The other day I shared a post on Facebook about a woman being abused by her husband. It's a subject that always resonates with me, having been in the same situation.  I put the following caption: Bloody hell... as much as it's easy to say that you'd leave if this started to happen to you, it's harder to get out than you think.

And then got the following comment on my post:

....Not really. Only one person laid a hand on me and he ended up in hospital and realised I was more psycho than he was. You are only a victim if you are an emotionally weak person. It's never too hard to leave anyone. Never say never....

And you know what? So easy to say that, that it will never happen to me. I'd leave if that happened. I'd never let a anyone do that to me. Until it actually happens, because of course I always said the same thing. And it's not an emotional weakness. It creeps up on you. And the three times I've been in that situation, each time the relationship started the same way. It was loving and amazing. Even looking back, there weren't any red flags to start off with and the flags that appeared, you could easily dismiss as scary as that sounds.

It's a scary situation to be in and at the time you want to get out but then you get reeled back in by them again. They reel you in with words of love and reassurances that it will never happen again. And that part of you of you that has feelings believes in them. And wants to believe in them. And wants to think that it will never happen again. It's sad. It hurts to think about it and it hurts that I put myself in those situations.

I really feel for anyone that has suffered in an abusive relationship, because I know what it's like. I've been hit in the past, strangled, left with bruises and scratches on my neck and chest. Had people question what happened but I didn't want to tell them. I was ashamed. I remember the night it happened, I was so freaked out that I left my own house just to get away. I ended up going through a booze bus and the cop looked at me and just asked,"Are you ok?" And the tears came. I was so far from ok, it wasn't funny. He asked if I wanted to press charges, and looking back, I should have. But at the time I didn't want to complicate things. Didn't want to complicate things... how crazy is that? Someone just assaulted me and I didn't want to complicate things. Maybe part of it was fear of not knowing how the other person would react. I don't know.

And sometimes it's not even physical abuse, it can also be emotional abuse, which I think is worse. That sticks with you. Makes you question everything afterwards. Still makes me question things to this day. I try not to. I try to believe what people say to me, but it's still part of me that is a little skeptical. But I guess that's just a part of the life experiences that shapes you as a person at the end of the day.

You're not weak for staying, anyone that says that is narrow minded - like that person on my Facebook, sometimes there's so many different factors involved, that leaving isn't an option. It took me a long time to get out of my abusive relationships. I guess at the end of the day, when you do end up leaving, you become stronger because of the experience. And you know that you can survive. Whatever is thrown your way, you can get through it and get on with your life. Life is too short to stay in a toxic environment.

Would love to hear from you cats and kittens in the comments about how you're dealing with your own struggles. You're not alone, even if you're feeling that way.

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