Twisted Moon - Book 3 of the Black Moon series - Chapter 56: Panic Attack

(Camden's POV - Wed. 20 May 2015)

"I guess this is a done deal, guys?" Sarah asks, taking the last notes from our meeting.

"Yep!" both Ethan and I agree, finally relaxing after a full hour to discussions about our move to the new practice in July.

"So, let me summarize!" Sarah cheers. "The new building will be ready by July 3rd. The arrangements in the new practice will start the following week and shouldn't last for more than two weeks. The moving company is asking us to be here on Monday 6th to prepare the move and give them all the necessary instructions regarding the equipment. They will pack up everything on Friday 17th here and transfer to the new practice on Monday 20th. Ethan and I will take the last week of June off as well as a few days around the move; and Camden, you will take some time off later in August. Is that correct?"

"Yep!" both Ethan and I agree again with a smirk.

"Wow... You guys are great conversationalists!!" she teases. "I wonder how you managed to get your physiologist's degree if you're not able to align two words..."

"The exam didn't require us to speak that much, you should know..." Ethan replies, wiggling his fingers in the air. "Besides, you know how my fingers speak much better than my mouth, darling," he then adds suavely.

"Oh fuck! I'm outta here!" I groan, standing up and heading out of Sarah's office.

"Come on, Cam!! I'm sure you would say the same to your boyfriend!" Ethan jokes, making me stop in my tracks. Since I was getting too many questions about my weird schedules, I eventually told Sarah and Ethan about Noah recently – though not all the details, of course – but I wonder if it was such a great idea. "Don't tell me gay couples don't do the same."

"A few months ago, I might have told you: Come to my office, I'll show you what gays do. But right now, I'll just say: Fuck off!" I reply with a smile.

"Ouch, that's not something I feel like trying. Plus I bet you're not really the soft type of guy, so... thank you, but no thank you!" Ethan says with a shudder.

"You have no idea... I'll see you guys tomorrow. I have a few more appointments and then I'm out!"

"See you tomorrow, Camden!" they both reply in unison and I go back to my office.

On my way there, as I walk past the waiting room, I notice that my next patient is already there, fifteen minutes in advance; the eager Mrs. Sanders. Ugh, it has been a long time since our last appointment, but I haven't missed her at all. I ignore her ardent look and get back to my office to prepare the room for her and mentally get ready for a half hour with the bitch. I first check my phone and see that I received a text from Noah.

2:59 pm - Noah: "Hi Daddy... Do you mind if I stay at the library with Sean for an hour or two after school? We need to work on an essay we have to hand back on Friday... Thanks..." Talk about relaxing before an unpleasant appointment! Though, funnily enough, I find that Noah has spoken a bit less about his friend recently.

3:17 pm - Camden: "If that's necessary, go ahead, but be home by 7:00 the latest. I'll come back around that time. And we'll need to talk about you using your phone while you are in class. Smells like a punishment coming your way."

Unless he comes with a good reason for using his phone while in class, he can be sure to hear from me tonight. Noah's accelerated program is extremely intense and requires his full concentration. Not mentioning that it's a form of disrespect toward the teacher. His phone should remain in his backpack at all times when he is in a classroom and he knows it. He has been doing so great in school for the past few weeks and it must go on like this.

I had another meeting with some of his teachers last Friday evening. They are very confident he will pass easily – even the Math teacher said so – but I don't want him to feel too engrossed by the congratulations and encouragements he received and start slacking in any way now. I trust him to remain very serious until the finals. Besides, he knows how he can be rewarded whenever I am pleased with him.

Noah has obviously progressed a lot in the last few months. He might never reach perfection – and I'm not even demanding that of him – but as long as I can see all the efforts he puts into trying, then I'm fine with it. Noah is not one of those quiet Subs. He is more like Shannon, with a strong personality and a defying character. However, he knows there are situations in which I would be less indulgent than others. He would be lectured and maybe punished for a misbehavior at home, when it's only the two of us, but it wouldn't get as severe as if it happened at the club for instance.

Anyway, ever since his last punishment almost two weeks ago, he has been on his best behavior, hence the introduction of rewards. And there again, it's not only about sex and kinky stuff! Of course, there is a lot of that, but not only. Last Saturday, we had a nice pizza party in Aaron's meeting room to celebrate both Alex's return and Noah's collaring. He had been such a good boy all week long that I allowed him half a flute of Champagne before dinner, that he gulped down in one go. The grimace that spread on his face was just hilarious! My Baby Boy didn't like it at all, which I can understand since I'm not a fan of Champagne either.

