Leonardo's POV
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Back to the present

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1st December 2023🥀

“Leonardo, are you awake?” Dominique says  over the phone

It's three am. The shadows play tricks on me in my room, the air thick with thoughts.

One of the overwhelming ones were about Lisa.

She actually kissed me. Eventhough I didn't know it at the moment, I actually gave her the go ahead.

It was like a rock was in the pit of my stomach. I couldn't get that look she gave me, out of my mind. When I told her that I was in love with someone else;her hazel eyes shattered like I broke the hope within her.

Then Olivia, who happened to be seen it  and who decided to call herself no one.

Although I couldn’t sleep, my eyes were heavy laid.I tried everything, including the counting sheep method but none of it worked. I could only think.

I was this close to leaving the room and watching TV but my phone lit up moments later with a call from Dominique.

“Yes, how else would I have picked up the phone?”

“I don't know. You tell me.”

“Why are you awake at this time Dominique?”

There's silence. “ You're gonna think I'm crazy but—”

“I already do.”

He chuckles softly.“I'm planning a Pen's down party in the next two days.”

This is unexpected.

“Woah, ok why?”

“ I've been up all night man and I realise  I've never planned a party of my own. I also realise that highschool is gonna be  over  next week. I think I'm gonna miss everyone's ugly faces but  I also feel like I won't miss them.I think I just need a good goodbye so that my heart can be satisfied.”

“...I don't know what to say. Congratulations.”

“You're coming to my party.” he states, leaving no room for argument.

“Will there be food?”

“They don't call me Dominique for nothing?”

I laugh, “ That doesn't make sense.”

“It does in my dictionary.”

“Will there be Olivia?”

He laughs, “ I'll kidnap her if I have to.”

I'm smiling. “The funny thing is that I know that you would but don't. I'm still trying to get back into her good books. I don't think my best friend kidnapping her to go to a pens down party will do anything for me.”

“I'm not just your friend Mr cool guy. Olivia's my second soul brother—well soul sister but she and I totally talk about you behind your back so we're practically family.”

I'm laughing again. “What's this I hear about gossiping?”

“She used to go on and on about how much she thought that you were a great guy but lately the conversations have switched. Now it's all about ‘how can  I bury his body without anyone finding out?”

“Ok Dominique, jokes aside. What are you and Olivia talking about without me?”

He sighs.

“She's mad at you.”

Not what I want to hear.

“...”

“Picture a female gorilla whose  babies got stolen multiplied by a hungry lioness injured after a fight and put all that anger in a kitten. That’s Olivia right now.”

“... once again could you atleast give me hope. Just a little. Dominique, are you telling me that there's no chance I can fix whatever happened between Olivia and I?”

Dominique exhales into the phone.

The silence settles over us, thoughtful. “I think that maybe she wants to see how far you can go.”

“What do you mean?”

“I'm not too sure myself.It’s almost like girls have completely different brains than ours but even though she’s pushing you away and pretending to want nothing to do with you. She still wants you…”

His words make my chest stir alive again. I'm edging him inwardly to be more clearer.

“Like yesterday. I called Olivia up because I wanted to talk about this beef soup my mother made. It wasn't just any beef soup Leonardo. It had the best flavour and spice I've ever tasted. I wanted to bath in this beef soup —”his laughter cuts his words short and I can't help but join in.

Dominique’s calls are the best and weirdest.

“Anyway, somehow,someway Olivia brought the conversation to you. And then when I carried the conversation on talking about how much you're a great guy and all the stuff I have  to say because of our friendship…she pushed it aside like she didn't bring you up first.”

I don't know what to make of all this. I don't even know how to bring up the whole bullying thing with Dominique or Lisa.B's kiss.

“Girls are confusing,” Dominique utters, an underlying frustration.

It makes me a little curious. We've been avoiding the kissing incident. Even though I saw Dominique kiss that girl. I saw him blush to a rosy red but he pretends like it never happened.

“Having any girl problems Dominique?” I ask, teasingly. “ I thought I was the only one.”

He scoffs, exaggeratedly. This only burns curiosity.

