Twisted Moon - Book 3 of the Black Moon series - Chapter 35: Jealousy IS The Key! Or So I Think...

(Noah's POV - Tue. 30 March 2015)

I have rarely been in such a great mood and this is all because I have finally found out how to get Camden into my pants and I am right in the middle of unrolling my plans.

"Sean?" I call out just as the bell rings, indicating that we are done with our classes for today. "Would you mind going to the library again tonight? There's this math exercise that we have to hand back tomorrow and there's something I don't understand..." I lie.

"Yes, sure... if you promise to help me in English..." he whispers as we head out of the class.

"That's a done deal, then!"

Of course, I am perfectly capable to do that exercise by myself. Camden spent half an hour on Sunday evening to explain me what I should do, and the full sheet of exercises is actually complete and done at home, ready to be handed back tomorrow morning. However, I need a good reason to drag Sean to the library, at least for a while, but I am not going to make the same mistake as yesterday this time. I am going to send Camden a text to let him know in advance because yesterday, it didn't work as well as I thought.

I am betting on the fact that Camden is somewhat attracted to me, or else he wouldn't be putting up with me and my issues, right? The thing is that he refrains from admitting it because of his so-called sadistic tendencies - which I can understand - but what he doesn't understand is that his lifestyle and even his brutal tendencies appeal to me like nothing else ever has. I am sure that we could make this work but the problem is that he doesn't want to cave in.

Based on these assumptions, I have elaborated a plan to make him jealous, hoping that it will hurt him and disturb him as much as seeing the Sub Chris did to me. I sincerely hope that this is what will make him open his eyes and realize that if he doesn't act up any time soon, he might lose me. To be honest, Sean being more of a bottom like me, I doubt that it would work out between us, but Camden doesn't need to know that, right?

I know. That sounds awfully boastful, but this is the only hope I have and I am going to take any chances to make it work. I don't want a normal boyfriend; not after what I saw on Saturday evening. I want a Dominant. And I don't want just any Dominant. I want Camden. I started to work on my plan on Sunday and it worked pretty well. Camden knows that the only two contacts I have in my phone are him and Sean, so while I was working on Sunday afternoon with him in the same room, I pretended to be exchanging funny texts with Sean - when we were actually only talking about the tests we would have on the following day - and that quickly went on Camden's nerves. I mostly wanted to see how he would react and it clearly annoyed him. Oh, I guess that he was partly honest when he said that I couldn't focus on my lessons while chatting with my friend, but there must have been a slight share of jealousy in there.

Confident with my luck, I decided to push him a little further yesterday evening and didn't go straight back home after class. I went to the library with Sean after he told me that there was a whole block of literature that he needed to review for today's tests, so I proposed my help. Spending more time with Sean would surely annoy Camden and make him jealous. The one mistake I made, though, is that I didn't let him know in advance and in the end, I think he was angrier than jealous. I tried to act nonchalant, but I understood that he was quite angry and decided to take a low profile for the rest of the evening.

As soon as I got back home, I took care of my sweet puppy who had managed to hold himself throughout his long day alone at home but relieved his bladder on the tiled floor as soon as he saw me walk in, probably too happy to contain himself any longer. I fed him, walked him out and went straight to bed with my textbooks. I reread my lessons for a moment but curiosity about the BDSM lifestyle bugged me again so I made a bit more research on the internet.

I know that there is a lot of crap, but I have found a couple of interesting websites. One is a complete guide to become the perfect Submissive, detailing the usual postures a Sub should adopt around his Dominant, the best behavior and the most important rules a Sub should follow, as well as a list of punishments he may undergo if he breaches a rule. The other one is a blog held by a Dominant who is deep into the Daddy kink; the guy relates his life with his Baby, and damn! They are so cute! The more I read about them, the more I want Camden to be my Daddy Dominant too. Or at least my Dominant. But he already bosses me around like a father to his son sometimes, so it already feels like it. Less the sex unfortunately.

Anyway, I read the until I fell asleep, much before Camden was back home I think, and weirdly enough, when I woke up this morning, all my books were on the bedside table in a neat stack, together with my phone – which auto-locks after two minutes, thank God. The fact that he checked on me when he returned really pleased me and I was glad he had found me fast asleep as he expected.

