Twisted Moon - Book 3 of the Black Moon series - Chapter 30: Is That What You Really Want!?

(Camden's POV - Thur. 26 March 2015)

"Camden... Mmmm Camden..."

Okay, I do need to wake up early today to go to work, but I have a feeling that it is far too early to wake up already.

"Camdeeeen..."

Oh jeez!!! If it's too early for me, it is even earlier for Noah, so why the hell is he trying to wake me up?

"Nghhh... Camden... t's good... harder..."

Now that has my attention. My eyes flick open and I immediately take in the situation. I am lying on my back, my right hand tucked under my pillow and my other arm stretched to the left with Noah's head using my bicep as a pillow. He is lying on his right side and his body is pressed against mine. All in all, that wouldn't bother me too much if I wasn't feeling his erection against my hip; I could even deal with that if he wasn't humping me in his sleep. His words now take a different meaning, so I try to slide a little to my right and away from him, but the boy unconsciously moves forward and resumes his previous humping. Persistent much, right...

I guess this is the result of last night's conversation and the boy is having hot dreams. I could feel honored to be the source of his pleasure, but honestly, right now this is a bit embarrassing, especially considering that his moans keep intensifying. Before it goes too far and turns into some wet dreams that would definitely become embarrassing for him, I turn to face him and cautiously make him roll to his other side. Noah groans in frustration and sighs, making me chuckle when he calls me a killjoy, but at least he doesn't wake up. As I turn back to my other side, I look at my alarm clock and see that I only have an hour left of sleep before I should normally get up.

Deciding that it would be useless to fall back asleep now, I reset the alarm to 6:30am for Noah and go to get ready for work. As the warm water of the shower finishes waking me up, I think back to the conversation I had last night with Noah. I followed the guys' advice and finally talked honestly to him, revealing my lifestyle and my sadistic tendencies. I wasn't sure about how I should bring this up but Noah provided me with a good stepping stone when he tried again to kiss me. He can be so persistent sometimes! Well at least I was able to let him know a bit more about my life, both past and present, and I have to admit that I was quite impressed by his reaction.

I thought it might scare him and perhaps even dampen his eagerness to flirt with me, but he listened with a lot of attention, as if I was telling him the most exciting story there is. On the contrary, it seems like it only increased his curiosity. I talked about freaking BDSM sex and then about this bloody inner violence that has been running in my veins for years, and he just drank my words as if they were milk; as if my explanations were music to his ears. He was clearly responsive and asked a lot of good questions too. It somewhat scares me in the sense that a majority of people would have run away with fright, especially when I came to the sadism part, but Noah didn't. The little creep was like fascinated by the subject. I wonder what Aaron would think about that... or maybe I don't want to know.

Once ready, I head out of my bathroom and quickly check on Noah and Jess but both are still sound asleep, so I quietly go downstairs. It is only a half past five now but I quickly fix my breakfast and leave a note for Noah before I go out and drive to Chicago. Getting early in the Loop has its advantages though; I avoid traffic jams and I am able to park real close to the practice for once. Ethan, Sarah and I will be meeting that guy again for the new location in the next couple of weeks and I am really eager to move out of this place.

The building in itself is not that bad, but it is getting old and I believe that a more recent one would fit better the high rates my colleagues and I practice. Once in my office, I send a text to Aaron to ask him if he would be available around 2:00pm for a quick lunch and I set to some paperwork before my first patient shows up. I also exchange a few texts with Noah once he has woken up. At first, he sounds a bit disappointed that I already left but his mood lightens when I promise him that I will be home early again tonight and even shifts to cheerful soon after.

The morning is uneventful. As is my daily routine, I spend it manipulating some aching limbs, backs and hips and at 2:00pm sharp, I go out to meet Aaron at the little restaurant where we met last time. My friend is in an extremely good mood and he greets me like we haven't seen each other in years when it was only two days ago. We quickly get into the heart of the matter since neither of us has much time and I recount him what was said last night with Noah.

"Wow... you went straight to the point. And he didn't flinch at all?" Aaron asks.

"Not at all. I swear, Ron, he was like a kid being told a superhero story... he listened as if he was fascinated and asked some questions here and there. Plain and simple. His exact words at the end were That's interesting..."

