21: You Can't Keep Up With The Kardashians
Like anyone my own age who wasn't a trust fund baby, there were about twenty million reasons why I needed to keep a job that guaranteed me money. I had rent and bills to pay, and I couldn't finance my dream if I just quit. I didn't have parents who were willing to let me figure out life and screw around in their dollar. No one did in Marblehead. That was a coastal privilege that we didn't have here in flyover country.
Of course, some people my age had parents who were a little more accepting than mine were, but I imagined it was difficult to hear that your only daughter didn't want to follow a traditional path through life. But at the same time, wasn't it important that I pursued my happiness while I still had a chance? Maybe it wouldn't work out for me, but at least I could say that I tried, and that was a hell of a lot better than being stuck in the same town for my whole life and never taking a chance on myself. It happened plenty in our small Ohio town.
But still, there were times that I really missed knowing that I had someone—anyone—in my corner who truly believed in me.
In order to keep going with my online craft shop, I needed money from another source, and I probably didn't have enough of a business plan to get a loan from anyone, so I was stuck at the Lakeside Daisy for the time being. That didn't mean that I had to keep my new role and responsibilities, though.
With the live music on the schedule to begin soon, I had to track down Mason just so I could think out loud to him. Men didn't gossip and stab people in the back nearly as much as women (they preferred to be shitty in a completely different way), so I could probably trust him to keep his mouth shut about anything I said to him.
I peeked out of my office, and I thought I caught a glimpse of Ashley and her long straight brown hair fluttering behind her, but it was just some other waitress that I didn't like nearly as much. The piano music still hadn't started yet, so I headed out to go find Mason before he started his set. I couldn't leave the Lakeside Daisy, even if I was missing the fired Ashley, but I knew the work wasn't fulfilling, even if I was the interim HBIC.
Out by my table of worthless shit, Mason seemed to think, he was standing there in conversation with another waitress, but when I whispered his name and waved him to come talk to me, he came into my office.
"Can I ask you for your honest opinion?" I asked.
"You can, but you better actually want my honest opinion if you're going to ask for it," he replied.
I nodded. "I do. There are no wrong answers here. Do you think I'm cut out for this office?"
He looked around at the office, which, admittedly, I had turned into my little home away from home. With pink glitter gel pens in the desk organizer, a selfie with Alex and Blake framed on the desk, and my bag of yarn on the spinny chair, it was clear that I could make myself belong in that office, but that sure as hell didn't make it truly mine.
"Whether you like it or not, Marigold, it's yours, and you're just going to have to make the best of it. I mean, don't you like the raise these responsibilities are coming with?" he finally said.
I nodded. "Of course I do, but that doesn't make it worth it to me. I'll never be happy in here by myself where I have to make all the decisions for everyone and where I have no face time with customers. It's isolating," I said.
"Don't you want to run your own online business full-time?"
I bit my cheek. "You know what I mean."
"You have to stick with this. Money fell right into your lap, and all you have to do is a little bit more work—"
I interrupted him. "A little bit? I feel like I don't have any time to make any progress on my real dream."
"You asked for my opinion, Marigold, so don't interrupt me until I'm done."
His tone was harsher than I was sure he meant for it to be, so I shut my mouth and let him continue.
"You don't even know if this real dream of yours is ever going to work out. This job will. It's like you're not even thinking about the big picture here."
I was thinking about it, but if I wasn't happy in that picture, why the hell would I bother framing it?
I looked around the office walls. As much as I didn't want this job anymore, maybe it would be a little better if I had more framed pictures around me. I blinked at that thought. How many selfies could I frame before it made me look egotistical?
"Don't you want something bigger for yourself?" he continued.
The answer was a definite yes, but we had two different ideas of what that meant. But I nodded anyway. "Of course I do. I just—"
Mason cut me off. "Would it help if you thought about it somewhere else besides here?"
I paused before I could decline out of sheer stubbornness. I had a feeling that most people did much better thinking on a pretty red boat than in a tiny room in the back of a restaurant.
"Yes, I'm offering what you think I'm offering. I can see the look on your face," he said.
What look? I didn't have a look. But even though I definitely didn't show every thought on my face, I nodded. "Can we?"
"How about tomorrow? I've heard you're on thin ice with upper upper management around here, so we probably shouldn't go during my shift," he said with a slight chuckle.
I crossed my arms as he saw himself out of my office and back to his piano so he could do his job. I was glad he thought he was funny with that little comment.
"How the hell does everyone keep up with all of the gossip around here?" I thought out loud. "And since when am I a topic?"
Alas, I knew this day would come, being just regular management. Everyone liked to talk shit about everyone above them in the pecking order, except for me, of course. I would never indulge in something as petty as that.
And it was true that I was in a little bit of trouble, but what was George going to do without me? I sat down in my chair and spun around a couple times. How could I leave the poor old man without anyone to help him in his time of need?
Ohio was just flyover country, so the people had to make up for the boring lifestyles somehow, and we liked to choose excessive consideration of everyone's feelings and well-being. It was exhausting work, much like the small-town gossip we loved as well, but somehow it all evened out in the grand scheme of things. All I could do was wait for the day that I got to reap the benefits in a way that was the best for my feelings.
Well, being on a boat certainly would help that.
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Hi everyone! I hope you're having an absolutely wonderful day today, and thank you so much for reading! I always appreciate your support!
So for today's question, what stresses you out, and what are you like when you're feeling stressed?
For me, I get very stressed when too many things happen suddenly and all at once. I can be super busy and not stressed as long as there aren't any surprises, but as we all know, that's never how life goes. As for how I act when I'm feeling overwhelmed, I either don't speak at all, or I get very irritable and bossy, which clearly makes me a dream to work with. I'm nitpicky whenever I'm stressed out, but I'm a Virgo, so it's definitely not my fault haha.
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