The Darker Side Of The Moon
Book 4 of The Black Moon series
Chapter 24: Heaven Or Hell?

Jeremy's POV – Wednesday 26 August 2015

This voice.

This deep voice.

This is the voice I have been craving to hear for so long now and I guess my mind is playing new tricks on me.

I am lying in the comfort of a bubble of haze and a thick fog is blurring my head, but I like it. It's been like this for some time now, and as long as it keeps me dizzy, I am fine with it. I don't really like the idea of being drugged, but it's so much better than what I have endured for the last year and a half. There is no pain. No feelings. Just plain oblivion. I guess I will have to pull out of here at some point, but please let me enjoy this for a bit longer before I come back to reality.

Weirdly enough, I'm aware that I'm under the influence of some sort of drug. I don't believe in hereafter, so I know I'm not dead. Sometimes, I wish I was. That would spare me the harshness of reality when the substance in my system fades away. I have seen it a couple of times before and trust me, I'm not eager to face it again.

I thought the scary and painful five or six days I spent struggling in the forest would have made me a free man. I thought that luck was finally on my side. I hoped I was finally given a second chance to start a new life or at least resume the one I had before.

But I was wrong. I was totally off the mark. Fate is determined to ruin my life.

I managed to run away from my captors. I endured hell in a hostile forest for several days. And what for? Only to find myself the captive of someone else. A woman. Several women, I believe. Oh, they don't seem to be treating me badly. I think they even tended to my care, mended my injuries. I sleep on a rather comfortable bed and I'm not naked. But I am still fucking tied! Is this hell ever going to end? I can't believe I would finally escape from my previous captors to get caught by new ones! Women at that! I hate the irony of fate.

Anyway, once again the effects of the drugs seem to fade, and my brain becomes less and less dizzy. I begin to hear people talking around me and I try to push those voices to the back of my mind. This time, there seems to be a man, but as I catch a few words, it scares me. He's talking about abduction and sexual abuse at some point and I get really frightened. Has he been sent by Andrei to get me back? Please God, not this... I don't think I could survive it.

But then suddenly, there is this voice.

A voice I could recognize among an entire crowd of people talking at the same time. This voice belongs to the man I love. The one who helped me to get a better life back in the days. The man I was about to confess my love to just before the tragic events.

What the hell is he doing here? Is it really him I can hear? Or is my mind making fun of me again, just reproducing my deepest fantasies? The ones in which he would come and save me from hell. I am so persuaded that this is only an illusion of my mind that I can't really get what he says.

It almost feels like being in heaven, though. I love the sound of his voice. I would definitely endure any kind of torture if I were to see him again. Hear him. Feel his touch on my body. And yet, it doesn't completely assuage my worries. I am scared to death now.

Why? Because if I can really hear him while I am still a captive – of Andrei maybe – it means that the bastard put his threats into action and abducted Gary too. And I just can't deal with that.

Panic is seizing me now. I wish the drugs had kept me dizzy for longer in the end. I don't want to wake up in another nightmarish situation where I see the man I love suffer because of me. This is too unfair, and guilt is washing over me. There are deafening screams piercing in the room as I thrash around and try to free myself from my restraints, but I soon understand that they are mine. The adrenaline fueling through my veins is sadly not enough to break the ties, but I won't give in. I need to go to Gary's rescue!

My mind is still in some sort of haze and my eyes refuse to open, but it seems like I have managed to free myself from the restraints. Unfortunately, powerful arms encircle my body and fight as I may, they're much stronger than I am.

It's Gary... You're safe, Baby.

Just an illusion.

This is what my brain wants to hear, but I know it's not the reality. Too many times I have been deceived. I keep on thrashing in an attempt to escape, screaming at the top of my lungs, but I'm getting confused. This chest I am pressed against gives off an impression of safety. Reassurance. And this scent... It undeniably brings back comfortable memories.

And yet, my brain refuses to let go. I have probably experienced too many horrible things in the past seventeen months to trust my emotions. I know better than to have faith in my luck.

Until those words are shouted with the deepest authority, much louder than my own screams.

"Pet! Calm down"

I believe it takes a few seconds for my brain to process what I just heard. It's not only about the meaning, because I understand this very well. It's more about the dominance in the command and how it affects me. Mixed emotions fill me, and I'm surprised by the way my body reacts.

First, there is anguish. Andrei never called me Pet, and it's not his voice here, but it still scares me as it enhances memories of Timmy and Noah. But these get quickly discarded. The fog surrounding that mass of thoughts in my head suddenly dissipates and everything becomes clear.

This is Gary's voice, I am sure of that.

And it doesn't sound panicked as if he was scared or held as a captive. It holds a bit of worry, but I have a feeling it's only concern about me. You're safe, he said. Does it mean I'm really free?

Oh my God, can I really hope for that? Have I really made it?

What confuses me the most though, is that sense of safety and quietness that overwhelms me. It seems like my body instinctively surrenders to the order and it somehow scares me. It feels natural, but weirdly enough, it also brings a certain sensation of unease.