The rest of the evening was just perfect. Noah enjoyed himself with his friends on the dance floor for a bit longer than usual since all the boys were so happy to reunite, then remained absolutely quiet, kneeling at my feet, until I invited him over my lap for the second show. It seems like everybody was horny as hell that evening, involving a lot of groping and coming for the Subs. Except Noah, of course, since he had his chastity device on. Needless to say that my hard-on felt extremely constricted from excitement in my pants while I was teasing him and hearing his moans and whimpers. We finished with another wonderful scene in the private room – that implied two more hours of intense edging – where I rewarded Noah with a mind-blowing orgasm since he immediately passed out.

Another kind of reward came up on Sunday, after another long day spent on his homework. In the early evening, I led him to the couch in the living room and started a serious conversation about his urges. I asked him how he was feeling about them at the moment. Noah truly reassured me there. Whenever he feels the beginning of an anxiety attack, he thinks about some of our roughest scenes and what I might do to him in the playroom in the evening. Apparently, that's usually enough for him to calm down, but he promised that if he ever needed more, he would immediately call me for help. Such a good boy!

This is why I decided to reward him with releasing all the knives from the safe. He is still fragile, I think, but with the blade he found in the street, he already proved me he could find anything to assuage his urges. Besides, I tried to consider things from a different perspective. I thought that if I showed him how much faith I have in him, it would encourage him to keep his good behavior and trust me to soothe him in my own way. He knows how difficult a decision it was for me, but like I told him, our relationship doesn't go only one way, and he can't trust me if I don't trust him. He sounded really happy and proud of this decision and promised not to do any mistake, so hopefully I won't regret it. And I can't wait for tonight to enjoy his cute little ass in the playroom. It might be red from a paddle spanking, so it will be all the more pleasurable!

Oh well, time to go and take care of this dear Mrs. Sanders! Shit! I shouldn't have been thinking about Noah right now! I think to myself as I stand up from my chair and realize that the front of my pants is deformed with a boner. With an exasperated sigh, I try to readjust my erection, stop by the sink to wash my hands and head to the waiting room. Anyway, just seeing her should be enough to make me go limp again.

"Mrs. Sanders," I call out sternly and move to the side of the door frame to let her pass without brushing me as she usually does. She reaches me with a huge grin and I roll my eyes at the way her hips sway as she walks in front of me, her tiny skirt about to reveal her ass. How I wish one of her heels would catch in the carpet and make her stumble. Yes, I am that mean. "Mrs. Sanders, it's been a long time. How may I help you today?" I ask politely as I shut the door behind us.

"It's been a long time indeed, Camden. Have you missed me?" she asks in a suave voice. Oh yeah, bitch!! I've missed you so much that I had to jack off every night thinking of you!

"I never miss my patients, Mrs. Sanders. If I don't see them, it means that they are well enough," I reply dryly.

"Mmmh... I have been quite well indeed. I am just back from a three-week cruise with my husband and some of his friends. It was boring as hell. I'm really glad to be back but my lower back hurts terribly. I hope you can help." Your lower back hurts? Tell your husband to prepare you better next time he takes you in the ass. Or I have another suggestion! Try lower heels!

"Of course. Please get ready and sit down on the table, facing the wall over there," I reply. While she does so, I go to check my phone to see if Noah has replied, but there is no answer. Good Boy. I'd better not see another message until 5:00 pm after he has finished his last class. When I return my attention to the woman, she is sitting on the table in only her bra and...a thong! Seriously?? She has to be the only female patient I have doing this! Who goes to a medical appointment wearing a thong when they know they will have to undress?

That woman is impossible! But at least, my cock has become as flaccid as it could get! Ignoring her attitude, I make her bend over a little and start checking her spine before I start manipulating her with contortions and extensions. She tells me about the cruise and I barely register her words, only humming once in a while. I then provide her with a massage and she keeps propping her butt upwards and arching her back as I do so. This is really getting annoying! "We're done, Mrs. Sanders. You can get dressed again," I finally say as I walk to the sink to wash my hands.

"Thank you very much, Camden. I'm feeling much better," she replies cheerfully. Glad to hear! I hope I won't see you again anytime soon!

I take my time scrubbing my fingers at the sink, hoping not to see her act as she gets dressed, but as I am washing away the soap from my hands, I suddenly feel hands cup my ass and quickly move to my front. Holy shit! How dare she? I angrily turn off the water tap and flip around to face her and her lascivious look. What a bitch! I can't believe she is still in her underwear!

"What do you think you're doing, Mrs. Sanders?" I growl with irritation.

"Mmm... I love men with a strong temper..." she whispers suavely, giving me the lustful eyes and biting her lower lip as her hand lands on my crotch. Enough is enough!

