It's eleven pm.

Once people heard the police sirens, they all fled the party like they were hard core criminals.

When the four of us stepped into the the house it was eerily quiet, the music had come to a stop. Everything was left a mess. The pens were still on the floor, the couch was somehow turned over and the Pens Down Party sign that was outside was now inside and wrapped around the fridge like a sash.

Now, we're all cleaning up the party, not wanting to go home and not wanting to sit still with our thoughts either.

Maggie picks up the pens, stuffing them in a jar. Dominique sweeps the exploded piñata by the kitchen. Thankfully, Lisa was able to clean and heal his cut with a homemade salve. Dominique can't run around for a while but he's fine.

Lisa packs away the party decorations along with me. Her gaze drifts to me a couple of times like she wants to say something or she wants me to say something.

But how can I?

Dominique and I are uncomfortable with the curiosity we have.

We heard bits and pieces, understood bits and pieces as well as saw bits and pieces but we didn't really understand what had just happened.

Wyatt is in jail.

I climb up the stairs carrying the box filled with random decorations. Dominique told Lisa and I to put them up in the attic.

I try not to dwell on the thoughts, as I head up the stairs. Lisa's light footsteps are heard behind me.

In the attic, a new silence unfolds. It's quaint, a faint smell of room freshener with colorful curtains and a yellow couch. Lisa places the boxes among the others.

I make my way to leave, wordlessly. Lisa grabs my hand stopping me. My gaze drops to her hand. She pulls her hand away, like she's been burnt.

"Sorry." She clears her throat. " I just want to explain myself."

She casts her gaze away, ashamed. A guilty pang shoots through my heart. I was so caught up on the 'knowing, wanting to know everything. Not realizing that Lisa is hurting.

"You have nothing to explain to me Lisa. Nothing."

She shakes her head, her weary eyes holding mine. " I want to, Leo. I want to."

Lisa strolls to the couch, taking a seat on it. Her face is open, willing.

I take the seat beside her ,waiting, silent. I decide not to look at her during the whole talk.

"It was a mistake." Lisa starts, " A mistake..."she mutters, more to herself.

"One that I thought wouldn't follow me anymore."

"..."

"Is it okay Leo. Is it okay for people to make mistakes?" She urges me to look at her, my eyes meet hers, the shame clashing with compassion.

"It's okay." I affirm her softly.

She nods. "I was naive. Grade 9. He was older, grade 12. He was...bad for me.I didn't see it then but I see it so clearly now. We dated. It was awkward. I was awkward. He knew...everything.First he said send pictures. I sent them happily. Then he wanted to see a little more. Then a little more. Then...everything."

"...I'm sorry."

"It was my mistake. I'm not going to make myself the victim. I was a fool. Boys don't keep quiet about having those types of things. Even when they promise to. I trusted him and he broke it..."

"..."

"I broke up with him. I found the courage in me. I broke his phone, I got one of his friends to delete the pictures. I thought I was safe...for years. I moved on, and forgot about my mistake. I lived life smarter, happier. Then Wyatt..."

"...He deserves what's coming to him." My chest flares, the air charged.

"Wyatt is not okay, Leo. He started in grade eight apparently. He got a picture from another naive girl but he wanted more. He's been...collecting pictures of girls over the years. He gets some by himself and the others he gets from friends. He has this way of finding out if you're a girl who's once made that mistake of trusting the wrong boy...He found out I made that mistake. Suddenly he was flirting with me, softening me up. When he saw it didn't work he pretended to be my wingman, telling me about how he could get me a good guy."

"-He's insane." I cut her off, infuriated.

"Then," Lisa's tone goes softer. " He found out about my feelings for you..."

I break eye contact.

" He was using you..." Lisa says, and her words piece together Wyatt's persistence.

He wanted something out of my possible relationship with Lisa. He wanted the pictures...

"Apparently. I was the last piece to finish his collection. Lord knows what he'd do with them. I found out about it...even though he still hadn't gotten hold of my pictures. They are gone forever. Erased. It felt wrong to let him have those pictures of the other girls. So in a fit of rage, I wrestled for his phone and his friend's phone along with Maggie and we threw them out the window. I have the memory cards with me ...." Lisa pulls them out, staring at them with a calm expression.

"...what are you gonna do with them?"

"I know some of these girls. They need to know that love is not this..." she shook her head, disgust morphing her face.

And then, because I can and because I want to, I pull Lisa in for a hug. She freezes in my hold but after a second relaxes, her arms tightening close to a death grip.

Lisa cries, soft inaudible cries that I feel straight from my chest. I feel my shoulders dampen, she holds me, mumbling things to herself, to me.

And then, because I can and because I want to, I tell her all of the mistakes I've made over the years. The embarrassing ones. The ugly ones. The funny ones. The stupid ones. The big ones. The small ones.

Lisa laughs at some, shakes her head at some and decides to keep her comments to herself on others. I want her to know that no one's above mistakes.

After my little rant, I pull away from the hug, giving her space. Lisa's hazel eyes look burden free, lighter. Her smile doesn't waver. The shame is washed clean and her gaze is confident again.

It makes me happy.

"I like you." She confesses suddenly, her eyes watering. "I like you a lot."

A pause ensues, charged and frightening.

I don't have the right words. I have words but none of them will do her heart any justice. Her confession, although expected, feels like it came out of nowhere.

"Why?"

Her eyes meet mine, hurt flashing in her eyes.

"Because you were my best friend once. Because no one's ever," she shook her head, thinking "ever treated me like you."

"...Lisa, you've got the whole school groveling at your feet. I know guys who've offered to buy you lunch every day even to pay for your school fees."

Despite the situation, we share a laugh.

"They do things because they want something in return."

"Yeah but that's what all guys do. We all do things for the girls we want because we want-"

She cuts me off with this deadpanned look.

