Today was a strange day for me. Woke up feeling meh, which didn't help that I had also slept in. Even though I had time to relax over the weekend, my brain didn't want to shut off last night and kept me awake, even though I wanted to sleep. The messages from that dickhead didn't help either yesterday. I posted a passive aggressive status, not aimed at anyone in particular, but a friend thought it was about her and messaged me to apologise. It wasn't about her and I felt crappy, especially because she is a beautiful soul. Maybe that kept me up... Thinking about all the things that I still have to do, but have zero desire to do them. I really need to get my ass into gear and get everything finished, but welcome to the apathy of depression. My mind knows that I should, but the will is weak and tries to lapse into lethargy. At the moment, most of my strength is taken up by simply working full time.

I had a strange encounter at one of the dealerships today. That dick from yesterday started messaging me again in the morning. Same drivel as yesterday, with some insults thrown my way. I saw the messages pop up and I confided in one of my mates... He looked at me strangely and then was acting distant for part of the time I was there. I immediately felt like I shouldn't have opened up and regretted sharing that tiny bit of information with him. This is the first time, in a long time that I felt shunned for being a lesbian. It was an unsettling feeling. I can't imagine how it would be to feel that way for most of the time. I think because I've never really cared what people think, it's never really bothered me and I've never had it happen in a work situation. Not that I've ever hide it, but I've never shouted it from the rooftops either. If you ask, I'll tell you. If not, then obviously it's not something you want to know.

It turns out he was just busy and I jumped the gun. He was acting normally when he was done dealing with his clients. It was me being fragile and quick to jump to conclusions. I felt a bit silly as I left.

The drivel from that dick, continued for most of the day. I counted 21 separate messages from him. How does anyone have that much time on their hands? Oh yeh, I forgot, you have heaps of time on your hands when you don't work. So really I should add loser to the list of words that describe him. I was going to answer, with a long scathing diatribe, but now I'm just curious to see how many more times he'll message me now. Let's see how long he'll go on for. Now its just a sad game, with that dick being the only player.

Luckily I had time to relax today. I worked on my novel a little bit, but the words don't seem to want to flow today, so I'll leave it for today. 

Would love to hear from you cats and kittens in the comments about how you're dealing with your own struggles. You're not alone, even if you're feeling that way.
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