26 November 2023🥀

If summer was a feeling that could be evoked from time to time then driving would do the trick. And not just any drive but those late night drives. Where the air is cool with the moon and stars out. The drives with  the windows rolled down and music playing in a low hum.Those drives with no destination, and that makes it feel like you could go anywhere.

My father used to take me for a lot of those drives. My mother would always tag along and end up  falling asleep in the backseat, which was baffling to me because how could you sleep when the night felt so...

alive.

I've always wanted to drive. Like always, always. Always.

I've thought about it, dreamt about it and even tried it one time. Illegally.

It was a bad first try but I was twelve and I was feeling rebellious.

I took my father's car, convinced my twelve year old mind that I was running away, because of the heated argument I had with my father. Long story short, I killed a cat, made a tree turn on its side and gave my mother a heart attack she lives to remember. My father called his police friend  and I cried so hard, thinking I was about to be arrested.

I was locked up in room jail for four hours until my mother called me down for supper.

The fact is, when Leonardo came into my room telling me he drove all the way there, in his grandfather's car. Alone. I could not believe it.

"Like your hands were actually on the steering wheel?" I remember asking.

Leonardo chuckled, dimples prominent. "Yep, and my legs too."

More stuff was said but after running down the stairs, getting yelled at by my mother, all I could process was the feeling of summer at the tips of my fingers.

"You actually drove here!" I remember exclaiming, hugging Leonardo with laughter echoing out of both our mouths.

Moments later, Leonardo was actually driving,right before my very eyes. And yes, he had that proud gleam in his dark eyes, his dimples prominent in a smirk. It was weird, watching someone I  grew up with, do adult stuff like driving or falling in love and all of the above.

It's like it reminded me that I too was growing up. Even though I felt like it; I wasn't twelve years old anymore.
For the first few minutes the two of us could say or do nothing but release breathless laughter that described everything we were feeling.

I put my arm out the window and the wind rippled through it, reaching and rippling through my shirt as well. A feeling of reverie settled over me.

Leonardo drove, unsurprisingly well, like he'd been doing it for years. Cough. Cough. I knew that he'd been driving— illegally, if I may add with his grandfather.

Leonardo finally getting a driver's license was like a wake up call for me to get mine. It also felt like I sort of already did. What's mine was his and what's his was mine—even when it came to skills. Right?

So I was practically a professional driver.I could look past the murder of the cat. I was a changed man.

In addition to that, I wanted to evoke the feeling of summer anytime I wanted to. I wanted late night drives, but this time alone.

“ I can't wait to get my driver's license.”

“Why haven't you?” Leonardo, swerved the car, making me sort of jealous with how easy he was making it.

I mean how hard could it be?

"You killed a cat, Dominique Van Der Merwe!" My mother's voice flashes back to me.

“Procrastination. I keep saying I'll do it but then I get lazy. I didn't know you have to take a test in which you write the answers to the questions. I thought it was just hands on the wheels then you get your driver's license.”

Leonardo laughed, the gleam in his dark eyes, constant.

“Ok but you're getting it next year. When have you heard of a scientist who couldn't drive a car?”

“Fine but you're paying for my lessons.”

He smiled and said, “With my imaginary money and my imaginary bank account.”

“You're too kind.” I played along.

“Can I play some music?” I switched through the channels of the radio in the car, skipping past all the cringey love songs and dreadful hate songs.

For a while, I was this close to telling Leonardo that music was dead and the sound of silence was my favourite thing , when a certain song came on.

I had to go back because I'd been switching through the channels quickly, thinking that I would hate the next song but it was the complete opposite.

It was Night Air.

And the whooshing sound of the wind came on and it felt like it was night. The feeling of the night was alive in me. I was mesmerized, turning up the music and feeling Leonardo's burning gaze on me.

The music flew out of the windows in a loud hum, not deafening the ears but good for the soul. The musician's smooth velvety tone was everything I needed and it only made me think of her again.

I thought of her in that loud vivid way, making her the center of my heart's attention but it wasn't overwhelming this time. It wasn't too much to handle; it's like my heart was slowly learning how to handle the weight of love.

I danced to the rhythm of the song, like I had been dancing to it for the past few days, with ease and this sort of old man jive that made me feel silly and happy.

“You listen to jazz?” Leonardo's face was the expression of amusement as I continued to dance.

“I listen to my heart.”

He laughed.

I continue dancing in my seat. Leonardo laughed even more louder, more free, almost like he needed it.