"Stop that!" I seethe through my teeth, snatching her wrist away from me and gripping it firmly.

"Oh Camden... Don't I do things to you???" she chants.

"Oh yes, you do things to me. You disgust me. And for your information, I don't bat for your team, if that makes sense to you," I reply harshly. I almost burst out laughing when I see her face fall.

"You mean... You are... No! That can't be possible!! Not a man like you, all masculine and strong..." she stutters, her eyes opening widely.

"What? Did you think gay men are all feminine and speak with high-pitched voices? Well, that's not the case, get out of your clichés!"

"You have to be lying to me..."

"Maybe I am, maybe not. Now I hope you enjoyed your last appointment with me. I strongly recommend that you deal with any of my colleagues in the future or find another practice. Should you go for Doctor Hickman, please note that he is married to the other doctor in the office adjacent to his. Now you may get dressed and please hurry up, I have another patient waiting for me."

With that, I let go of her wrist and walk back to my desk. Within only two minutes, the slut has gotten dressed, paid and left my office. Good riddance! However, I can't help a huge sigh of exasperation when I look at the name of my next patients. Now who said that history doesn't repeat? I just can't believe this is happening again! Fuck! I feel like I am thrown back to that day back in last November.

I had promised myself to never have appointments with both Mrs. Sanders and Shawn Underwood the same day! And yet, he is my last patient today at 5:00. That's the problem with online appointment booking. Patients book themselves in as they want and according to free slots in your online calendar. I should have been more cautious but what was the probability for this to happen again? This fucking day is only getting better!

When the time comes to welcome the famous actor in my office, I brace myself for another painful half hour. This time though, I won't yield to his flirting attitude like I did last year. When I walk to the waiting room to call him, I am surprised to see a very different man from the one I used to know. Gone is the dyed platinum blond hair! His features are still the same but that dark and thick mope of hair suits him much better and looks more natural. It gives him kind of a rebellish air that also matches his personality better. In any case, his character hasn't changed and he jumps to his feet as soon as I invite him to follow me.

He supposedly has a bad pain in his lower back – seems like the disease of the day... – and while I manipulate and massage him, he tells me about the movie he shot last winter and how promising it sounds in terms of promotion. For once, I have to admit that he behaves like a normal patient and I quickly relax around him. That's until I tell him that he can dress back. As soon as he has gotten off the table, he drops to his knees, adopting a perfect display position, his spread knees exposing a bulge in his white boxer briefs. Holy hell! This shitty day has to stop because I don't want to unleash all my tension on Noah tonight when I get home. I know how he likes it, but if it keeps on like that, I'm afraid I might go overboard.

"What are you doing, Mr. Underwood?" I ask sternly but my voice is clearly strained.

"Am I not your last patient of the day, Sir? Wouldn't you like to get a repeat of last year? I even brought the string you used last time and..." he says meekly, keeping his eyes down.

"Things have changed since your last visit, Mr. Underwood," I cut him, suppressing a chuckle at the thought that he kept the string I had used to tie his balls. "I have a permanent Submissive now, so I am not free to play anymore."

"Oh... that's too bad..." he sighs with disappointment.

"It's not that bad actually. I'm very happy with him."

"Oh well... I'm glad for you then..." he says, keeping his eyes down. "I remember you told me about a private club in Chicago and... to be fully honest, it raised my curiosity back then and while I spent the last six months in LA, I actually managed to get into one of those BDSM clubs. I followed the training and became a member. I have only been playing with Doms, you know... for one-night stands but... it turns out that after the promotion of my movie this summer, I intend to take a long break and stay in Chicago... and I was wondering if... you would accept to sponsor me in that club like you offered...? I would really love to try one of those contracts and be with the same Dominant for a few months... or more..."

Now that reassures me. At least, he doesn't try to insist and I'm grateful for that. Seems like he received a good training there. I wonder if there might be a chance that said club in LA was the one Aaron used to own before my friend decided to wipe the slate clean with his past there and moved to Chicago. That would be quite a funny coincidence! In any case, I am a man of word and like I promised him last November, I am willing to sponsor him at the Black Diamond. Anyway, that only entitles me to introduce him to the Master Dom, and they will deal with the rest together.

In the end, I tell him to get dressed and we spend another ten minutes finalizing details. It happens that he is flying back to LA in two days and won't be back until next September so we agree to discuss this again when he is back in Chicago. I'm pretty sure Aaron will be happy to welcome him as a member. He wouldn't be the first public personality becoming a member of the club, but the policies are so strict in terms of privacy and non-disclosure that even celebrities don't mind exposing themselves in this kinky club. However, if I judge by Shawn's reputation in Hollywood, I can only imagine how much fun his Dominant will have to tame him.