"If he's interested, why don't you bring him to the Diamond, so that he can see for himself...?" Aaron smirks.

"Are you crazy? I'm not taking him there!" I whisper-growl to him.

"Why not...? He's of legal age after all!" he insists.

"I. AM. NOT. TAKING. HIM. THERE. AARON." I stammer. I mean, Noah has been curious enough already!

"What are you afraid of exactly, Camden?" Aaron then asks seriously and for a second, I wonder if I am facing the friend or the Master Dom. "Are you scared that he will really like what he might see? Truthfully, I think he would and you know it. But this is not what scares you, Cam. What deeply scares you is to see him within the hands of another Dominant!" he says sternly, hitting a raw spot here. Hearing Aaron pointing that out makes me realize that I might have gotten a bit more attached to him than I would like to admit. Of course, I knew it already. I can't deny the annoyance I feel each time Noah mentions that Sean guy he hangs out with at school, but hearing it from Aaron makes it feel much more real. "Your face says it all, Cam..." he then adds with a sigh.

"You're probably right... I would certainly have a hard time seeing him with a Dominant there... should he become a Submissive member of the club," I finally admit.

"Then be that Dominant," Aaron suggests.

"Stop saying bullshit," I grumble. "How can you even suggest it? You know I can't do that!"

"I actually believe you can. And don't serve me your cheap excuses about your sadism not being good for him. I can understand your point when you say that he has suffered enough already, but look at it differently. You haven't been to the club in three weeks, which had never happened before. Only a few weeks ago, you wouldn't have been able to resist such a long time without sex, Cam."

"And what? Do you think the last three weeks have been a walk in the park for me?"

"I'm not saying it's been easy! But you resisted so my point is: don't you think that Noah has somewhat tamed your urges? Ever since you joined that lifestyle, Cam, you've been addicted to it. You've always attended at least three evenings a week at the club, and even more at certain periods! There was nothing that ever stopped you from going there. For fuck's sake, the longest you've been out of the club is the one week of vacation you took two years ago! So don't tell me that this Noah doesn't have an influence on your urges!"

"It's true that taking care of him has somewhat... assuaged some of my urges. But that doesn't mean I'm cured!"

"Maybe he could cure you!"

"Bullshit, Ron! You don't completely heal from sadism and you know that! Look at Master Donovan! Fifty years old and still a sadist!" I argue.

"Master Donovan is a different story and Harry deals very well with pain. Besides, I'm not saying that sadists stop being sadists after a while, but for having known Master Donovan for years, I can tell you that Harry has tamed him a bit. Why wouldn't you let Noah temper your extremes? Though honestly, Cam, you've never been a real Sadist, I've met guys far worse than you. And you mostly get your kicks from the aftercare you provide to your Subs... Being rough with them is merely a way for you to let go of your permanent anger and I am truly persuaded that you could perfectly deal with being a regular Dom at some point, even if not anytime soon. You know that we all have that roughness in us and that we often lavish it on the Subs..."

"You're only partly right, Aaron... Even if the part I relish in the aftercare I provide them with, I do enjoy hurting them, both mentally and physically... That's sick!" I reply, feeling the same self-disgust I get each time I dive a bit too deeply into the analysis of my personality.

"That's not sick! We've had that conversation many times already! That's just part of who you are and you've found a healthy way to cope with that! It's all in your honor, Cam! Some people don't even try a tenth of what you have! And regarding your urges, if you have been able to withhold your needs for more than three weeks, I'm sure you could to the same during a scene as well. I'm not telling you to give up on everything you like, but you could try and restrain your strength when you whip or flog for example... You could try and replace your ropes with leather padded shackles... and slowly get used to more moderate accessories..." Aaron reasons.

Objectively speaking, I admit that I have been doing quite well with my urges, even before I joined the BDSM lifestyle. My hate for my genitor has always been such that I have always refused to become someone like him. It was bound to make me always try my best to dampen my tortured soul and I am fully aware that things could have gotten much worse if it weren't for my resolve. But am I ready to break down the sadist in me? Would I be able to restrain myself, soften my strength and give up on some of my favorite accessories? For Noah?

"I'm not sure, Aaron... I don't know if I can do that," I eventually sigh.

"If you don't try, you won't find out. You're already attached to him and you can't deny this. You're only holding back because you think that you're not good for him."

