E V I E

"Baboosh! Enjoy your date with totoy!" paalam ni Mama nang buksan niya ang pinto ng aming bahay. Pagkasabi ko pa lamang na balak pumunta rito ni Kai ay agad na niyang binawi ang baking session namin. It was supposed to be a leisure time for both of us. A time to relax,  especially me, who just had a breakdown the other night. 

Schoolworks had been piling up to the point that I couldn't keep up any longer. Hindi ko alam kung anong uunahin kong tapusin. Nakakalungkot lang dahil mas gugustuhin ko pang matapos ito kaysa makagawa ng magandang output. Quantity over quality, kumbaga.

"Stop calling him totoy, Ma!" patawa kong sagot habang tinitingnan siyang umalis. Was I really that obvious that I still like Kai? Sure, alam ni Mama noon na nagkagusto ako sa kanya.

Bumaling siya patalikod at mulling magsalita. "Ah, use protection ha. Wala kami ni Papa mo sa bahay," she jokingly added, pointing her eyes with her two fingers and pointing it back to me.

"What the heck, Ma?! Umalis ka na nga!" ani ko na siyang tinawanan lamang niya. What was Mama thinking?

From that moment on, I thought that our baking session would be awkward as I knew I'd be reminded of what she said. Luckily, it wasn't.

Just as Mama was out of my sight, Kai came by. "Oh? Si Tita 'yon 'di ba?" Tinuro niya ang pigura ni Mama na naglalakad palayo sa 'min. Humakbang siya palapit sa 'kin at binigyan ako ng isang mahigpit subalit maikling yakap. A gesture we always do when we see each other.

And also a gesture that makes my heart flutter every single time.

"I thought nandiyan pa si Tita..." he mumbled as we broke off the hug.

"Excited nga umalis. Marami sigurong tsaa."

"Mainit-init pa nga yata."

We didn't stay long outside. As we entered the house, we strolled directly to the kitchen to prepare the needed equipment and ingredients. Originally, Mama and I planned to bake brownies. Perfect for us two since we love eating anything chocolate. But now that my baking partner would be Kai, I supposed that would change. He doesn't like chocolates, anyway.

In the end, we opted to bake a cake. Maliit lang, kasinglaki ng mga bento cake. Alam kong palpak ang magiging result no'n pag malaki ang aming gagawin. Parehas ba namin kaming walang alam sa pag-bake.

"So, anong unang gagawin?" Napalingon ako sa tanong ni Kai matapos kaming maghanda. Nakasandal ang kanyang katawan sa counter at nakahalukip ang mga braso. Was it necessary for him to wear a fitted shirt? A black one at that?

Tangina.

I let out a short laugh, shaking my head a little. A laugh that screamed 'I don't know'. "What if ikaw na lang i-bake ko?" I suddenly whispered, as if letting my mouth have its own consciousness. The moment I heard what I just said, it was only then I realized it came out wrong.

I acted dumb. Mas maigi nang kunwari ay wala akong sinabi. Palagay ko'y hindi rin naman narinig ni Kai iyon at wala siya naging reaksyon. Nagpatuloy na lamang akong magbasa ng recipe ng cake na aming gagawin sa cook book ni Mama kahit wala naman akong maintindihan dahil ang nasa isip ko lamang ay kung narinig nga ba ni Kai iyon. 

Umalis si Kai sa kanyang pagsandal sa counter at nagsimulang maglakad palapit sa 'kin. "Anong tingin mo sa 'kin, masarap?" rinig kong sabi niya. Okay, maybe he did hear it.

I let my mouth run by itself once more as I said, "Oo," subconsciously. My eyes widened as soon as my mind processed my answer to his remark. Seriously, Evie?

I saw his head leaning forward, looking at my face that was barely hiding my embarrassment. Shaking my head, I turned around and face him, only to be met by a smirk playing on his lips.

"Damn, Evie. I didn't know you want me that much."

Don't blush. Don't blush. Don't blush. Don't blush. Don't blush. Mahahalata ka. 

Fighting all the butterflies inside my stomach, I closed the book, picked it up, and lightly slammed it on his chest. "Magsimula na nga tayo."

"Hmm? Anong sisimulan natin, Evie? Tell me," pag-asar niya habang pilit na tinitingnan ang mukha kong alam kong namumula na. It was always been him that was easily flustered when I make flirty comebacks, so why am I feeling hot all of the sudden? 

Placing my palm on his face, I pushed him away. "Ang epal mo! Tara na nga, wala tayong matatapos dito, oh!" I said, opening the cookbook and turning the pages to the recipe I was reading earlier. 

I heaved out a sigh. This will be a long day.

"Ang sarap," Kai commented, putting another spoonful of cake in his mouth. His head bobbed up and down as he chew. "Proud ako."

I shot him a stern look. "Malamang masarap yan at sa labas binili. Kita mong palpak nagawa natin, oh," I responded, pointing to the stack of dishes at our back. Nang makasunog kami ng isang batter ng cake ay sumuko na rin kami agad. Mukhang walang patutunguhan ang ginagawa namin. Baka magsimula pa kami ng sunog dito sa bahay. 