As Sean and I walk to the school library, I try to think of a good way to play it with Camden and type my text before we get inside the building.

Noah: Hi Camden. The tests went very well today. I am just staying at the library for a while with Sean because I need him to explain something to me in math... See you later!

Hopefully, that should do the trick. If he sees that I spend more and more time with Sean, maybe he will end up reacting at last! His answer pops in just as we settle down at one of the tables.

Camden: Good news for the tests. I'll be home early enough and I can help you. Go back home now.

No greetings. No emojis. Short sentences. Hmm... His answer sounds pretty cold. My heart flutters at the thought that this is working well. And he can't even reproach me with not having informed him this time.

Noah: Too late, we're already at it... And I need to help him in English too. I promise I won't be long! See you tonight!!

Camden: You'd better be home early. I'll be back around 7:30 or 8:00 max.

Someone is a bit pissed, it seems. Smiling like an idiot at my phone, I pull out my stuff from my backpack and set to work with Sean. I'm not denying that using Sean is a rather vile means to achieve my goal, but if that's what it takes to get Camden to realize that he wants me, I will just do it. And it's not as if it was unpleasant for me. Sean is really nice and I always enjoy his company, so I really don't mind spending time with him. We actually had a good time yesterday evening. We worked for a little more than an hour at the library and Sean proposed to go to the MacDonald's nearby. My only issue was that I didn't have money with me since I now bring homemade club sandwiches for lunch.

Camden doesn't really like the idea that I eat sandwiches at lunch every day, but I hate that he has to give me cash for my food all the time. I compromised with him saying that I would go to the school cafeteria once in a while to get healthier meals. Well, that didn't prevent him from leaving a ten-dollar bill on the console yesterday morning but I left it where it was, still determined not to abuse of his money. Now I am thinking that I should get a little job. That would allow me to make some money on my own and I could definitely work a few hours on some week nights or over the weekend. I would feel a little less dependent on him.

It is barely seven when I finally get home tonight and the first thing I do it is to grab Jess's leash in order not to repeat yesterday's incident. Camden cooked a bit last Sunday so I don't even have to prepare anything for dinner apart from pulling out one of the meal boxes from the freezer and setting the table. Since all my homework is done, I allow myself a little break by taking out my art supplies and sketching for a while but I am not really in the right mindset. My mood is actually too bright to revel in drawing and I am just too eager to see Camden. I wonder in what kind of mood he will be. His texts sounded rather dry after mentioning Sean but I know how I could destabilize him even more. The truth is I need him to be in a decent mood because I would like to broach the subject of a small job for me.

When he eventually arrives, slightly after eight and welcomed by an overexcited Jess, the man is grumpy due to a lot of traffic on his way back home, but dinner is more than ready and I act as innocently as possible, ignoring his scowl when he asks me if I had a good day. I recount him my day of tests, very enthusiastically. I lie a bit, saying that I am very confident in my results, although I already know that I completely fucked up in Math, and I avoid speaking about Sean for the moment. I realize that I can easily manipulate him by letting him hear what he wants to hear and he soon relaxes. By the end of our dinner, I feel elated and I am almost a hundred percent sure that I will be able to get what I want tonight about this job.

"Camden... I'm going to look for a small part-time job later this week, in a restaurant or in a store..." I finally say, staring at my spoon stirring my yogurt.

"No you're not," he simply replies, causing my eyes to flick up to look at him. He has finished his dessert, arms crossed with his elbows on the table and his back straight. His expression is unreadable right now and that makes me uneasy because I don't know if he is joking or being serious.

"Why not? I need a job!" I exclaim.

"You can't have a job and you don't need a job either," he just states and now I can tell that he is very serious about it.

"I need to make a bit of money!" I argue.

"If you need money, I can give you some, Noah. By the way, the ten dollars I left you yesterday are still on the console in the hall."

"But I want to earn some money by myself! I don't want yours! You've already spent so much for me! What if I want to go out with friends? Like yesterday, Sean had to pay for my burger!" His eyes darken by the second and his eyebrows pull together. It wasn't the best idea to mention Sean now...

