17 November 2023🥀

“—To know that you'll choose me over 100 other cool people. You'll choose me over the boy that you like sometimes. You'll choose me over those who are more similar to you and that even when someone funnier or cooler comes along... you'll choose me.”

Olivia's eyes stare ahead at the school field, scattered with exam stressed teenagers of Vestalia high as we sit on the empty bleachers.

When her eyes meet mine, it's a beautiful sight to see the morning sun gleaming in her eyes making them a brighter brown.

She's beautiful.

“And does Alicia do that for you?” I ask, intrigued.

Her small smile breaks into something broader. “She's an amazing friend. You too should really meet. I talk about the both of you a lot with each other.”

“You talk about me?” I ask, smirking.

She playfully pushes my shoulder, with hers.

“What about you Leonardo? What do you value most in a friendship?”

“Yesterday, I would have said, keeping my secrets but after talking with Dominique this close to having an argument with him last night —”

“Leo. It wasn't Dominique's fault. He didn't want to tell me but I pleaded with him so much. I —”

“It's okay Olivia,” I smile,“ It's okay.”

Her eyes soften,her body at ease again.

“He told me that sometimes you've got to do something that the person you love needs and not exactly wants. He said more stuff but the point was I'm glad he told you.”

“Dominique is surprisingly wise sometimes.”

We laugh.

“He has his moments.”

“Finalize your question—the bell is about to ring and our Math paper 3  exam awaits to torture us.”

I laugh.

“You and Dominique don't deserve math. It's too good for you.”

She gasps,hands on her chest in mock hurt.

Laughter bubbles out of us.

“Anyway what I value the most in friendship is being there for each other through thick and thin.”

Olivia nods, smiling.

“You're a good friend to me Olivia.”

Her  brown eyes hold mine, twinkling with something beautiful.

“ You're a good friend to me too, Leonardo.”

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For someone who was supposed to be out of our lives by now—my mother was still here. She was still leaving but she was waiting for a friend to pick her up and then she would be off.

It was now night time and all her bags were packed ready to be pulled away when she left. Only Mkhulu and I were dressed in our pajamas.

I still remember when Mkhulu officially chased her out of the house. She was clearly heartbroken but some part of her looked relieved. Like she was happy that we were finally letting her go.

I cried myself to sleep yesterday, just like I've been doing since she came but tonight was different. Tonight she'd really be gone. So as I sit in my dark room, texting Dominique my heart races a million miles per second.

A painful tightening settles over  my chest but I will myself to not watch her leave.

The July house has been utterly silent since yesterday morning’s fight. Not one of us has shared a word with the other.

Unspoken words battle through our eyes as we lock gazes and the silence is safer because I feel that If another word is said.

Somebody might break.

My thoughts move to my Olivia, a tender feeling settling over me even as I think about how I cried in front of her a second time. 

It was not great for my ego but my heart just dances at the thought of the way she held and comforted me.

How sweet she is.

A heart of gold in a simple girl. Who would have thought.

I want to love her even more because she doesn't even love me yet but I feel immensely loved by her.

No girl has made me feel this way.

And I don't think anyone ever will.

She's my first love and I'll make sure she'll be my last.

My sweet thoughts are thrust away when I hear the sound of a car horn beeping outside.

Leaping from my bed,I peek through my navy blue curtains to see a black BMW parked outside of our house.

The lights in the car go off, as a man in casual attire steps out, leaning over the car.

My dark eyes immediately scrutinize his appearance from his expensive shoes and hair cut, to the trimmed beard and the way his dark eyes casually flick around the neighbourhood.

My eyes well up with tears, when a silly thought like —maybe he could be my father comes to me.

My father will remain a mystery to me for the rest of my life.
I wonder will I always be searching for him in different men as I grow up.

I hope not.

The man parked outside,rolls his neck around his shoulders looking impatient.

He goes back in the car just to loudly and incessantly beep the car horn, scaring off some birds.

“—I just wanna say goodbye.” I hear her voice form the hallway.

With my heart beating out of my chest I jump back into the blankets, covering myself. I try to steady my racing heart and steady my short breaths, fluttering my eyes shut.

“Don't break his heart more than you've already done Linda.” Mkhulu warns, as I tighten my fists under the blankets.

When the door creaks open, my whole body goes still and my heart leaps out of my chest.

The door is gently shut with a thud. Soft hesitant footsteps make their way towards me. My eyes stay clamped shut.

“Leonardo?” she says softly,tender.

“Leonardo?”

Tears burn through my shut eyes, the truth finally setting in that she's actually leaving.

Even now she could change her mind but she still wants to leave.

The car outside beeps even louder, almost making my eyes flinch open.

She settles on a chair near my bed,her breath closer. I feel her run her fingers over my face, my hair. Loving me.

And it's when she scratches my head soothingly that I know that she knows I'm awake.

“You're everything your  Mkhulu ever wanted.”she says, close to a whisper.

But everything you never wanted, I think to myself.

“You know he wanted a son.”she continues, “ and now he has that. You're a good boy—stay good okay. Do it for yourself. For the people around you. Live life with no regrets but don't use that as an excuse to be reckless. When I was younger I used that as an excuse to be reckless…”

The tears slip past my tightly shut eyes and even in this dark room I know she can see them but I keep my eyes closed even as the stubborn tears escape.

She does something that she's never done in my life before. She gently wipes my tears,her touch feathery. It makes more tears fall, my heart bleeding open.

“That Olive girl you talked about that day when you were talking about women —treat her right and I know that you're a teenage boy but love isn't sleeping around. It's —she’s” she coughs uncomfortable, stumbling through her words.

And if this were a different life, in a different time with a different mother; I'd be laughing at this moment.

I mean, am I actually getting the talk right now?

Instead, I strengthen myself, willing more tears not to fall.

“She's gonna hate you for the rest of her life if she makes that mistake with you.”

There it was.

That word.

Mistake.

All of who I was.

“If you truly love her or like—you’ll wait.”

Her fingers trace my thick brows, as if she's putting my face to memory and I wonder if she'll remember me.

“I love you,”she breathes, broken.

I want so badly to believe her. It becomes difficult for her to speak, the car outside beeps louder and I feel like leaving the house to punch that guy.

I'll never get another goodbye.

“ I love you Leonardo. I do. I really do.” I hear the sound of her soft sobbing and it breaks my shattered heart.

She controls herself, sniffling and I wish I could see her but I keep my eyes clamped shut. It's for the best, I remind myself.

“I just don't love you the way you deserve to be loved

“...”

“— and I hope you find it. I hope you find the love that you deserve. I'm  just sorry that it can't be me.” her voice cracks at the end.

I feel the softest kisses placed on my forehead,and she pulls away, taking more steps away from me. The room feels colder.

The door creaks open.

A part of me battles with myself telling me to say goodbye to my mother to say something but that little 13 year old boy reminds me that I can't see her leave.

Not again.

“Goodbye, Leonardo.”

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

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16.What do you value most in a friendship?

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