“Pfft. What? I don't have time for that man. Plus, I'm the peanut butter that holds you and Olivia together. Peanut butter can't  leave the equation otherwise it'll be boring slices of bread left.  What I'm trying to say is that you're a boring slice of bread without me. You need this peanut butter.”

I'm laughing, my stomach cramping as the sound echoes into my room. “ Are you done with your speech?” The smile on my face remains.

Dominique sounds breathless. “ Yes.”

“Mm, how many days are left for you to tell me about that thing again?”

My question makes Dominique fall back into this unusual flustered state, mumbling words that have no meaning. I'm laughing louder and harder because I think I've  figured it out.

I feel like an idiot for not having realized it sooner. My best friend is in love.

Dominique’s always joking about how he's the peanut butter that holds Olivia and I together.

Something tells me that peanut butter has found his jelly.

This newfound information almost makes my heart dance.

Boys will be boys is a common saying but there's a time where boys drastically change and that can only be for two reasons.

Reason number one, life beating them down, aka depression.

Reason number two, girls and not just any girl. The girl.

It's obvious that Dominique’s odd behaviour all points to a girl. The girl I saw him kissing. I have no idea who she is but her face was familiar.

“I forgot how many days are left?''Dominique says and it makes me laugh even more.

“What’s up with you Leo? Are you ok? Is the three am insanity really getting to you?”

His words only make me laugh harder,my stomach cramping tighter. I try my best to calm myself down but it’s not even about the hilarity of the situation.

It's pure excitement bursting out in guffaws of laughter.

It's good news in the midst of trouble and drama.

“Dominique,” I  finally calm myself down, “you've never listened to jazz music in your entire life."

I let that sink in for a second, letting him know that's I've always, maybe subconsciously, known that something was up.

"You told me in grade seven that it was for old depressed people who didn't know how to dance.”

Dominique’s silence says more than he's been telling me the past few weeks.

“And I remember.It’s two days left until you tell me what you wanted to tell me which I'm sure involves a gi—”

“Grandmother. You're right it's about my grandmother.”

“Your grandmother makes you blush?”

This time Dominique’s the one to laugh but it's softer, a hint of embarrassment to it.

“No one said anything about blushing Leonardo. Ok the news is not about my grandmother but it's not about what you're thinking either.”

“Of course it's not.” The smile on my face refuses to falter as I say this.

“What if I'm pregnant?”

We both share a short laugh.

A silence settles over us, thoughtful and real.

Everything in our life is slowly becoming real. We're approaching the end of high school. The end of an era and it's in these last days where we get to choose what stays a memory and what comes along with us into the future.

“Dude,” Dominique speaks, softer, hesitant.

“Yeah.”

“I can miss everyone else but I'm not gonna miss you. I don't want to.”

I know exactly what he means. I know exactly where his mind is at because my thoughts have been the same too.

“I'm not gonna miss you too Dominique.”

I can almost hear the smile forming on his face. “ I'm gonna see you so much. I'll be tired of your face by the time we're sixty three.”

“I'll probably be immune to your jokes. You'll just become the most annoying person in my life.”

Dominique scoffs. “ Please,these jokes never run out. They come straight from heaven. It's my calling to make people smile.”

I chuckle.

“I’m going to tell your kids that  you made me fail my Afrikaans test and propose to our teacher.”

Dominique chuckled, a soft rumble. The nostalgic memory of years ago settles over us.

“I'm going to tell your kids that you stalked a girl.”

“I did not stalk Olivia.” I defend myself for the thousandth time.

“ And I'm going to tell your kids how you almost died doing an experiment called Tricolosis Bosis.”

“I'm proud of that. All scientists have to start somewhere. I'm going to tell your kids that you like crunchy cornflakes. They'll be ashamed you're their father after that.”

We share a good laugh.

“I'm going to tell your kids how annoying you were to a lot of teachers. So much so that because of you I didn't get to sit next to Olivia this year.”

“Wait, what are you talking about?”

“Don't pretend like you forgot. Remember earlier this year. Olivia sat next to me but you kept talking so much in class that Mrs Jones got tired of you and made you switch places with Olivia.”

“In my defense. I didn't know that you liked Olivia back then and the only reason I was talking was because of  Oratile.He kept telling me about the weird dreams he had, something about a giraffe, falling from the green sky and  kissing him.”