"You do what you do for Olivia only because you want her love in return. They do what they do for me only because they want my body." Her voice cracks. " There's a big difference."

The silence is deafening, everything weighing on my shoulders.

"It was,"she begins, a tenderness to her voice. "Grade eight.When we first started highschool. I remember being so excited. I got to school. Orientation week was the best and right after that we had classes. I stupidly forgot my whole pencil case at home. The whole thing."

She stares at me, mortified.

"You laughed in my face for a full three minutes," she continues.

"That sounds like me."

"I was so scared. It was Mrs Dlamini's class and you know how strict she was. Even if you didn't bring a pencil she'd have your neck."

"Don't remind me. Her class was the worst."

Lisa chuckles but it dies in her throat.

"You gave me your pen. Remember, you only had one but because I was so close to fainting, you gave me your pen."

Her face portrays her disbelief. "Then, you broke your already small pencil in half. We had to use those tiny pencils and we laughed through the whole three periods."

"I think I remember that."

Think not know.

The light in Lisa's eyes dim. She shakes her head, covering her face with her hands. I don't think I've ever seen her like this. So flustered, so uncertain. So...

"It's silly I know!" She uncovers her face, casting her gaze away.

"It's not silly Lisa."

This only makes her light cheeks burn, the redness clear.

"Then it was the ninth grade."

She turns to look at me, checking if I'm still giving her attention. I'm still listening. I think this is the only thing that I can give her.

"I try to forget that day with everything in me because it was the most embarrassing day of my life." Her cheeks burn an even darker colour.

I'm laughing at her, not with her. She smacks my arm but the laughter grows.

"Please continue," I prod her.

She rolls her eyes, covering her hands with her face. "I had blood on pffffm." The rest of her words are muffled on her hands.

"You what?"

She sighs, lifting her head to look at me. "My pants. I had blood on my pants and I did not know."

When she says that the memory comes back to me with ease.

We were at the hall, practicing in class for a play we were doing. I remember seeing blood behind Lisa's butt. For a moment I left it, thinking her friends would notice. Unfortunately none of them did, they were all talking in that loud and dramatic way girls do. Lisa looked simply over the moon that day.

"You remember, don't you?"Lisa asks.

And unlike the childhood memories or any of the other memories, I can tell that Lisa doesn't want me to remember this one.

Unfortunately for her, it's the one I remember as clear as day.

"Kind of but the memory is a bit foggy."

Her hazel eyes scrutinize me for a moment.

"Ok, well let me jog your memory. I'd like to clarify again that I would burn this memory if I could but it had...you."

"..."

"We were practicing for some play. My friends and I were talking about their love lives which were more complicated and dramatic than mine. How can Vuyo even allow herself to be in a situationship for that long with her -" she stops herself, realizing that I'm a guy and I don't care.

"Anyway. All of sudden you came out of nowhere and stood behind me."

I'm the one to cover my face this time because I remember how awkward that was. One minute I was talking to Dominque about who would win in a fight with a bear between him and I, the next minute I walked towards Lisa, standing right by her back, oddly close.

"I remember that."

Lisa smiles." My friends didn't like you for some reason. They still don't. Except Maggie. You've won her over today."

"My heart's slowly breaking.Don't continue."

She chuckles. " I kept turning and moving to the side. Asking you what you were doing, swearing at you in three different languages but you kept your stance behind my back no matter where I turned."

"I was actually trying to explain myself to you but those drama queens excuse me," I clear my throat, "I mean.friends of yours kept telling me to fly away and come back another day."

Lisa chuckles. " It's an inside joke. You wouldn't get it."

"I wouldn't study it either."

She pushes my shoulder, playful.

"I thought you were a pervert at first but then you blurted out blood to me in a whisper."

"I know...not my smoothest move but what else?"

Lisa laughs, the memory washing over the both of us nostalgic.

When the laughter dies down, the silence is back, electrified with the echo of Lisa's words and feelings.

"...The good ones are always taken." Lisa says, and it's the tone in her voice, sacred, like she's talking to no one else but herself.

"Olivia doesn't want me anymore..."

Lisa laughs. " You're such a boy. I only saw Olivia that one time after I kissed you," she looks away. " That one time was enough for me to see that the girl is completely in love with you. She's just a little shy. Let me give you a hint. Shy girls don't really like spelling their feelings out, not at the beginning but they do like hinting at it. Believe me I've learned from experience. Maggie is not easy." She laughs but it's forced, it sounds like it hurts.

Lisa's words wash over me, making me rethink everything between Olivia and I. Could she have possibly have given me any hints? Could she...

Lisa's stare, feels weighty. The smile on her face is sad, a new sorrow in the depths of her hazel eyes.

She knows I'm thinking about Olivia.

Lisa looks away, breathing.

"Lisa...are you okay?"

She nods, flashing me a wavering smile.

Lisa has held her tears back long enough. Her hazel eyes are red. The tears brimming in her eyes have been ready to fall but she keeps herself strong until her strength collapses.

A soft sob breaks loose, coming from her chest. It tears at my heart.

The tears fall on her light cheeks and she quickly wipes them away but more come spilling.

I'm frozen. My heart going out to her but completely frozen.

I reach to hold her shoulder but she flinches back. "No." She shakes her head.

"Not for this Leonardo. You have to let me feel this alone...You have to."

And I completely understand her. There's no form of comfort I could give her.

She doesn't want my comfort. She wants my love.

"You have to let me feel this one alone because if you don't, you'll only make me fall harder."

"Lisa I-"

"No, Leonardo. There's nothing to say. There's nothing to apologize for. Just go." Her voice cracks at the end.

She cries, openly.

" Just go to her Leonardo. Go to Olivia. Go to the one you love. She's waiting."

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

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