"You could have reimbursed him with the ten bucks I left you. And when you need more, I'll just give you more. I don't want you to get a job, Noah. Period!"

"That's completely stupid! Why can't I get a job??"

"Because I want you to focus on your studies, Noah! You only have two months of intense classes to graduate and I don't want you to waste your time just to earn a little money! You won't have time for a job! It's only been a few days and you're already overloaded with work, so I don't really see when you'd find the time to work at a grocery store or wherever else!" Fuck! Now he is angry and I hate it when he is right about things. And yet, my stubbornness takes over my reason. I convince myself that I could deal with a ten or fifteen-hour contract.

"I'm sure I can do th..."

"I said NO, Noah! Now finish your dessert!" he orders.

"I'm not hungry anymore," I reply dejectedly.

"I don't care, you finish it!" he growls, standing up to clear the table. Damn! And I thought I was stubborn...

"Okay, Daddy..." I mutter to myself and I don't think he hears it.

With a sigh, I grab my yogurt and finish eating it in silence while he tidies up the kitchen. Without another word, I clear my side of the table and go to put the dirty dishes in the washer and my wastes in the trash. Jess having already eaten, I grab him from the floor and take him to the hall to attach his leash to his collar, and then, once I'm dressed up warmly, I open the door to walk him out. I can tell that Camden is really pissed now from how tense he is, meaning that there won't be any room for discussion about anything else tonight. I wonder how I could make up for this because I wanted to bring up the subject of the club too, but unfortunately, nothing has come up in my mind by the time I get back inside the house. Camden is sitting in the armchair, which means that I won't even be able to play the clingy one and cuddle with him.

"I'm going to bed, good night," I say dryly as I pick up my stuff from the coffee table and start walking past the armchair. Camden grabs my arm and firmly tugs me back a little so to see me.

"Don't be a brat, Noah. You know perfectly well that you don't have time for a job. And anyway, my roof, my r..."

"Your rules, yeah I know that. But some of your rules are really stupid," I sigh in exasperation, trying to escape from his grip, but damn, he is much stronger than I am.

"Watch your tone, Noah... And they're still my rules. So deal with them," he says firmly, letting go of my arm. I don't utter another word and simply head toward the staircase. "Good night," he adds but I don't answer.

I feel my anger building as I leap up the stairs, followed by Jess. Fuck! Nothing worked properly tonight in the end! I didn't manage to see if my make-Camden-jealous plan really worked. He rejected my request for a job. And I didn't even get any cuddle time with him tonight! What a disastrous evening! I'm such a failure! I hurry to drop my stuff in my bedroom before I go for my evening routine in the bathroom. I take a shower, hoping that it will make me relax, but when I step out of the tub, my body is so tense and my head has become so painful that the only thing I can think of is CUT.

You have to resist, Noah... You can't let yourself drift away after such a little defeat... It was nothing!

Huh, as if my reason could get the better of my twisted mind! And it was no nothing! I failed everything! I need pain so badly now!!

It'll only disappoint him further if you do something stupid, and it was only just a little rejection!

Yeah, a rejection all the same!

Despite my shaking hands, I manage to put my pajama pants on but I don't even try to go for the tee-shirt, my head is aching too badly; then I drag myself as silently as possible to my room across the corridor. I quietly shut the door and go to lie down on my bed, spread-eagle and on my back. I can't believe that these fucking self-harm urges are coming back; not that I thought I had gotten rid of them, but I was hoping for it.

Camden was right again. My moods are swinging too easily and I realize that he really cares for me by putting away all the blades in the house. Oh he probably knows that if I really wanted to hurt myself, I could use just anything else that has sharp edges; I could break a glass or use the point of a pen. Taking deep breaths, I try to calm myself down but it doesn't work out well and I feel like the pain in my head is only increasing. Even Lea's bear doesn't seem to soothe the aching dullness.

Damn!! Get a grip Noah! If you want to become a Submissive, you'll have to fight your urges! Do you really think that a Dominant would accept your self-harming? Do you think that Camden would tolerate it?

