29th November 2023🥀

"—She's giving me the silent treatment Mkhulu."

Dominique, who sits in the backseat of Mkhulu's car, puts his head in-between the seats of Mkhulu and I.

"She's not just giving you the silent treatment. She's giving you the silent treatment with a spice of attitude."

Mkhulu chuckles as he turns the car to the left.We're a few blocks away from school but I'm still not ready.

"Mkhulu, how could you laugh about all this?"

I'm baffled.

"Because you deserve it. Doesn't he deserve it Dominique?" Mkhulu turns to my friend.

"Mr July, he deserves this and so much more. I mean if I was Olivia I'd be plotting to ruin you."

"Again, this is not helping me feel better."

"You're not supposed to feel better." Mkhulu states.” You're supposed to feel it too."

I take in his words,while Dominique nods his head vigorously.

"Yeah Leo your Grandfather's so right he can never go left,” Dominique adds.

Feel it too?

“How?”

Dominique smacks his forehead, looking at me like I'm dumber than dumb. “Right after school. I want you to meet me at Mayfield park but I won't show up but you have to pretend that you think I'm showing up."

"Wow, so you do use your brains sometimes, Dominique." Mkhulu teases.

Dominique is flattered,green eyes glinting. He taps his head with his hand. " This tool has saved thousands of lives.It—"

"So what you're saying," I cut in before Dominique can say something even more stupid and lose all respect from my grandfather.

"Is that I should wait in the park, pretending to be Olivia."

"Yes." Mkhulu nods.

"And don't just wait for sixty seconds or ten minutes. Wait for two hours because that's how long Olivia waited for you."

"Two hours?!"

"Oh now you're surprised," Mkhulu cuts in, displeased.

“I didn't really think about it but can you blame me? All day I was trying not to think about anything related to Olivia so of course it slipped my mind that she could be waiting but I never thought it would be that long.”

The car passes a dozen students from Vestalia high and soon the green gates come into view.

“You can't turn back time.” Mkhulu advises as he parks near the school.

“Preach!” Dominique utters, a smile curving up his lips.

I'm hesitant to step out of the car.

“But I hope you've learned a valuable lesson on giving up Leonardo,” Mkhulu adds, turning to face me.

“I have.”

“It never ends well. Giving up is like a slow poison that you drink. At the moment it seems ineffective but it's only moments later, days later, months later and sometimes even years later that you realize what you killed. You're blessed that it was only a day for you.”

What did I kill?

I killed what the two of us shared together, taking up these questions like they were way more than questions off the internet but like they were sacred. Treating them like they were the keys to our heart that we willingly let the other open.

I killed us…

I killed us and I saw it from the disappointment in Olivia's eyes.

I killed our progress and today would be the third day that we didn't commit to 36 Questions.

I killed —

“It wasn't easy,” Mkhulu cuts into my thoughts, “pursuing your grandmother. It took a lot but she was worth it and she knew it. She was worth the fight. You giving up on Olivia like that, it tells her that you don't believe she's worth it.”

“Mkhulu I —”

“Don't worry Leonardo. I understand it was a moment of weakness. Don't let this weakness define you and rule your life. Don't let this moment of weakness turn into a lifetime of regret.”

“Ok.”

“And you Dominique.” Mkhulu says, turning his head to stare at Dominique.

“Yes Mr July.”

“I hope you're taking notes from your friend Leonardo here. So when the time comes and you fall in love, you don't make the same mistakes.”

Dominique’s face flushes a faint red as he nods.

Mkhulu turns back to me, serious. “You never give up. Ok. What if God gave up on us?”

“Preach Mr July!” Dominique claps his hands, earning a chuckle from my grandfather.

“What if Nelson Mandela gave up? What if the man who made the light bulb gave up…”Mkhulu continues to mention many other great people who changed the world in small and big ways.

He speaks with passion and all that's left is for that motivational music to play in the background but he doesn't need that because Dominique starts humming a tune similar to those motivational songs. It makes me laugh a little, a lightness settling over my heavy heart.

Mkhulu exhales once he's used almost every example in the book. “ I hope you get my point because I don't like wasting my saliva.”

“ I get it,” I tell him, smiling.

“Good.”

“But in case he didn't,” Dominique cuts in, earning a groan from my Grandfather.