Even if it turned out to be a failure, I still had fun. We would make banters here and there, play with the flour, and put it on each other's faces. There was never a dull moment with him. He could even make a solemn room turn upside down and make it bright. Nakalimutan ko ngang malungkot ako kanina dahil sa breakdown ko kagabi. 

"Alam ko," sagot niya habang sumubo uli ng cake. "Proud ako sa gumawa nito. Ang sarap kasi," dagdag niyang walang kwenta naman. Sumabog yata ang utak no'ng nag-bake kami. 

"Sana okay ka pa."

Nagpatuloy kaming kumain. Sa counter na lang kami para hindi na mapalayo. Nanatiling tahimik ang kusina no'ng oras na 'yon. Tanging ang musikang pinapatugtog namin kanina lamang ang naririnig namin. 

Kai and I never ran out of stories to tell, but when we do, the silence wasn't awkward. It felt like it was just us, sitting and eating the cake we bought peacefully. 

Silence can sometimes be a comforting thing.

"I heard from Tita," panimula ni Kai. Napatingin ako sa kanya, hinihintay kung anong narinig niya kay Mama. "Okay ka na ba? Did you have fun ngayon?"

Sa tanong niya ay agad kong nabatid na sinabi ni Mama sa kanya ang nangyari sa 'kin kagabi.

Wait.

Ngayon ko lang natandaan na hindi naman mahilig si Kai sa pag-bake. Saka, ang random ng pag-aya niya sa 'kin ng date.

Did he...?

Kumunot ang noo ko habang nakatitig sa kanya. Masyado na yatang mahaba ang aking guni-guni nang marinig kong nagsalita muli si Kai. "Oh? Tulala ka riyan?"

Umiling ako't nilayo ang tingin. Hindi naman siguro. "I'm good. Mabigat pa rin pero kaya ko naman."

"Wala ba akong pwedeng matulong? I'll help you ease your workload," he suggested.

I return my gaze to him. I shouldn't have, though. Gentle was plastered on his face. He stared at me softly, waiting for my answer. Was he worried?

"I'm okay, Kai. Saka, ayaw kong dumagdag pa, no. May sarili ka ring gawain," I replied.

"Still..." Hindi na niya ako pinilit pa at nanahimik siya muli. Ngunit hindi rin iyon nagtagal. "Do you need a hug?" tanong niya. 

Do I? Sa bigat ng nararamdaman ko no'ng gabing iyon, sa tingin ko isang yakap mula kay Kai ay mawawala agad iyon. 

I opened my arms, making a sign for him to get closer. He stood up from his chair. As he stood in front of me, I hugged him by his waist. I wasn't sure if what I felt was right, but I felt his lips plant a soft kiss on the crown of my head. 

"All will be well, Evie. Mabigat man ngayon, pero sa susunod na araw, onti onting gagaan yan. Just don't give up, okay?" he whispered as we hug. 

I savored the moment. I wrapped my arms around his waist tighter. I felt his fingers trailing on my back, then rubbing it as he soothed me. How long had it been since the last time I received a hug that was more comforting than this?

As I broke the hug, he asked, "Okay ka na?" I only replied with a nod and a smile. That itself was enough to express how okay I was after that hug. "Hoy, nga pala," he started again as he took his seat. Maka-hoy naman 'to.

"Ba't ayaw mo pa rin sabihin kung sino 'yong lalaking napupusuan mo." He pouted. He placed his hands on my forearm, shaking my body. "Dali na! Sabihin mo na kasi!" he whined. Sakit sa tainga.

That's one thing I wouldn't tell Kai. Pigs would have to learn how to fly before I get to tell him that that guy is actually him. It was too risky to confess.

I playfully pushed his hands away." Ayaw ko nga! Ba't ko sasabihin, eh, secret ko 'yon." I dismissed.

"Okay. Sige. Ganito na lang." He shifted his body to face me fully. There was a slight change in his face. Hindi ko mabasa kung ano.

"How much do you like the guy, Evie?" tanong niya.

Para akong nasa Miss Universe no'ng tanungin niya ako. Hindi ko maisip ang mga salitang sasabihin ko. I know I should be careful with my words. Baka madulas pa ako at sabihin ang totoo.

Despite that, I took it as an opportunity to indirectly confess. Na baka sakaling hindi siya maging manhid at maramdaman niyang hindi lang kaibigan ang tingin ko sa kanya. Dahil sa dulo ng isip ko, gusto kong isigaw na siya lang ang gusto ko.

I look at him. "I don't just like him, Kai. It's more than a crush. Baka nga more than love pa, eh."

Inakbayan niya ako't ginulo ang aking buhok. "Aba! Kita mo nga 'to oh! Inlababo ang Evie namin ah!" asar niya.

Keeping his arm circling my shoulder, he asked, "So, anong nagustuhan mo sa kanya, hmm?"