Huh... me becoming a Submissive...This has become a new obsession of mine, but if I keep on disappointing Camden, he will never accept me as such!

At the same time, if I were his Submissive, I wouldn't be in that situation right now. I would have had to tell him about this state of mind I am in and he would have taken care of me. It wouldn't even have reached that point... From the moment I started talking back to him, he would have reacted differently than how he did. He wouldn't have let that pass. He wouldn't have tolerated that I talk to him like I did and I can only imagine the state he is in himself. He must be in full anger mode and struggling with his inner self to calm down too.

If I were his Submissive, he would...

He would have brought me to a place where he could have tied my wrists with rope and hung them above my head. He would have pulled my trousers and briefs down to my ankles and warmed up my buttocks with strong slaps of his hand. He would have used a flogger like the Dominant did on his Submissive last Saturday evening, but instead of using a basic flogger, he would have used one of those I saw on the internet; those with long lashes that are knotted at their ends.

He would have whipped my backside until it turned to a dark pink. I would have felt each of the strikes sting on my skin and that would have been enough to soothe the pain in my head. The biting of the lashes would have left long stripes across my buttocks; many more stripes than the couple of marks that a blade would do on my arms or thighs and it wouldn't have reeked of blood. I would have reveled in each stinging whip of the lashes, biting my lips to stifle my screams, and each of the groans he would have uttered from the effort.

After that, he would have grasped a handful of hair at the back of my head, tilting it backwards to growl in my ear. You must not talk back to me, Noah! Have you learned your lesson well? And despite the huge relief and pleasure I would have gotten from all this physical pain, I would have learned my lesson indeed. Camden would have hugged me and taken me into his warm and strong embrace, carrying me to his bed, and I would have let him fuck me hard and rough. If he thought I took my punishment well, he might have even let me cum and I am pretty sure that I would have reached cloud nine from all this roughness. All traces of aching in my head would have instantly disappeared and I wouldn't have minded being reminded of my punishment for a few days each time I would sit on a chair.

If I were Camden's Submissive, this is probably what I would have gotten.

Oh my God, I suddenly realize that this is exactly what I need. As I get out of my trance, I am left here panting and heavily breathing on my bed, and the fucking pain in my head has almost completely faded away, only replaced by the hard thumps of my heart in my chest. Holy shit!! Where did all this come from? Where did I get all these thoughts? I must have definitely spent too much time reading about BDSM and sadism recently, and yet, I realize that I need this more than anything else. More than the air I breathe. I almost felt the sting of the lashes during my short trance... and I loved it! And... oh fuck! I can't believe it!! Is that even possible?

I pull on the waistband of my pajama pants and can only see for myself that it is indeed possible. All these thoughts have gotten me hard as hell! Jesus! I have to be sick in my head! Thinking about Camden punishing me with a flogger has gotten me an erection for real! My mind is so fucking twisted!

Well, I would have gladly wrapped my fingers around my girth to jack off and get the huge orgasm I have dreamt of, but all the tension from the rejection and then from this imaginary punishment have strained me greatly, leaving me in a deep exhausted state. I don't even have the strength to tuck myself into the comforter that I am lying on. My eyelids are so heavy right now and I am so tired that I just welcome sleep. I gladly let myself drift away into the most peaceful sleep I have had in weeks and months. No dreams, no nightmares, no erotic thoughts, no kidnapping drama, no father beating, no sister dying. Nothing but nothingness.

* * *

"Fuck! I think I subscribed for B's at all my tests..." Sean sighs as we pack up our stuff at the end of our Art class. "A B in Math this morning, a B in English this afternoon and now yet another B in Art... Man you rocked with that A in Art!"

"Thanks... but I got a D in Math this morning I remind you..." I mutter, knowing that Camden will probably have my ass for such a bad grade... but sadly, not the way I would like him to have it.

"That's right... though you'd said you had completely fucked up, so it could have been worse..." Sean tries to comfort me.

"True... I thought I was gonna get an F... I hate Math so much!" I grumble as we walk out of the classroom, mingling with all the other students of the school. Spring break ended last weekend, so all the students are back in school now and it is obviously much more crowded than last week. Our class of ten students doesn't have any classes in common with them but we still share the same corridors, lawns and the cafeteria at lunch. However, Sean and I prefer each other's company for now and we keep isolating ourselves from the rest of the school.