“Whatever man. All I know is that Olivia could have sat next to me this whole year.”

“Yeah but what would that change?Were you gonna do 365 questions to fall in love in 365 days?”

“No. There would be no need for that.”

“So what I'm hearing is that I made your destiny come to pass.”

And we continued on and on like that through the early hours of the morning. We talked about the future in a selfless way because we were sharing it together.

This was our way of making promises to each other ; we'd stick together without getting all sentimental about it.

It was a refreshing  to know that the people in my life didn't just want me for right now but for tomorrow and the day after that, and the one after that one.

As the young generation, everytime we drench ourselves in love they always tell us ‘no’. They tell us that young love never lasts. That we're too young to make commitments or settle down.

They tell us that we'll lose all the friends we have now. As the young generation, people stare at our love and they call it bluff. They say we will never make it.

I reject that theory for my life. Maybe for others. Maybe for them, love’ was just a passing fling but not for me.

Maybe for them these friendships were not meant to be but not for me.

Not for me.

God let it not be for me.

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I felt sleepy  the moment Dominique dropped the phone and said goodbye. I laid back on the pillow, ignoring the sun that shined through the curtains. The moment I closed my eyes the alarm blared.

I had to get ready for school but my bones and body were  confused. It did not understand any other words but sleep and bed.

Mkhulu made breakfast and took me to school.

Now here I am, bloodshot eyes but with a lot more energy. I walk through the green gates of Vestalia high and nostalgia crashes over me, slow and heavy.

These are my last days of walking through these gates after years. I remember my first day, I was shorter, frightened and puberty had hit hard.

I'm looking over all the faces, everyone beaming and laughing. It's refreshing. There's this high that everyone seems to be on seeing as this is the second last day of exams.

The exam hours  tick by slower but despite it still being exams, the weight of it seems to have fallen.

The anxiety has dwindled into this excitement that's built up nerve by nerve.

I hear it in the scribbling of the pen to paper as I write my exam. In the soft sighs and whispers as well as the shared glances a few of my classmates and I have. We're so ready for it all to be over.

Especially the grade twelves.

We're so ready for the time to tick to a certain hour so that school can end and life can finally begin for us.

After the exams, an announcement over the intercom is made, telling all the grade twelves to meet in classroom 16B Mrs Edwards class.

I'm not exactly ready to get back to that class. Not after Lisa. B stole a kiss from me there and Olivia witnessed it, choosing to believe that I wanted it to happen.

Not after all the memories made with each other only to have it end with confusion, miscommunication and pain.

But despite my feelings, I trudge up the stairs to the class along with Oratile who explains  in depth everything he’s going to do for the next year. He already has  a morning routine and a plan Z incase plan Y fails.

Dominique is nowhere to be seen but I have an idea what's keeping him busy.

When I step into the classroom, it's loud and cramped, filling up with more grade twelves by the second.

The chaos for once is allowed by Mr Edwards, who sits by her desk typing something in her  laptop.

She doesn't bother yelling; the end is near so a lot of teachers are just letting the grade twelves have some things.

I meet  the gaze of Alicia. She sits on the second row, by the window. Alone. She flashes me a gentle smile but her eyes betray her.

Immediately, I spot Olivia a few rows at the back sitting alone as well. Her head is downcast, focused solely on the table, as if the noise of the classroom is completely tuned out.

“I'll be back Oratile.” I quickly cut him off and he nods,  leaving to find a spot for us.

I make my way to Alicia, a tense feeling settling over my heart at  her strained smile.Taking the seat next to her, I hold her gaze. “ Why are you two sitting apart?”

A pained expression passes over her face but she simply covers it with that strained smile. “It's nothing…”

I give her a look.

Alicia rolls her eyes. “Fine, we had a little argument.”

My chest unravels with  unease at her words.

“She found out I told you about the bullying and when I advised her to talk to you. Things —” Alicia shakes her head, at loss for words.

I can't help but feel a little guilty about this. “ I'm sorry Alicia.”

She  chuckles. “ No, don't. It was a little argument. We've had way worse before and made it through.”

Her eyes are a lot more certain as she speaks the next words. “ We promised a long time ago that boys won't break us.”