It is 5:45 when I finally leave and reach my car, glad that this day is finally over. Well, almost. I still need to deal with my little creep. I chuckle as I remember Noah's text earlier, the one I received just after 5:00. Thank you, Daddy. I'll be home before 7:00 and ready to take my punishment. I'm sorry... Well, I knew he would be sorry. The misdeed is not too bad and I will probably just turn it into a firm spanking with the paddle and maybe a one-hour corner time with a plug up his ass before I fuck him hard. The little minx might even be granted to climax if he behaves during his punishment. I will also remind him of the rules about using his phone.

The traffic has been pretty light for once and I am less than twenty minutes far from Lisle when my own phone goes off. A brief look at the screen of the console at the center of the dashboard and I see Home displaying on it.

"Hi Baby Boy, you're already home?" I ask as I accept the call through the Bluetooth device. Noah doesn't answer but I hear noise in the background. Shit. Are these sobs? "Noah? Is that you?" Only more sobs and heavy breathing are coming from the speaker and my heart picks up speed. "Noah, talk to me. I need to hear your voice," I beg him.

"Daddy..." he manages out in a croak voice, but nothing else.

"Noah, talk to me, Baby. I'm on my way home. Tell me what's wrong. Has something happened?" I ask softly, trying to keep a firm a voice and not to let the panic seep through my words. Right now, I don't know if anything happened to him or if he is having an anxiety attack but I don't like either options. "Noah, talk to me, Baby," I repeat but he remains silent apart from a few light sobs. Think straight, Cam. And don't panic! He is calling with the landline so at least I know that he is at home, but I can't tell if he is wounded or anything. Fuck! I need him speak! "Noah! Speak now! This is an order!" I command him more firmly this time as I step on the accelerator.

"Daddy... I need you..." he says in a barely audible voice. Finally!

"Baby Boy, I'm here for you, you know that. I'll be home in a little less than fifteen minutes but I want you to stay on the line and talk to me, understood?"

"Yes," he squeals.

"Good boy. Now tell me what's going on."

"My head... it hurts..." Fuck, fuck, fuck!!! So that's a panic attack. "The blades..." My blood freezes in my veins at that mention. Has he self-harmed? Is he bleeding? Anger mixes with worry within me and it takes all my self-control not to go berserk right now. Shit! I hope he didn't use one of the knives! Guilt is already washing over me. Maybe I shouldn't have released them from the safe last Sunday.

"Which blades, Baby Boy? What's with the blades?"

"My head... it hurts so badly... I need the bl..."

"No, you don't!" I bark as I try to slow down a bit. Now wouldn't be the best time of all to have an accident. "You don't need the blades, Noah! I'm here to help you, remember? Where are you right now?"

"Home..."

"I know that, Baby, but which room?"

"Kitchen... on the floor..."

"What are you doing on the floor? Are you injured?"

"No..." I allow myself a sigh of relief. At least he hasn't used them. Yet.

"I want you to stand up and move out of the kitchen. Go the entrance hall," I order.

"Noooo.... I need pain now..." he cries.

"Get up and go to sit in the hall, Noah! Now!"

"No... I'm sure... you won't... give me the pain..." he sobs.

"I promise I will! Now obey and go to the fucking hall, Baby!" It takes a few seconds but I finally hear him move, his breathing heavy. I can easily picture him sitting down on the floor by the entrance door a few seconds later. "You're a good boy, Baby, I'm proud of you. Are you cold? Is that your teeth chattering?" I then ask. Noah only moans in answer. "Go get your sweatshirt in the closet."

"C-Can't... Can't move..." he stutters and I guess his muscles must be paralyzed from the stress and the panic attack.

"Is Jess beside you?" There is a little squeal in answer and I take this as a yes. "I want you to take him over your lap and hold him close to you. He'll give you a bit of warmth." A few seconds later, I hear a little yelp in the background, making me wince for the poor little dog. "Not too tight, Baby, let him breathe... I'm almost there."

I wonder what put him in such a state! Whatever it is, I don't like it and it's already creeping me. I am tempted to ask him again what happened but I am afraid it will only worsen the situation. I need him to stay calm until I get home. As I pull out of the highway and drive through the North of Lisle, I keep talking to Noah with reassuring words and listing the landmarks I pass to show him how close I am getting.

When I finally reach home, I park the car any old way across the spot in front of the garage and hurry inside the house. My boy is prostrated on the floor and against the wall, with his knees pulled up, his eyes looking in emptiness and keeping Jess in an uncomfortable position. I feel anger running through my veins at whoever or whatever caused this. Unfortunately, I have other priorities to deal with at the moment. In order not to scare him, I slowly crouch down in front of him and gently take the phone that he is still holding to his ear from his hand.