Since the beginning of this week, and especially during our dinner on Monday evening, I have opened up a little more to him and told him about myself, yet without going into too much detail. I just told him that I ran away from my family and lived on the streets for a while before I met someone who kindly proposed his help and is sheltering me now. Sean was in complete awe with Camden's generosity but I told him that he was also very strict.

"You know that I can help you in Math, Noah. Why don't you come over to my place on Sunday so that we can revise together and then we could go watch a movie?" Sean proposes as we progress through the corridors with the mass of students.

"That would be great, but..."

"But what?" he insists, grabbing my arm and pulling me to a stop just at the foot of the staircase outside the building.

"For one, Camden already helps me a lot in Math... Then..." No, I can't tell him that I'm not sure if Camden would appreciate the idea of me going to the theaters with Sean, much less allow me to! "Then I don't know if we already have plans for the weekend, and finally... Camden already spends a lot on me and I can't ask him for money to go to the..."

"Oh shut up, Noah!!!" Sean exclaims, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and dragging me with him toward the street. Sean is definitely the clingy type of guy and doesn't seem to mind that other people are around us. Not that I care either. "I'm inviting you!" he laughs out, making me smile shyly at him.

This is exactly when my eyes catch sight of that big black SUV parked a little ahead of us and that tall man leaning against the hood of the car, arms folded across his chest... My blood freezes in my veins when I realize that Camden is staring at us and I wonder how much he has seen since we exited the building. Considering his cold expression and how tense his body is, my guess is that he has witnessed pretty much everything. My blood defrosts immediately though because for once, my plan to make him jealous is working on its own and without any calculation on my side. Oh my goodness! This is too good to be true! Not willing to anger him too much, I disentangle naturally from Sean's hold and continue to walk toward him with a small smile on my lips.

After our little argument and my epiphany about BDSM last night, I have been feeling much better, entirely convinced that I want to enter his lifestyle. I didn't get to see him again after I fell asleep on my bed and he had already left this morning when I got up, but I was comfortably tucked under my comforter when I woke up - although I knew I was lying on it when I fell asleep - and I was wearing a tee-shirt that I knew I hadn't put on last night. It felt good to know that he had checked up on me again before he went to bed himself.

He also left a note on the kitchen counter this morning, addressed to Baby Boy like the one he had written on my birthday; it kindly reminded me that forbidding me to get a job didn't aim at annoying me, but was only for my sake because he really wants me to succeed at school. I didn't take the cash he left for me with the note, but all this still comforted me in thinking that he really cares for me.

"Hi Camden..." I whisper meekly as both Sean and I reach him. "That's a surprise seeing you here... You finished early today." I watch his eyes quickly peek at Sean beside me before they coldly return to my face.

"I sent you a text at noon to let you know that I'd pick you up at school tonight, but I guess you didn't see it..." he says dryly, emphasizing on the guess. Oh shit! Does he believe that I saw it and have been acting up with Sean to anger him? That would suck, because I really didn't see his text!

"I haven't checked my phone since this morning, I'm sorry," I reply apologetically, suddenly conscious about Sean's presence by my side. "Hmmm... Sean, this is Camden... and Camden, this is Sean..." I say, gesturing awkwardly between the two of them.

"I could have guessed this!" Sean naturally bursts out laughing. "Hi Camden, this is nice meeting you!" he then adds cheerfully.

"Hi..." Camden replies as coldly as ever, keeping his arms tightly crossed over his chest. Well, I knew that this encounter wouldn't be the most joyful one and I don't intend to make it last longer than necessary.

"Hmm... Sean, I'll see you tomorrow...?" I mumble, gently pushing him to the side so that I can move to the passenger door.

"Sure..." he replies with wary eyes. "You have a good evening," he then says a bit more cheerfully and I almost sigh in relief when I see him walk away.

