15th of  November 2023🥀

" —because you'll soon find out that in life you'll be picking the bones but not finding even a piece of meat."

I'm staring at the white  ceiling, still in my pajamas in a call with Dominique and like the story of our friendship I have no idea what he's talking about.

"Dom Dom what on earth are you even talking about?"

"Oh! So you decide to call me early in the morning even though I'm not writing exams and then you don't even understand what I'm saying to you," he says all this in mock anger.

"Do you understand what you're saying?"

He sighs.

I laugh.

"That answers my question. Thank you very much."

"So I'm guessing you're not staying home all day even though you're not writing."

"Not when she's here. Especially after yesterday. I can't believe she actually slapped me, Dominique."

"What about your Grandfather? What did he do about this whole situation? Knowing him he probably didn't take it well."

I scoff, not wanting to relive the memories. Although the sting of her slap has faded on my cheek; it's left a permanent sting in the innermost parts of me.

The crazy thing is that it hasn't even been a week since she's arrived. How will I survive months of this?

"Mkhulu…." a lump grows in my throat, thinking about the look in his eyes when he registered that my mother actually slapped me.

His piercing dark eyes looked like they had lost a battle. Like there was no way in which he could win because he would lose either way.

His daughter and his grandson were on opposing sides and all he wanted was peace.

"Mkhulu didn't take it well, Dom Dom. He…umm he yelled at her and stuff but—"

"She's still his daughter," Dominique finishes, solemnly.

"Right." I breathe.

The line goes quiet.

It's not the type of silence between lovers who are both blushing at the other end of the lines but it's the type of silence shared between two friends who feel helpless at the mercy of life.

It's the 'what now?' silence.

The 'if there was anything I could do…' silence.

It's the 'I'll be praying for you and I don't even have to tell you because pretty soon you'll see God working it out' silence.

"...Okay Dominique I know my breathing is your favourite sound but I've got to go."

He chuckles.

"Until next time sweet sweet Juliet."

And we both drop the phone.

❄️❄️❄️

The floors of the hallway are cold against my bare feet as I make my way towards the kitchen  still in my pajamas and once again I hear them murmuring.

It's like second nature to me now, keeping myself hidden by the white wall so they can say all that they'll never say with me around.

It's hard this time because they talk a little lighter, as if to be more careful than yesterday and I strain my ears to hear.

My heart races like I'm committing a crime and maybe I am.

I mean, should we ever know what our parents think of us behind our backs?

What  they say about us??

It feels like I've traveled back in time and once again I'm 13 years old watching through a peeked door as my mother packed her bags, blaming everything on grief like she was the only one who lost something.

I'm about to give up on this eavesdropping because we all know it's easier on T.V when Mkhulu says something a little clearer.

"Don't do this to the boy. Don't you know what he'll become?" Mkhulu speaks with desperation in his gruff voice.

"What will he become Tata? What?!"

It's quiet.

"He'll grow up to be those men who hate women.."

This somehow cuts deeper than anything has in awhile. It's like you think the knife couldn't go any more deeper but somehow it exceeds your expectations breaking your heart.

I become more aware of every breath I struggle to take.

Is that….

Is that what he thinks of me?

Someone who will grow up to hate women.

My mother laughs like it's nothing.

"This is no laughing matter Linda. He'll be a women hater with the way you've been treating him. "

"I think you mean misogynist Tata not women hater."

"Linda, how can you think about getting a massage at a time like this?!"

Mkhulu is absolutely baffled.

"No, not a massage. A misogynist."

"Leonardo will massage people because he had a bad mother?! This makes no sense!"

My mother laughs  and although I try to hold it in, the laughter bubbles out of me a little louder than I intended it to.

It  makes  my presence known and for a moment even though the shock registers on both their faces; we all find ourselves laughing.

The July family laughing in the early morning dressed in pajamas and my heart captures this moment to remind me that this is what a family's supposed to be like.

When the laughter dies down it's like all the pain returns into our eyes distancing us from whatever closeness this moment could have created.