“Who introduced you to this song Dom Dom?” Leonardo asked, interrupting my singing.

His curiosity pulled at me.

Not yet, I had to remind myself.

Thandiwe and I were still an entangled mess that didn't make sense,not even to ourselves. I needed to at least pull at the loose ends before I told him everything because I wanted, no, needed to tell him everything.

Because she was someone I wanted to share but only when I knew she was mine.

“ I heard someone listening to it and got home and searched the song up and now I'm hooked.”

“Who?” Leonardo pressed, brows raised. He had this look in his eyes that told me he was jumping into conclusions but he wouldn't voice them out.

“Six days.”

Leonardo gave  me  a look that said he  had more than enough but I gave no thought to it, knowing we were driving to Olivia's place and that would surely brighten his mood.

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We were in a grocery store. Not exactly the perfect road trip destination but there was food everywhere you looked so it was a sort of paradise.

I strongly insisted that I drove the trolley, even though no one was fighting for it. I had to at least start somewhere but I wouldn't say my trolley driving skills were exceptional. I told Olivia my thoughts and she said she wasn't exactly a fan of how I was packing the food into the trolley.

We were in the fourth aisle, by the freezer.Goosebumps spread all over my arms, a chill going over me but unfortunately we wouldn't move until Olivia was pleased with how I packed the next item. Hectic!

“Dominique you've got to pack the things nicely,” Olivia instructed. “ You can't squash the milk with the eggs.”

It was at that moment I felt  only a spark of  the  annoyance, every boy who had a sister claimed to have. We were bonding, I was really irritated. It was the fourth or sixth time she was unhappy with my packing choices.

It didn't really matter how nice  we packed the things we were going to have to unpack them later on as the cashier scanned them. What mattered was getting the stuff.

I told her my thoughts, saying, “Olivia, it doesn't matter how well we pack it. If we're taking it all out at the counter.”

“It matters.” Olivia said, with no room  for argument.

It went on like that for a while. I would pack something in and Olivia wasn't happy about how it was. Leonardo left after I made that girlfriend comment that made him blush

It was while Olivia was explaining to me why the cleaning products shouldn't be mixed with food when I thought I saw someone.

"You see the chemicals can't be mixed...."her voice faded, the moment I saw a certain girl.

Dark skin, short braids and headphones on.

"What if it spills on to each other..."Olivia went on, like the worst background music while the person I had my eye on stood at the end of the aisle, looking through stuff.

Thandiwe was completely oblivious to my gaze on her. In fact, she looked completely oblivious to the world around her, pushing the trolley with ease as she bopped her head to the song she listened to. She made casual look cute, in dark blue jeans, and a light purple hoodie that made her brown eyes pop.

I was simply captivated.

"—And it makes life a whole lot easier." Olivia finished off.

"Indeed." I nodded, clueless.

"Are you even listening to me, Dominique?" Olivia clicked her fingers in my face, forcing my attention away from Thandiwe.

"Yes, Olivia"

"What did I say?"

"You want an easier life so that's why you think I should advise Leonardo to propose to you early."

"What?" She pulled a face, but blushed slightly.

"That's not," Olivia started, as I turned my attention back to Thandiwe, who was behind Olivia. Olivia stopped, turning around but that was when Thandiwe had already left. Like she was never there.

"What are you looking at?" Olivia questioned, curious.

I was about to explain myself but that would take time and as life was showing me. I did not have time. I did not have time at all.

"Dominique," Olivia clicked her fingers again, in front of my face. Concern was etched on her face.

" You go find Leonardo, Olivia.I saw someone." I said  while already running , leaving the trolley with Olivia.

"Who?" She  yelled as I was turning to the aisle I thought that Thandiwe went to.

"Someone!"

                             
    ❄️❄️❄️

I felt like I ran around the whole grocery store before I found her again. There she was.Her headphones were down to her shoulders now, as she read the small white and pink packet of wipes she was holding.

My hands were sweating. My heart beat slightly faster than normal and my thoughts were gibberish.

What would I say, I thought.

How could I walk up to her after our last interaction was so anticlimactic.

I told her I was Chuckles and all she could say was oh. She withdrew from me immediately I said that, I saw it in her face that held what she felt openly.

I was standing at the end of that aisle for longer than would be deemed normal. I was sure that I was already a suspect for a future crime that would take place in the store. I was also sure, I sort of looked like a thief if I made no intention to buy but stood around like I was waiting for something...