I slip inside of the car, soon joined by Camden who sits behind the steering wheel and immediately starts off the car. I briefly glance at him and see how closed his expression is, his hands tightly gripped on the wheel, so much so that his knuckles are white. I wouldn't be surprised to see ice forming on the windows of the car with the freezing atmosphere reigning here. I am actually a bit upset by his attitude because he didn't need to act so cold toward Sean and I am pretty sure that I will face a lot of questions tomorrow at school. However, it reinforces my convictions about Camden's jealous feelings and I wonder if I should push him a little further now or wait a little until he has calmed down.

"How did your day go?" I ask in a whisper, willing to break the ice after a moment of silence.

"Good, and yours?" he replies. Is it really a good time to speak about my marks? Maybe not...

"It went okay..."

"Have you gotten results from your tests already?" he asks as he parks in the alley in front of the garage.

"Yeah..." I murmur in answer. My silence makes him turn toward me, frowning his eyebrows.

"Let's get inside." Yeah right. Let's not have a scene outside!

Ouch, that sucks though. Well, I'm not going to make too much drama of it because it is not so bad, but I still follow him out of the car and toward the entrance door, already hearing Jess yelping behind the door. As soon as Camden has opened, the puppy runs out to relieve himself on the lawn in front of the house and happily walks back inside, jumping after my legs. I bend over and pick him up for a little hug before I put him back down on the floor and follow Camden to the living room after we have hung up our jackets in the hall closet.

"Let me see your papers," he orders as he sits down on the couch. I pull out my folder from my backpack and first hand him my English essay that holds a bright red B+, thinking that I should start with something decent. "Nice!" he says, quickly flipping through the pages. "Why do you look so worried, that's really good!" I then hand him the Math paper and its D mark. "Oh I see..." he mumbles, paying a bit more attention to the teacher's detailed notes.

"I got an A+ in Art, though..." I try to say cheerfully, handing him the thick sheet of paper that bears my sketch of perspectives and the wonderful A+.

"Well, that's not surprising... Well done! But you need to do better in Math, Noah. So I guess you know what you have to do now while I prepare dinner?" he says, rising up to his feet.

"Yes, Daddy..." I sigh.

Of course I know what I need to do... work more! So while Camden heads to the kitchen, shaking his head, to cook our evening meal, I go to settle on the dining table and for the next two hours, I try to redo the exercises I fucked up and also work on the new ones the teacher gave us to prepare for next Friday. Math has never been my forte, but I know I need to do much better than what I have done so far. Camden comes to check on me and explains me a few things that I don't understand while he cooks, and I feel him slowly relax as time passes by. Shortly after seven, I take a break and we finally have dinner in a rather comfortable atmosphere, talking about school.

A bit later, and after Jess has been fed and walked, I pick up my book and set to read the chapters the English teacher asked us to read for tomorrow's class, comfortably snuggled against Camden's side on the couch. The second half of the Handmaid's Tale is a bit more interesting but I have difficulty to concentrate as my thoughts keep drifting back to Camden and my plans.

"Do you have any plans for the weekend?" I suddenly ask, resting my book on my thighs.

"Not yet, why?" he replies warily.

"On Sunday, I might... go to Sean's place to review some of our lessons, and then he also proposed to invite me to the theaters..." I inform him.

"You don't need to go. I'm already helping you." Well, that was expected... Crap! I thought that the revision excuse would soothe him a bit.

"Okay, then I could do some revisions with you and go to the theaters with Sean in the afternoon if that's okay."

"Certainly not!" he grumbles, getting up from the couch and leaving me cold. Now he is getting annoying! And I really wonder what reasons he could give me to prevent me from going.

"Why not!!?? Can't I allow myself a couple hours of fun over the weekend??" I ask, watching him turn to face me with his arms folded across his chest once again.

"You need to focus on your work, Noah! And you're not going out until I have made sure that you have completely learned your lessons!"

"You're so unfair, Camden!! I'm sure if I said I was going out with one of the girls of the class, you would accept! Anyway, what's it to you?" I scream back him, feeling the anger rise within me.

"Stop it, Noah!"

"You don't even want me!! So why wouldn't you let me go out with another guy???" I insist.

"I can't! I already told you!!" he shouts.