“What If,” Dominique adds, “ the man who created the toilet gave up? If it wasn't for him we wouldn't be going to do the doo doo so comfortably.”

Doo Doo...

“What if the man who created the nose hair trimmer gave up? If it wasn't for—”

“Ok that's quite enough Dominique,” Mkhulu cuts in. “ I think Leonardo gets the point. Now go to school, write that exam and win back Olivia because it never gets better than love. Never.”

❄️❄️❄️

When I step into the noisy classroom, throughout all the chaos she sits at the back like a forever calm to my storm.

Olivia lifts her head from the desk and her eyes meet mine. She holds my gaze longer than I expected her to. Her gaze locks me in place, making my heart beat in longing for her.

Her brown eyes swirl with hurt and a million questions. It swirls with emotion and I see it in the depth of her eyes…

She's asking me how I could do this to us.

How?

Mkhulu was right as always. Giving up is a slow poison that kills.

I killed us.

The examiner walks in and just like that Olivia forces her eyes away from mine. During the exam I have to force my head to stay looking ahead even though all of me wants to turn to her.

It's one thing to write an exam you feel so unprepared for but it's another thing to write an exam with a broken heart.

It's like a remedy for disaster. The pen within my hold wavers.I have to force my hand to be steady.

At times my mind strays away into dangerous territories of hurt and it's not even a second later that my eyes are blurred with tears.

Blurred so much I can't see the words on the page or the words I'm writing. The silence of the exam room is deafening like it's choking up all the emotions inside of me.

I clear my throat and the examiner’s eyes immediately meet mine thinking that I'm trying to pull a stunt. I blink back the tears, steadying the pen in my hand and I write.

I put my heart aside and I write.

I write through the pain because I don't think that pain ever leaves you. It's always present and overbearing but sometimes it's numb that you forget it's there until you feel it again.

I write through the pain knowing that  the things I killed, with everything in my power, I will bring it back to life.

I may have killed us but this is a promise I make to Olivia and she doesn't even have to know it.

I will bring us back to life.

When I turn in my exam paper I'm not as confident in it as I would like to be. I'm out of the classroom as soon as I can waiting for Olivia once again.

My heart races, the unnerving feeling in my stomach like a twisting action proceeds as I wonder what to expect from her.

A week ago hanging out with Olivia was easy. All we had to do was answer one question that brought us closer than we thought close could be. As the days went by the questions weren't the only thing that held us together but we developed this special friendship. This connection that made me feel I could talk to her about everything.

How did easy turn to hard because then it was as simple as a question and an answer. Now it's Olivia pushing me back because of some unknown reason and this mistake I made of giving up on her multiplied by this whole Lisa.B drama.

Olivia steps out of the classroom and when she sees me,she passes by me like a stranger. It's the harsh pain that seizes my heart that keeps me frozen for a second.

Fight.

I get over my feelings and run after her catching up to her in no time.

“Hey.” I give her a smile.

She doesn't return it or reply. She keeps walking.

“How was the exam?”

“...”

“Olivia I'm not going to give up—”

“You've done it before.”

Her eyes flash with hurt and my chest tightens.

“And it was a mistake. A big mistake. What I'm trying to say is that I'm going to be this annoying fly hovering over you for all the days of your life until you give me another chance.”

As I say all this I think I almost... Almost see a whisper of a smile on her lips but it vanishes as fast as it appears.

“I'm staying with you my Olive bean because I love you. And nothing you do is going to push me away now. Nothing.”

Her eyes flick to mine again as if searching for the sincerity of my words and I hope she finds what she seeks.

“So, how was your day? Mine was pretty bad because a special someone wasn't with me. Her name starts with and O ends with an A but that's all I can tell you. You've got to keep the good things a secret you know.”

Once again, I see that almost smile forming on her face. My heart races with excitement, the smile on my face grows into something real.

“She's like the best part of my day and I don't think I ever told her that. I wish I did. I wish I told her that she's the best part of my day…”

“Stop.” Olivia utters, her voice shaky. She stops in her tracks, covering her hands with her face.

We're in the empty hallway, alone.

“Stop,”she speaks into her hands, muffled.“Stop saying all these things.”

Something about the tone of her voice scares me.

Once again I feel like everything is more than it seems.

“Why?”

She shakes her head and my heart flares. I stand in front of her, pulling her hands away from her face. Her eyes meet mine glistening with tears.

