"Send my love to your new lover, Treat her better, We've gotta let go of all of our ghosts, We both know we ain't kids no more, Send my love to your new lover, Treat her better, We gotta let go of all of our ghosts, We both know we ain't kids no more." Adele ~Send Your Love  

Michael Malarkey plays Kane

It was not a long time ago, when I had a crush on you, Kane.

There was just something interesting about the way you did everything.

You lived so close to our house, and my window faced yours, and I'd keep it open, every night, to feel the night breeze, and hope you'd call for me in your dreams.

Disappointedly, the only thing I heard were the sounds of you and your latest girlfriends, drunk and horny.

All the nights I was lonely, the days you were perfect.

Whenever you did talk to me, my heart melted. Of course, the familiar sting pierced my heart whenever you kissed your new girl, slept with her, or talk about how you'd never get tied down.

Sometimes, I wonder how I can bring myself to love, when my heart was broken so much times.

But maybe it wasn't love, maybe it was just an infatuation, something I could trick myself into hoping, into believing, to ignore the growing gap in my heart.

But why do you think I'm writing to you, Kane?

Your eyes may sparkle like the sea when you laugh, and your voice may send butterflies to my stomach but it goes beyond my crush for you.

No, it's about secrets and lies, once again.

Remember the rumor going around that you had slept with, in total, 29 girls?

That much was false. How?

One day, I overheard you tell your friends you were landing a date with "some chick you met in Drama."

As soon as you went, I crawled into your room, just looking around. It was then I saw a diary, half hidden under your bed. It was not dusty, indicating that it had been touched.

As soon as I opened it, you're familiar handwriting filled the pages.

From memory, I remember quite a few entries.

September, 16, Freshman Year

Helena,

I hate this town. This house is so much smaller than our old house, and it STINKS here. Mom says our neighbors are funny, but I disagree. The mother became best friends with Mom and the dad was just like a pig. I saw their daughter, whose room is across from mine.

She looks average, though she'd be a good bang.

I would make my move, but there's so much more opportunities than her. I think her name is something fancy, like Victoria, or something...

April 15, Freshmen Year,

Helena,

I miss you. I don't care if Jayden is doing time, no life is worth time. I wish you were here, to comfort me, and tell me that using girls like this is wrong.

Helena, come back. Please. I miss you.

Come back...

August 29, Freshmen Year,

I just learned that my neighbor's name is actually Natalie. She is a hot girl, but she screams trouble, one way or another. I heard she's doing drugs, and is drunk half the time. I feel bad for her, but whatever. Everyone has their own problems...

Yeah. That.

Maybe it was then that I was just, too fucked up to be loved, to be cared for, to have a life.

But don't blame this on yourself, Kane. You opened my eyes to see something that was coming a long time ago already.

Thanks for the ride,

NATALIE Palmer.