However, I quickly push all these thoughts to the back of my head for now because I need to focus on the present. There are facts I cannot deny which are more important than anything else. I have managed to escape Andrei's prison. I am a free man. I am in a safe environment. I am not dead or too badly injured. And more essentially, the man I have been craving to see is here, holding me in his arms. I can't believe he would be the first person I'm going to see after this long captivity.

Gosh! I have missed him so badly! The past soon seeps into my mind. Not really all the good memories I have with Gary, but I am suddenly thrown back to the day the nightmare began. I remember how eager I was to go and see him during my lunch break. I remember all the emotions I felt that morning, the guilt for not returning those three little words the night before, the realization of what he meant to me and the urge to confess my love to him.

Sadly, I never had the opportunity to do it. My abduction left him clueless about how deep I had fallen for him.

And yet, he is here today.

"It's okay, Jeremy. Breathe, Baby. You're doing good. Keep calm, I swear you're safe now..." Gary says softly but I can hear how strained his voice is.

I eventually open my eyes and slightly pull away from him to take in what my sight has to offer. I need to see if all this is real. My heart skips a bit. I'm perfectly conscious that there are other people in the room, but despite the tears filling my eyes, all I can see is him. His beautiful features. The sexy mess of his hair. His stubbled jaw. His deep brown eyes that are filled with so much concern and then some relief... My perfect man.

But is he still mine?

So much time has passed...

Many times have I thought about him during my captivity, wondering what he had become. If he had started a new life. If he had moved on. That would only be fair. After all, I couldn't expect him to wait for me, especially not after the letter he received from me. I can't help a discreet and brief look at his left hand, and I refrain a sigh of relief when I don't see a wedding ring. It doesn't mean that he's not with someone else now, but it gives me hope.

"I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry for everything, Gary... I only wanted to go and see you that day... I wanted to tell you face to face that... I loved you... but they didn't let me... they took me away... I never meant those words... he forced me to write that letter... he threatened to hurt you... and Liam... I had no choice... I'm so sorry..." I suddenly blurt out with a croaked voice, unable to hold my tears anymore.

"Shhhh, don't worry about that, Jeremy..." he says, engulfing me into a tight hug and his voice breaking down.

I wince a bit at the pain rushing everywhere in my body, but I don't really care. It feels so good to be in his hold again, even if I hate the way his body is shaking with sobs.

"I'm so happy to see you safe and alive... I'm so sorry we didn't find you earlier... and we couldn't save you a month ago... I'm so sorry, Jer..." he then stutters.

The pain in his voice hurts me deeply, but as his words make sense in my brain, I suddenly think back to that day Andrei escaped.

"Noah!!! How is Noah? Has he been saved? Is he alright? I'm so sorry for Master Camden!! Oh my God... They killed him and..." I exclaim, panic hitting me again.

"Jer, Jer!! Calm down! Camden is safe and so is Noah! Please calm down," Gary says softly, tightening his hold around me and gently caressing my back.

I pull away from him, wanting to read his face to see if he is telling me the truth.

"But they shot him! I heard a gunshot! And... I couldn't hear him after that!"

"He did get shot, but he was saved, don't worry. And Noah is safe..."

"How is he doing? Poor boy got it so hard!! Please tell me he's okay..."

"I swear he is. Don't worry. It's you who matter now! How are you feeling?"

"Mr. Brown?" a feminine voice suddenly calls out softly, catching my attention to a young woman wearing a white coat. "I'm Dr. Cawley. Please lie back down so that I can examine you for a minute," she then adds firmly enough.

Gary completely lets go of me and even gently pushes me against the pillow, leaving me feeling cold. This is when I notice the tubes feeding the veins in my arms.

"How are you feeling physically? Are you in pain?" she asks.

"I think I'm okay..." I reply with a small voice.

I notice another man in a business suit who walks to the back of the room while the doctor checks on me. His face vaguely rings a bell to me, but it takes me a few seconds to remember where I saw him before. I can't be sure, but he looks like the guy I saw a few times driving Joshua and Liam... but I can't remember his name.

I don't really pay attention to what the doctor says as she performs her examination. I don't need her to understand that the soles of my feet, my hands and my face bear a lot of scratches. The pain in my ankles are enough to gather they must be sprained. Nothing of that really matters, I know these are not serious and will heal with time.

Certainly faster than my state of mind.

"Everything looks good enough. I'll just add more painkillers for now," she says as she adds another bag of liquid to the IV.

"Please don't sedate me!" I beg.

"This is no sedative, but they'll probably make you sleepy. You need rest anyway," she says kindly before she turns to Gary. "Mr. Campbell, can I have a word with you?" she then asks sternly.

"Sure. Don't worry, Jer... I'll be right back," Gary reassures me when he notices my sudden distress before he follows the young woman out.

"Hi, Jeremy. My name is Tony Jacobson. I am Joshua Pierce's security manager," the other man introduces himself as he walks closer to me.

He must be in his early fifties and wears a very warm expression on his face. I decipher a weird sense of relief in his features, a strong paternal aura too, but I can tell that stress and worry still reside within him from how tense his body is. I wonder what he is doing here, though.