“Olivia, tell me what's going on. I  have a feeling like this is so much more than I think it is. Tell me and I'll solve the problem. Tell me.”

She sobs, openly. The tears trail down her cheeks and I immediately wipe them away bringing her close to me. She lets me. She lets me pull her closer and wipe the tears in her eyes.

She lets me hold her again and my heart embraces every second of it until...

“I can't.” Then she pulls herself roughly away from me. She wipes the last of her tears and she runs.

She runs away, fast down the hallway. Her purple bag bouncing along with her.

She runs away from me.

❄️❄️❄️

It's early evening when I step into Mayfield park. The sun's warmth casts the whole place in a warm glow. From the grass to the people and the benches. I walk further into the park, finding the bench that Olivia and I once sat in.

The bench sits right under the shade of a tall evergreen tree. I settle on the cool bench, immediately feeling the absence of Olivia.

The absence of her presence.

The absence of her smile.

The absence of her.

I pull out my phone setting a timer for two hours and even the thought of waiting that long has my bones melting.

So I just sit there and wait. I wait for nothing in particular because Dominique made it clear he wasn't coming.

There are a bunch of young boys playing soccer in the field. The game looks fun, with the kids laughing every now and then scoring a goal and yelling louder than ever.

It's not even a minute later until one of the kids notices me. It's Timmy.

The little boy is shirtless, dressed only in shorts as he runs towards me. He's got that broad smile on his face.

He's dripping with sweat with an insane amount of grass on his hair.

“Leonardo!” He shouts once he's in front of me.

“Timmy, my man.”

He laughs taking the seat next to me.

“You haven't been to the park in a while.”

“Yeah. I've been busy.”

Timmy rolls his eyes in that way kids do.

“Busy falling in love. Yuck!” He scrunches his face as he shakes his head.

The laughter bubbles out of me, natural. “ No, with exams and life.”

“I'm busy with life as well but I still come to the park.” He points out. “ I also write tests  so your excuses are not adding up. Just come to the park. These boys can't play soccer nicely.”

“I'll come more often. I promise.”

“Good. Let's play now. You can be on my team.”

I'm about to give him a yes but then I remember that I'm supposed to be feeling it too. I'm supposed to be waiting and feeling and thinking. Not having fun.

Even though Mkhulu and Dominique will never know if I actually did this or  not. I know that it will eat my consciousness up.
So I decline his offer.

“Are you ok? I said Let's play soccer not skipping.” Timmy clarifies.

“ I heard you, Timmy. Not today.”

“Why not?”

“Because I just want to sit here and think.”

The expression on Timmy's face makes me laugh.

“Are you depressed?”

More laughter.

“No. It's just something that I have to do.”

Timmy shakes his head, getting off the bench. “ Whatever, just watch us have fun.”

He runs off back to where the soccer game is happening and I feel like calling out to him and telling him I changed my mind.

But I don't.

The timer ticks exhaustingly slow and my thoughts stray to Olivia. I picture her sitting on this exact bench. I picture her  waiting, checking her phone, looking around her.

I picture my Olivia's heart racing with worry, biting her lip with unease. I picture her calling me about seventeen times then calling Dominique.

I picture her waiting and hoping. Despite pushing me away and her distance lately, she came.

Olivia  came.

I always obsessed over the people in my life who would stay by me but never had I ever thought about myself.

I never thought that I could even leave someone.

Olivia came and she waited. I was the one who left. I was the one who didn't show up.

The shame slams into me full force that I can’t even stand being with myself.

The fear of abandonment leaves you obsessing over the ones you love leaving you, blinding you to the fact that it's you who pushes them away. That it's this fear that makes you leave them before they leave you.

The sun has almost fully set when the timer goes off, jolting my heart. I pull my phone out, glad that the torturous two hours are up.

For some reason I'm still sitting, stuck.

I don't know how to get myself out of this situation.

How to fix this entangled chaotic mess going on between Olivia and I.

Timmy is walking up to me  again. This time he holds his red shirt in his hand.

“Shouldn't you be home Timmy? It's late.”

“Yah. I'm going home now. Come, take me home.”

He pulls me up by my hand, smiling. We walk through the park in silence.

“I saw your girlfriend alone two days ago.”

“Mmh.”

“I think she was waiting for someone but he came really late. And even after arriving late he treated her badly.”