"Good boy..." I murmur to Jess as I carefully pull him out of Noah's firm grip to drop him on the floor.

Once I have quickly checked visible parts of his body for blood marks and not seen any, I swiftly pull us up and cuddle him to my chest, encircling my arms around him. Thank God, he is safe. I now realize that my heart is beating at an insane pace, faster than if I had put on a spurt for several miles. I swear this boy is going to be the death of me!

"I've got you, Baby. Calm down now, I'm here," I say softly, avoiding to convey my own tension. For a long moment, I try to make him relax in my hold, letting him sob softly but his muscles barely loosen and his teeth keep chattering for a good ten minutes. "I think we need to talk," I suggest after a while and his body recovers its full stiffness as he starts thrashing in my arms.

"No!! No!!! You Promised!!! Let me get some p...." Noah starts yelling.

"Shhh, shhh, it's okay, Baby. Let me take care of you. You need to relax... Let's go get you on the massage table and I'll..." I offer, keeping a strong hold of him. Come on, Cam! You know this is not what he needs!

"Noooooooooooooo!! I don't want a massage! I need pain!!! You promised!" he screams against my chest.

"Okay, okay... if that's what you need, I'll give it to you."

"Please... My head hurts..."

And I resign myself to provide him with what he wants. And need. It's going to help you too, Cam...At a very slow pace, I lead him upstairs and into the playroom, ignoring my own thoughts. Noah is completely incapable of moving on his own so I undress him myself, leaving him in his boxer briefs because I'm afraid I might not hold my strength tonight. I then quickly tie his wrists together with a long rope that I pass through one of the rings welded to the grid above us. I stretch it to the maximum so that his arms can help his weak knees to support his weight and lean down to kiss his lips while I prepare his buttocks with a rough kneading.

"Please..." Noah begs through the kiss.

"It's coming, Baby Boy," I reassure him as I pull away. I take off my hoodie and shirt to feel better at ease with my moves and go get the instruments I need. I grab a flogger with long lashes in my right hand and the cat o'nine in the left one. "I want you to concentrate on the sensations and take what you need, Baby Boy" I explain as I press my front to his back and let the lashes run at the front of his legs. My hands reach his crotch and I am not surprised to feel how hard he is already. My own cock begins to swell in my pants as a natural reaction, but release will have to wait. "I'll stop when you feel better. Can I trust you to be reasonable, Baby Boy?"

"Yes, Daddy."

Without further delay, I take a step back and start whipping his back side, alternating between the flogger and the cat o'nine. I mostly focus on his butt, but I also reach for the top of his back and his thighs a bit. Noah's moans echo to my grunts as I add a bit more force to my blows, but I still refrain a lot.

"Green! Green! Green!!" Noah whimpers after a few minutes.

Trusting his need for pain, I increase the strength of the flogging as well as the pace at which I strike him, feeling the sweat running down my back. I am soon in some sort of trance though still in full control of myself. I just revel in the streaks forming on his skin, but what gets me is the pleasure and relief we both derive from each other. Him receiving. Me inflicting. After a few minutes, I take a pause and go to stand in front of Noah to check on him.

"Green, Daddy..." he pants with a pleading look.

"Are you sure about that, Baby?" I ask, raising his chin and diving into his beautiful blue-green orbs. They only display pain and need.

"Please..."

I had never seen Noah in such a state of distress before and all in all, I am not too surprised that the cat o'nine is not enough to soothe him tonight. I could go for a whip or even a cane, but these would leave too many painful marks because they can easily cut into the skin. I don't want him to be too uncomfortable at school tomorrow. So I eventually decide for one of the leather straps that are hanging from the wall. They are like belts, but without the buckle. Only a few strokes should suffice to appease him, especially after a series of at least forty floggings.

"Don't forget that there are other colors than green, Baby," I remind him as I go back to stand behind him.

I wrap one extremity of the strap around my hand and lash the first blow across Noah's butt, making him squeal in surprise. The last traces of tension are already leaving my body and I forbid myself to go beyond five strokes with the strap. After a couple more, I see Noah's muscles relax a little more and he starts swaying about on his feet. His back arches and his hips move as if he was searching for some friction. The fourth blow seems to do the trick though.

"Yello...." he breathes out.

At the signal, I immediately drop the strap on the floor and hurry to free him from his restraints before I carry him to our bedroom and very cautiously lay him down on the bed. Noah has gone completely limp and willingly lets me roll him to lie on his stomach so that I can start his aftercare once I have pulled down his boxer briefs.