"Even if you were right, Aaron, you seem to forget something important. I've never had a long-term Sub before. That's a side of the lifestyle I have never experienced and I doubt I'd be good at that."

"And you accuse me of saying bullshit?" he exclaims. "From what you've told us, you seem to have been doing rather good with Noah so far! If you took him as your Sub, it wouldn't be much different. I actually believe it could only get better, because you'd be able to frame those rules you've imposed on him into an agreement and discipline him properly. Even if you have never experienced that side of the lifestyle as you put it, you perfectly know how it works and how punishments are as important as the lectures."

"Honestly, I don't know. I- I'm a bit at a loss right now. I'll have to think about it," I say, checking the clock on my phone. "My next appointment is in less than ten minutes, so I'll have to go now..."

"That's fine; but seriously Cam, think about it! Noah could be a good Sub for you!" he says eagerly; a bit too eagerly for my taste.

"Hey... Are you trying to make me fail my New Year's resolutions?" I exclaim playfully.

"Hmm... I hadn't thought about that..." he smirks. "But then... I'd be the only one holding our common resolution... Goody!!!"

"I haven't agreed to anything, so don't consider me out of the game just yet, you jerk! And the year's far from being over... We're only in March, Aaron, so you still have nine months to find a good Sub and settle down," I reply, wiggling my eyebrows. Aaron flips me his middle finger and we both head out of the restaurant after I have paid the bill.

After more recommendations on giving some thought to his advice, Aaron and I part ways and I walk back across the street to my practice. The afternoon goes by exactly as the morning did, only interrupted by a very brief text from Noah to let me know that he is back home and already on his homework. Good boy...

On my way back home, I let the conversation I had with Aaron resurface and ponder on his reasoning. It is true that Noah has changed quite a few things in my life and he seems to have tamed some of my urges. Of course I am deeply missing the intense sex and I still wonder how I have been able to last for so long without a rough fuck. But I mostly take pride in all these moments he pushed my limits and I resisted the urge to punish him. I am also pretty satisfied with how I have been dealing with him in general and impressed by how he has improved, physically and mentally, in less than a month.

However, it doesn't mean that I am ready for more than this. I don't want to give up on my sexual habits when I am at the club. And I truly doubt my skills at being a good Dominant with a long-term Sub. I am still far from getting my head around that, but I know I need to work on it, because for one I can't remain in denial forever regarding my attraction toward him; and then, I really hate this blurred state of mind I'm in. I like things clear by all means; I want my self-confidence back!

It is almost eight when I finally reach home, relaxed and more or less in peace with myself, bringing some takeaway pizzas for our dinner. When I walk in, I find Noah still at his homework, kneeling on the floor in front of the coffee table and fully concentrated on scribbling down what seems to be an essay. Definitely a good boy!

"Good evening," I say cheerfully as I walk into the living room.

"Hi..." he sternly replies without lifting his head. Well that casts a chill.

"How are you?"

"Fine."

"How was the day at school?"

"Good." Each of his one-word answers slowly spoils my spirits a bit more, but I will myself to cool off.

"You're still working?" I ask, standing behind him and looking over his shoulder.

"Obviously..." he replies with heavy sarcasm and I can almost imagine him rolling his eyes. Chill Cam...

"What about you take a break for dinner? I've brought some pizzas," I then propose in an attempt to relax the atmosphere.

"Thanks but I already had a sandwich when I got back home, so I'm not hungry and I need to finish this," he replies, still focused on his essay. Well there were a few more words, but I can't say that I am satisfied all the same.

"Is there something wrong, Noah?" I ask, putting down the pizza boxes on a corner of the table and taking off my jacket that I discard on the armchair.

"No, all good."

"If all is good, then I guess you can afford to take a short break and have dinner with me while the pizzas are warm. A sandwich is not enough anyway," I insist, striving to keep my tone as gentle as I can.

"I had two actually. And I want to finish this essay..." he sighs.

"You can finish after dinner."

He sighs again and finally looks up at me with a clearly annoyed expression. "Can I just finish the conclusion? It's almost over!" he replies sharply, making me scowl at him. Calm down, Cam... Yeah well there's so much I can take and he is seriously getting on my nerves right now.

