I love him and begging him to give it a try. At some point, he very slightly pulls away and I am ready to let go of him, but his own arms are still wrapped around my chest. He is just staring up at me and we lock eyes for the longest time.

"I think... I think I want to try..." he breathes out.

I close my eyes for the briefest second. Inwardly, I'm dancing a happy dance. In reality, I just exhale a long sigh of relief. When I reopen them, Jeremy is biting his lower lip and I reach out to free it from his teeth, then cup his face. Very slowly, I lean over to rest my forehead against his.

"Thank you, Baby," I whisper. "I swear I'll take care of you and wait."

With that, I close my lips on his for the lightest and sweetest peck ever. It doesn't go any further than this, but that's enough for me. Just feeling his lips on mine makes me the happiest man. I know things won't be easy in the future, but as long as he is willing to try and let me cherish him, I'm ready to face anything. It'll take time but I'm sure we'll get there.

I won't let it be any other way.

Never will I give up on my love.

Published on 20 February 2018

There, that's a done deal! They're back together. Next chapter will be up on Saturday, and it'll be time to return to Chicago.

In the meantime, there'll be a new one-shot up (See the book of one-shots). I'll just say that it's set between July 30th and August 2nd 2015, so in between Noah's rescue and Jeremy's escape ;)