"You heard." Mkhulu states.

I nod.

"You're not writing any exams?" My mother asks, clutching her mug close to her.

"Not today."

The silence settles over us, painful.

Since we're not fighting there's nothing left to say to each other and it hurts my heart.

Especially because Mkhulu is here. I know that with Mkhulu there is never a dull moment but this moment feels as though it's been sucked of all life.

"Have breakfast."

I take a seat on the stool as Mkhulu serves spaghetti and tuna salad.

My eyes meet my mother's for a moment. I see her pleading for forgiveness with the way her brown eyes turn softer and more delicate the way a mother's eyes are always supposed to be.

I look back down at my food and the next moment only the plates and forks do the talking.

Mkhulu's words echo in my mind making me feel like flipping off the kitchen counter— but it's built in so that would be stupid.

Women hater.

Women hater.

That's not what I am and it pains me that he even thought that for a second.

"I don't hate women," I find myself saying, the silence after that more tense than the one before.

My mother registers that I've spoken on my own accord.

"I don't hate women at all." I repeat,my eyes glossing over with tears but I keep them at bay.

"Mrs Edwards... she's a strict teacher at school. She dresses up in these long summer dresses even during winter…” a sigh escapes my lips.

“She's got this passion in her eyes every lesson. Not just in her eyes but in the way she talks —louder than needed, in the way she moves her hands as she teaches. And even when she's tired you can tell that this woman is driven by passion…"

"..."

"—Then there's MaFumane who owns a bakery not too far from here. She bakes like no other person.She'll have you wanting more each time. She's the type of person when you ask her for the secret ingredient she'll always say it's love…"

" Dominique and I get annoyed by that sometimes but she's not lying. Her bakery is open at 4 every weekday for those who go to work and school early. The smell of her baked goods wafts in  the streets air  like love drawing everybody in. She hugs customers with this warm hug that if you've never—if you've never experienced a mother's love" a lump grows in my throat.

I clear my throat, knowing I have to finish this.

"If you've never experienced a mother's love then just one hug from her and you'll finally understand."

"...."

Mkhulu holds my gaze, a thousand words swimming in his eyes. My mother tightens the gown around her, looking anywhere but me, like she's seconds away from bolting out of this room.

"There's Dominique's mom—Mrs Van De Merwe who is the exact combination of strength and beauty and although he'll never say it out loud I know that Dominique's proud to have her as his mother. I see it in the way his  green eyes light up even just a little when he complains about his mother not letting him get the things he wants."

"...."

"There's Lily, our next door neighbour who has the voice of an angel and the cutest smile. Julia, Mrs Masina,Mrs Leon, Lisa.B— this beautiful and intelligent girl at school who's got every boy groveling at her feet but knows her worth. And these are limited to the amazing women I know."

"I hear you Leonardo." Mkhulu says, a glimmer of admiration in his dark eyes and it makes me smile a little.

But I still have this lump in my throat,this knife in my heart and these words in my mind.

"Then there was Gogo…" and this makes the whole table go still.

"The woman who brought us together. Who made us a family. The woman whose absence is felt even years after her death. The woman who loved deeply and who taught me how to treat girls. I could go on but my words will never do that woman justice…."

A harsh breath escapes my lips and a tears trails down my cheeks but I quickly wipe them away.

"Then there's my Olivia —my princess."

Mkhulu  is now full blown crying wiping his tears but more keep coming and he's frustrated at this. My mother's eyes dance with curiosity at the new name.

"Where would I even start with her? I'd have to write a whole book for that."  A breathless laughter bubbles out of me.

"No. Even that wouldn't be enough.All I can say is that I'm at the edge of my seat anticipating the moment I get to see the incredible woman she will surely become."

A silence settles over us, thoughtful as the words sink in. Mkhulu and I both wipe tears from our eyes and it still amazes me how similar we are.

But how could he think that??

How could he think I could hate women after having Gogo in my life.