Damn boy has a good and thick skin! Of course, his bottom is red and bears several marks, but the skin didn't crack at all. Not that I would have permitted myself to cause any damage anyway. He might have a hard time sitting down for a couple of days but it shouldn't be too bad thanks to the soothing cream I am applying. Straddling his knees, I use the palms of my hands to rub a thick layer of cream into his warm skin. Noah hisses each time I reach a new area but he mostly moans in pleasure and relief until he is about to pass out.

"Are you feeling better, Baby Boy?" I ask as I lie down next to him once I am done with aftercare.

"Mmmmh... Thank you, Daddy..."

"You're welcome, Baby. Take a nap now."

Less than a minute later, his breathing evens, so I get up from the bed and cover him with a thin bed sheet. I take a quick shower and change into some comfortable sweatpants before I go and tidy up the playroom. Jess is whimpering at the bottom of the staircase as I climb down. Poor boy mustn't have been walked when his little master got back home, and as I attach the leash to his collar, I can't help wondering again what brought Noah to such a state of distress. If something had happened in school, I assume I would have gotten a call from the Director. Then was it something that happened with his friend Sean? Or is it just an inexplicable panic attack due to the stress of finals or something like that? Whatever it was, it sucks. He was starting to get better! So much so that I had even released all the knives from the safe. After the walk with Jess, I set to prepare dinner and ponder on securing all the knives. Sure, he did have the reflex to call me and to wait for me to help him, but what about the next time?

Noah has been sleeping for less than an hour when our dinner is ready, but I choose to let him sleep a little more and leave the stewpot at a very low level of heat while I go and check his backpack. I don't find anything suspicious as far as school is concerned; no tests or essays he hasn't told me about; his notes are still clean and serious; and his homework has been done. I eventually feed Jess and I start removing the knives from their drawer in the kitchen to put them back in the safe.

"Please, Daddy... Don't..." Noah says with a hoarse voice from behind the counter. He is wearing sweatpants and a sweater of mine that are too large for him; and he looks tired as hell.

"Hey... You're awake already? Come here," I order and Noah slowly walks around the counter and meets me in the kitchen. I immediately pull him tightly against my chest for a hug. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm good. Thank you for earlier... I'm sorry about..."

"Shhh, it's okay, Baby Boy. I'm glad you were able to control yourself," I whisper against the top of his head."

"Please Daddy, don't lock the knives again... I didn't use them... I was able to control my urges..." he begs as he slightly pulls away and looks up. My hands reach up to cup his face and my thumbs caress his cheeks with tenderness, while I try to read his expression. He sounds really honest, but...

"You scared me, Baby... You really did!"

"I know, and I'm sorry, but I didn't use them... please... Besides, you know that if I really wanted to, I would just have to go and buy one... or break a glass... or use anything with a sharp edge... or..."

"Enough..." I sigh as I pull him back against my chest, wincing at the mere thought of what he just said.

"I promise I'll never do that... Now I know I can trust you to fulfill my needs, I don't need that anymore..."

"Okay, okay, I get it... I know it sounds silly, but you really worried me, Baby..."

"I'm sorry. But I swear I wasn't going to use them..."

"Alright. I trust you. Let's have dinner and then we can talk, alright?"

Noah nods in answer and after I have put a soft cushion on his chair, we settle down at the dining table and start eating. I keep our conversation about things that I know can't be related to his panic attack, like Alex – Mark called me yesterday to let me know that Alex's return to work went well, but I hadn't gotten a chance to tell Noah yet – and school. I do most of the talking but I almost choke on my yogurt when Noah finally decides to ask a question.

"Could we do a public scene next weekend at the club?" he suddenly blurts out, staring at his plate.

"Is that a joke?" I exclaim after a coughing fit.

"No... I would really love to!" he replies eagerly.

"Does that have anything to do with what happened tonight?"

"Noooo! It's just... I've been thinking about it for the last few days, and I'd really like to do this..." he mumbles, looking back down at his dessert.

"You're not prepared for that yet, Noah," I reply.

"Why? I mean... You said I do well in the playroom and that..."

"You're not ready yet, Noah! Performing in public is different than role playing in a private room!"

"I don't see the difference..." he mutters under his breath.

"You don't see the difference? There's a huge difference! When you're on a stage, it's not just you and me within four walls, Baby. People are here to watch; they will be observing your every move; some will jerk themselves off, or have their Subs do things to themselves. Do you think you can deal with that already? Do you think you can deal with being naked and fucked in front of other people?" I explain.