"Fine. I'll be waiting in the kitchen," I reply in a similar dry tone.

I grab the two boxes of pizzas and head toward the kitchen, followed by a yelping Jess who is obviously appealed by the smell. "Hey, that's not for you, Dumbie..." I tell him. "Has Jess had his food tonight?" I call out to Noah who only replies with a shouted yes. I don't know what is wrong with him, but I will find out. I don't deal very well with that kind of attitude, unless he has some good reasons for it, but then he should just tell me.

Once I have prepared the table with two glasses of soda and the boxes, I sit down at my usual place and wait. I really wonder what could have put him in such a mood. I review what may have happened since yesterday evening and can't find anything wrong I could have done. There was this little incident in his dream last night, but he didn't wake up so I assume he didn't even realize. I left before he got up but I made sure that I left him a kind note and he sounded reassured when I told him I would be home early enough. I replied to his texts at noon and later after school; nothing seemed to be off. I just hope nothing serious happened at school but I doubt it otherwise he wouldn't be working like a maniac right now.

"Noah! Hurry up or the pizzas are gonna get cold!" I call out to him after nearly fifteen minutes of waiting. I hear a loud sigh and about a minute later, some shuffling as he apparently takes his time to put away his notebooks and pens. If he has decided to play with my nerves, he should know better than to push me too far. He finally shows up, slowly dragging his feet to his seat.

"You could have started..." he says, rolling his eyes as he sits down and opens his box.

"I told you I'd be waiting," I remind him. I open my own box and take the first slice. The pizza is barely warm but still good enough to eat. I down three portions in silence, watching him stare at his own pizza, only touching the crust with the tip of his index finger. "Eat, Noah..." I encourage him softly, although I am beginning to boil inside at his attitude.

"I told you I'm not hungry," he sighs loudly and now that takes my patience a little too far.

"Stop that attitude immediately, Noah! Either all is good and you have no reason to behave like this, or there is something wrong and I want you to tell me what it is!" I scold him.

"There's nothing wrong, I told you!" he exclaims. "I'm just not hungry! Damn it!" The sudden image of me bending him over the table and spanking his ass until it turns to a deep red flashes in my mind, but I quickly put that thought away.

"Watch your tone, Noah..." I warn him. "And I'm not only talking about the fact that you're not eating. What's with all this sulking tonight? Did something happen at school?"

"No. Nothing. Happened. At. School!" he hammers with heavy sarcasm in his voice. I don't know what game he is playing but it sure hits a few bad nerves within me.

"That's enough! What the hell got into you? You're behaving like a twelve year-old starting a teenage tantrum!"

"I'm not a twelve-year old! I'm eighteen!! Don't you know what it means? That means I'm an adult!" he screams back at me, after the slightest hesitation.

"Right now, you're not behaving like an adult, Noah!" I shout much louder than him. I know that I need to get a grip on myself before I do something wrong, or at least inappropriate. "Now if you're really not hungry, you're dismissed and you can go to your room to calm down! Get out of my sight!"

"Perfect! Cause that's what I was gonna do anyway!" he spits out angrily before he pushes his chair back and scurries upstairs.

"Fuck!" I mutter to myself, running my fingers through my hair and pulling on the band before I quickly re-twist the long strands between my fingers and put the hair tie back on. I look at my pizza but that little scene has totally spoiled my appetite. A little whimper by the kitchen counter suddenly catches my attention and I tilt my head to the right to find Jess sitting on the floor with a quite sheepish look. "Come here..." I order him and he runs to my feet right away. I take him in my arms and start caressing the soft fur of his back. "What happened, puppy?" I whisper to him. "What got into your young master, huh?" Jess only closes his eyes and leans into my touch. "Of course you wouldn't tell me... Dumbie..."

I hear some shuffle upstairs as Noah goes to the bathroom. I remain on my chair, listening to the water running for less than ten minutes. A little moment later, some doors noisily slam shut and then it is plain silence. I don't worry too much about what Noah could do upstairs because I know that all the blades are safely locked out. I just don't understand what is wrong with him and it pisses me off. Yesterday he was fine! How can his moods shift so quickly? Of course, I rejected his attempt to kiss me again, but we talked it through and I explained the reasons why I can't let this happen. When we went to sleep last night, he was all clingy and affectionate, so why would he go off the rails as he did tonight? Is he bipolar or what?