It still cuts my broken heart.

I meet his dark eyes, that mirror mine and I know he registers the pain in my eyes because he hangs his head in shame.

"So, no Mkhulu. I don't hate women. I just hate that woman" I sneer, glaring at my mother.

❄️❄️❄️

All that talk about MaFumane's bakery made me hungry for pastries and coffee. So I decided to call Olivia and Dominique to hangout at the bakery.

"Okay. But you're paying for everything right because I'm dirt broke" Dominique said,over the phone.

So here I was, in the best bakery in town with my two favourite people.

Olivia and Dominique playfully argued with each other about whether carrot cake or chocolate cake was the best.

Dominique was so strong on his debate,he smeared the chocolate cake icing on his cheeks like war paint.

Olivia on the other hand kept talking about the thick texture of the carrot cake and pleading with me to help her because she was obviously losing this debate.

"Leonardo, you've been silent for too long. What's the best cake between carrot cake and chocolate cake and don't be biased just because she's beautiful doesn't mean she should take away your cake choice."

I chuckle.

Olivia pouts, looking at me with her beautiful brown eyes.

Wow… so she knows the power she has over me.

Dominique,who sees Olivia's sly plan also pouts, blinking his eyelashes bashfully and this makes all of us laugh.

"I think the best cake between the two is…”

The suspense on their faces makes me smile.

“The cake of friendship!"

Dominique punches my shoulder hard, while Olivia chuckles.

We continue laughing, joking and talking over each other the way friends do and it's a great escape from the stress of exams.

From whatever we're going through at home.

Somehow, someway Olivia starts giving us a speech about how boys are jerks to girls they don't like and girls deserve more respect.

“Admit it,” Dominique cuts her off, “You hate men.”

Olivia scoffs. “ I do not hate men.”

“Really because it sounds like you do.” Dominique continues, a glint in his eyes.

Olivia meets my eyes, a silent message that I should defend her in this matter.

Completely amused, I  intentionally stay quiet.

She huffs, staring down at her coffee.

"I just wish you guys were a little more thoughtful. Seriously it's like some of you turn into bulls who see the colour red every time you interact with a girl. You're so rash and  rough and I feel like your  whole Moto in life is act first —think later”

Dominique and I chuckle.

Olivia’s eyes flick to mine, thoughtful.

“Well not you you—you're amazing but you know, your fellow peers."

“And what am I? A stack of bones.” Dominique complains.

Olivia smiles. “You're pretty cool to Dominique.”

“So you're a feminist?” Dominique quirks a brow.

Olivia shakes her head. “ I don't really consider myself one. But feminism is not the hatred of men. You do know that, right?”

“It sure does feel like it. I dated a girl who was a feminist and she said something about building a country where no men were allowed.”

I laugh.

The memory of Dominique’s ex-girlfriend is fresh in my mind. He's dated a lot of —how can I say this nicely?

He's dated a lot of interesting girls.

“Are you talking about Cassandra?”

Dominique nods, laughter escaping his lips.

“Well  feminism is not the hatred of men.” Olivia clarifies,“The hatred of men is Misandry.”

“And you would know that because…”

Olivia chuckles.  “I don't hate men Dominique! Leonardo you tell him,” her eyes meet mine,playful.

“ I mean I like-” she stops herself but the warmth in my heart doesn't need any more for it to beam in pride.

That's right.

Olivia likes me.

Olivia shakes her head, a blush tinting her light brown cheeks. She shoves more carrot cake in her mouth as if that will save her from explaining herself.

Dominique winks at me.

“Enough about this, men hate women and women hate men. ” I finally cut in.

“Let's talk about something else.”

“Yeah.” Dominique agrees.”Like the political  and economical state of our country.”

Laughter bubbles out of us, making a few people in the bakery scrutinize us with their gazes.

“I'd die,” Olivia mutters, making us laugh harder.

“Oh wait! Have I ever told you guys about the Horse joke?” Dominique watches both Olivia and I.