I know that once on stage and deep into the scene, those who perform don't really pay attention to their surroundings, but Noah could be a different story. Of course, I can't be certain, but I want to make sure he will be comfortable exposing his marked body in the spotlights on the dais. He has been doing great with that since the beginning, but being on stage is not the same as when you are in the semi-darkness of the Black Diamond. Besides, other than giving him a hand job or making him blow me, I haven't really pushed things very far in public yet.

"Others do it... Why wouldn't I?" he argues.

"Most of the others have been prepared progressively for that, Baby and we're only at the beginning right now. Let's take one step at a time. There has to be a progression, I need to make you used to doing things in public more often before we go on stage. Like more blowjobs and eventually fuck you on the couch. You can't just jump from the playroom to the stage with the snap of fingers."

"Then will you do this? I'm ready to do more kinky stuff in public..." he says, his eyes full of hope and lust.

"I'll think about it, Baby. And I would like you to discuss this with your friends too. Our roles on stage are much different and we don't experience a scene in the same way. They'll be the best to explain what a Sub feels while playing a scene in front of an audience."

"Okay, I'll speak with Liam then."

"Right. Go get ready for bed while I finish here. I'll be with you in a few minutes," I instruct as I stand up and start clearing the table.

I put Jess in the backyard for a few minutes while I clean and tidy up the kitchen. Damn! This boy is really going to give me a heart attack at some point with his extravagant requests and unexpected reactions. Sometimes, I wish they could be a little more predictable. However, this is just Noah. He is a bundle of nerves and emotions that you can hardly see coming; he is a mix of black and white, and you never know which is going to prevail over the other.

His mood can swing at any moment, which only makes things more difficult to foresee, although this is getting better. He is just my unpredictable boy and I love him as he is. Ugh!! Did I just think love? I think I did... That feeling has a tendency to spurt out in my mind more and more often and I really don't know what I should do with it. Is it possible that I fell in love with him already? Is it an emotion that has been growing over time? Does he love me too? Fuck, this is really not a good time to think about this anyway, because I still need to have this conversation with him.

When I finally get upstairs, after I have gotten Jess to stay in his bed downstairs – something he does more and more often now – and locked the house, Noah is lying face down on his side of the bed, with the bed sheet pulled up to his waist. He gives me a small smile when I walk in. I first stop by the bathroom for my evening routine and take off all my clothes before I join him in bed. Lifting the sheet from him, I see that his butt is still quite red, so I grab the bottle of soothing oil from my nightstand and move to straddle his legs.

"What are you doing?" he asks, squealing as the cold substance hits his warm bottom.

"Making sure you can sit tomorrow in class," I reply as I begin to rub the lotion into his skin.

"Ugh... thanks... Or I could have skipped tomorrow morniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing," he squeaks again as I squeeze his buttocks in response to his suggestion. "Okay, no skipping class..." he sighs.

"Certainly not," I reply firmly. I continue to apply more soothing lotion on the red marks of his body, but I can feel him stiffen little by little. I guess he sees the questions coming, but I really can't let him sleep without telling me what caused such an anxiety attack earlier. So, I eventually lie down on my side and make him snuggle against me, wrapping him into my arms. "Now can I have an explanation? What happened this evening?" I ask after a long minute of cuddles.

"Ugh... Do you really need to kn..."

"Noah, stop asking stupid questions and give me an answer to my question," I order. He remains silent for a good two minutes, but I allow him some time to find his words.

"It's Sean... he kissed me again..." he whispers, hiding in my chest. All the tension I had gotten rid of earlier rushes back in less than a second.

"Again? What do you mean again?" I growl, fighting the sudden wave of anger washing over me. Noah also tenses in my hold. Seems like my little minx forgot to tell me things...

"I'm so sorry, Daddy... I should have told you earlier..." he whines apologetically. His body starts shaking and I'm afraid he is about to go into another panic attack so I grab a hold of myself and soothe him as best as I can with comforting words and caresses.

"Shhh it's okay, Baby Boy. Just tell me about it," I say after a while. "From the start..."

"The first time was a week ago. He... He pecked my lips as a reward after he helped me to remove a midge from my eye. I never meant to hide it from you, I swear... but that was the day we went to the club and you collared me... I just got lost in the excitement of the surprise seeing you there and then the evening... and I forgot to tell you..."

"Why didn't you tell me later?" I ask softly enough.

"Dunno... After that, Sean was back to normal for the next two days and I tried to keep my distance a bit. I thought it was a spur of the moment thing... that he wouldn't do it again..." he explains, shrugging his shoulders.

"Then what happened today? Why did he try again?"