I smile at her, relieved that she isn't going back to hating me. Alicia looks like a forever friend and I want to keep her happy with me because that means Olivia gets to share another part of herself with me.

“Now stop talking to me and go to Olivia. Fix this mess.” She winks at me, her smile a lot more genuine.

“I will and thank you.”

I'm off the seat, and this time as I make my way further to the back of the class it's more crowded. Thankfully, the seat next to Olivia is still empty.

I take the seat next to her  and although the class is loud and chaotic, there's a tense silence shared between the two of us.

“Hi…”

“Hey.” She smiles at me but it's pained. Her eyes flick  to the front, a few rows ahead to where Alicia sits.

“Olivia…” I start out, already losing the rest of my sentence. Honestly it feels like I've said more than enough.

Olivia's eyes hold mine and I never thought that I would stare at her and feel like I was staring at a stranger.

I never thought that distance could do its damage even though we were close.

“Don't look at me like that.” She whispers, through the noise of the classroom.

“Like what?”

“The way you're looking at me right now. This is exactly why I didn't want you to find out.”

“Why didn't you tell me?” I can't lie to myself. I'm hurt that she'd rather bottle up all this pain than share it with me or at least —

“Promise me.” Olivia says. “ Promise that you won't do anything.”

My chest rises with a burn. “ Olivia you were bullied and—”

“Don't you see that all of that doesn't matter anymore. Look around Leonardo. It's over. High School is over. There's nothing you can do…. nothing.”

Her words drive in hopelessness, making my heart weaken. “ So I should just leave it at that.” My voice rises. “ I should just accept that people hurt you and they get away with it.”

Olivia's eyes harden, her gaze sharp as my tone rises  higher. She looks around, almost shrinking into her seat, as she checks if anyone caught my words.

“I'm sorry.” I exhale, hopeless.

She doesn't respond. Her gaze shifts to our surroundings.  All of it seems to be a tease of happiness. The laughter. The shouts. The chatter. The jokes. The papers. The music.

Laughter echoes around the classroom, and everyone has this joy in their eyes  and it looks like everything Olivia and I lost.

“...Do you ever think about before, Olivia? Don't you want us to go back to being happy.” And in love, I wanted to add.

She doesn't respond, only stares at the window as though her expression would tell me everything.

“I know that I do.” I tell her and that's when she turns to face me.

A silence settles over us even through the noise. It's thoughtful, the unease unraveling slowly but surely. But there's something knotted about it.

“ You pity me, don't you?” She finally says.

“No.” I don't even have to think about it but unfortunately she does.

“You look at me sort of like how they do and that's what I never wanted to happen.” Her voice sounds fragile, close to a cry and the last thing I want is for her to cry.

“ Who are they?”

She releases a breath. “ Everyone.” She gestures to the classroom, that's filled to the brim with students, some of them sitting on desks.

“Like I'm weak…less than…insignificant.”

Her words drive the knife into my heart, deeper and deeper. “ You think that's how I see you?”

Her eyes widen as she catches the pain in my tone. “ You've finally opened your eyes, that's all. You finally see how people see me. You're not blind to it anymore.”

I wasn't blind to it before.

“But I don't agree with them.”

She laughs but there's no humour in her eyes. “ Don't you see? I'm..." she hesitates,“embarrassing.”

"Being bullied is embarrassing. It's…” she shakes her head.

“But it's over now Leonardo. That's why I don't want you to do anything because this is real life. We don't get happy endings in situations like this. High school just ends and you're left putting yourself back together, picking up the pieces that other people broke. It's not about what they did…it's also about what I allowed to happen.”

“...”

“Embarrassing. Embarrassing.” She mutters, her gaze far off, as if she's taken to those moments.

It's like a new wound in my heart has opened, bleeding for the things that cut her.

“I've let people walk all over me. I've made mistakes. I really didn't want you to find out about the teasing about the jokes or the letters because for the first time in a long while I had someone in my life...someone who looked at me like I was anything but embarrassing. Anything—”

“That's because you are.”

“...”

“You lost it.” Olivia says, with the deepest grief in her eyes. “ You lost that look in your eyes. The one you used to have for me.”

She looks like she could cry but her eyes remain dry like she's completely done with it all.

“You don't look at me the same.”