No, I don't think Noah is bipolar but I would really like to understand what happened tonight. I need to know. I won't be able to sleep without sorting this out. I quickly take Jess out for a last short walk, clear the table and lock the doors before I switch off the lights and make my way upstairs. Without hesitation and without announcing my presence by a knock, I fling Noah's bedroom door open and walk in. He is sitting in the middle of his bed, legs folded and wrapped in his arms, his chin resting on his knees. His brimming eyes are locked on the comforter and he seems to be lost in his thoughts, but at least he looks a bit calmer.

"I thought you wanted me out of your sight..." he seethes bitterly through his teeth. I take a few seconds to reign in my own anger before I drop Jess on the floor and go to sit on the bed, leaving enough distance between him and me.

"Tell me what's wrong, Noah," I ask, firmly enough, but my tone successfully hides my irritation.

"I told you! Nothing's wrong!" he growls.

"How can I help you if you're not honest?" I reply a bit less gently.

"I'm not asking for your help here..." he mumbles.

"I just don't get it, Noah..." I sigh. There is hesitation in his eyes for the briefest second, but determination soon shoves it away.

"What is it you don't get?" he asks harshly. "That I'm not hungry? That I can be in a bad mood? Well here's some news for you, Camden! That can happen! Not only you are allowed bad moods!"

"Bad moods are not forbidden, Noah!" I growl still louder than him. "But you can't be in a bad mood for nothing! So if you have good reasons for that attitude, I'd like to hear them! Now!"

"Can't you just leave me the fuck alone? Is that too much asked for? Fuck! You can be such a pain in th..."

I don't let him finish his sentence. He is going way too far here and I can't tolerate it anymore. Within the last hour, my anger has been building inside, thinning the ropes of my patience, pushing it far beyond its limits. Nobody talks to me like this, except for my friends sometimes, and I am not going to accept it from an eighteen year old brat either! I unquestionably can't throw him across my lap to teach him a lesson, but I need some physical contact to convey my message, so I lunge forward, push on his shoulders and make him fall backwards on the bed. Noah gasps in surprise as my hands pin his wrists firmly to the mattress on each side of his head, my left hip pressing against his groin, but he doesn't oppose any resistance.

"Stop that! Now!" I shout as I hover over him. I was expecting some fear in his eyes by now, or at least remorse, but all I can see is a mischievous sparkle that matches the smug smile forming on his lips. Holy shit! So that's what it was about!! How didn't I understand what was going on any sooner? How could I let myself be fooled by him? The little creep has me exactly where he wanted me to be. That boy will never cease to impress me with his numerous talents and acting is obviously becoming one of them.

"Come on, Camden..." he whispers smugly. "I talked back... I breached a rule... You should punish me..."

"What the fuck! What are you talking about?" I growl, feigning ignorance.

"Isn't that what you said yesterday? Don't Dominants punish their Submissives when they behave badly?" he chants.

"YOU. ARE. NOT. MY. SUB!" I hammer loudly.

"But I could be... I want to try this lifestyle!!" he replies pleadingly.

"Shut up, Noah!! You don't know what you're talking about!" I say with exasperation.

"Yes, I know! I looked on the internet! I want to try it!" he says eagerly. Shit! I should have thought he would do that and now I wonder what he has seen exactly. There are a lot of websites related to BDSM, and I'm not mentioning pictures and videos, but a lot of them are just bullshit and don't reflect the concept properly.

"Internet says a lot of crap!"

"Not always! I want to try it, Camden! I want a Dominant! I want someone to guide me! I want someone to pleasure me when I'm being good! I want someone to punish me with physical pain when I'm being bad!" he says through heavy breathing and a lot of determination.

"Is that all you're seeking? Pain?" I ask in disbelief. Noah both nods and shakes his head in answer, biting his lower lip. "You have it all wrong, Noah! This is not all about physical pain! What about mental pain? You'd never be able to deal with that!"

"Yes I can!" he pants.

"You really don't know what you're talking about..." I argue, leaning back to a kneeling position when I notice his erection against my hip.

"Yes I know! I know that I would deserve at least twenty spanks for talking back to you!" he replies with irritation and without any shame as he sits up to face me. "And I can take it!"