"It's really good to see you safe at last. I wish we could have found you earlier and I sincerely apologize for that. We're going to implement all possible efforts to ensure your safety. There is a bodyguard just outside your bedroom and we'll make sure nobody approaches you," he explains with the firmest determination.

"Thank you..." I whisper as Gary walks back in, his face a bit stern.

A small smile brightens his features though when he sits down beside me and rests a hand on my arm.

"How are you feeling?" he asks softly.

"Okay... just tired... " I reply honestly.

The painkillers are kicking in, so I don't feel that much pain, physically speaking, but exhaustion is slowly taking me.

"Would you be able to answer a few questions before you fall asleep, Jeremy?" Tony asks gently.

"Don't you think it could wait, Tony?" Gary asks tensely.

"The sooner we get information, the more chances we'll have to catch Andrei, Gary. I'm not asking for full details, but just a few things to start a new investigation."

"I'm fine with this... But why would you do that?" I ask.

"Tony has been working with a private detective ever since you disappeared, Jer..." Gary explains.

A private detective? So they investigated on my disappearance?

"So... you mean you... You mean you've been looking for me?"

"Of course, Baby! I never believed a word of that letter I received! But we'll discuss this later. The doctor said you need rest and Tony is right... Do you think you can answer a few questions?" Gary asks, lightly squeezing my arm.

Wow... I can't believe he's been looking for me all this time. This actually warms my heart and I am ready to endure anything right now, so I just nod in answer.

"I'm not going to bother you with tons of questions right now, Jeremy. Just a few because we would really like to catch Andrei as soon as possible. You will also probably see the police at some point, but in the meantime, I will pass them any information you can give us. Do you know where you were kept recently? Did you escape on your own?"

"Yes, I... managed to flee a few days ago..." I reply softly.

Without going into details, I then explain how I have been confined into a small wooden cabin in the middle of the forest, but that I wouldn't be able to tell them precisely where.

"All I know is that Andrei's henchman is called Vadim and they said the cabin was his uncle's."

"Have you heard anything that could help us to locate Andrei? Was he with you all the time?"

"He stayed in the beginning, but he left a few weeks later... I can't be sure, but I would say it was a couple of weeks ago... He said he needed to visit some friends in Canada... He mentioned resources there and that he needed to build us a new future in another country..." I say, my voice breaking down with sobs as I remember what followed after that conversation.

Andrei pounding into my ass while my privates were painfully rubbing against the mattress because of the rash. His seed soiling me for the last time.

"Shhhh, it's okay, Baby... It's enough for now... You're safe and I swear to God he'll never approach you again..." Gary says, pulling me into a hug.

However, there is not much that could soothe me as realization hits me.

I suddenly feel so filthy.

My body has been used and abused by men. Against my will, but it still has. I have never been a saint, I indulged in very kinky and perverted sex before I was abducted. I relished in all sorts of naughty things, like threesomes, foursomes... I was even gangbanged willingly. And I absolutely loved it. I don't regret any of these experiences I had. But what these men did to me was never consensual. Even if they were much less intense, I was never willing. They soiled me with their sick desires and I don't know if I'll ever get over that.

Shame is filling me at these thoughts and it gets even worse when I start thinking about Timmy. As much as I hated all the times Andrei and Fabio abused me, I can't deny that the few times I had sex with Timmy or even Noah were pleasurable. I found relief in them. I enjoyed their tenderness and comfort. I appreciated their presence. They alleviated my anxieties and distress. It was never love, but I still got pleasure from them. That's some sort of betrayal toward the only man I ever loved.

I just don't deserve him.

I don't deserve Gary.

"It's okay, Baby... Just let it go..." he whispers as I burst into heavy sobs.

Guilt, shame, fear.

All these emotions are crushing me right now and it seems like I have no control over my tears. Neither on my willpower, obviously. I wish I had the strength to pull away from him, to tell him he should go away, but I can't resolve myself to it. Not just yet. It feels too good to be in his arms after so long. I love him so deeply that I selfishly want to keep him to myself, but that wouldn't be fair. He deserves someone much better than I am.

Finding the determination to send him away will be hard but I know I will have to do it.

Rather sooner than later.

In the meantime, I let his appeasing presence soothe my pain, and as the drugs kick further in, I allow myself to drift into a deep slumber, passing out from exhaustion.

Published on 10 February 2018

This was Jeremy's side of the reunion. It almost feels like it's going to be easy, but it's not. Jeremy managed to let go for a few minutes, to relish in the comfort, but as his mind gets clearer, the reality of things might make things more difficult.

On a side note, I would like to say how thankful I am to all the readers who brought I Was Shooting For The Moon, I Hit Two Stars to one million reads this week! This is amazing considering I barely had 50 followers by the time I finished publishing it almost two years ago. So thank you all for the support (and especially to SaraLF1712  and KaySetonks who were there from the first published chapters!). And for those who are following the rewritten chapters, know that the new threesome between Mark, Shannon and Ed was published on Thursday and that updates will come more regularly now ;)

I'll let you have a nice weekend, and I'll see you on Tuesday with a new chapter in The Darker Side Of The Moon! Be ready to meet Mr. and Mrs. Brown for an emotional reunion with their son :)