“I don't understand you, Olivia.”

“Me too.” She exhales. “Things can't be the same again Leonardo….and you kissed her. I just can't get that image out of my mind.”

“She kissed me and I pushed her away. Olivia you can't do this to me.”

She nods, slowly but it's like I'm not getting to her. “ I know but she's perfect. She's perfect for you. She's not… embarrassing. She's not Olivia.”

“You're right. She's not Olivia that's why I don't love her but you're also wrong she's not perfect and she deserves someone who will love her either way.”

“Alright grade twelves!” Mrs Edwards finally stands in the middle of the class, gaining our attention.

Olivia and I hold eye contact for a burning second until the weight of all her words break me, making me turn away.

I stare directly at Mrs Edwards, not daring to turn to the side. Olivia's gaze, although soft, burns through my head. I feel the weight of her stare.

“I'm sure you're wondering why you've been called here!”

A few murmurs pass over the class. Mrs Edwards starts to say something but is interrupted by the door. It opens  in a slow, eerie way, stealing the grade twelves attention and then Dominique is revealed with a sheepish smile.

“You're late!” Mrs Edwards fumes, hands on her hips.

“I'm sorry mam.There was a lot of human traffic happening in the hallway but I made it through.”

The class chuckles, from the corner of my eyes I see Olivia's lips curve. Simply beautiful.

Mrs Edwards chooses to ignore Dominique and she   addresses the class again.

Meanwhile Dominique finds a seat, which is hard to do in the cramped classroom. He chooses the seat next to Alicia, says something to her. He turns around a second later, finding my eyes and then Olivia.

His smile is blinding, reaching his green eyes as he winks at me.

If only he knew that the situation only seems to be getting worse. Apparently, I've lost the look in my eyes.

“You're writing your last exam tomorrow, grade twelves. '' Mrs Edwards continues, “ and how many of you know what that means?”

A few students raise their hands but she dismisses them. “It means that you're all officially unemployed right after you finish that exam tomorrow. I’ve created a—”

“I  have one question, Olivia?” I turn towards her, Mrs Edwards voice drowns out.

Olivia's attention wavers between the two of us until she gives in, her eyes meeting mine, steady.

She nods.

“You know  how everyone sees you. You know how I see you and it's not how everyone sees you. I've made it clear. But what about you? How do you see yourself because in the end I think that's all that matters?”

Olivia drinks in my words slowly. Her eyes seem to be distant, yet  powerfully present in this moment with me.

“...You hate the way they see you Olivia. Weak. Insignificant. Less than.” The words taste bitter on my tongue and it's like each word is a stab to Olivia's heart as her eyes flutter shut for a moment.

Her eyes stay shut.

“It hurts because deep inside Olivia you know full well that you're not all those things. You're not what they think or see you as and you've always known it.”

Her eyes flutter open, vulnerable.

“Remember that time, weeks ago. You asked me what I saw when I looked at you. You hoped that I didn't see some insecure girl and I told you I didn't.”

“I remember.” She responds, softly.

“I wasn't lying. There's something about you that I noticed even before we started talking. You're beautiful —yes, but there's this quiet confidence you've always seemed to carry.You're certain about yourself, your value. I see it in your eyes. It’s in your behaviour, how you aren't afraid of being alone. In your smiles that are present even when no one's looking.”

“...you think I'm confident?” She says this like she's about to laugh but the look in her eyes tells me she's listening.

“We all are. Confidence is a fickle thing. You've seen a few of my lows so you know I don't always feel  up to  task but if there's one thing I've learned it's  that confidence is something that grows. I don't think anyone should be shamed if it's taking a little longer.”

“Why are you saying all this?”

“It wouldn't hurt as much as it did if you knew with everything in you that all those bullies words were true. It hurts because you know. Olivia you've always known how precious you are and I've always seen it. Don't let them beat down your growing confidence.”

Olivia takes in a breath. Her eyes hold mine, glittering with something new.

There's something so calm and certain about Olivia. It was always in her eyes, in her behaviour and it's one of the things that made me fall. It's her quiet confidence that didn't call for attention but was a sight to be seen.

It was her quiet confidence that contained all the strength, the joy, the faith, the pain,the dreams that one girl could hold.

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