"Since the beginning of this week, he's been acting weird... in the sense that he's here but not really here... He completely screwed his tests on Monday and Tuesday and when I tried to make him talk today at lunch, he didn't say much but he asked if I could help work on an essay tonight, so I accepted... When we finished school, he told me he had something quick to do first and he would meet me at the library. I waited for him for more than an hour, doing my own homework, but I ended up leaving. He was there outside with a group of guys I had never seen and... he was smoking pot..."

I will all the tension away from my body while Noah pauses for a few seconds, waiting for him to go on. All sorts of scenarios pass through my mind and I don't like any of them. Did Sean encourage Noah to smoke too? Did my boy accept? Did Sean abuse him or at least tried to?

"I was so angry that I passed the group without even bothering to speak with Sean, but he caught up with me and dragged me around the corner of the building. He began to apologize and beg for me to stay a bit longer... but when I told him to back off and let me go home, he became... not aggressive but... I don't know... He just pinned me against the wall and started kissing me... and touching me... and... I swear Daddy I didn't encourage him to do that..." Noah says, breaking down.

"Shh, it's okay, Baby. I know you didn't," I comfort him and he quickly calms down this time. "Hadn't you told him we are together?"

"I was waiting for the best opportunity, I mean... I couldn't arrive one morning and say oh by the way, Camden is my boyfriend! But I did tell him this evening and he said he didn't care... It's all my fault... I shouldn't have used him last week..." he eventually whispers remorsefully.

"Don't say that, Baby Boy!" I scold him. As much as he certainly has a part of responsibility in what happened, I don't want him to feel guilty about it and fall into another spiral of anxiety. "You may be reaping the seed you planted somehow, this is no excuse for Sean to do what he did. I trust you never openly flirted with him and..."

"Nooo! I never did that!!" he exclaims, slightly pulling away from me.

"Then don't find him some excuses. How did you manage to get out of this situation?"

"I was yelling at him and... someone from the staff must have heard me and pulled him off me. I only had time to hear the man tell Sean he was going to take him to the Director's office before I ran away home... So I don't know what happened next... And then you know the rest... I was so scared you were going to find out and kick me out..." he says as tears pool in his eyes.

"Baby, I'm never going to kick you out, I told you already," I sigh, pulling him back against my chest.

"But I thought you wouldn't believe..."

"Well, I do believe you. So stop worrying about that, okay?" I reassure him again. Noah nods in answer and we remain silent for a couple of minutes. "I'd rather you stay away from Sean in the future. Even if there's only one week of school left before the finals, I don't want him to drag you into problems. Can you do that?"

"Yes, Daddy."

"Good boy. And tomorrow, I'll call Mr. Lenander to have the final word of the story," I then say. I'm actually surprised that the Director didn't call me if he saw Sean in his office after the incident. My purpose is not to create more problems to the boy – if the Director saw his intoxicated state, he must already be in deep trouble. However, I want to make sure that Sean didn't breed lies about Noah or tried to put the blame on him.

Anyway, by the end of next week, school will be over. That weekend, we won't go to the Black Diamond to make sure that Noah reviews the last difficult points and rests a lot before he takes his final tests the following week. He will then enjoy a four-day break and it will be time for him to start his short internship at Joshua's company. Seems like June is going to be a fully busy month and I still need to figure out how we are going to organize ourselves while he works.

Noah's training will be like a 9 to 5 job I guess and I obviously can't tune in to that sort of schedule, so he will have to take the train either in the morning or the evening. Lisle is safe, but I still don't like the idea of him using public transportation. However, there won't be too many options and a lot of people do that every day. Besides, Noah has his tracker in his collar, so that reassures me too.

Noah eventually manages to relax in my hold and soon drifts to sleep. It takes me a bit more time to shake off my tension, but as I begin to imagine what a public performance with Noah would be like, my mind soon wanders off to a deep slumber.

Published on 24 July 2017

Hello there! So, I apologize once again for the lack of updates last week. Work has been a bitch and as if it wasn't enough, I have been sick as hell for the last few days (my fault for abusing the air conditioning in the office...). Anyway, I have finally managed to edit this chapter and most of the next one is written. That's the BBQ party chapter I had mentioned earlier and that wasn't written yet.

Contrary to the BBQ chapter in I Would Give Him The Moon, (which you should reread if you wonder who Camden lost his virginity to...), this one is going to be much, much kinkier between the four naughty Subs and the four horny Doms... With a bit of luck, I might be able to publish it on Wednesday!

The picture in the header is one of Aaron's future Sub. Why post it now? Well, since some of you have elaborated theories about Shawn Underwood or Sean being that guy, I thought it was a good moment to post a pic of him. Besides, Rory Torrens is so hot! And a wink to my friend Fhanth... fond memories 😏😘