My legs started walking, it made my palms even more sweatier and my heart beat louder. It forced my brain to come up with words that were actually words.

I stood five feet  from her but she was still focused on the packet of wipes, her eyes intent.

I decided to make it  look like a coincidence. I'd pretend I was buying something, meet eyes with her, act shocked and see where I went from there.

Thandiwe finally felt a presence that was about five feet from her. She turned and that was the moment that I hastily grabbed whatever was in front of me, pretending to be looking just as intently as she was.

I stared down at the peculiar wipes I was holding, feeling Thandiwe's burning gaze on me. She didn't say anything for a good second. I heard her snort, loud and  it turned into a quiet laugh.

I didn't deny myself the opportunity to witness her laugh. It was beautiful and teasing, her brown eyes holding mine in question. I stared back.

“What you're doing right now…is it intentional?”

Her question confused me. Was she aware that I followed her here, I thought.

Maybe she wanted to know if I was serious about getting to know her more than just Bubby but Thandiwe.

“ Y-yes.”

She laughed, quietly, my cheeks burning even more. What did I say yes to?

“So you realise that.. it's sorta weird for you to be in the feminine products aisle, holding a packet of pads as tightly as you're holding them right now.”

It was at that moment, I finally registered what I was holding in my hands. I turned the thing I thought was wipes around and stared down at the name.

Always, pads.

I felt the burn in my cheeks, rising up from my racing heart. I looked up, catching the sight of her smile that was every bit teasing and every bit questioning.

Why did she have to be so cute, I thought to myself.

"You're buying pads?" The smile on her face only grew from there and the heat I felt from my cheeks made me feel like I was seconds away from melting.

"Uhh yes. I buy pads." I said, forcing myself to sound confident but the moment those words came out, they sounded so wrong.

Thandiwe's face, as always, said it all.

Is this guy... normal?

"Not for myself!" I quickly added, "For my sister. I buy pads for my sister." It sounded better, still bad but better.

I didn't have a sister.

Thandiwe's face was still scrunched in this ‘trying to figure me out’ expression and I held onto the pads I was holding for dear life.

Who knew hearts could beat that fast, I thought.

"Why can't your sister buy her own pads?"

"She's very...lazy. Can't do anything herself. I do her homework too… kidding." I laughed awkwardly, at the end. On my own.

Thandiwe gave me a look. It's like she could see through me and I've heard that said many times before but I've never experienced it.

"Are you lying, Dominique?"

A pause ensued.

A defeated sigh escaped my lips. "Yes"

She nodded, her expression portraying how it made much more sense. Her brown eyes crinkled, as her lips curved into an open smile. She was laughing, and it was inaudible sounding more like struggled intakes of breaths.

I witnessed the glory of it, still embarrassed but enjoying the sight before my eyes

When she stopped laughing,the light stayed in her eyes. " Are you gonna put those pads back or are you thinking of buying them?"

I laughed, putting the pads back.

For a moment we stood, nothing said or shared and no thought passed my mind. We were just there, together in a moment that meant nothing but everything at the same time because everything happened for a reason. Right?

"I should go. Bye... Dominique." She turned, before I could say more, driving her trolley away from me and unlike before her walk was slower but the distance was made in no time.

It was only when she was at the cashier table that I realized I was acting like a double fool because I could literally go after her. I had to take every single chance I could. So I ran, hoping Leonardo would take his time and Olivia would distract him from time. Thandiwe was already walking out of the store with three bags of groceries and I only caught up to her, right outside the store.

"Thandiwe!"

"Dominique." The shock on her face wasn't missed by me.

She struggled with the plastic bags she was holding, getting a good grip on them. I reached to help hold some for her but she stepped a few steps back, clearing her throat. She wouldn't meet my eye, her short braids were straying past her eyes, irritable.

"Could I walk with you for a while?”

She whipped her head to the side, so the braid that were bothering her could stay back. “ I…Dominique…about what you said yesterday at school.” Her words were strained and soft.

“I promise I won't bring it up… I just want to walk with you.”

Her eyes met mine, uncertain.

"Umm..."

"You can scream for help the moment I start creeping you out."

A quiet laughter escaped her lips.  We stood there, more people were leaving the store walking passed us.

After a awhile, Thandiwe smiled. "Sure.”

I took two of the grocery bags she was holding leaving no room for argument and we walked past the parking lot of the place and down the street in the neighbourhood. “You live close by?”

“Yeah, a couple of streets away.” She responded, eyes on the pavement.