"No, you don't know!" I snort back at him. "You're completely wrong, Noah. If you were my Submissive, in that precise situation, I might spank you indeed! But I'd also go for some mental punishment and THAT you wouldn't handle!" I add bitterly.

"And I'm telling you that I would!" he screams loudly, fueling more anger in my veins. His stubbornness is irritating me to the deepest and I am quickly losing it. Without too much thinking, I push him back on the bed and lock both his wrists into one of my hands above his head while the other one reaches for his erection through the fabric of his pajama pants. His teeth catch his lower lip and his eyes shut as I squeeze his hard member and begin to stroke it, ever so slowly.

"Open your eyes, Noah! I want to see your eyes!" I growl and I soon get to see that beautiful mix of blue and green. "Is that what you want, Noah? Is that what you really want?" I ask him in a hushed tone.

He only moans in answer so I accelerate the movement of my hand on his cock, bringing more incoherent noises from him, until I feel his muscles tense. This is when I stop the stroking, causing him to utter a sound of frustration. After a few seconds, I resume the movements of my hand and Noah quickly starts moaning again, until I take another pause. After only a couple of minutes of teasing, the fabric at the front of his pants is wet with precum and Noah has become a mess of incoherent words and mumbles from this edging. I guess that should be enough to make him understand, so I let go of his hard-on and his wrists, then rest my hand on the mattress next to his shoulders. His eyes open widely, displaying frustration and lust, yearning for release.

"Please..." he moans, trying to grind himself against my thigh but I slightly move backwards.

"Were you expecting me to make you come, Noah?" I ask dryly.

"Please Camden..." he begs.

"Now that would Sir or Master," I reply firmly. "And during a punishment, you don't get to climax. Punishments are not all about spanking or flogging, you see. Frustration is one that works really good. So is that what you really want, Noah?" I ask again. Our eyes are locked and I can see that he seems to think this over for a moment. My only wish is that he realizes that this is too hard to endure, that this is not what he expects and that he will return to the normal relationships that should matter at his age. In this case, I will just tell him to go and finish himself off. That would simplify everything for me, but unfortunately his expression quickly returns to conviction and persistence.

"Yes, this is what I want," he says. Damn!! There is not an ounce of doubt in his resolve.

"Are you really sure? Because you're gonna sport that erection until it deflates without release," I warn him.

"This is what I want!" he repeats firmly again, making me shake my head in disbelief.

"Fine! Then deal with it. But you'd better not touch yourself," I finally say, leaning back and getting off of the bed.

"I won't..." he replies sheepishly, scooting under his comforter and lying down on his side.

"As you wish... Good night then," I reply, defeated.

"Good night..."

I walk out of his room and head to mine. As I lie down on my bed, I close my eyes and sigh in frustration at the feeling of my own erection straining in my boxer briefs. It would be so easy to yield to Noah's flirt, but I just can't resolve myself to that. I just don't want to imagine myself having Noah as a Sub. He looks so fragile and broken already that it would be worse than sadism. The guy needs so much affection and love, part of which I could certainly provide him with, but he doesn't need someone to play with his mind or hurt him physically. And yet, I have just done that. I just played with his mind and gave him what must be a painful erection by now.

I try to reassure myself by thinking that I don't give him more than ten minutes before he finally yields to his needs and scurries to the bathroom, but I can't help feeling terribly guilty for what I did. It wasn't skin to skin contact, but it was still some touching... Oh God... I'm such a monster!

Published on 20 May 2017

As promised, there was a tiny little bit of naughty here... I tell you, Camden is not out of the woods with Noah! And I'm not sure he'll have the most peaceful night after that. Since their weekend is getting near, someone might have a mind to beg for a little visit to the Black Diamond on Saturday evening...

Twisted Moon hit a new record with over 700 unique readers two days ago, so thank you much, much, much for that! And also thank you for all the comments! I do read them all and try to reply to as many as I can, but I just wanted to tell you that I truly appreciate them. Know that I really take a lot of them into account to adapt the draft of the book as I edit; they mean a lot to me so thank you for all your precious opinions!

Anyway, the weekend is here too as well, so enjoy and talk to you on Tuesday (or Monday late for Americas) for the next chapter!