As It Was: The Prologue
Gravity's Holding Me Back

     A lot has happened since we last saw our darling girl run out from Slice's Pizzeria with her heart hanging heavy in her chest.  Dressed in her full costume from the show, never mind the others still riding the high from just performing and sitting around in the lobby of the pizza joint with each other, Megara's heels nearly scraped against the concrete as she picked up her pace, hiking her dress up at her knees, curls flying behind her.  Is this what Belle felt like when she fled the castle?

     It felt like time slowed and sped up all at once.  There was too much going on and also nothing at the same time.  She knew the end would be coming soon enough, but she never could have expected it all to feel like this.

     She ran all the way home, words scattering throughout her brain like alphabet soup spilling across a checkered picnic table.  She didn't stop once, she had everything she needed anyway.  She knew she might've looked dumb swinging a small black handbag and fumbling with her maiden outfit from the musical.  But she didn't care.  For once, she didn't care.  Why should she?  This is who she was, and always had been.  A mess.  This was how she felt.  She felt like the dumb maiden in a romance novel with hot tears springing from her cheeks, shoes threatening to break under her weight, and being weighed down by her sinking heart.

     In hindsight, she knew it was dramatic at the time.  But that night, it truly felt like she lost everything.  Her mother was gone like a flash of lightning with no warning signs, stealing her baby sister as if Megara had ever had a right to be her sister in the first place.  She'd hurt Lip, and Ricky had slipped right through the cracks.  Savannah had lied to her and even if she knew where her blonde friend was coming from, she still went behind her back.  KC was going through her own thing with Nini and Rita was finally content, too happy to be torn apart by divorcing friends, so Megara didn't understand how anyone could benefit from voicing her feelings.  And her dad, the one person who she wanted to run to and cry on his shoulder, couldn't even get out of a meeting with his law office to make his daughter's performance in the musical.  

     She knew she portrayed it as if the musical wasn't a big deal at all, and that she wasn't even a lead role (hell, playing Kelsi was more of a role than this), but she was still a part of it?  She knew it was her own fault for not wanting him to ever have to deal with celebrating her, but that didn't make her any less upset about it.  She wanted to do nothing more than pick up the phone and cry her big heart out but she pulled back and instead chose to run back to her safe space.  The only safe space she had left.

     Many thoughts swirled around her as she made a break to her childhood treehouse.  She should have outgrown it, just like she should have outgrown her neediness for her dad.  Just like she should have outgrown Ricky Bowen, the way she'd promised herself she would.

     It's always easier said than done.

     Across the city from her that night, Ricky was feeling the weight of his words as if he'd been told them himself.  He couldn't imagine how Megara felt, even if he often spent many hours just thinking about her thought process.  But he had a little bit of an idea.  Hell, he'd seen so clearly how her face dropped and the light in her eyes diminished whenever he spoke those few words to her.  It was so simple to him, the way he had come up with it.

     Just shut it down before she realizes she doesn't need you.  She's way too good for you anyway.  Or worse, she actually falls for you and you somehow find a way to mess this up too.

     He tried to join in the fun with the rest of the theatre gang, but none of it meant anything if he ended up stabbing Megara in the back.  Or heart.

     "Where'd she go?  I feel like I haven't seen her all night?" Nini slumped into the booth next to Ricky, a wide smile on her face that slightly faltered when she saw how her old friend was looking.  She, of course, had no idea what had happened, but even she could see remnants of guilt on his face and through his body language.

     Ricky twiddled his thumbs as he laid his intertwined fingers on the table in front of them, his gaze stuck hard on them as he swallowed a lump in his throat.  Nini hadn't said her name, nor had she for Ricky to know exactly who she was talking about.  Even if he didn't, he felt as though he'd start talking about her like he was seconds away from bursting at the seams.  But what he actually said was, "Yeah, um, I don't know.  I think she went home."  And then without thinking, he added, "She looked a bit frazzled when I last saw her."

     Nini's grin disappeared.  "What is going on with you two?"

     He shifted his gaze to look at her, confused.  "What?"