"Yes, you can!!! You're exactly what I need and I am what you need," I add more softly.

"Just shut up, Noah! You don't know what you're talking about! You have no idea what I am capable of..." he seethes through his teeth, his body getting tenser and tenser.

"And you have no idea of what I really need..." I murmur, rising up to my feet to stand in front of him. "I have thought about it a lot, and I know that it would help me..." I am suddenly caught in his strong embrace, one of his hands roughly brushing my back while the other one holds my head against his chest, allowing the left side of my face to feel the thumping of his heart.

"I can't, Noah... I'm sorry, but I can't do that... I really wish I could, but I don't want to hurt you," he whispers above my head.

"Please Camden..."

"No, Noah... However, you're right, I'm being unfair. You should..." he starts saying and I can hear the huge pain in his voice. "You should date Sean, if that's what you want," he finally says in a resigned tone, dropping a kiss on the top of my head before he pulls away from me and hurries upstairs, leaving me frozen in the middle of the living room. I can't believe he would rather give up on his obvious attraction to me and see me with someone like Sean than yield to what he really wants. How can he give up on me so easily? I just can't have that... I can't let him do this, not after he just admitted that he wished he could do differently.

I hear his bedroom door slam shut as I sit back on the couch. Damn! I am so upset that the make-Camden-Jealous plan didn't work! What am I supposed to do now if jealousy doesn't work either? I was so sure that if he realized that he was about to lose me, he would end up claiming me as his and accept to become my Dominant. I have tried so many options now that I no longer know what else I should try.

Just then, a sound that I have never heard in this house vaguely echoes within the walls... a musical sound accompanied by a deep voice. Is he playing his guitar? Yes, I think he is. Now this teases my curiosity! So as quietly as possible, I head upstairs and walk to the end of the corridor, the sweet sound of music getting clearer to my ears as I approach his bedroom. For a few seconds, I hesitate behind the door, frustrated to only get the muffled sound of his voice, but I am craving to decipher what he is singing, and that brings me to gently squeeze the knob and slightly open the door.

Camden is sitting on his bed, his back to me but I can easily imagine his long fingers scrape and pinch the chords of the instrument while his left hand presses them on the neck of the guitar. His beautiful voice fills my ears but what brings tears to my eyes is the meaning of the words that he is singing as he starts what seems to be another verse of a song I have never heard.

They say it's what you make,

I say it's up to fate,

It's woven in my Soul,

I need to let you go.

Your eyes, they shine so bright,

I wanna save that light,

I can't escape this now,

Unless you show me how.

When you feel my heat,

Look into my eyes,

It's where my demons hide,

It's where my demons hide,

Don't get too close,

It's dark inside,

It's where my demons hide,

It's where my...

Camden suddenly interrupts himself. I realize that Jess managed to pass between my legs and ran to sit in front of Camden. It would be useless pretending that the puppy walked through the door and I don't even try to hide my presence when he abruptly flips around to see me standing against the door frame. I don't know if that's a song he wrote or that he learned, but the words are so meaningful, making me understand how doubtful he is about himself. Though... I don't believe that he really is doubtful about himself. He is fully aware of his twisted mind and he doesn't know how to escape it, but I don't think that he despises so much his inner violence. This is something he can fight, and as he already explained to me, he does so by soothing people's sufferings, but he can never really get rid of it.

What I also understand is that making him jealous won't lead me anywhere. Begging him probably won't help either. What he needs is me to show him how we both can fit together, because I truly believe that we can. It's just fate, like the song says. We were probably meant to meet and soothe both our sick and twisted minds. Now I'm ready to prove him how much I need him, and I know what I'm going to tell him. Tonight, I'm going to sleep in this bed!

Published on 1 June 2017

That's it! This was the last frustrating chapter because Daddy is about to give in! The sadistic author is almost done edging the readers! In the next chapter, you will see how Noah manages to break down Camden's walls and this will finally be the beginning of their relationship :D

The song that Camden sings is by Imagine Dragons and it's called Demons. That song never misses to give me the chills and it inspired me a lot while I wrote this book. The link I put in the header is an acoustic version, and the original is more intense, but that one fitted better ;)