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Such simple words, but do I really have that much to tell? I don't think that I do.

Today was a good day, despite running late and working longer than what I usually do. That was frustrating in itself. I took my anger out on a maccers girl. I didn't have time to wait. I'm sorry that I was rude to you. Your smile didn't waver. I applaude you for that. You were a better person than me, but I was hangry at the time. Not the best excuse but I can't change the way I behaved now.

I'm still in two minds on how to deal with my unsettling news. I've been advised to understand and to give some leeway but I can't right now. It's stuck with me and even though my brain has shut down to protect me, there's a small lingering feeling that I may have overreacted. It's hard for me to let it go. I need more time to think things over. It's hard for me to share things. So hard.

For such a long time I was taught by my experiences that sharing meant that it would used against me. I did open up and talk to my girlfriend about what had happened. It was tentative and anxiety ridden. I didn't know how she'd react. I didn't know whether she'd throw it back in my face or whether she'd understand. She understood. She's amazing that way. Always surprising me in so many ways. I'm very lucky. Especially when I feel so very afraid. She supports me. Even when she doesn't understand, she tries her best. I love that about her. She's amazing. I'm lucky that she can love such a mess of a person. Embracing my darkness and showing me the light. I need that light in my life. I've never told her that. I probably should. Welcome to my emo artist world. Expecting that everyone should just know how I feel without saying a word.

It's late. The thoughts are swirling in my head. I really need to rest. I'm not ready yet. So many thoughts in my mind, that aren't ready to be articulated yet. All of it muy complacido, but then welcome to my world. I said that it would be so. I never claimed to understand me would be easy. Looking at this, it would seem random but it's not to me.

Good night gorgeous people. I'll try to explain tomorrow, that is of course if I can overcome that closeted feeling and actually share like everyone else.

Would love to hear from you cats and kittens in the comments about how you're dealing with your own struggles. You're not alone, even if you're feeling that way.
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