"Lahat," I answered in a heartbeat. Nag-iwas ako ng tingin nang nagpatuloy ako. "But what I loved the most is his heart. It's white. Pure. Handang tumulong kahit siya mismo nahihirapan na rin. He's literally a one-call-away type of person. He doesn't hesitate."

Bumalik ang tingin ko sa kanya. "I guess I just...love him so much, Kai. Words are not enough to describe it."

Hindi nakaimik si Kai sa sagot ko. Tila parang hindi makapaniwala na iyon ang nararamdaman ko sa lalaking binanggit ko sa kanya.

Tinanggal niya ang kanyang braso sa 'king balikat. Muli, hindi ko mabasa kung anong nasa isip niya. Nanatiling nakatikom ang kanyang bibig. Mga mata'y hindi umaalis sa 'kin.

In a flash, I saw something in his eyes.

Was it pain?

And if it was, why? Bakit siya masasaktan?

He averted his eyes. "You must love the guy too much, then," he uttered under his breath.

If only you knew, Kai.

"May secret din ako," bigla niyang pag-amin. Okay?  "I also like-no. Love a girl." Now, that's new.

Para akong binuhusan ng asido nang marinig kong may ibang gusto ni Kai. Ang sakit. Sabi na nga ba, eh. Walang pag-asa.

"Oh, ikaw naman tanungin ko. Anong nagustuhan mo dito sa unlucky girl na 'to, hmm?" I played along, hiding the pain in my voice. 

"Grabe sa unlucky ha," he responded. "Well, katulad mo, lahat. As in lahat. Mapa-positive o negative trait mann niya, lahat mahal ko. I know she's flawed, but that's what makes her perfect," he added, averting his eyes. Fiddling with his fingers, he continued. "She just makes me so happy, Evie. Isang tingin ko lang sa kanya, lahat ng problema ko mawawala. Kumbaga, parang siya lang 'yong lunas na kailangan ko."

Enough. 

Ayaw ko nang marinig kung gaano kamahal ni Kai ang babaeng idinidiskubre niya. Hindi ko rin kailangan malaman. 

Matapos no'n ay hindi na namin uli pinag-usapan ang gano'ng bagay. Nang makalahati namin ang cake ay naisipan naming magtira para kina Mama, pati na rin kay Tita. Matapos kong ilagay sa ref ang natira ay agad na kaming nag-ayos. Ako ang tagahugas ng pinggan na ginamit namin habang si Kai nama'y nililinis ang counter na aming ginamit. 

Hindi ko alam kung ako lang ba o medyo naging awkward sa loob ng kusina matapos naming sabihin na parehas kaming may gusto sa iba. Tahimik lang kami't 'di nag-uusap. Si Kai ay busy sa paglinis habang sinasabayan ng kanyang paghugong ang kantang tumutunog. Maybe I was overthinking it. He seemed normal to me. Baka hindi lang talaga ako sanay na hindi kami nag-uusap. 

I heard footsteps behind me, getting closer. Glancing in front of me as I continue to dry the dishes, a shadow towered over me. "Woops. Excuse me," I heard him say as he extends his arm, opening the cabinet above. Curious about what he was doing, I turned my body around, not being aware of how close we were as soon as I did that. 

He was only putting the equipment back in its own place, but our proximity was killing me. As he closed the cabinet door, he kept his hand leaning against it. My breath became jagged as our eyes met. The tension was too think it was hard to breathe. Even his chest looked like it was rising and descending. As if catching his breath. 

It wasn't the first time I saw him up close, but my body seemed to react differently. 

It felt like we were in a staring contest with how his eyes bore deep into mine. Clenching his jaw, he retracted his hand and placed each of them on the counter behind me, trapping me inside. He bent his body over so our faces aligned with each other. 

"What is this? Is Miss Yvanettia flustered? Namumula ka, babe," he said in his low, dark voice that echoed in my ears as he smirked. Ngayon ko na lang uli narinig na gano'n kalalim ang kanyang boses.

With how events were turning, I couldn't let my pride drop. Instead, I counteract his frivolous remark. As I tried to lean forward, I noticed how his head moved away, and his flirty expression becoming faded. Now, look who's flustered now, Kai.

Ending this platonic yet dangerous flirting we were doing, I mocked, "Naligo ka ba?" With that, everything returned back to normal.

The tension wasn't there anymore as he answered, "Hoy! Naligo naman ako pagpunta ko rito no!" He clicked his tongue. As he turned his back away from me, I did the same. 

Ayokong makita niya ang mukha kong hindi makapaniwala sa nangyari. Halos manghina na ang aking tuhod no'ng sandaling iyon. Baka ano pang magawa ko kung nagpatuloy iyon. And I didn't want that. Because I knew once I did it, everything would change.

Minsan naiisip ko kung ayos lang ba tong landian na ginagawa namin. Alam namin na ito ay biro lamang pero biro nga lang ba ito? O sadyang assuming lang ako't nilalagyan ko ng kahulugan lahat ng ginagawa namin? What about the girl he liked? Bakit niya pa 'to ginagawa sa 'kin kung may mahal naman siyang iba?

I sighed.

Hanggang kailan tayong ganito, Kai?

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