There was nothing to say. Well there was something to say but it was everything Thandiwe didn't want to talk about for some reason. It hurt, like a needle right through my heart because I had been waiting for this moment for months only for Bubby to want nothing to do with me.

"I listened to the song...Night Air."

Her brown eyes lit up, a smile adorning her lips. " What'd you think?"

"It was...." She held my facial expression, hanging on the next words I was about to say and there was something in me that liked that.

"Before I answer, I'd like to say I've always thought jazz was for old boring depressed people who—"

Watching her laugh, in that cute quiet way— I was stopped mid sentence.

"Let's just say that after listening to that song I have a big problem. I want to  replay it as much as possible.In fact I have but I also want it to remain...a good song. I don't want to get tired of it so I'm trying to listen to it sparingly."

"My dilemma exactly." Thandiwe, held my gaze, with an expression I didn't want to go off naming for myself.

"It's an amazing song. Amazing."

And I could tell, that she could tell I wasn't lying about my love for the song just to impress or flatter her.

"I've always loved the night." She told me,and there was something in her voice, nostalgic and familiar. I could hear the opening, the vulnerable tinge to her tone because I had heard it a thousand times before from the other side of the door.

"And it's not even about the stars or the moon even though I love all those too. And I know the night can be dark, tiring and dangerous but when it's not all those things...It's just that there is something so safe and comforting about the night. Something that... I don't know if I'm making sense."

Thandiwe's expression mirrored frustration, like she wished she had better words.

"Thandiwe, I know exactly what you're talking about."

She took me at my word, her gaze unwavering.

“I'm excited to listen to his other songs. I haven't gotten to that yet.”

Thandiwe pulled a face at my words, her face scrunched in the funniest ways. “Ehm”

I laughed.  “What? Don't you have any other recommendations from him?”

Thandiwe simply smiled. “I strongly suggest that you don't listen to his other songs. Strongly.”

More laughter. “ Is it bad?”

“They're terrible, badly written and they sound like they were recorded in the toilet.”

“Harsh.”

“Look, I love Night Air but his other songs are…not so great.”

“He's a one hit wonder?”

She nods.

“But it's an amazing wonder so it isn't that bad.”

Thandiwe was  quiet until, “ Yeah. I was sorta disappointed. I thought the other songs would also be as…wow as night air.”

“Mm”

“But later on I saw it as this. It took all of those bad songs to make one really wonderful song.”

“I like that.”

She blushed, her braids falling to her face as she cast her gaze down. When she lifted her head, noticing that I was still staring. She moved the braids from her face with her fingers, staring right back.  “ Of course you would.”

“Thandiwe I want to say something…”

“Dominique. Don't.”

Her words made the diminishing hope within me deflate but I forced the words out.

“ I looked for you, prayed and waited all those months ago. I thought that every girl that looked at me a certain way could possibly be you. I spent hours thinking of that 'good thing' theory of yours. I replayed our conversations in my head more times than would be deemed normal. I annoyed Mr Milano so much so, that for a few weeks he was avoiding me. Then...I let you go. I forgot you. I moved on and now Highschool is ending for me and you've come back into my life and...I talked to Mr Milano and he confirmed that you are…that you are Bubby.”

Her breath hitched, she looked away.

“I would just like for us to talk. Just one conversation.”

"..."

"Thandiwe just one conversation. That's all I'm asking for."

She opened her mouth, but no words left her lips for a few seconds. She struggled until an exhale escaped her lips, final.

“I…this is where I stop Dominique. So I should go.” Thandiwe gestured to a flat. It had black gates, tall and brown bricked.Her eyes avoided mine but I heard the cracking in her voice.

She took two of her plastic bags I was holding.I didn't fight her on it.She turned  and walked away. Again.

It was okay, I told myself because there was still tomorrow.

I realised how far we had walked when I looked back and the grocery store seemed so far away. Leonardo would be pissed.

There were so many emotions that welled up within me, one of them being frustration and I wanted to wallow on them but I decided not to do that.

I ran, fighting past the struggled breaths as I made my way back to the grocery store. She made time slow down, and long walks short. The run back to the grocery store was, breath taking, literally.

I was sweaty, cheeks flushed and  gasping for air when I finally made it in front  of the grocery store. Leonardo and Olivia just stepped out, with the plastic bags.

When Leonardo questioned me, I looked him in the eyes and said. “Six days.”

Hopefully.

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

About two chapters left then we'll be back in Leonardo's POV.
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