[Sim Daegwang]

I'm an idiot. There's no other word to describe myself after what I've just told Rose. I'm such an embarrassment. Even Himchan, is on the brink of laughter. He isn't the kind of person to make fun of anyone over a poor figure, but this one is too much for him to brush it off.

But then, when Shane dismisses me with those harsh words, the atmosphere quickly changes. No more laughter, no more fun. Rose looks away. She isn't in the mood to chat anymore. Himchan glares at Shane, who doesn't want to back down and retract what he said.

"I think I need some air," I say, trying hard to retain my tears. Himchan then turns at me with a concerned look. I run to the pub's old, crumbling restroom and close the door behind me. Fortunately, there's no-one else inside.

I let out two, maybe three years worth of tears.

***

The last person I expect to come to me in such a messy situation is Himchan. Why is he here? I've just made a fool out of myself in front of Rose, Shane and Aubrey. Now, I'm sure they won't see me even in pictures.

So, what does my brother hope to bargain with his presence? Bragging rights? More mockery in my direction? I want to come up with an excuse to get him out of my hair, but I just don't have the strength to do so.

Therefore, I let him put a hand on my left shoulder and bear with his grin while I cry in front of the mirror. "Stop it," he says in a hushed tone. "You're breaking my heart. Trust me, I'm serious."

I ignore him and keep sobbing. Years of frustration have accumulated to the point that it turned into an unsustainable burden I can't get rid of. At least, not on my own.

He insists. "Daegwang, for God's sake, stop crying. You're making me feel guilty."

I pull his hand away from me. "Guilty of what? Himchan... You can't understand. They... They..." I hesitate. I can't bring myself to talk again. I'm so pathetic.

Himchan's patience grows thin. "Guilty of what? If you keep sobbing, I can't get what you want to say. Plus, you reek of alcohol. Stop. Let me help you freshen up. You look desperate as fuck."

I glance at the mirror. I'm far from being my usual self. This self-pitying little man isn't me. I should've known better Rose wouldn't reciprocate my feelings. I should've realized earlier. I shouldn't have trusted Shane or Aubrey at all. It's like they've only been for me to take advantage of me.

My brother restarts talking. "Look, Daegwang, I don't know if I should tell you, but I think you deserve to know the truth."

"The truth? As in?"

"While you ran here to the restroom, Shane pulled me aside to talk in private," he explains. He air quotes as he utters the last word. "Well, I just meant to congratulate him and Rose for their plan."

"Yeah, it's an intricate one. I don't think I myself could've pulled it." I slowly regain my composure, much to Himchan's relief. What he has in store for me, however, may make me regret thinking the roller coaster of emotions is over.

"Hold on. You won't like what I'm about to tell you."

For the first time in years, I look like a frail child tucked in his big brother's arms. "Tell me."

"The big plan... You're just a pawn to them. I noticed a key fell off Shane's pockets. I wanted to pick it up, but he was so defensive. He warned me not to nose around his or Rose's business again." This must be a mistake. Himchan is a diffident person by nature, which means he could've misunderstood the situation.

As he continues, I grow horrified at the situation. I even hold his hand as he keeps talking, leaving me to fight tears. "Daegwang, it was you who managed to bring them together. However, they're being ungrateful. They're taking full credit for you. Same as Aubrey. She only has interest in money."

"Are you telling me it isn't true she never wanted to marry Shane? What the fuck is going on?" My mind is clouded. I feel like I can cry again at any moment.

Himchan nods, much to my horror. "Aubrey wasn't acting when she claimed she was never into Shane. The problem is, she wasn't against the arranged marriage either. She has always aimed at his money."

"So what? Is Rose aware? Her plan is in jeopardy then."

"She is, Daegwang. It was a 'pay to give' situation. Each of them had benefits from this situation." How could I be so stupid to fall for such a trap? Do those three individuals even have a conscience? They played me and probably are proud of it.

Himchan pulls me close in a hug. "It's not your fault, Daegwang. They aren't worth your time anymore. Let's just go home, and let them pay the booze on their own, okay?"

I let go of him and smile at him. "Thank you. You're the one I can count on the most." Then, we both leave the restroom and, carefully ignoring our previous table, head to the exit. "Let's go, hyung."

***

I throw Shane's belongings in a black trash bag and leave them at the entrance door of my flat. I don't want to have to do with that asshole or that drunken dimwitted bimbo anymore.

On one hand, I feel sorry for Rose for having to deal with the former. On the other, however, she admitted to loving him and plans to marry him, so... She made her bed, so she has to lie on it. Good luck to her.

Speaking of the latter, I would've genuinely taken care of her issues and let her fool me hadn't Himchan outed her as a gold digger. At the end of the day, he and Seju are still here for me, unlike the rest. I'll probably forget those fuckers, while my family will always have a place in my heart.

My brother offers to stay the night. I'm tempted to decline; still, I accept because I don't want to be alone now. I suggest we watch some TV. After all, fiction isn't that bad compared to some aspects of reality.

As we struggle to pick a show, Himchan asks, "Have you heard of Seju lately? She seems to be caught in Mom's mess again."

"Another scheme of hers and Dad's? Color me surprised. I still wonder why Seju keeps being compliant. Don't Mom and Dad realize they're getting old?"

Himchan bursts into laughter. "You won't tell Dad in his face, will you? Because he'll smack you if you do." It's the truth, though. Dad can't keep convincing himself he's still young. He can be inside, but time doesn't lie.

"How about Smash the Kitchen? If I remember correctly, you love it."

He precises. "I just like the show dynamics. I mean, the host and most of the contestants are insufferable." He has caught up on the show... Good. I need a backup plan.

"Then... Holy Moly Date Me Lovely?"

Himchan frowns. He doesn't seem to know it.

"It looks fun! I've heard nothing but praise about it. Let's try the first episode, shall we?"

"Okay. Then it's settled."

As the episode plays, my mind briefly lingers to memories of the recent past. As they fade away, the focus turns to the show, as well as my older brother.