     Nini gave a quick roll of her eyes, matched with an exasperated sigh, flicking her hair over her shoulders as she fixed her posture and said, "I can never keep up anymore.  I mean, thought you guys broke up."

     Broke up.

     "But every time I turn around you're staring at her all puppy-eyed and you're still talking to each other the same way you always have, which I know isn't saying much, but like, come on.  Nothing has really changed except for the fact that you don't walk around with your hand in her back pocket anymore."

     "Nini, there's something you... you just don't know."

     She furrowed her eyebrow.  "What do you mean?"

     His seams burst.  "It was all fake.  The whole relationship.  I wanted to tell you when she was with Lip on Valentine's Day.  That's the only reason I didn't take her out or do something for her.  Other than leaving a stupid card in her locker," he clicked his tongue as he spoke, becoming annoyed with himself.  

     "Fake?"

     "I wanted to tell you since you're my oldest friend, but the thought of it was so embarrassing because the idea was to make you jealous.  But when I quickly realized we were better off as friends, I pretended like the relationship was for my benefit, when it was really just because I liked spending time with her.  And then she asked me to help her make Lip jealous, and I was too far in to tell her then how I felt so I agreed.  That's why we've been all crazy these last few months.  And tonight... dude.  Tonight we finally kissed.  After the whole school year of letting her sit on my lap, falling asleep on her couch, and letting her show me those cheesy movies she really likes.  But I did what I usually do.  I got scared.  I told her it was a good thing summer was coming around, so she could finally get her chance with Lip, or any other guy who may try to be good enough for her."

     Surely not prepared for the information dump, Nini blinked rapidly, taking in all his words.  "You told her it was better to see other people?"

     "I just didn't want to hurt her more than I already have," Ricky admitted.  "There's never clarity with us, it's always so much back and forth.  But no matter what I say, I will always always hurt her.  That is why she's better off without me."

     Truly speechless as the rest of the group continued singing and cheering and hollering and eating throughout the lobby, Nini breathed out deeply, coming to appreciate Ricky's new fondness for telling the truth.  "I can tell that you care so much about her."

     Ricky took a shaky breath.  "Like you wouldn't believe."

     "Do you think she could be the one?" Nini asked.

     "She's the only one, Nini."

     Nini found herself fighting back tears as she realized just how deep his feelings and connection with Megara went.  The way she was currently watching Ricky breakdown over her, well, most girls would die to have a guy crushed over them that way.  But this was more intense than a regular breakup.  She could say with confidence anyway, having dated him before, she felt like if anyone could make that call it would be her.  That's why it hurt more.  She and Ricky had made the effort to keep their friendship and prioritize it over their past relationship, but he had never been this way about her.  She wasn't at all jealous, just sad for him.

     He now found himself fighting back tears as Nini wrapped an arm around his shoulders and leaned her head against his shoulder.  He could cry later and get it all out, but having finally admitted to Nini the truth of his pathetic mastermind plan to get Megara to spend more time with him just for him to blow her off was exhausting enough.  He didn't need anyone else knowing that.  It was right then that he decided no one would ever know this truth.  And he was okay spending the rest of his high school career hiding this night from existence.

     Ricky Bowen — I hate you.  Megara wrote from her comfy spot in the treehouse in her aunt Carmen's backyard.  And I swear I will do everything I can to stop loving you.

     I thought you were the one.  I know now how childish that was of me.  Maybe I can blame this on my extreme need to be accepted by those around me.  But I thought this ran deeper than acceptance.  I've wanted attention before, but with you, I didn't want all that surface-level shit.  I was so fucking dumb to believe we shared anything real.  To believe you could actually be the one.  Goodbye, dumb letter to the even dumber boy.

xo, M.M.

     In theory, this summer would be different for both of them.  It was also guaranteed in many ways to be the same as every other one spent before as teenagers.  But it was the summer before senior year, and it didn't matter how far you ran to avoid your past.  It will always catch up with you.  Megara didn't quite accept the fact that no matter how far away from Ricky she could run, he would always find her anyways.

the enemies to lovers is back!
but not for long? 🤨😏‼😗🚆🥰😲