Olivia's confusion mirrors mine.

“Great! Okay so the joke goes like—” the Barney theme song interrupts him.

Olivia has this funny expression on her face that would be a really funny meme.

It's an accurate expression to anyone finding out an 18 year old guy like Dominique has the Barney song as his ringtone.

“I gotta take this.”Dominique leaves in a hurry.

“Your friend is one in a million.” Olivia tells me, her eyes on me.

“I've been told.”

We chuckle.

“So….”

“So….”

And we both have these big smiles on our faces, our eyes meeting then breaking again. It's like I don't even have to feel her heartbeat to know that it's drumming to  the rhythm my heart plays.This little bubble of ours consumes every part of us and it's like the whole world blurs away.
It slows down.

Olivia's my complete focus,her beautiful brown eyes have this twinkle in them looking at me with a look I never saw her give to anyone.

It makes me feel special.

Makes me feel loved and I hope she never stops looking at me like that.

Looking at me with stars in her eyes.

“Question 14?” she quirks her brow, a sweet smile on her face.

“Mmm.”

Our voices contrast so much from when we're alone to when we're with people. Hers gets softer, sweeter —less audible.

It's like she knows she doesn't have to do much to get my attention but my ears strain to hear even the very breaths she takes.

I find myself speaking lower—not needing to reiterate myself because she gets every single syllable.

This is love.

“Is there something that you've dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven't you done it?”

She smiles, like she looked over the question earlier and is excited to share the answer with me.

It ignites something in me  to know that she delights in sharing herself with little ol me.

“Believe it or not. It's starting a YouTube channel. I use the excuse that I don't have a camera and that I'm camera shy as well as insecure but I also don't think I'm ready to embarrass myself on the internet like that…”

She stares down at the table, and I can imagine the thoughts that swim in her head. “ I told you  before that I write songs and poems. I'd really like to share them but it's scary you know…”

Her brown eyes meet mine, wanting me to understand the parts of her that she can't even put to words.

“It's scary putting yourself out there.Last but definitely not least would be the fact that there's no such thing as privacy in  my home. I swear you can't even have a proper  mental break down without someone barging in asking if you're gonna eat the last few slices or something.”

I laugh.

“It's that bad?”

“If you only knew Leonardo. You're blessed to be an only child.”

Laughter bubbles out of me, and when it dies down I feel like telling her the truth about a few days ago.

The truth that I lied.

The truth.

Instead, I decide to just answer question 14  truthfully.

But I know that it won't make up for the fact that I lied when all she's ever been is genuine and honest.

She's been vulnerable and real with me even when it was a struggle for her and that's why she's stronger than me in ways I never knew strength was needed.

“ Well. I told you the other day that I wanted to be a pilot ever since I asked Mkhulu what the flying thing in the sky was. I'll officially be able to start flight school next year so that's amazing!“

The smile on my face must be contagious because she's smiling too, admiration shining in her brown eyes.

“Sometimes when I'm having a really bad day I just picture myself flying in a plane and I say the things I always hear in the movies like— and we'll be landing in a few moments ladies and gentlemen.”

She laughs.

“And it just puts my heart at ease. I'll get to do that one day. The closest thing to flying and I'll get to do it.”

The dimples on my cheeks are explosions of happiness and this feeling in my heart that's like no other feeling because it's bigger than me.

It's a dream I've held so close to my heart since I was a little boy and it sets fire to my heart like no other thing.

And suddenly I'm grateful for this question because I'm reminded of the dream I hold and the love that's kept alive everyday I dream.

I keep this dream close to my heart even at night in the darkness of my room as I stare at my white ceiling ; when all that can be heard is the sound of Mkhulu and my mother arguing because of me.

“We'll be landing in better places soon ladies and gentlemen.” I dream out loud.

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

Let's fall in love in the comments!
🤗🌹

14.Is there something that you've dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven't you done it?

💕Please 💕

Vote🌟

And
Comment 🌬️

Thank you for reading!☺️