His words stop me in my tracks, making me turn to him. “ What are you talking about Timmy?”

Timmy sighs, “ Are you slow? We're talking about Olivia.”

“Yeah but you said something about someone treating her badly.”

From the tone of my voice his eyes widen as  he gulps. “ Look, maybe I misunderstood the situation.”

“Timmy, don't be afraid. I just want to know what happened… Please.”

He sighs. “ Ok. Olivia came to the park.She sat on that bench you were sitting on and she waited for hours. I don't know maybe it was twenty four hours but that girl waited—”

“Get to the part with the guy please.”

He rolls his eyes. “ She was getting up to leave when the person she was waiting for showed up. They started talking but I don't think she wanted to talk. I would too if I waited that long for someone. Olivia moved passed the guy but he grabbed her by the arm—

“He grabbed her!”  My heart flares, stirring up something within me.

Timmy shakes his head,eyes wide. “Maybe it wasn't grab. I'm not too sure. Remember I was far away. So maybe it was something else.”

“Timmy don't be scared please. This is very important. I think Olivia is in some kind of trouble. You're my only hope right now Timmy. Just tell me like you saw it.”

He gulps, nodding. “ He grabbed her by the arm and made her sit back down on the bench then he talked with her. I know my mother said it's not good to like things but I wanted to hear what they were talking about.”

“Did you?”

“No, I stayed far away. That guy was kinda scary. Why would Olivia leave you for him? Is that why you're depressed? Did Olivia leave you for that guy?”

“No. Just continue with the story, Timmy.”

“When I'm an adult. I'll answer all my kids' questions , not this nonsense you guys like doing. Anyway, Olivia and that guy talked for a while but she seemed sad.”

“How are you sure of that?”

Timmy pauses, his brows furrowing. “I don't know. It's just that sometimes the guy would laugh but Olivia wouldn't even be smiling. Maybe his jokes weren't funny but Olivia looked very sad and he  didn't care. He just carried on laughing.”

“What else happened?”

“Mmm.” Timmy scratches his grassy hair, thinking.

“The guy left first. He didn't even take Olivia home, he just left. She sat there alone for a few minutes and then she left all on her own. That is all I know. After that my mother shouted at me about coming home late because —”

“Timmy, what did that guy look like?”

My thoughts were going haywire. I have to find this guy. I have to find Olivia and ask her what the truth was. I have to get to the bottom of this.

“He was coloured.”

“I'm going to need more detail.”

“He had curly brown hair and I think his eyes were brown.”

Immediately, a person comes into my mind and the numbers were adding up. The fire flaring within my heart continues to burn but before I can jump into conclusions...

“Did he have a white sweatband on his forehead?”

For some reason this particular guy always wore white sweatbands  during the weekend. I don't know what statement he was trying to make or if he thought that it made him cool but I know that it makes him stand out.

“Yes!” Timmy exclaims, then he laughs. “It looked silly.”

A smile curves up my lips but it's not from any joy that I feel in my heart. It's lethal.

I have finally found the missing piece. The missing piece that's been staring at my face all along. This missing piece that has pushed Olivia away from me behind my back while prodding me to go the other direction in public.

“Do you know him?” Timmy asks.

“I do but he's gonna wish I didn't know him.”

“Tell Olivia she doesn't need to be sad about some guy who has a headband on his forehead.”

Despite the situation, I laugh.

“Come on Timmy. Let's take you home.”

He smiles and we walk. Timmy tells me about his day and soon about his life. He rambles on about everything and nothing and I listen as best I can.

My heart is fully set on setting things right and finding out the truth.

Mkhulu's words from early this morning come back to me about how me giving up meant that I was saying Olivia wasn't worth the fight.

Olivia is worth the fight.

She's worth every tear, every prayer and every day.

She's worth it and I won't stop.

I won't stop even with this new person who seems against Olivia and my union.

I will fight for the one I love.

“I  don't know what game you're playing Wyatt but it's over now.”

It's over, Wyatt.

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

Sorry 😔 for the inconsistent posting guys. I haven't been feeling confident in my writing lately. It feels off and I feel like you guys can feel it too. It's like the story isn't good anymore.

I'm trying my best to get back on my feet.

Thank you for all your support. Every vote, comment and read. You have no idea how much you guys encourage me.

None of these things you guys do ever goes unnoticed by me.

Thank you.❤️